Hey y'all. This was my entry for the Love Actually Contest that was held over the past month. Of course, it was one of those anonymous contests where no one was supposed to know which entry was yours. Well... the contest is over and now I get to post my entry on my FF profile for all you viewers to see. I didn't win, but I had fun writing this one-shot.
Hope you enjoy it. The songs here were my inspiration.
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'But I love you' was what his message said.
I shook my head. I couldn't inflict any more pain on him, and doing this by chatting on Facebook was easier than facing him in person. He wouldn't see the regret in my eyes, and how I never intended to do this. He would someday understand, and they would both move on as if nothing between them had ever happened.
'I'm sorry. For us. For everything.' I didn't pause after sending the message, for I shut off my laptop without seeing his response. Tears streamed from my eyes as I buried my head in the pillows.
What have I done?
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BPOV
I stared at the photo that was now in my hands was what haunted me for the last three years. I was nearing the end of my senior year at my high school, and yet all this time I haven't moved on. This was the only thing that kept my memory of my former love in middle school alive, and it was hard for me to part from it.
It was simple really. My best friend Alice had taken it when we were thirteen, just fresh from graduating middle school. Edward, my loving boyfriend, had his arms around my waist. My head had leaned against his chest in bliss, and Alice had thought that this was a perfect shot. And it was. She had developed two copies of the photo so we would each have one. After that day we had the best summer of our lives, right until the moment when Edward said he was moving. We both didn't want to part in this kind of way, and we spent his remaining days in Forks the most fantastic he would ever had. When he left, he promised we would keep a long distance relationship. He would visit Forks as often as he could. And he did.
So, do you want to know why I broke up with him? Jacob, that's why. It was because of him that I ended my relationship with Edward, and through Facebook chatting too! Of course, I didn't tell Edward anything about Jacob.
I tried to keep myself faithful to Edward, but I started to develop feelings for Jacob that I questioned myself who was better for me. Edward still loved me from thousands of miles away, but I chose Jacob. It was the wrong decision too, because we broke up six months after I dumped Edward. So, not only did I lose Edward, but I lost Jacob too. Strange way how love turned out for me huh?
On Facebook, we were no longer "friends." Because hours after our breakup, he deleted me as a friend, and it broke my heart even more. Even when we broke up, I kept the photo. Every night, I would stare at it. I would think about our life if I never ended our relationship. Edward would still be my boyfriend, and Jacob would still be my friend in school. I was sure he threw his copy of the photo when we broke up, but I was pathetic to keep it.
But today, I would be brave. I knew for months that the photo was the sole purpose of me unwilling to move on without Edward, and maybe if I threw it away I wouldn't be a wreck. It would be gone, like Edward was gone from my life.
Looking out the window, I took a deep breath. Sticking my hand out, my fingers straightened and the photo fluttered away in the warm pre-summer breeze.
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EPOV
Ah. Back in Forks. I haven't breathed in its air for nearly three years. To spend my summer here before college felt like I was home.
Oh, who was I kidding? I was home.
To hear the mindless chatter of people in the park brought back my childhood memories. How I would play with Emmett and Jasper on the slides, chase the butterflies that flew in the wind, laughing with Bella...
I shook my head. When I think of Bella, it brought a hole in my heart that never healed. I never understood the real meaning of my breakup, but it was the worst time of my life. To prevent myself from hurting, I erased everything that reminded me of her. I deleted her as a friend on Facebook, I burned all the photos that had Bella in it, and threw out all the stuff that she gave to me over the years of both friendship and relationship. This did ease the pain, but I remembered the one thing that my mother said that could never be erased.
Memories.
And she was right. Every night, I would dream of Bella. I dreamed of us taking that step when we were older, and that possibility of us getting married. This would never happen to now, as to the fact that she was gone from my life.
I sighed. There was always plenty of fish in the sea right? Cheesy line, but it does come true for some people.
My eyes caught on something that was on a bench a few feet away from me. It was probably just a piece of gum, or something that someone had left behind.
But it wasn't. On the bench was a photo. Sitting down, I took a closer inspection.
There were two people on it, probably juveniles or pre-teens. A boy and a girl were standing close to each other, smiling at whatever camera it was that took this shot. The boy had his arms wrapped around the girl's waist, and the girl looked to be as if she was leaning against his chest.
I grimaced. I remembered a similar memory of Bella and I, at this park, when we were thirteen years old.
But when I looked at the photo more closely, I noticed that the two kids were look-alikes to what Bella and I were when we were thirteen.
