AN: Welcome back guys. Sorry for my long hiatus, and sorry I've redone basically every aspect. I hope you like this version as much as the old. Enjoy! Please let me know your thoughts on this new take in a review!

A Wolf's Pride

Prologue

"...why can't I feel you? Stay with me, don't let me go... Until the ashes of Eden fall."
Ashes of Eden, Breaking Benjamin

I had been watching and following her for awhile now; the weeks, months and years blurring into a series of events that I could not turn away from. The her I had been following was called Mythal, and her people loved her as they would their mother, sister, aunt. She in turn loved them fiercely. It was shortly after she arose to power that she had caught my interest. At first I offered advice when she sought it, but over the course of time (a concept I had rarely ever considered until she had caught my interest), I was the one who sought her. I was always by her side, and that, perhaps was the beginning of my downfall.

I was a spirit. There is no word in this age for what I embodied, but it was a mixture of love, nurture, and compassion. The spirit of a mother. My earliest memories are fragmented thoughts, magic the elves had cast off with their spell casting as they recorded memories in thick tomes. Memories of events remembered by someone else can hardly be described as someone's first memory, however. My first sight memory as a spirit was of a place filled to bursting with tomes, and elves sitting at long tables, their eyes glazed as they stared rather transfixed at the blank pages in front of them. It was a good first memory.

I wandered this place I soon learned was called a library, for many years. I observed the elves, and was drawn to those who's personality mimicked my nature. I conversed with them, offered advice, and I also learned from them. I learned speech, and about magic, I lived vicariously through their memories as they recorded them in their tomes.

My encounter with Mythal was quite by accident. She had been passing through, in a hurry, and had passed through me, distorting my image for a moment before the ether that composed my being gathered together once more. This had happened on a number of occasions, as elves too engrossed with recording or watching had walked through the library. They had never passed me a second glance, or offered an apology. It was not in my nature to anger, and so I thought little of it. But Mythal was different. She passed through my ether, my essence, and shivered as if she had been touched by a frost on a crisp autumn morning.

She was a striking woman. Long tapered ears, luminous green eyes, what some would say was the perfect hour glass shape, and windswept wavy hair the color of charcoal.

"I'm sorry." She said, her wide green eyes an open book to her soul. I saw her mothering instinct, her worry over becoming a queen because of her power. Her concern for the souls that were "gifted" to her from the other rulers. She did not view them as slaves as the others did, and it was in that moment that a snap decision changed the course of my existence.

"Think nothing of it."

I followed Mythal out of the library that day, and never looked back.

Nearly 200 Years Later

"The babe has not moved for several days." Mythal's worried green eyes met the healer's as she caressed the small swell of her stomach. I had not left her side since I had felt the conception inside her. It had been a passing fancy; the elves I had discovered, were quite sexual beings, and these antics seldom interested me. Mythal was not sure who the father was, having spent nearly a week reveling with the other elves and sharing her bed with several different high born men, despite her bonding with Elgar'nan. He had likewise slept with many different high born women, and I had made myself scarce, as there wasn't much room for mothering during the festivities.

"Let's have a feel then." The healer's hands went expertly to Mythal's stomach, channeling green healing magic into her womb, trying to get a sense of the conditions inside her. It was still much too early for the baby to come, nearly four more moon cycles were left in the gestation.

I had told Mythal I still felt the child was alive when she had disclosed her concerns to me, but I was also worried and had told her so. The baby was not receiving life sustaining nutrients like it should be, but my knowledge was not deep enough to offer any advice other than to call for the healer. So I stood at the head of her bed as the healer went to work palpating her stomach and reading the information he gathered with his magic.

Several long seconds passed, and then the healer shook his head infinitesimally, his lips drawn in a tight grim line. "I'm afraid that the cord that feeds the child while it grows inside has detached. There is naught anything to be done but to induce labor and hope the child lives."

Mythal glanced at me, her eyes wide with fright. I placed my hand on her forehead and took some of the emotional pain away, just enough to keep the crushing weight of anxiety from swallowing her whole. She swallowed visibly, then turned her gaze to the doctor. "Give me the herbs. I will try anything to keep my child from dying."

