I don't own any of the characters/scenes. This is not for profit/just for
fun. Don't use this in an illegal way or the beans will release a tribe of
rabid lawyers.
Stan whistled as he walked from his small apartment to his new job. He had been there a week and loved every moment of it. The oxygen refinery was a great place to work. He had already made some great friends. The cold metal of the city was comforting. He didn't remember anything but living underground in this metal covering, so he did not think it strange.
"Ralph! Hey, how's it going'?"
Stan turned when the man said that. "Another day huh Jack?"
"Guess so. You working on sector R today?"
Stan/Ralph looked at the schedule. "Yeah, looks like it."
"Great me too. I hear they got a new worker up there."
"Great, just what we need, less hours."
"Ralph you idiot. It's a woman."
Ralph was suddenly interested, "Really? She cute?"
"Harry says she's gorgeous."
"Harry thinks molecules are gorgeous."
"No really. I haven't seen her yet, but she's supposed to be a looker."
"Well, maybe we can see her at lunch."
"Is that who you were talking about Harry?"
A girl with short red hair and a T-shirt and jeans, instead of the factory workers tan work pants and black shirts.
"Nah, she ain't bad though. She's the new accountant for the boss. Vanessa, I think is her name. No, that's the girl I was talking about."
Harry pointed to Tia, who was sitting across the room. She was wearing the usual factory uniform and small glasses. She was reading a paper while eating a small lunch.
"Wow, who is that?"
"Her name's Janese."
Jack broke in. "What does she do, besides turn me on."
Ralph looked at Jack, "That's not appropriate Jack."
"Sorry Mr. Sensitive."
"Has anyone talked to her?"
"Nah, she's really shy."
"Well, I'm gonna talk to her."
Ralph walked over to Janese's table, "Hi, I'm Ralph."
Janese raised her head and smiled, "Hi."
"You're Janese right."
"Yeah."
"Do you mind if I sit with you?"
"If you like."
Ralph sat down. "You're new too?"
"Yeah."
"I just got here a week ago. It's a pretty nice place. Friends are easy to make."
"I don't make friends easily."
"Oh, well, I'm sure that you will be able to. What do you like to do?"
"I write. I read."
"Nice, what do you write?"
"Just small stuff. It's not that good."
"Ok, well, maybe we'll end up working together sometime."
"Maybe."
"Nice meeting you."
"Nice meeting you too."
"So you keep everyone's drink filled and listen about their problems ok?"
"I think I got it."
Kai surveyed the bar he would be in charge of for several weeks.
"Now, Taylor, the regulars will have some trouble adapting, but you're a good guy so I don't think you'll have trouble."
"Thanks, Hugh."
Taylor watched the portly man hobble away. "I hope your surgery comes through ok."
"Thanks young man. It's just knee replacement. No biggy. Anyway, I'll leave you to it. Good luck."
"Thanks."
Taylor followed him to the door so that he could start the day's business. The horn would be sounding soon, signaling the shift change. Taylor moved behind the bar as the horn sounded. A few minutes later the first customers came in.
"Hugh, My God, You look Fabulous! I thought you were just getting your knee done!"
"I'm Taylor, Hugh's temporary replacement."
"That makes a lot more sense."
Taylor smiled as he served the first drinks.
He had been at it about an hour when a vision walked in. Xev was in a T- shirt and jeans. Her red hair was shining as she walked to a table and ordered from the waitress. Taylor watched her over the bar all night. She ordered only two drinks but nursed them the whole night. She was the second from the last to leave.
Taylor had watched this woman for three weeks. She had the same routine every night. This night was different. She was the last to leave. Taylor could not resist talking to her.
"Hi."
She looked up, "Oh, sorry, I'll go."
"No that's not necessary. I just thought I would sit down and talk to you."
"Ok."
"I'm Taylor."
"I'm Vanessa."
"That's a beautiful name."
"Thanks."
The horn sounded to begin the first shift.
"Oh, God, We've been talking all night. I have to get to work."
Vanessa got up from her seat at the table for the first time that day.
"So, can I see you again?"
"Definitely."
"Great."
Taylor walked her to the door. "So, I guess, I'll see you later. How about tonight? The bars closed."
"That would be nice. Pick me up at seven?"
"See you then."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Vanessa leaned over and kissed his cheek. She dashed out the door and off to work. Taylor leaned against the door and smiled.
"YES!"
"So what did you do last night Janese?"
"Nothing really. What about you Ralph?"
"A gentleman never kisses and tells."
"Ok, so what about you?"
Ralph turned to Janese and smiled, "You're getting a lot less shy for only being here three weeks."
Janese never took her eyes off the machine she was working on but she smiled as well. They had become really good friends over the three weeks that she had been there. He was always extremely nice and funny. He also stood up to the factory bullies for her.