That wasn't much. There were lots of look-alikes around the world.
I flipped the photo around to see the date of it. It was covered in writing, so it was hard to see where the date was inscribed.
I looked at the writing, and froze.
Bella Swan and Edward Cullen
June 6th, 2006
I found the date alright, but the names were what shocked me the most. Could it be?
As far as I remembered, there were only two copies of this photo. The one I had was burned a week after Bella broke up with me, and the other was the one that Bella had. I didn't know what became of it though.
Could this be hers?
It wasn't just our names and the date on the photo that was there. I read it closely and gasped.
* I live to make you free- Gregory And The Hawk
* Just leave me your stardust to remember you by- Gregory And The Hawk
* I wish that I was looking into your eyes- Katy Perry
*You're the best, and yes, I do regret- Katy Perry
*There's just too much that time cannot erase- Evanescence
*But you still have all of me- Evanescence
It was lyrics, I realized, to break-up songs. But these weren't just any ordinary songs. These were lyrics to songs that I listened to after Bella broke up with me. It was, in my opinion, a way to express his depression.
So, if Bella had been the one to break up with him, then why would she do this?
Could it be that she still loves me? That after all this time, her feelings for me had not changed?
Written very small at the bottom of the photo was something that caught me off guard.
My feelings have not changed. Though time passes, my heart still belongs to this one person. I love him with all my heart.
A tear slowly ran down my left eye. Bella was not someone who would lie, and I knew that she wouldn't lie in this case. She always blew me away with what she says, and right now was no difference.
Realization overtook me. I know what I must do. This was a risk, but I had to try.
Clutching the photo in my hands, I stood and walked to the direction of Bella's house.
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BPOV
No homework. That was good. Finals were done, and all I had to worry about was graduation in a few days. I mean, the worst thing that can happen is if I tripped while getting my diploma, right? The worst thing of my life already happened three years ago, so why bother?
So here I am, in my bedroom, singing my heart out on my karaoke machine. I've got it set up on random shuffle so I didn't have to spend hours picking the hundreds of songs stored in my karaoke machine. It was better, so I could risk singing songs that I had a hard tome with so I could sing it better.
The last song I sang to was "Oops I Did It Again" by Britney Spears. It wasn't too high, which was the weakness I had when I sang.
I took a quick sip of my Arizona Green Tea drink before I looked back at the screen, preparing the next song I was to do.
What I saw nearly made me faint.
The beginning of the song played, and I was brought back to the past. It was the song that I tried to avoid, the one that I expected to never show up when I used my karaoke machine.
But I was wrong.
Was God trying to punish me or something? Punish me for being miserable a lot?
Whatever the reason was, I wanted to break down and throw a rock at the television. That is, if I had a rock around.
But the song was just about to start, and there was no turning back now.
Breathe, Bella. It's just a song. Just sing it and get it over with. how bad could it be?
Now, the lyrics have appeared on the screen, and I clutched the microphone tightly.
If you'll be my star,
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me
and come out at night
When I turn jet black
and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine
No doubt about that. I lived the time when Edward was my boyfriend, and he definitely showed off his light.
You can sky rocket away from me
And never come back if you
find another galaxy
Far from here,
with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust
to remember you by
When he was no longer my boyfriend, he left that stardust for me to remember. Those were his memories, and indeed he never came back. We were two different worlds instead of one.
If you'll be my boat,
I'll be your sea
Depth of pure blue
just to proke curiosity
Ebbing and flowing,
and pushed by a breeze
I live to make you free
I live to make you free
Edward had made me free. He was everything to me, and was pushed by that breeze. And that breeze was me.
And you can set sail to the west
if you want to
Pass the horizon
'til I can't even see you
Far from here,
where the beaches are wide
Just leave me your wake
to remember you by
And just like a boat, he set sailed to the horizon, away from me. And all he left behind for me was his wake.
If you'll be my star,
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me
and come out at night
When I turn jet black
and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine
The beginning of the song was repeating again, and tears brimmed from my eyes. But I refused to cry.
You can sky rocket away from me
And never come back if you
find another galaxy
Far from here,
with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust
to remember you by
Just one more line Bella. Then you can cry afterwards.
Stardust to remember you by
I barely whispered the last line, but it was done. The song was done, and I swear I'll never listen to it again. This brought to me too many memories, too much pain.
I grabbed the t.v remote on my bed and turned off my t.v. I didn't feel like playing karaoke any further.
