Title: She's Wearing White 1/5
Author: Jaclyn Parker (Jacsie)
Email: jaclynparker...
Rating: CSI-1 (for now)
Summary: Recollections on a very important day for our duo.
Spoilers: Weeping Willows, Grave Danger (in this chapter)
Disclaimer: Not mine, never gonna be mine...and if they were...OOOOOH BOY!
Song Note: The title comes from a song by Martina McBride. This chapter doesn't really deal with the song yet, but it will later. I'll post them as a later chapter at the end if you want…or you could just look them up. Either way!

She's Wearing White 1/5
By Jaclyn Parker

CSI Catherine Willows stood in front of the full length mirror and sighed. Her hands smoothed down the soft satin of her dress as she turned this way and that. Her hair was softly curled and it had white gardenias intricately entwined into it. A flash of the 2 carat diamond ring sitting snugly on her left ring finger flashed under the brilliant room lights, causing her to finally pause in her nervous actions and look down. A soft smile graced her lips and she felt her eyes well up at the amount of love she felt for her fiancée. Granted, he was a stubborn, and sometimes socially inept, fiancée but he was all hers. She remembered when it all had begun, as her eyes drifted to look out the window at the crystal blue sky that reminded her so much of her love's eyes.

FLASHBACK

"Gil, you have a second?" Catherine asked, opening his office door at the same time she started speaking.

CSI Gil Grissom jumped a mile in his chair and whipped off his glasses. "Geez, Catherine! Ever heard of knocking?"

"Gil, I haven't knocked on your office door the entire time we have worked together, what the hell makes you think I'm gonna start now? In fact, come to think of it, I don't remember even knocking on your apartment door either. Yet, you always seemed to know it was me, meeting me in the hallway with a beer or a bag of those chips I like before I ever even said hello."

Gil just rolled his eyes at her rant and with a longing sigh closed the medical journal he had been reading, placing it on the side of his desk. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he closed his eyes and leaned his elbow on the desk. "Cath, is there something you needed?"

Silence caused him to open his eyes and look at the strawberry blonde in front of him. Her arms were crossed and a soft smirk was on her face as she slowly let her eyes travel over him and back to his face. Gil's eye widened and he thrust his head at her slightly.

"Catherine!"

"What?" Catherine sighed herself and ungracefully plopped herself into the chair across from his desk. "That's a loaded question, Gil. I NEED a lot of things. Better pay, a mother who doesn't nag me to death, a daughter who speaks to me in something less than a sarcastic tone..."

"Hmm, wonder where she gets that from." Gil muttered, earning him a glare from Catherine. At his soft teasing smile, she sighed and smiled back, before a frown replaced it again.

"What I need the most, however, is a man who doesn't turn out to be a cheater, liar, or a susp..." Catherine trailed off, her blue eyes flicking towards Gil, whose face hardened slightly. The Adam Novack disaster, as she liked to call it, had mostly blown over. Especially after what happened to Nick and Ecklie putting the team back together due to public outcry. Still, she wasn't stupid enough to bring it up in direct conversation.

Quickly moving the conversation along she said, "Anyway, I think all the good men are either gay, married, or eunuchs."

Gil coughed and hastily wiped his already clean glasses, his head ducked down to hide the smile that her comment caused. Catherine's eyes lit up at his smile, one of her own immediately spreading across her face. That smile of his was irresistible. Every time he smiled, she couldn't help but find herself smiling too. Sometimes she found herself cracking a stupid joke or a sarcastic comment just to get his lips to quirk up.

"Well, I can tell you that there is at least one man that I know of that doesn't fit that list of yours and would heroically lose a limb to be with you." Gil said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms behind his head.

"Oh, really? Enlighten me, oh wise Bugman." Catherine smirked, a tiny thrill going up her spine as his lips twitched into a smile a second time at the nickname. At the challenge of his statement, though, he blushed a slight red color before nodding.

"Ok...Nick..."

"Uh, sweet but a little too cowboy-ish for me."

"Greg..."

"Oh, good God no! He's a adorable, mind you, but two things. One, I am old enough to be his mother and two, I'd kill him after like...5 minutes."

Gil's chuckle echoed in the room and then he sobered. His eyes didn't quite meet hers and his voice dropped to a softer, more unsure tone. "Warrick..."