The labor was painful, and long. It was nearly a full two days before Mythal's body cooperated and delivered the child, a girl. She was so terribly small, barely larger than Mythal's hand. Every bone stood out beneath the skin, which was blue and purple due to a lack of air. Mythal watched, her emotions a swirling dark knot of poison that dripped with horror and loss. The healer was trying desperately to stir life inside of the premature elfling, but it was a vain effort and we all knew it.

Finally the healer met Mythal's eyes, full of pity. "I'm sorry my queen, but she is gone."

Tears welled in Mythal's eyes, and her pain would have taken the breath from me if I had needed breath to survive. I was drowning in her misery and loss, feeling it so acutely I understood what it meant to by physically ill for the first time in the many years since I had formed from the thoughts of dreamers and scholars.

The healer wrapped the tiny bundle expertly and carefully, then offered the bundled corpse to Mythal. She hesitated a moment, then took the swaddled bundle. I looked upon the delicate features of the child, small button nose, tapered ears that were slightly too large for the head, purple gray pallid skin, cooling with the touch of death.

It was while watching Mythal mourn for her child that I knew what I would do with my existence. "Do not worry, fallon." I said, meeting Mythal's eyes as she looked at me, anguish drowning out coherent thought. I knew there was a certain amount of shock that went with losing a child, so I was not surprised to note that Mythal seemed to not understand. I reached out, wiped a tear from Mythal's face. I had been a sort of mother to Mythal for the majority of my life. I knew what my purpose was supposed to be. Now she would mother me.

I touched the child's head, still slightly warm from the birthing, but rapidly cooling, and drew my essence into her body. Crushing blackness surrounded me, but I found the tiny heart, a little smaller than the size of a small blueberry, and breathed life into the tiny organ. Next came the lungs, inflating them with air as blood began to pump. And lastly, the center of thought, little sparks that connected all parts of the body communicating. A cry pierced my ears, my cry, a pathetic sound coming from small frail lungs. I let myself be absorbed by the tiny body, allowing my essence to heal dead tissues, reforming parts and pieces that were wrong or underdeveloped, until spirit me ceased to exist, and I became the baby that Mythal cradled to her chest protectively.

Roughly 750 Years Later

My bare feet slapped on gray green rock as I ran, worn smooth by the countless years the same path had been tread by countless elves. I was dreadfully late, but I had done as my bond mate had wanted, leading the Anaris and his ilk into a specially designed holding chamber, and sealing the door behind me with my blood. Now I was running for my life, and my hand went unconsciously to my flat stomach. We had agreed to wait until after to have a child, but I had forgotten to dose myself several weeks ago before intimacy, and my monthly bleeding was nearly fourteen days late. I ran faster, pushing myself harder than I had pushed myself in a long while. There was nothing to be done about the possibility of pregnancy now. With any luck Fen'Harel's plan would work out flawlessly and slavery would forever be abolished, allowing us to retreat into solitude to raise our child.

A deep guttural groan threatened to swallow me as the path beneath my feet trembled as a tremor ran through the rock. The sudden shaking made me stumble, but I caught myself with a bit of force magic, neatly righting myself while barely missing a stride.

Elves that were recording and viewing memories looked around as the rock the library had been built into rumbled with a second tremor. They stared at me as I ran past, their eyes barely able to focus as they came out of their fugue state. It was the third tremor that finally put things into action. Bookcases began falling, the sound of wood splintering echoing behind me. Barely discernible over the sound of wood splintering was the sound of the pages in the books ruffling as they plummeted into the abyss below the library. A few startled cries of surprise sounded behind me, and I glanced back to see the first casualties among the nobility as chunks of rock broke apart and plummeted down to who knows where, taking the elves that had been standing there with cries of surprise and alarm.

Now the elves were beginning to react in earnest, dropping the books from their hands and following my lead. The rock was breaking apart faster than I could run, and without a second thought I cast flash step, a spell of my own invention, and blurred through the library faster than lightning. I popped out of the spell a good distance ahead, and finally the eluvian I needed to escape through was in sight. I flash stepped again, this time casting for much longer than I was really comfortable with. Not because of the drain on my manna, which was infinitesimal at best, but because I was concerned about the possibility of the child in my womb.

I came out of the flash step with a whistle and loud pop, the eluvian only a few steps away. I chanced a look behind me, and saw that several of the elves were using fade step, the spell I had taken inspiration from when creating my own, to try and beat the crumbling rock. The sad truth was that none of the elves would catch up to me. My manna reserves were easily five or six times larger than even some of the most powerful of the nobility at court, something my mother had desperately hid from everyone. She had not wanted me to lead the same life she had, and for the most part she had been successful. The only person who knew of my strength was my bond mate, but he had not seen my strength in full, and so I often wondered if he believed I was as strong as Mythal told him I was.