I sank down on the floor and placed my head between my knees. Then, I started crying.
"Oh, Edward," I murmured to no one in particular. "Why?"
"Yes. Why Bella?" I heard someone say.
I was startled. Mom was not home from work yet, but our front door was open. Who was here, because I certainly didn't let anyone come in here.
Oh god, what if it was a kidnapper, and I was his next victim? But wait, how could he know my name?
"Go away," I said.
"No," I heard the strange voice say. It was familiar yet unfamiliar to me.
Slowly, I lifted my head to see this mysterious stranger.
And looking right back at me with his strikingly attractive green eyes was none other than my ex-boyfriend Edward Cullen.
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EPOV
I always knew where Bella had lived, so that was the direction I was going. She didn't live too far from this park.
So what was I going to do? Give the photo back to her, yes. And if I'm lucky, maybe I'll be lucky to beg Bella to be my girlfriend again. But either way, I had to find out why, three years ago, Bella broke up with me. I had thought that everything was perfect, so why was it we drifted apart with one Facebook chat? It was completely bogus.
When I arrived at her house, memories of us flashed through my mind. I remembered how we used to laugh around playing on Bella's front yard as we said hi to her Ms. Brandon, Bella's next door neighbor.
I took a few deep breaths, and walked towards the door. If I remembered, her mother wouldn't be home yet at this type of hour.
When I turned the doorknob, I was surprised to find it open. Bella's mother wasn't the type to leave her daughter so vulnerable to the public. But it gave me free access into their home.
When I went inside, everything looked to me how I last saw it, only with bits of new furniture. I heard music coming from upstairs, so that meant Bella must be there. Closing the door quietly behind me, I made my way up the stairs.
The music I heard earlier became more acute to me, and I now heard singing along with it. Bella had a karaoke machine in her room, and we'd always be singing on it for fun.
But this, her voice, her singing, didn't sound like her. It was the opposite, as if she was sad.
"Just leave me your stardust to remember you," I heard Bella say. Wait, that was the quote from what she wrote on that photo, right? I turned the photo around to where the lyrics were. Yup, it was.
It tiptoed slowly to where her room was, being very careful as to not revealing I was here.
Oh my god.
The last time I saw Bella, it was on video chat. But now, after not seeing her since our last one, she was different. She was taller, prettier, and definitely more mature. Her eyes were the same chocolate brown, and it seemed to be close to tears. But why?
Side-viewing her television screen, I was able to see what she was singing to the song "Boats and Birds."
Was this why she got so emotional?
Was she remembering...us?
When the song finally ended and the pain in her voice ended, I saw her grab the television remote and clicked the off button before sinking to the floor, crying. I wanted to cry too, just because she was crying.
And then, I didn't know if I heard Bella right, but she uttered three words that pierced through my mind.
"Oh, Edward. Why?"
She said my name. Why would she do that? She was the one who broke up with me in the first place!
Now I was certain. Bella still loved me.
That after three years, she still had feelings for me.
I stepped forward from my hiding place and into Bella's room.
And, if it was out of sheer stupidity, I said "Yes. Why Bella?"
Bella looked startled upon hearing my voice, and she hesitantly lifted her head.
When her eyes locked on mine, she gasped.
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BPOV
Was I dreaming? Or was I seriously in hell?
Once again, what did I do to deserve this? All I wanted was to move on, not stick to him like a piece of cotton candy.
Whatever the reason is, he was here. Edward was truly here.
I looked at him up and down. He still looked the same, with the exception of his height. He was still hot, and if I wasn't that sad like I was right now, I would've smiled.
"Edward," I whispered, his name rolling off my tongue.
He was breathing heavily, and it was now that I noticed that he was holding something. It was a picture, I think, and I swore I saw my younger face on it.
No.
Is it me, or was that photo seriously causing anymore misery than it has to?
I noted that Edward hasn't spoken yet, and I stood up. Walking slowly towards him, I threw my arms around his neck. I wanted to make sure he was real, like he wasn't just a hallucination.
Nope, he was real.
I felt Edward's body stiffen in my embrace, and I immediately unwound my arms. Gee, must I be like Alice at the worst of times?
"I'm sorry," I stuttered. "I..." Shoot, I had so many things to say to him, but I had to choose ending my sentence that way. Way to play it real Bella.
"Did you mean it?" Edward murmured, and he raised the photo of us in his hand with the back side towards me. There were lyrics on it, the same ones that I had written when I was in my depression state.