Catherine watched him closely and sighed. "Gil, whatever you heard about me and Warrick...it wasn't true. We're just good friends. He's someone I can talk to."

"You used to talk to me." Gil said, almost so soft that she didn't hear him. Her eyes grew troubled and she frowned.

"I know." She said, as softly as he had. She mentally shook herself and then smiled at him. "So who's next?"

"Hmm?" Gil murmured his mind distracted now.

"You said that there was at least one guy who was for me. So far, you've named three and completely struck out. I want to know who's next." Catherine said then added in a teasing tone, "Ecklie?"

"Oh, God, no." Gil said, echoing her earlier words about Greg. "I am starting to think he fits into the eunuch category."

That cause Catherine to laugh and soon Gil joined in. They laughed loudly until it turned into silent laughs and then chuckles and finally a giggle here and there. Gil wiped his eyes and looked at Catherine who was doing the same.

"Hey, I just thought of something. What did you come in here for?" Gil asked and Catherine paused, her blue eyes twinkling as she shrugged.

"I don't remember." Catherine said, laughing again and Gil smiled, standing and holding out his hand to help her out of the chair.

"Then how bout we get out of here and go grab some of those apple pie pancakes you like so much at IHOP?"

"It's a date." Catherine said, leading the way to the door.

As Gil locked up his office, Catherine watched him patiently. He paused, taking the key out of the lock, but not turning around.

"Cath," he started and swallowed quickly. "That guy is me."

A soft touch on his shoulder made him turn to face her and his breath caught at the look in her eyes. The soft touch moved up to his face as she very lightly trailed a finger down his cheek. It was so light that it could have been mistaken for a butterfly's touch if it had been anyone other than Catherine touching him. As it were, an electric charge seemed to accompany her finger, firing from his cheek to the very tips of his toes.

"I know." She smiled at him with a million promises in her lips and as she turned to grab her things in the locker room it was all he could do not to look like a love struck puppy following its owner.

END FLASHBACK

That was the night that everything started to come together. They made plans for breakfast at least 2 times a week, the later ones involving Lindsey before she went to school. Catherine had been startled to see well her daughter had responded to Gil, but in hindsight she needn't have worried. He had started slow, not pressuring her to like him, letting the troubled teen come to him on her own terms. Two months into their growing relationship, Catherine noticed that not only was she smiling more, but so was her daughter along with her improving grades . Catherine knew that the positive influence of Gil in their lives was the cause. Not only had he made Catherine feel happy and wanted, but he had found a way to integrate time for her with Lindsey that wasn't rushed or forced. Catherine had found that she had been missing so much of her daughter growing up and had vowed to devote more time to her, deeming at least one Saturday a month as Mother-Daughter day. Lindsey, being the "cool" teenager that she was went reluctantly at first, but soon was the one who was waking her mother up at 8AM on a Saturday morning to spend time together.

Surprisingly it had taken almost 4 months for it to get around the lab that Catherine and Gil's relationship had changed, but when the news hit, it hit hard.

A giggle of happiness pulled Catherine's thoughts out of the past and made her turn her head towards the sound. Her eyes landed on her daughter, who was dressed in a soft pastel blue junior bridesmaid's dress with a white corset top with pastel blue flowers embroidered on it. Her hair was pulled back into an elegant French twist and she wore a strand of baby pearls, a wedding present to her from Gil. Her bouquet of small gardenias, that matched the ones in Catherine's hair perfectly, was raised above her head as she twirled in front of one of Catherine's bride's maids. The woman to whom Lindsey was showing off threw her head back and laughed, her own dress matching Lindsey's, only hers was strapless while Lindsey's dress had spaghetti straps to hold it up. Her dark brown hair was also pulled up into a French twist and her brown eyes laughed with her as she made Lindsey twirl again.

CSI Sara Sidle looked over at Catherine standing in front of the mirror and grinned, throwing her a wink before turning back to the teen who was vying for her attention. Catherine couldn't help but smile at the sight. Two years ago, if someone had said that Sara Sidle was going to be at her wedding to Gil Grissom, let alone a bridesmaid, Catherine would have called the psych ward so fast their head would spin. When their relationship came out the person that they had been on the defensive to wasn't just Ecklie. Oh no! Their toughest challenge had come from the woman standing not ten feet away, playing with her daughter.