I activated the eluvian with a bit of spirit magic and hurriedly stepped through. The mirror shimmered blue as I stepped out into a cold dark forest on the other side. I turned, nicking my thumb in the process with a small dagger that I kept at my waist. A bead of blood welled up, and I smeared it along the top of the eluvian, channeling more spirit magic as I did so. The mirror went dark. I felt a twinge of guilt at all the lives that were going to be lost. The eluvian was sealed with my blood, and would not open again unless my blood was used as the key. I turned from the mirror without a backward glance, pulling the hood up on my cloak and reaching for my mana to cast flash step once more. It was time to meet with Fen'Harel.

Fen'Harel paced by the fire that had long since burned out. Hot coals threw out a small insignificant amount of heat, and did little to thaw the ball of ice that sat heavy in his gut. He had already waited longer than the agreed upon time, and he needed to leave so the final preparations could be made. He glanced once more at the road that his Fen'an should have already walked and shook his head. He had to leave, he could not wait any longer. Hopefully he could find her tonight in the dreaming.

"Let's move out!" Fen'Harel's voice echoed around the small clearing authoritatively. There was a flurry of activity as his troops obeyed his command, and within a few minutes the camp was packed up and all traces of it had been wiped away. He looked back once more, then shifted into a hulking black wolf with red eyes that was nearly the same size as the halla his troops rode. The halla stamped and snorted with fear as he prowled through the now abandoned camp to take lead. Fen'Harel twitched his tail and took off, his troops not far behind him.

I had seriously depleted my mana traveling through lightning in my flash step, and was nearing mana burnout when I finally got to the camp. It was cold, all traces wiped clean. The only remnant of their presence was the lingering tingle of magic that is faint in the air. I shuffle around the camp, my feet whispering over the dirt, looking for any prints from the halla I knew had been here. I finally find the barest of impressions in some soft dirt and dead pine needles and sigh with relief.

My mana had rebounded in the few seconds I was walking about the abandoned camp and gathered some together to transform into a white wolf with pale sand colored markings. Fen'Harel had taught this spell to me several years ago, and we had spent many a night roaming the countryside together. I picked up the halla's scent, and found Fen'Harel's shortly after. I took off at a gallop, hoping to catch up to him before he put the final step of his plan in motion.

I spent several hours trying to catch up, but I had been too late, and Fen'Harel had too much of a lead on me. I changed course, heading for a castle that belonged to my bond mate. I knew I wouldn't make it to the castle proper before morning, but there were some caves that had been prepared as makeshift uthenara chambers on the off chance something went wrong, that I would get to in less than an hour. I pushed my wolf body to run harder and faster. I would need time to prep spells and erect wards and barriers before I could enter the dreaming to find Fen'Harel.

The cave was nestled high in the rocky crags, through a split in the rock that I had to squeeze through, despite my small stature. My mother had told me that I had been born much too early, and would have died if it weren't for a spirit friend of my mother's. Though the spirit had revived me and ensured that I thrived, it hadn't been able to force me to grow, and I was a good deal shorter that most elves.

Once I had wriggled through the split to get into the wider cavern, I immediately began setting my wards. They were unconventional to say the least. Most wards were made using ice magic, but I could not control ice for the life of me, and I had been forced to construct my own spells using lightning magic, which was my affinity. My wards were lightning runes that would shock the intruder until their heart gave out. I added a second spell that would allow the rune to recharge with ambient magic and fully reset within a minute of going off. It had taken me ages to get the spell right, but no one else could copy it, and I was damn proud of my work.

I continued setting my traps, taking my time to ensure that everything was set properly. Once that was done, I erected a barrier, sealing it off with another drop of blood. I had used blood magic three times today, and though I considered it magic just like any other, my bond mate was not fond of it, and I had reluctantly agreed that I would not practice it any longer once we were bonded. I had kept my word, but to go through with Fen'Harel's plans, I had needed to use it. A necessary evil, Fen'Harel had told me.