"Janese!! Where are you?"
It was the boss, Jacob.
"Over here sir."
He had papers in his hands and brandished them in her face. "These are reports. The only one missing is yours! Where is it?!"
"I turned it in sir, I did."
"Well then, WHERE IS IT? It didn't just get up and walk away!"
Janese was looking at the floor, but even from behind her Ralph could tell she was about to cry.
"Sir, I told Janese I would turn in her papers for her. I guess I forgot."
Jacob turned to him. "So your to blame. I want that report on my desk by the end of the day or it's your ass!" He then stormed away.
"Thank you so much Ralph. I swear I put that report on his desk."
"You probably did. He does that crap all the time. Loses a report and blames the worker. Never apologizes either, when he finds it. He's such an ass."
"Thank you so much. I'll go print another report right away."
"I'll cover for you."
"Thanks again Ralph. I owe you."
"No problem."
Ralph went back to his work. "Damn it!"
"What?"
"Stupid thing shorted again. Now I gotta climb in the stupid machine and fix it. Wanna help?"
"Sure."
Ralph climbed in the opening that was just big enough for him.
"Hand me the toolbox."
"Here."
Ralph got the panel open. It didn't look like anything had gone wrong. He touched the panel. It suddenly erupted with a violent electrical charge.
"Ralph!"
He shook for a moment before laying still. Janese pulled him out and laid him on the ground.
"Ralph, answer me!"
"Yeah, you know I like it like that."
"What?"
"Huh, what?"
"Are you ok Ralph."
"Who's Ralph."
"That's you."
"My names Stanley Tweedle." He finally opened his eyes, "Tia, is that you?"
"NO, I'm Janese, and you're Ralph."
He shook his head, "It's like I'm remembering two lives."
"What?"
"I can't really explain."
Jacob came running, "What happened? Is he ok?"
"I think he'll be ok."
"Good. Take the rest of the day off Ralph. Janese can you take him home?"
"I would but I have to find that report."
"Oh, I found it."
"Ok, then I'll take him home so he can rest."
"Good. Don't want an incident report."
"Yeah."
Janese helped him up and they hobbled towards Ralph's apartment.
"Hi again."
"Hi. Long time no see."
"So how was work."
"When you're an accountant, it's all the same."
"I thought we would just talk again. We seemed to have such a good time last night. At least I did."
"That would be nice."
Vanessa moved aside and let Taylor in her small apartment. They sat down on her couch. They were going to talk. Their eyes locked and Taylor grabbed and kissed her. Vanessa deepened the embrace.
Ralph and Janese had just reached his apartment. She laid him on his couch but he immediately got up. "Tia, we have got to get out of here."
"Who's Tia Ralph?"
"You are, and I'm not Ralph, I'm Stan, remember?"
"Ralph, you have just been electrocuted. You will be out of it for a while."
"But it's not getting dimmer, it's getting clearer."
"I've never felt like that before."
Taylor smiled, "Me neither."
Vanessa raised he head to look at him, "Really?"
"Yeah, that was amazing."
"What do you say we lay here all night."
"I would like nothing better."
"If that's true Ra…I mean Stan, then how did we get here?"
"I got sick and we found this planet that said they could help us."
"I don't know why, but this makes an odd sort of sense."
"It does because it's true."
"I don't know Stan, this is a little strange. I really don't think I could be that brave. I mean, do you really think that I could be a soldier?"
"No, but you are in reality. Somehow they changed both our personalities and our memories. We have to find Xev and Kai and get out of here."
"Stan, we don't know where they are, or if they even exist. Could you please just sleep on it. We can talk about all this tomorrow at work."
"No, come here tomorrow so we can find Xev and Kai together."
"Fine, if you rest and consider the possibility that this is all in your head."
"Deal."
"Good night Stan."
"Good night Tia."
Tia left and Stan succumbed to sleep.
"Morning Ralph. Feeling Better?"
"I'm Stan and Yeah."
She sighed and came in. "Ra..Stan, I think maybe we should take you to the doctor. You know, just to get you checked out."
"We can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because the doctors are probably the ones who did this."
"Ralph, for god's sake, listen to yourself! Walking dead guys, robot heads, half tiger…"
"Dark Panther."
"Whatever. Ralph, what is more likely, that there is this huge conspiracy and you're the captain of some huge bug ship, or that this is a result of electrocution and you have brain damage?"
"I know it sounds ridiculous, but I know it's true, and I found out a way to prove it."
"How's that Ralph?"
Stan grabbed her hand and was pressing the tendons and muscles in her hand. "If I'm right, you will have retractable claws."
"Oh, for crying out loud, Ralph, this has gone far enough! Retra…"
Just then her claws came out. "I knew I just had to hit the right muscle."
"What the hell is that?"
"I told you."
"You mean it's all really true?"
"I told you so."