Catherine chuckled as she let the memories sweep over her once more. Back to that fateful day when her and Sara finally came to blows. Literally.

FLASHBACK

Catherine paced inside the break room, a mug of coffee steaming in her hands. Sara and Nick were going over facts from a case they were working and Greg and Warrick were playing a few hands of poker. Occasionally one or all of them would glance at her, open their mouths to say something, but quickly shut it again. Suddenly Greg slammed his hand down on the table and pumped a fist in the air.

"Ha! Full house! Beat that!" He cried pointing a finger at Warrick who just rolled his eyes and quietly put down his own hand. A straight flush.

"Damn it!" Greg said his shoulders slumping and his arms crossed like a pouting little boy. Sara and Nick exchanged glances and bust into laughter, Warrick joining in. Greg glared at them and mimicked their laughter. Nick was the first to notice that Catherine wasn't laughing along with them at Greg's antics, which was enough to suspect that something was wrong.

"Cath, what gives? You ok?" Nick asked, his voice soft. The others turned to look at her and her eyes widened. Before she even begin to come up with a plausible excuse, the break room doors opened. Gil walked in, eyes on Catherine alone. She watched his face and began grinning as he gave her a nod.

Letting out a cry of joy she ran and jumped into his open arms, the mug of coffee hitting the floor, forgotten. He twirled her around for second before remembering that they had an audience and set her down, his face bright red. They both looked at their co-workers, who all had the same stunned expression on their faces...except Sara. Her eyes were narrowed and she looked from one to the other in suspicion.

"What's up, Griss?" Nick asked standing up and placing a hip on the break room table.

Catherine looked at Gil for a second and when he gave a slight smile and nod, she grinned back at Nick. "We're getting married."

Stunned silence rang in the air for a moment before Greg broke it by jumping to his feet. "Hot damn! It's about time!"

In seconds, Warrick, Nick, and Greg were upon them giving hugs and slaps on the back. Warrick caught Catherine's eye and gave her a soft smile that spoke of knowing. After all the nights they had gone out for a drink after work and the millions of conversations they had about Gil, he knew what this meant for her. Nick's excited voice broke in and they all looked over to him.

"How? When? More importantly what does this mean for the team?"

"That's where Gil went today. He went to see the director of the lab and to basically plead our case. Even I don't know what's going to happen, except that apparently it's ok." Catherine said, her last statement sounding more like a question.

"Well, the good news is that we are both allowed to stay on the grave shift, the greater news is that Ecklie has no say in this whatsoever." Gil said, a small smile on his lips that was echoed by his fellow CSIs and fiancee.

"What's the bad news?" Catherine asked, looking into his eyes.

"We're not allowed to work on the same case or in the event one of us needs to be called into a case because of our point of expertise the other is immediately taken off." Gil said, and hesitated. One look from Catherine stopped that and he sighed. "One slip, one inkling that we are letting it interfere with our work we are both dismissed as CSIs. No hearing, no excuses."

The ramifications of that settled over the entire group and it sobered them quick enough until Warrick spoke up.

"Look, the way I figure it you guys have been together for 20 years now. You've looked out for each other more than anyone I know and loved each other while doing it. You can handle this...easy." Warrick's deep voiced vote of confidence seemed to bring everyone back into happier spirits.

"Let's go celebrate. Our treat, right guys?" Nick said to the others and they all nodded happily. Well...almost all of them.

Sara snorted and eyes that had been trying to avoid her finally rested on her face. She stood a little shakily and glared at them.

"Have fun. Just don't expect me to help celebrate this bullshit." Sara spat out and quickly walked out of the break room, slamming the door shut behind her. All eyes turned to Catherine whose face was turning a slight red color and the rage in her eyes rivaled Sissy Spacek's in the movie Carrie.

"Excuse me." She said softly, her voice as deadly as a snake. Warrick and Nick both made a motion to stop her as she walked to the break room door, but Gil held up a hand to stop them. This was between Sara and Catherine now.

"Should we call the cops now or wait til one of them comes back with blood on their clothes?" Greg quipped and three pairs of eyes turned to stare at him incredulously. He gulped and gave a shaky smile. "Kidding...I think."

After looking in the two lab rooms and the morgue, Catherine made her way to the locker rooms which was where she found her target.

"We need to talk. Now." Catherine said, folding her arms and leaning against the set of lockers where Sara was shoving things into a duffel bag.