I set another round of lightning traps and erected a second barrier. It would be near impossible to break through the first barrier, but Fen'Harel had told me to be cautious, and I was going to heed his words. I couldn't leave anything to chance. I went to the rear chamber and used my magic to construct a bed to lie in out of the rock of the cavern floor. I heaped furs that had been brought to the cavern previously onto the bed and arranged them into a comfortable mass. I slipped between the furs and fell quickly to sleep.

I found Fen'Harel quickly, he had been waiting for me. I jogged across the snowy mountain path of his dream, my feet crunching convincingly in the snow, while snowflakes drifted lazily down from an overcast sky. My breath puffed out in a white fog, though I didn't feel cold.

"Why didn't you meet me?" His voice was harsh, and I winced, though I didn't shy away from him.

"I'm sorry. Anaris grew suspicious of me and I had to try and allay its suspicions before I could get away. I made it to the caves above your castle, and I've already put up barriers and set my wards." I played with my fingers as I spoke. I knew that it had to be done perfectly, but Fen'Harel expected punctuality, and I had failed that aspect.

"Of course. Ever since I outsmarted it and Andruil in my youth, Anaris has been suspicious of me and any of my known associates." Fen'Harel relaxed his stance and offered his hand. I took it and he pulled me to him, embracing me tightly. "I was worried about you. I'm glad you've made it to safety." He whispered into my hair, and I pulled myself away enough to stand on my tiptoes so I could kiss him.

"As soon as this is done, we need to talk." I told him, snuggling into his chest.

"About what?" He trailed kisses along my jaw to my ears, and heat instantly began pooling between my thighs.

"Starting our family." My reply was breathless, and I teased in kind, molding my body to his. I could feel his want, and even though it was a shared dream, it felt so real. It was real.

"You know my feelings about this." Fen'Harel sighed and pulled away from me, letting his arms drop back down to his sides. The loss of him made me feel cold, and in a pique of frustration, I banished the snow from his dreamscape, replacing it with the hot vibrant forest that was home to my mother's temple.

"You told me we could start a family once this Veil business was done." I snapped, folding my arms across my chest and taking a step back from him.

"This Veil business as you put it," Fen'Harel began, his voice tight with anger, "is only the first step towards disbanding the Pantheon and abolishing slavery." He changed his dreamscape back to the frozen tundra path as he spoke, giving me the evil eye as he did so.

"But the Veil is the most dangerous part. Once it's up, there will be virtually no risk to either of us." I had to force myself to keep from caressing my navel. Fen'Harel was not naive. He would know with just that small gesture.

"I already cannot bear to lose you. If I were to lose you and a child," Fen'Harel shook his head as if to clear it. "I would not survive if we lost a child. I cannot risk it yet."

I turned my head to hide my tears. There would be no talking to him now. Perhaps once the Veil was up I could get him to reconsider, but there was no point in telling him my suspicions now. "Fine," I said, continuing to avoid his eyes. I forced myself awake, and let the tears fall.

The following day I stayed by myself in my cave. Fen'Harel and I had already agreed that I would stay put until the Veil was up if I missed the meeting. I moped for a good portion of the daylight hours, worrying over what his reaction would be when I told him we were already expecting an elfling.

I left for a few hours to hunt, nabbing a rabbit and roasting it straight away. I could eat on the way back, and leaving my fire and the inedible pieces of the rabbit behind would make sure I didn't lead anyone to my hiding place in the cave.

I gathered herbs on my way back to the cave, trying to prepare. Fen'Harel would put up the Veil tonight, a construct of his devising that would split the source of our magic from the world. Spirits would be banished, a necessary evil, but Anaris and its ilk would be banished for good, and it would lock away the highest members of the Pantheon, barring myself and Fen'Harel.

I moved carefully through the mountain terrain, stooping here and there to collect the leaves from various healing herbs, as well as poisonous ones. Neither Fen'Harel or I could fathom what the outcome would be once the Veil went up. It was all a giant unknown, and I needed to make sure I could survive any outcome.

When I arrived back at my little cave, I dispelled my wards, entered, and reactivated my electric runes. I then remade the barriers and other traps I had put up the night before. I tossed my small satchel of herbs on my makeshift stone bed, and made a table out of the stone wall to set my cooked meat on. The rabbit had been skinny, and I had already eaten most of it. All that was left was one haunch, and it would be my breakfast in the morning.