I nodded shamefully, keeping my eyes toward the floor. "Yes, I did."
Those lyrics were so embarrassing! I hated writing them, but yet I still loved those songs. They may have haunted me with my memories of Edward, but the lyrics were so meaningful that it stuck to my mind. Evanescence was the band that stuck out to me the most, but "Boats And Birds" was the song I loved. Katy Perry was just somewhere in the middle.
"You still didn't answer my question," I heard Edward say. I was aware that I was silent to him for quite a while and didn't hear what he said.
"Which one?"
"About why you broke up with me."
Another tear slipped from my eye. Could I tell him? Did I have the strength to tell him the truth about out break-up?
Soon, I found the words slipping from my mouth. I didn't pause anywhere in my response, because it was really a long one. I told Edward about Jacob, and our friendship that formed. I told him of my feelings that I seemed to have for him, and my choice of Jacob instead of him because of our distance. I told him how my relationship with Jacob didn't last as long as I hoped for, and the depression that soon follow. I told him everything without leaving a single detail behind.
When I was done, I closed my eyes. I was afraid to see his reaction.
"Bella," Edward said. I didn't respond.
"Bella," He repeated. I still didn't respond.
"Bella, please open your eyes," Edward said for the third time.
I sighed, and decided to open my eyes. Edward looked at me, and I saw for the first time in a while, love in his green eyes.
"What?" I said.
"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Edward asked. "We could have worked something out. I would've totally understand, and we would still be friends."
"I was afraid," I admitted. "I loved you enough to risk your feelings for someone else. And besides, we were apart during that time. It was better than seeing your reaction. Seems like I was wrong."
"You sure was."
I bit my lip. How was Edward keeping so calm at a situation like this? I had expected some yelling, and him leaving me again like I did so long time ago.
"So... what now?" I say. Yeah, real nice putting things that way.
He shrugged, and pulled me closer. He half-grinned at me.
"I don't know about you, but I want to try something."
"What is it?"
Unexpectedly, I found Edward leaning down before attaching his lips on mine.
Wow, that felt nice.
It was a while since he had kissed me, a long while actually. I missed his gentle kisses. This one was full of longing and something else I couldn't comprehend. We were fourteen at the time, and we never kissed in a way like this.
His tongue touched mine, and I welcomed it. We were trying something new, which my mother always encouraged me to do.
Breathless, I had to be the one who ended the kiss. We both laughed at the same time.
"Bella, do you think...we could..." he left his sentence hanging.
I understood what he wanted. It was a risky choice, but I feared losing him again. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I didn't want it to slip from my grasp.
"Do you want us to give another chance?" I asked.
He nodded.
I smiled, and raised myself on my tiptoes for a brief kiss.
"Yes."
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A/N: Thanks for reading.
Here are the songs that were used, or mentioned.
* Boats And Birds (The one Bella sang on the karaoke)- Gregory And The Hawk
~ This song may not be known by a lot of people, but it's really great. Listen to it if you have to, because this was the song that brought Edward and Bella together in the end. This was written around three years ago, but is still a popular song.
* My Immortal (Lyrics on the photo)- Evanescence
~ I guess I chose this song because it had the whole missing you vibe, and I thought it was a great fit to New Moon. Plus, I've listened to songs by Evanescence a bunch of times, and all of it had meaning to me.
* Thinking Of You (Lyrics on the photo)- Katy Perry
~ I like songs by Katy Perry, and I happened to stumble across this song while reading song fics on FF. It combined two of my favorite things: pop and Katy Perry. I felt so sad to the guy that had to die in the song, and it shows how even if you're dating someone else, you can't ever forget your first love and that his memory will forever haunt your mind.
Reviews? I listened to the songs above a bunch of times in order to complete this one-shot, and the whole long-distance relationship thing brought me back to what happened with my ex-boyfriend. My experiences mixed with the three songs and Edward & Bella's love for each other created this.
As usual, I'd like to see if anyone would want me to complete this one-shot and turn it into a full fanfic. I believe a lot of things here were incomplete & unspoken of and maybe you'd want to know what really happened at that exact moment. How did Bella and Edward get together? What happened when Alice took that photo of them? Why did Edward move away? How did Bella meet Jacob? What went on through the Facebook chat when Bella broke up with Edward? What happened through the moments when Bella was in heartbreak? And, did everything go right after they got back together?
Those were just a few of the questions I bet you'd like to know the answer to, but reviews are what I need in order to answer those questions.
-Moonlightoftwilight