"Well, what do we do?"
"Find Xev and Kai and get out of here."
Tia looked very distant, "Yeah."
"Are you ok?"
"I just found out all I thought was true is a lie. It's gonna take me a while."
"We don't have a while. Come on."
Stan grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the apartment.
"What do you mean she's not here?"
"She called in sick today, just like you."
"We have to find Vanessa. Could you tell me where she lives?"
"Of course not! That is privileged information!"
Tia gently pushed Stan aside, "Come on just this once James, please." She brought her hand to his ear and whispered, "I would be ever so grateful."
"Well, ok just this once, if you go out with me."
"How about next week?"
"Great. She lives in B sector, apartment 214."
"Thank you so much James. I'll see you next week."
She smiled and walked away with Stan.
"Why did you agree to that?"
"If we find Xev and Kai, I won't be here next week."
Stan started to laugh, "You know, normally, you would have just beat the crap out of him."
"Well, that wouldn't have gotten us anywhere."
"You would have done it anyway."
"Good morning Taylor."
"Morning Vanessa."
"How did you sleep?"
"Like a dead man."
They both laughed. There was suddenly a knock on the door.
"I wonder who that could be."
Vanessa went to the door and opened it. "Hi."
"Hi, you don't know us but we work at the plant. Can we come in?"
"Sure."
Stan and Tia walked in. Stan saw Kai. "This is great, both of you. Listen, I have something to tell you that will seem a little odd."
Taylor and Vanessa had not said a word since Stan had started. Now Taylor stepped forward, "Ok, you are going to leave or I'm calling the authorities."
Tia had been silent too until now, "but we can prove it." She unsheathed her claws."
"Nice trick."
Stan sighed but suddenly got an idea and whispered something in Tia's ear.
"Are you sure Stan?"
"Positive."
"OK." She grabbed Taylor's arm and gave him five extremely deep scratches on his forearm.
"Hey!" He was going to continue but saw that his injuries were healing in a flash of golden light.
"How did you do that?"
"You did."
Vanessa grabbed Taylor's arm and ran her fingers over it. "Wow."
"It's all true. It's all true."
"Yeah, and we have to get out of here."
"How?"
Stan stopped for a moment, "I really have no idea."
They were all silent for a moment before Tia spoke, "If we could get in contact with the bug ship, it could pick us up."
"Great idea, but how do we do that?"
It was Xev's turn, "I did some accounting a week ago for a part of the plant. It included maintenance on a communicator."
"Then that's where we go."
"That may be hard, that section is probably guarded like a prison."
"That's no problem, we have a divine assassin on our side."
"Stan, I don't remember anything about how to be a divine assassin."
"Well, do you have your brace?"
Kai, Tia and Xev were all blankly staring at him. Stan sighed. He pulled Kai's arm back and pressed the appropriate place. Kai's brace shot out of a layer of fake skin and quickly came back to him after smashing a lamp across the room.
"Cool!" Kai shot the brace out once again and brought it back. "Can I do that all the time?"
"Yeah. I think we should get moving."
Kai had slashed only three guards to get to the Comm system.
"Lexx, are you out there? Lexx?"
"YES STANLEY."
They all cheered.
"Can you come and get us Lexx."
"NO STAN."
"Why not?"
"SOME PEOPLE ARE HOLDING ME. I CAN NOT MOVE."
"Where are you Lexx? Can we get to you from here?"
"YES STAN."
"Tell us how."
They had been walking down a blank corridor for twenty minutes. All the while Stan told them about themselves.
"So, my father killed my son, my husband, and my son's father?"
"Yeah."
"Man, that sucks."
"Yeah."
"What did the Lexx say we should do now?"
"We have to go along this corridor for a few more minutes and then there will be a door on the left. We take that door and then we take the third door on the right. We take the elevator up as far as it will go and then we should be able to see the Lexx and find a way to get on board."
"Sounds like a really crappy plan, but ok."
Stan sighed, "Look, it's not my plan. All we have to go on is what the Lexx gave us to work with. The Lexx isn't too bright. OK this is our door."
"Stan, the door has no handle."
Tia looked at the panel to the side and opened it. "Can anyone break an incription?"
No one said anything, "Well, I guess that answers that. Have a plan for this one Stan?"
"Lexx didn't say anything about this."
"Well, that's just great Stan! We come all this way, risk getting arrested, and for what!? So you can lead us on some stupid trek through nowhere."
Xev stepped forward, "Tia, calm down."
"Screw that! You calm down. I'm sick of all this crap! I'm sick of this trip, this insanity, and especially you people!" Tia turned to go but whipped back around. "No, you know what I'm sick of most? This," she kicked the panel. "Stupid," kick, "Piece," kick, "of," kick, "CRAP!" kick. With Tia's last kick the door slid open.