"No, we really don't. Just leave me alone, Catherine. Go back to your fiancee." Sara growled out and paused a second on the last word before continuing on in her packing.

"Sara, it's not like you ever had any claim on him so what the hell is your problem?" Catherine asked, her anger threatening to boil over and she walked over to stand next to Sara.

"You!" Sara cried, slamming her locker door shut and whirling around to glare at Catherine, giving her a hard push. "You're my goddamn problem! You and your whole fucking type!"

Startled by the shove, Catherine flew back into a set of lockers behind them. Her head bounced off the hard metal and she saw stars. As the ringing in her ears stopped she looked up into Sara's face, who looked genuinely surprised at what she had done.

"Sara, what in the goddamn hell do you think you're doing? Have you gone insane?" Catherine asked, moving past anger to outright pissed.

"Maybe." Sara spoke softly, her eyes wide and her mind racing.

Catherine's words brought her family history to the front of Sara's mind and suddenly a cold fear swept over her. She hadn't meant to push Catherine. She just didn't know how else to deal with the overwhelming emotions she was feeling. She had learned early on in life to close them off or have them used against her. Growing up the foster homes she had been placed in had been filled with ridicule and torment, both the emotional and physical kind. She was used to literally fighting back when she felt that something she wanted or loved was being taken away from her. It was all she had known from early adolescence on. Ever since the case with the mental hospital, old feelings and memories had been coming back at night to haunt her in her dreams. Things she didn't want to deal with and didn't even know where to begin if she did. The news that she had lost Grissom, no matter the fact that he wasn't hers to begin with, was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"I...I gotta go." Sara said, picking up her duffel bag with shaking hands and at the shock and pain in her voice Catherine's anger all but vanished. She had dealt with enough demons to know that whatever was driving Sara right now was more than she was letting on.

"Sara, I think you need some help." Catherine began, but was cut off by Sara's unladylike snort.

"There you go again. Thinking that you know everything. Your type always does." Sara said, confusion, anger, and hurt making her say things that she wished she didn't. Catherine's eyes narrowed.

"You keep saying that. What exactly is my type?" Catherine demanded.

"The type that knows that they are beautiful and can have any man that looks their way, even if they aren't right for them. The type that has to be in competition with every other woman that crosses their path just to prove a point. The type that doesn't care that the other person is just trying to fit in and find something that she can call her own. That the person is just trying to find a place to belong."

"Sara," Catherine started but Sara glared at her.

"Don't deny it, Catherine. You have done everything you could since I got here almost 6 years ago to push me out of the inner circle. Those rare times that you have shown any care have been out of pity, not compassion."

"Sara..." Catherine began to deny everything, but her conscience stopped her. Everything things she had said was true. But not for the reasons that Sara believed. Quietly Catherine said, "You're right. I could have been kinder to you, Sara, but I was jealous."

The confusion in Sara's face echoed in her voice. "Jealous of what?"

"When Grissom called you in specifically from San Francisco it reminded me of when he had recruited me when I was dancing. I hadn't seen him give special treatment to anyone else since then and it annoyed...scared me. Then when you stayed I thought I was losing my best friend and the person I loved."

"Jesus, Catherine. Yes, I had a crush on him when he was my professor, as if that isn't uncommon. But do you realize that when we would talk after class back then your name came up every 5 minutes? The only reason I thought I had a chance was because when I got here, it seemed like you guys had decided to be friends. I didn't understand the open hostility and you never told me..." Sara said, running a hand through her hair and trailed off. "Forget it. It doesn't change the fact that I still fell in love with him and it doesn't change the fact that I can't stay here right now."

Sara lifted her duffel bag and handed Catherine a letter. "It's a request for some vacation time. I probably have it coming to me and I think I need to take it now. Whether he signs it or not, I'm going."

"He'll sign it." Catherine said quietly, and took the letter. She watched as Sara walked to the door but a nagging question made her speak up. "Sara...do you still love him?"

Sara frowned and looked thoughtful. "I don't know. I don't even know if what I am feeling now has anything to do with you or him. This has been coming for a long time. All I know is that it hurts a lot right now and I don't think it would hurt this much if I didn't feel something. I just have to figure out now if it is hurt pride or something deeper."

Catherine nodded and then Sara was gone. The question wasn't for long, but what would happen when she came back? She found out two months later.