I whiled away the day snuggled in the furs; the cave was chilled and there wasn't a place for a fire. I thought briefly about making a small fireplace, but decided against it. I didn't need the curls of smoke to give away my location, and I would just have to ward the fireplace at any rate since it would create another entrance into my little hovel.

I spent the greater part of the afternoon asleep, silently watching the backlash from my destruction of the library in the dreaming. Those who weren't aware of the secret war we fought fretted over where all those in the Pantheon had gone, while others mourned the loss of loved ones. Several thousand elves had been in the library when it fell into the void, and nobody knew where they had gone, or if they had even died at all. I felt guilty, and ashamed for all the lives I'd taken when I had destroyed the library. But it had been necessary. One of the eluvians led to an uthenara chamber, and in that chamber was another eluvian that I had spelled to bring the person who walked through into a stone castle like construct. Inside that construct I had sealed away Anaris and its brethren, the mirror sealed to never open again. I had reset the pass code to get into the mirror and further sealed it with my blood and a drop of Fen'Harel's blood, the best way to make sure someone couldn't access the mirror with only one of us.

I felt the pull of Fen'Harel as he called to me in the dreaming, and I left the dreams of the other elves, following his tug on my spirit. I came to an area resplendent with trees at the height of transitioning into reds, oranges and yellows. Tall grasses waved in an imagined wind, pale green with the coming autumn. Down the embankment I was on, a large stone castle lay in the middle of a crystalline blue lake. I had helped Fen'Harel make this sanctuary, and the refugees we had brought here had made it their home. Blue spirit warriors protected this place when we weren't here to guard it. It was decorated with frescoes of Fen'Harel and I that the refugees had painted. There were also mosaics that Fen'Harel and I had added together, spelled to tell the story of how we came to make this place.

My bond mate was standing atop the hill that sloped gently down to the castle below. I walked to him, embracing him around the waist. His arms came around me and I snuggled into him, enjoying his woodsy scent; pine and sandalwood, and other herbs he used to make poultices and ointments for the men and women with him.

"I'm sorry." Fen'Harel said on a sigh as we stepped apart. "I know how much you want an elfling of your own. When the Veil is up and we figure out all of the kinks we can focus on our family." His cheeks were flushed slightly, and his blue gray eyes avoided my own ice blue ones. I couldn't tell if he was just telling me something to pacify me, or if he actually meant what he said.

"I'll hold you to that." I replied, letting him know I would not forget. My thoughts flew to the possible child already growing inside me, and I cringed inwardly. I was not looking forward to telling him, now that I knew he didn't particularly want a child at this moment. "Have you completed your preparations?" I asked after a moment, officially letting him off the hook.

"They are complete, as soon as we are done here, I will use my orb to cast my spell. Do not leave the cave until I can find you in the dreaming. It might be for the best if you go into uthenera until the spell is complete." He continued to avoid my gaze as he spoke, and I knew the reason why.

"I am not going to abandon you by going into uthenera." I snapped, stamping my foot for emphasis. "We started this together, and I will see this through with you, even if I can't be with you physically."

My bond mate shook his head at me. "If this doesn't go as planned, I need you to survive. The safest way is for you to go into uthenera. I realize I cannot force you to do so, but please do as I ask." His voice cracked, and for the first time I found myself suspicious of him. He wasn't telling me something, and ice started forming in my gut.

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked in a whisper, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look down into my eyes.

"Putting up the Veil has risks, and I've told you them. The Veil will change the world, it is just unclear how the Veil will effect the world. I just want you safe. Please, go and prepare for uthenara. When you wake, I will be waiting for you." Fen'Harel kissed me long and hard, effectively cutting off my reply. We pulled apart, breathless, and he caressed my cheek. His lips were turned up slightly in a sad smile, and then he was gone.

I had done partly what Fen'Harel asked upon waking. I had several herb concoctions prepared, one for blocking dreams, one to put myself into uthenera, and one concoction I had dreaded making. The herbs I would need to purge my womb. If I were to go into uthenera as my bond mate wanted, I could not be pregnant. I knew I was going to need to take it, based on my bond mate's avoidance of eye contact and how he had left me in the dreaming.