Stan went through followed by Xev and Kai. Stan went back to grab Tia. They all ran for the third door on the right. Xev flung the door open and they ran right into twenty guards.
"Freeze, you are under arrest!"
Kai pushed Xev behind him, "I don't think so."
Xev, Tia and Stan all huddled behind the doorway. They heard screams and gunfire from the next room. It all suddenly stopped. A moment later Kai peeked around the door frame, "Coming?"
Xev smiled and ran to him and put her arms around him. Stan went over to the elevator and opened the door and they all filed in.
"Please just go all the way with no stops. Please, please, please.
It was five minutes before the doors opened. And they were greeted to a marvelous sight, the Lexx.
"Ok, so how do we get up there?"
Kai fired his brace onto the Lexx, "Hold on to me."
They all did as he instructed and were instantly transported aboard the Lexx.
The bridge was quiet when they made there way aboard. Stan immediately went to the control center.
"Lexx, is anyone but us aboard."
"NO STAN, THEY ALL LEFT ABOUT AN HOUR AGO."
Stan turned to his companions, "Why do you suppose?"
They all thought for a second when Tia finally got it, "THE SHIFT CHANGE. No one must work down here on the night shift."
Xev said, "well, whatever it is, we should go."
"Yeah, wait, Lexx, Where's 790?"
"HE IS IN ON XEV'S BED STAN."
"OK, Lexx, get us out of here as fast as you can."
"AS YOU COMMAND STAN."
They all heard creaks and snaps as Lexx broke free of the restraints of their captors. When they were finally clear, Stan lead them all down to Xev's room to find 790.
"XEV MY CHERISHED ONE AND ONLY! ARE YOU OK?"
"They had their memories erased and replaced by new ones. Can you do anything?"
"Who did that to my revered priestess of passion? It was you wasn't it Tweedle! I'll kill you!"
"He didn't do anything 790. Can you help us?"
"I will try my treasure."
790 had scanned all of them and found out that Stan, Xev and Tia had been given a chemical that could easily be removed. He had also found that Kai's memories were just covered up and could also be unveiled. He had already helped Xev and Stan and was now working on Kai.
"Where are Kai's implants 790? His protoblood tube and the other things?"
"They were removed my treasure. They could not remove the brace and so they left that in. He was also given a useless digestive system so that he could eat. It was really not attached to anything. I have already removed that dearest."
"So the implants are gone?"
"Yes dead man, that's what I said."
Kai rubbed the front of his uniform, "I always sort of saw them as a reminder. I guess I really don't need them anymore."
"I think you have enough reminders without having those things in your chest. I feels so good to be in my old clothes again."
"It does for me too. I feel better in these somehow."
"I never thanked you for getting these from Penn's place before you left."
"They were all just lying there so I thought I would pick them up. I thought you would like them back, you and Tia, well, and Lyekka."
"What happened to Lyekka 790?"
"They didn't know what she was so they were going to just cut her open. I think they mentioned tomorrow sweetness. You are done dead man. Do you wish me to fix the Emperwhore precious?"
"Yeah, where is she? And where is Stan?"
"I'm going to miss you Janese."
"I'll still be here Stan."
"I know, but you're so different."
"I have a question for you Stan. You know how Xev and Kai are together, did anything ever happen between us?"
"Well, you know…" Stan looked in her eyes and knew that she would believe anything he told her. He thought for a second and then sighed, "No, we've never done anything like that."
"Oh, ok."
"790 will probably be done with Kai by now so you should go."
"Stan, I'm almost glad that those people did what they did, even if it was just for slave labor. I got to know you better. At least, I thought that we really became friends. I hope we can continue to be so."
"Me too Tia."
Tia and Stan were staring at each other for a moment before Tia reached out and pulled Stan too her. Their lips met. Stan stood motionless. Tia let go and ran in the direction of 790 and her past. Stan stood there for the longest time. He smiled, "Oh yeah. Manly Stanley strikes again."
"Lexx, take us somewhere nice."
"YES STAN."
"Stan?"
"Yeah Tia?"
"I want to thank you."
"For what?"
"There were two times now that you could have taken advantage of me and didn't. Thank you."
"You would have never forgiven me and would have killed me."
"I know, but most men still would have. Thanks."
"No problem."
Without further word Tia left Stan on the bridge. Stan stood there for a second, but then got an idea.
"Lyekka… OH Lyekka."
Kai was sitting on his and Xev's bed when Xev walked in. She came over to him and sat next to him. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
"What was that for?"
"For taking care of me when you didn't know who I was."
"You're welcome."
She then punched him hard on the shoulder.
"What was that for?"
"For flirting with your other customers."
"I was the victim of mind control Xev."
"So you're willing to take credit for one but not the other?"
Kai pushed her back and lay on top of her, "Yeah that's right."
