Theryn Prologue:

So, uh, sorry for jumping into the action a bit quick here, but Houston, we have a problem. A giant big one called Cocytus. Like damn, he barely showed off that poleaxe in the show, so I have no idea what it does. And yes, I only watched the show. Don't judge me.

A lot, and I mean, A LOT of you are gonna be confused right now. Don't worry, it's understandable! I'm confused myself. Not sexually, like, mentally. I'm not crazy though, what I mean to say is my current situation. I'm confused about it. Yeah.

Let me give you the nitty-gritty.

Like normal, I came home from school all giddy because the final episode of Overlord's second season came out. And boy, oh boy, it did not disappoint. I was on a fantasy sugar high after, so what better fantasy MMO is out there to play? Why, Guild Wars 2! Wow! Fuck Tera and Blade and Soul and Archeage or whatever! (The sarcasm is implied, I don't actually hate all those games lol. Except maybe Tera because it blew up my previous computer.)

So I booted up GW2, and mind you, I'm not max level or anything, I'm just a casual player trying to enjoy the fantasy immersion experience. (By the way, I'm a Sylvari Thief if anyone's asking.) So I picked up where I left off, which was during the level 40 Personal Story from the Order of Whispers where you gotta save that dumb bitch from her dad who sends peeps after her but then she's like, "I'm gonna stand up for myself because I'm a woman!" and that literal pussy Tybalt (Get it? Because he's a Charr!) gives her a big ass gun and then blows up a whole line of apple barrels and walks away like a badass.

Wow, Guild Wars sounds like a massive ass acid trip. Like the actual acid trip the Sylvari go on to recover Caladbolg from that douchey squire.

ANYWAYS

I'm at the end of the quest line, where I meet all the important people I could literally give no fucks about when out of the corner of my eye I see him. I wasn't really sure if it was him, but fuck me sideways, lo and behold! The bastard that put me in Fire Emblem and so many other game franchises was lurking in the corner, twiddling his thumbs whistling like a dumb fuck. Like any normal human being would do, I started to get out my chair when he finally looks at me and says-

"Why are you running?"

"Fuck you and your Ugandan Knuckles memes! That shit's been dead for like, 3 months!"

"You are not da real queen. I spit on you!"

"No, no, no, no!"

A flash of light, and ta da! I'm back in the world of games. That empty room he likes to live in materialized around me, and I felt different. I looked down at myself to see what transformation had transpired. This time, I actually took the form of my character in game, a Sylvari Thief named Theryntorix. I look the old rat dead in the eye. "Fuck. You." He just laughed. "Ah, you know you like being in here. It gives you power." I just continued to stare. "So, fucker, what's the dilemma this time? I'm graduating this year, so I would like to continue my life."

A serious grimace shadowed his face. "Yes, yes, yes. I'm afraid this problem is more...severe and rare. It's...a crossover event."

I tilted my head. "How is that bad? Wouldn't that just make everything a giant nerd gangbang?"

The old kook just shook his head. "That's the point. All these fantasy elements smashed together will distort reality, changing the world in ways we've never seen. We haven't seen them to this day because we had agents like you preventing these things."

"Had?"

"You don't want to know what happened to them."

I immediately got a more sinister vibe than what I've experienced previously in Fire Emblem and Dragon Age. "So, what's the crossover? Star Wars and Starcraft? Ed, Edd, and Eddy and Percy Jackson? C'mon man, I'm drowning in suspense."

He sighed. "It's, ah, Guild Wars 2 and Overlord."

"..."

"You still there?"

"Fuck. Yeah. Count me in. What's my role in all of this?"

He paced backwards, tapping his feet along the floor. "It seems the dragon Zhaitan has risen again, as well as all his Elder Dragon friends upon the arrival of one Lich - Ains Ooal Gown. It seems his death magic permeated whatever Trahearne and Destiny's Edge did to destroy the dragons and revived them unintentionally. It also appears that the Great Tomb of Nazarick has planted itself dead in the heart of the Maguuma Wastes, which is fortunate. It only squashed a few of the Mordrem. No one is aware of Nazarick's arrival yet, and one of your goals is to make sure it stays that way."

I perked up at this. "One of my goals?"

He regarded me with tired eyes. "Sadly, yes. The second goal that must be achieved is to slay Zhaitan and his allies yet again. It should not matter how you do it. In fact, I have a request. I'd REALLY like to see Destiny's Edge fight alongside with Ains and his troops. Just think of the fanfictions and stories there'll be about it!"

I just deadpanned. "No promises."

He became serious once more and took a deep breath. "Your last goal, and arguably the hardest, is to send the Great Tomb of Nazarick and its inhabitants back to where they came from. I can't spare any of my power right now, it's spread too thin trying to hold together the Entertainoverse."

"What the hell is the Entertainoverse?" I struggled to get this word wrapped around my head. "It's the known universe of all forms of entertainment. From novels to movies, to games to music, if it entertains, it lives in the Entertainoverse."

"Well, shit. That's a lot of baggage you're carrying there."

"Why do you think I'm so fucking old? Maintaining all this shit drains my life like no tomorrow."

"I thought you were immortal."

"Well, I am, but it just fucking hurts."

An awkward silence filled the room.

"So all I gotta do is keep the Tomb hidden, kill Zhaitan, and send the Tomb back."

"Right."

I looked up at the ceiling.

"Where do I start?"

"How about the Grove?"

YOU'RE REALLY MAKING ME START FROM THE BEGINNING YOU SON OF A -