I sat on my makeshift bed of furs and stared dejectedly at the mixtures on my table. First, I would need to take the womb cleansing herbs. Once the purging began and I started my bleeding, I would need to take the dream blocking herbs to keep my bond mate away. He would know something was up the moment he found me in the dreaming. Then, lastly, the uthenera herbs, so I could sleep in stasis. I had long since mastered the magic needed to feed my body while dreaming, but I could not sustain myself and a child. I did not know when it would be safe to wake. I couldn't risk it.

My hand rested on my navel, and I mourned for the little life that I would never know. I don't know how long I sat there, but it was long enough that Fen'Harel must have cast his spell. I felt my mana draining from me. It was a slow trickle, and I wasn't yet concerned about mana burnout, but it was a large enough trickle that I felt the mana leaving my core.

I forced myself off my bed and padded to the table. My heart began racing as I took one of the small bowls I had conjured out of the cave wall. This bowl held the herbs that would take my barely conceived child from me. I felt numb as I stared at the bowl, my emotions at war in my body. I set the bowl back down and took my water skin from off the floor, I hesitated a moment, then poured some of the water from the skin into the bowl. My heart continued to thrum a staccato beat as I placed a fire run on the side of the bowl. The water began to warm, and after a few minutes the water was boiling. I deactivated the rune and stared dejectedly at my makeshift tea.

My emotions swirled as I picked up my stone bowl. I sat on my bed cradling the bowl in my lap. The ball of ice continued to grow in my stomach, and my nerves were making me feel nauseous. I swallowed, brought the stone bowl to my lips. I hesitated another moment as anguish ripped through me, and then tipped my head back and drank the tea that doomed the small being I carried.

When I had drained the bowl I threw it with all my strength, and it shattered against the cave wall with a loud stone on stone clatter. I resisted the urge to throw up the tea I had forced myself to drink, and tossed myself into the furs on my bed. I curled myself into a ball, and finally allowed myself to weep for the life I had lost.

It took nearly two weeks for my bleeding to finish, and my body was wracked by terrible pain in my gut the entire time. I was a wreck during those two weeks. I cried a lot, and I stopped eating the second day into the purge. I had taken a small dose of herbs every night to hide myself from other dreamers, specifically trying to avoid my bond mate as I slept. I gave wisps messages for him, writing messages into their being so he would know that I was alive.

With the passage of time since the Veil went up, my mana had run down to less than a quarter of my full reserves. I felt weak and powerless now, though I knew in my head that I still had enough mana to mark me as lower nobility in the convoluted caste system that would no longer exist. The first time I had gone outside after Fen'Harel had put up the Veil my jaw had dropped at the lack of greens and pinks in the sky, and when I moved through the forest, it felt as if I was wading through a fast current in a river. It felt like it took twice as long to walk places, and it only added to my helpless and hopeless feelings.

Now I was slipping into uthenera, all the spells needed to put me safely in the dreaming cast successfully, though they left me feeling empty and hollow, dizzy with the threat of burnout. It had taken a little longer than usual for my mana to rebound, and the parts of my mana core that were no longer filled felt empty and cold.

When I entered the dreaming, I was relieved to find that I couldn't feel the weighty presence of my bond mate. I wandered about, with no clear destination. I was still feeling depressed over the loss of our child, and I was not yet ready to talk to my bond mate about it.

I was in the raw dreaming, which was filled with sharp gray green rock and puddles of extremely cold water. I shaped the dreaming into a dark jungle forest reminiscent of the lush jungles around my mother's now abandoned temple. Her murder had been what had finally pushed my bond mate over the edge, and had driven him to change the world, to free the slaves and to strip our society of the caste system once and for all.

I continued my walk, paying no attention to where I was going. I don't know how long I walked, it could have been a few hours, days, weeks, or even years. There was no way to measure the passage of time in the dreaming, but I didn't care how much time passed. I had yet to feel my bond mate's presence, and I didn't know if he lived, or if he was shielding himself from me as I had done. This fact added to my melancholy, and attracted a few spirits of compassion and despair demons alike. Demons were relatively rare, and the fact that so many plagued me now made me wonder if the Veil had twisted the spirits that had resided in the dreaming.

I walked so long that I kept finding myself back in the raw dreaming, and I would change it to suit me, and travel across it until I reached the raw dreaming again. I reached the end of my dessert construct, what felt like the millionth such construct I'd created since entering uthenera, but there was no raw dreaming on the other side of the dessert. I stood on the precipice of golden sand and white sand, water lapping in the distance. I took a tentative step onto the softer sands, and was surprised at how thick the air felt, as if a barrier were between my dessert sands and the ocean sands on the other side. The ocean sand was warm from the hot sun that beat down mercilessly. I did not feel a dreamer here, nor were there spirits or demons.