He then ran his fingers up her belly and Xev rolled on the bed. "NO TICKLING!"
Stan whistled as he walked from his small apartment to his new job. He had been there a week and loved every moment of it. The oxygen refinery was a great place to work. He had already made some great friends. The cold metal of the city was comforting. He didn't remember anything but living underground in this metal covering, so he did not think it strange.
"Ralph! Hey, how's it going'?"
Stan turned when the man said that. "Another day huh Jack?"
"Guess so. You working on sector R today?"
Stan/Ralph looked at the schedule. "Yeah, looks like it."
"Great me too. I hear they got a new worker up there."
"Great, just what we need, less hours."
"Ralph you idiot. It's a woman."
Ralph was suddenly interested, "Really? She cute?"
"Harry says she's gorgeous."
"Harry thinks molecules are gorgeous."
"No really. I haven't seen her yet, but she's supposed to be a looker."
"Well, maybe we can see her at lunch."
"Is that who you were talking about Harry?"
A girl with short red hair and a T-shirt and jeans, instead of the factory workers tan work pants and black shirts.
"Nah, she ain't bad though. She's the new accountant for the boss. Vanessa, I think is her name. No, that's the girl I was talking about."
Harry pointed to Tia, who was sitting across the room. She was wearing the usual factory uniform and small glasses. She was reading a paper while eating a small lunch.
"Wow, who is that?"
"Her name's Janese."
Jack broke in. "What does she do, besides turn me on."
Ralph looked at Jack, "That's not appropriate Jack."
"Sorry Mr. Sensitive."
"Has anyone talked to her?"
"Nah, she's really shy."
"Well, I'm gonna talk to her."
Ralph walked over to Janese's table, "Hi, I'm Ralph."
Janese raised her head and smiled, "Hi."
"You're Janese right."
"Yeah."
"Do you mind if I sit with you?"
"If you like."
Ralph sat down. "You're new too?"
"Yeah."
"I just got here a week ago. It's a pretty nice place. Friends are easy to make."
"I don't make friends easily."
"Oh, well, I'm sure that you will be able to. What do you like to do?"
"I write. I read."
"Nice, what do you write?"
"Just small stuff. It's not that good."
"Ok, well, maybe we'll end up working together sometime."
"Maybe."
"Nice meeting you."
"Nice meeting you too."
"So you keep everyone's drink filled and listen about their problems ok?"
"I think I got it."
Kai surveyed the bar he would be in charge of for several weeks.
"Now, Taylor, the regulars will have some trouble adapting, but you're a good guy so I don't think you'll have trouble."
"Thanks, Hugh."
Taylor watched the portly man hobble away. "I hope your surgery comes through ok."
"Thanks young man. It's just knee replacement. No biggy. Anyway, I'll leave you to it. Good luck."
"Thanks."
Taylor followed him to the door so that he could start the day's business. The horn would be sounding soon, signaling the shift change. Taylor moved behind the bar as the horn sounded. A few minutes later the first customers came in.
"Hugh, My God, You look Fabulous! I thought you were just getting your knee done!"
"I'm Taylor, Hugh's temporary replacement."
"That makes a lot more sense."
Taylor smiled as he served the first drinks.
He had been at it about an hour when a vision walked in. Xev was in a T- shirt and jeans. Her red hair was shining as she walked to a table and ordered from the waitress. Taylor watched her over the bar all night. She ordered only two drinks but nursed them the whole night. She was the second from the last to leave.
Taylor had watched this woman for three weeks. She had the same routine every night. This night was different. She was the last to leave. Taylor could not resist talking to her.
"Hi."
She looked up, "Oh, sorry, I'll go."
"No that's not necessary. I just thought I would sit down and talk to you."
"Ok."
"I'm Taylor."
"I'm Vanessa."
"That's a beautiful name."
"Thanks."
The horn sounded to begin the first shift.
"Oh, God, We've been talking all night. I have to get to work."
Vanessa got up from her seat at the table for the first time that day.
"So, can I see you again?"
"Definitely."
"Great."
Taylor walked her to the door. "So, I guess, I'll see you later. How about tonight? The bars closed."
"That would be nice. Pick me up at seven?"
"See you then."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Vanessa leaned over and kissed his cheek. She dashed out the door and off to work. Taylor leaned against the door and smiled.
"YES!"
"So what did you do last night Janese?"
"Nothing really. What about you Ralph?"
"A gentleman never kisses and tells."
"Ok, so what about you?"
Ralph turned to Janese and smiled, "You're getting a lot less shy for only being here three weeks."
Janese never took her eyes off the machine she was working on but she smiled as well. They had become really good friends over the three weeks that she had been there. He was always extremely nice and funny. He also stood up to the factory bullies for her.
"Janese!! Where are you?"
It was the boss, Jacob.
"Over here sir."
He had papers in his hands and brandished them in her face. "These are reports. The only one missing is yours! Where is it?!"
"I turned it in sir, I did."
"Well then, WHERE IS IT? It didn't just get up and walk away!"
Janese was looking at the floor, but even from behind her Ralph could tell she was about to cry.
"Sir, I told Janese I would turn in her papers for her. I guess I forgot."
Jacob turned to him. "So your to blame. I want that report on my desk by the end of the day or it's your ass!" He then stormed away.
"Thank you so much Ralph. I swear I put that report on his desk."
"You probably did. He does that crap all the time. Loses a report and blames the worker. Never apologizes either, when he finds it. He's such an ass."
"Thank you so much. I'll go print another report right away."
"I'll cover for you."
"Thanks again Ralph. I owe you."
"No problem."
Ralph went back to his work. "Damn it!"
"What?"
"Stupid thing shorted again. Now I gotta climb in the stupid machine and fix it. Wanna help?"
"Sure."
Ralph climbed in the opening that was just big enough for him.
"Hand me the toolbox."
"Here."
Ralph got the panel open. It didn't look like anything had gone wrong. He touched the panel. It suddenly erupted with a violent electrical charge.
"Ralph!"
He shook for a moment before laying still. Janese pulled him out and laid him on the ground.
"Ralph, answer me!"
"Yeah, you know I like it like that."
"What?"
"Huh, what?"
"Are you ok Ralph."
"Who's Ralph."
"That's you."
"My names Stanley Tweedle." He finally opened his eyes, "Tia, is that you?"
"NO, I'm Janese, and you're Ralph."
He shook his head, "It's like I'm remembering two lives."
"What?"
"I can't really explain."
Jacob came running, "What happened? Is he ok?"
"I think he'll be ok."
"Good. Take the rest of the day off Ralph. Janese can you take him home?"
"I would but I have to find that report."
"Oh, I found it."
"Ok, then I'll take him home so he can rest."
"Good. Don't want an incident report."
"Yeah."
Janese helped him up and they hobbled towards Ralph's apartment.
"Hi again."
"Hi. Long time no see."
"So how was work."
"When you're an accountant, it's all the same."
"I thought we would just talk again. We seemed to have such a good time last night. At least I did."
"That would be nice."
Vanessa moved aside and let Taylor in her small apartment. They sat down on her couch. They were going to talk. Their eyes locked and Taylor grabbed and kissed her. Vanessa deepened the embrace.
Ralph and Janese had just reached his apartment. She laid him on his couch but he immediately got up. "Tia, we have got to get out of here."
"Who's Tia Ralph?"
"You are, and I'm not Ralph, I'm Stan, remember?"
"Ralph, you have just been electrocuted. You will be out of it for a while."
"But it's not getting dimmer, it's getting clearer."
"I've never felt like that before."
Taylor smiled, "Me neither."
Vanessa raised he head to look at him, "Really?"
"Yeah, that was amazing."
"What do you say we lay here all night."
"I would like nothing better."
"If that's true Ra…I mean Stan, then how did we get here?"
"I got sick and we found this planet that said they could help us."
"I don't know why, but this makes an odd sort of sense."
"It does because it's true."
"I don't know Stan, this is a little strange. I really don't think I could be that brave. I mean, do you really think that I could be a soldier?"
"No, but you are in reality. Somehow they changed both our personalities and our memories. We have to find Xev and Kai and get out of here."
"Stan, we don't know where they are, or if they even exist. Could you please just sleep on it. We can talk about all this tomorrow at work."
"No, come here tomorrow so we can find Xev and Kai together."
"Fine, if you rest and consider the possibility that this is all in your head."
"Deal."
"Good night Stan."
"Good night Tia."
Tia left and Stan succumbed to sleep.
"Morning Ralph. Feeling Better?"
"I'm Stan and Yeah."
She sighed and came in. "Ra..Stan, I think maybe we should take you to the doctor. You know, just to get you checked out."
"We can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because the doctors are probably the ones who did this."
"Ralph, for god's sake, listen to yourself! Walking dead guys, robot heads, half tiger…"
"Dark Panther."
"Whatever. Ralph, what is more likely, that there is this huge conspiracy and you're the captain of some huge bug ship, or that this is a result of electrocution and you have brain damage?"
"I know it sounds ridiculous, but I know it's true, and I found out a way to prove it."
"How's that Ralph?"
Stan grabbed her hand and was pressing the tendons and muscles in her hand. "If I'm right, you will have retractable claws."
"Oh, for crying out loud, Ralph, this has gone far enough! Retra…"
Just then her claws came out. "I knew I just had to hit the right muscle."
"What the hell is that?"
"I told you."
"You mean it's all really true?"
"I told you so."
"Well, what do we do?"
"Find Xev and Kai and get out of here."