Curious, I walked out onto the beach landscape, pushing through the thick, invisible barrier like substance. My mana depleted to nothing instantly, and my heart pounded as I felt the loss within me. My core ached, dark and empty, though I did not experience mana burnout. There was no feeling of dizziness or nausea normally associated with casting too much magic. I hesitated, looking back at my dessert sands. Who was I without magic? Who was I, that I had killed the child I so desperately wanted? Tears rose to my eyes. I thought of my bond mate, and how he had been despairingly absent since I had entered uthenera. What life would be left for me if I remained in the known boundaries of the dreaming?

I had heard tales of course, of dreamers who had mastered the art of uthenera, but had never woken up. The body stayed in stasis, but it was like their spirit had left and the body stayed behind, functioning, but never able to waken. Was this what they had found? Had they turned their back on everything they knew to pursue the possibility of a new adventure? I turned and looked back at my dessert sands, I thought about crossing back over to my construct, but I turned away. I squared my shoulders and took another step along the ocean sands.

When Fen'Harel finally entered the dreaming, he called for his bond mate, eager to explore the dreaming with her, to watch as history rewrote itself. But she didn't respond. He called upon spirits, keeping the terror he could feel building at bay. It took much to long to finally find the wisps that she had imparted with messages. And though they helped to allay his fears over her safety, her lack of response was still alarming.

He wandered aimlessly, watching scenes that the dreaming played out when they caught his interest. He knew that time was passing in the waking world, and still he couldn't feel his love's presence. Fen'Harel grew more and more concerned as time wore on, and he sought out his best friend to see if he knew anything.

Felessan appeared as soon as Fen'Harel called. He had long brown hair that was braided to be out of the way and luminous violet eyes that were so expressive that Fen'Harel could easily discern the emotions he often tried to hide. "Have you heard anything about my Fen'an?" He asked.

"I am unsure if this is about your bond mate, but I ran into some wisps that were coded with messages for you with the words 'I am okay.' They felt like her, but there were underlying hints of sadness that were concerning." Felessan said, shifting nervously from foot to foot.

"I also encountered the same." Fen'Harel said as his brows beetled in thought. He looked at the ground as his mind raced with possibilities. He looked up at Felessan and issued an order. "Find out anything you can, spirits she may have come across, or other wisps with different messages."

"Of course." Felessan said, nodding his head once and disappearing.

Fen'Harel also went on a spirit hunt, calling spirits to him and asking for their help. He soon grew frustrated as spirit after spirit could give him no information in regards to his bond mate. He was about to cast this latest group of spirits away from him when a spirit of compassion approached.

"You are hurting." The spirit said, reaching forward with its blue essence to place a newly formed hand on his chest over his heart.

"Ma vhenan is missing."

"She is here, but not here. She was hurting, sad about two losses. She thought you had died when she couldn't feel you in the dreaming." The spirit spoke in a voice that was masculine, but was also soft with feminine tones at the same time.

"Where did she go?" He asked the spirit, strangling the glimmer of hope that had started to appear.

"She found the end, but also a beginning." The spirit replied.

Fen'Harel had to keep himself from destroying the spirit in his annoyance. The end and the beginning? The riddle annoyed him, and he didn't know what could possibly be the end for Fen'an, but also a beginning. It couldn't be the Veil, as the spirit had said that she found the end and beginning.

"It is a place that few find. She has left on a new journey, but after a time, she may come back if her hurts heal. She has a new path and purpose." The spirit read him and tried to give him a better answer.

"When will she be back?" Fen'Harel asked, latching onto the slight possibility of return.

"It is unknown, some come back quickly. Some don't come back at all."

Where could she possibly go where she is not here, but could come back? Did she choose to not enter uthenera? Is she blocking her dreams? The thoughts flashed through Fen'Harel's mind in quick succession.

"Fen'an loves you. She will come back. Give her time." The spirit took his grief as it spoke, and then dematerialized.

Fen'Harel blinked at the sudden disappearance of his grief, and though he missed his bond mate he was no longer sad. He turned and walked off into the dreaming, ready to watch how the Veil would now effect the world.