Tia looked very distant, "Yeah."
"Are you ok?"
"I just found out all I thought was true is a lie. It's gonna take me a while."
"We don't have a while. Come on."
Stan grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the apartment.
"What do you mean she's not here?"
"She called in sick today, just like you."
"We have to find Vanessa. Could you tell me where she lives?"
"Of course not! That is privileged information!"
Tia gently pushed Stan aside, "Come on just this once James, please." She brought her hand to his ear and whispered, "I would be ever so grateful."
"Well, ok just this once, if you go out with me."
"How about next week?"
"Great. She lives in B sector, apartment 214."
"Thank you so much James. I'll see you next week."
She smiled and walked away with Stan.
"Why did you agree to that?"
"If we find Xev and Kai, I won't be here next week."
Stan started to laugh, "You know, normally, you would have just beat the crap out of him."
"Well, that wouldn't have gotten us anywhere."
"You would have done it anyway."
"Good morning Taylor."
"Morning Vanessa."
"How did you sleep?"
"Like a dead man."
They both laughed. There was suddenly a knock on the door.
"I wonder who that could be."
Vanessa went to the door and opened it. "Hi."
"Hi, you don't know us but we work at the plant. Can we come in?"
"Sure."
Stan and Tia walked in. Stan saw Kai. "This is great, both of you. Listen, I have something to tell you that will seem a little odd."
Taylor and Vanessa had not said a word since Stan had started. Now Taylor stepped forward, "Ok, you are going to leave or I'm calling the authorities."
Tia had been silent too until now, "but we can prove it." She unsheathed her claws."
"Nice trick."
Stan sighed but suddenly got an idea and whispered something in Tia's ear.
"Are you sure Stan?"
"Positive."
"OK." She grabbed Taylor's arm and gave him five extremely deep scratches on his forearm.
"Hey!" He was going to continue but saw that his injuries were healing in a flash of golden light.
"How did you do that?"
"You did."
Vanessa grabbed Taylor's arm and ran her fingers over it. "Wow."
"It's all true. It's all true."
"Yeah, and we have to get out of here."
"How?"
Stan stopped for a moment, "I really have no idea."
They were all silent for a moment before Tia spoke, "If we could get in contact with the bug ship, it could pick us up."
"Great idea, but how do we do that?"
It was Xev's turn, "I did some accounting a week ago for a part of the plant. It included maintenance on a communicator."
"Then that's where we go."
"That may be hard, that section is probably guarded like a prison."
"That's no problem, we have a divine assassin on our side."
"Stan, I don't remember anything about how to be a divine assassin."
"Well, do you have your brace?"
Kai, Tia and Xev were all blankly staring at him. Stan sighed. He pulled Kai's arm back and pressed the appropriate place. Kai's brace shot out of a layer of fake skin and quickly came back to him after smashing a lamp across the room.
"Cool!" Kai shot the brace out once again and brought it back. "Can I do that all the time?"
"Yeah. I think we should get moving."
Kai had slashed only three guards to get to the Comm system.
"Lexx, are you out there? Lexx?"
"YES STANLEY."
They all cheered.
"Can you come and get us Lexx."
"NO STAN."
"Why not?"
"SOME PEOPLE ARE HOLDING ME. I CAN NOT MOVE."
"Where are you Lexx? Can we get to you from here?"
"YES STAN."
"Tell us how."
They had been walking down a blank corridor for twenty minutes. All the while Stan told them about themselves.
"So, my father killed my son, my husband, and my son's father?"
"Yeah."
"Man, that sucks."
"Yeah."
"What did the Lexx say we should do now?"
"We have to go along this corridor for a few more minutes and then there will be a door on the left. We take that door and then we take the third door on the right. We take the elevator up as far as it will go and then we should be able to see the Lexx and find a way to get on board."
"Sounds like a really crappy plan, but ok."
Stan sighed, "Look, it's not my plan. All we have to go on is what the Lexx gave us to work with. The Lexx isn't too bright. OK this is our door."
"Stan, the door has no handle."
Tia looked at the panel to the side and opened it. "Can anyone break an incription?"
No one said anything, "Well, I guess that answers that. Have a plan for this one Stan?"
"Lexx didn't say anything about this."
"Well, that's just great Stan! We come all this way, risk getting arrested, and for what!? So you can lead us on some stupid trek through nowhere."
Xev stepped forward, "Tia, calm down."
"Screw that! You calm down. I'm sick of all this crap! I'm sick of this trip, this insanity, and especially you people!" Tia turned to go but whipped back around. "No, you know what I'm sick of most? This," she kicked the panel. "Stupid," kick, "Piece," kick, "of," kick, "CRAP!" kick. With Tia's last kick the door slid open.
Stan went through followed by Xev and Kai. Stan went back to grab Tia. They all ran for the third door on the right. Xev flung the door open and they ran right into twenty guards.
"Freeze, you are under arrest!"
Kai pushed Xev behind him, "I don't think so."
Xev, Tia and Stan all huddled behind the doorway. They heard screams and gunfire from the next room. It all suddenly stopped. A moment later Kai peeked around the door frame, "Coming?"
Xev smiled and ran to him and put her arms around him. Stan went over to the elevator and opened the door and they all filed in.
"Please just go all the way with no stops. Please, please, please.
It was five minutes before the doors opened. And they were greeted to a marvelous sight, the Lexx.
"Ok, so how do we get up there?"
Kai fired his brace onto the Lexx, "Hold on to me."
They all did as he instructed and were instantly transported aboard the Lexx.
The bridge was quiet when they made there way aboard. Stan immediately went to the control center.
"Lexx, is anyone but us aboard."
"NO STAN, THEY ALL LEFT ABOUT AN HOUR AGO."
Stan turned to his companions, "Why do you suppose?"
They all thought for a second when Tia finally got it, "THE SHIFT CHANGE. No one must work down here on the night shift."
Xev said, "well, whatever it is, we should go."
"Yeah, wait, Lexx, Where's 790?"
"HE IS IN ON XEV'S BED STAN."
"OK, Lexx, get us out of here as fast as you can."
"AS YOU COMMAND STAN."
They all heard creaks and snaps as Lexx broke free of the restraints of their captors. When they were finally clear, Stan lead them all down to Xev's room to find 790.
"XEV MY CHERISHED ONE AND ONLY! ARE YOU OK?"
"They had their memories erased and replaced by new ones. Can you do anything?"
"Who did that to my revered priestess of passion? It was you wasn't it Tweedle! I'll kill you!"
"He didn't do anything 790. Can you help us?"
"I will try my treasure."
790 had scanned all of them and found out that Stan, Xev and Tia had been given a chemical that could easily be removed. He had also found that Kai's memories were just covered up and could also be unveiled. He had already helped Xev and Stan and was now working on Kai.
"Where are Kai's implants 790? His protoblood tube and the other things?"
"They were removed my treasure. They could not remove the brace and so they left that in. He was also given a useless digestive system so that he could eat. It was really not attached to anything. I have already removed that dearest."
"So the implants are gone?"
"Yes dead man, that's what I said."
Kai rubbed the front of his uniform, "I always sort of saw them as a reminder. I guess I really don't need them anymore."
"I think you have enough reminders without having those things in your chest. I feels so good to be in my old clothes again."
"It does for me too. I feel better in these somehow."
"I never thanked you for getting these from Penn's place before you left."
"They were all just lying there so I thought I would pick them up. I thought you would like them back, you and Tia, well, and Lyekka."
"What happened to Lyekka 790?"
"They didn't know what she was so they were going to just cut her open. I think they mentioned tomorrow sweetness. You are done dead man. Do you wish me to fix the Emperwhore precious?"
"Yeah, where is she? And where is Stan?"
"I'm going to miss you Janese."
"I'll still be here Stan."
"I know, but you're so different."
"I have a question for you Stan. You know how Xev and Kai are together, did anything ever happen between us?"
"Well, you know…" Stan looked in her eyes and knew that she would believe anything he told her. He thought for a second and then sighed, "No, we've never done anything like that."
"Oh, ok."
"790 will probably be done with Kai by now so you should go."
"Stan, I'm almost glad that those people did what they did, even if it was just for slave labor. I got to know you better. At least, I thought that we really became friends. I hope we can continue to be so."
"Me too Tia."
Tia and Stan were staring at each other for a moment before Tia reached out and pulled Stan too her. Their lips met. Stan stood motionless. Tia let go and ran in the direction of 790 and her past. Stan stood there for the longest time. He smiled, "Oh yeah. Manly Stanley strikes again."
"Lexx, take us somewhere nice."
"YES STAN."
"Stan?"
"Yeah Tia?"
"I want to thank you."
"For what?"
"There were two times now that you could have taken advantage of me and didn't. Thank you."
"You would have never forgiven me and would have killed me."
"I know, but most men still would have. Thanks."
"No problem."
Without further word Tia left Stan on the bridge. Stan stood there for a second, but then got an idea.
"Lyekka… OH Lyekka."
Kai was sitting on his and Xev's bed when Xev walked in. She came over to him and sat next to him. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
"What was that for?"
"For taking care of me when you didn't know who I was."
"You're welcome."
She then punched him hard on the shoulder.
"What was that for?"
"For flirting with your other customers."
"I was the victim of mind control Xev."
"So you're willing to take credit for one but not the other?"
Kai pushed her back and lay on top of her, "Yeah that's right."
He then ran his fingers up her belly and Xev rolled on the bed. "NO TICKLING!"