Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Hell, I don't even own this computer I am using to write this, or my stolen internet I'm using to post this. (Please don't tell Comcast).

An: This is an extreme crack fic, a weird idea that came to me in the bathtub. Seriously, I was in the bath tub and made this up. Excuse the typos and numerous grammar errors!

The ten espada silently sat in their place around the long table, awaiting the honorable, amazing, great, better-than-your-mother god-like man, lord Aizen.

None of them knew what the meeting was about, besides the fact that it was supposed to be important. The light pink, sparkly flyer that had been placed on the door of each espada had said so. It also said if anyone missed the meeting they would be forced to give Gin a sponge bath. Thus, each espada was present.

The double doors suddenly opened, and in walked Aizen followed by his faithful wingmen, Gin and Tousen. They each took their seats, besides Aizen who remained standing at the head of the table, an idiotic grin plastered across his face.

"I'm sure you all are wondering why I called such an urgent meeting at this time of day"

"Damned straight I was in the middle of a bath" Yammy shouted.

"Oh please, we all know you don't bathe, so shut up and listen"

The large espada's face reddened at the comment but he fell silent. Aizen smiled at the red faced espada and continued.

"It was brought to my attention that we are a couple thousand dollars over our budget this month, and it looks like we will have to cut back on some expenses."

A loud groan erupted around the table.

"This means, many of you will have to sacrifice some of your hobbies and the extra crap you purchase every week."

Stark, who was actually awake for this meeting spoke up.

"So, what exactly are you cutting back on?"

Aizen's grin spread even wider as he exclaimed," Oh nothing too bad, just no internet, snacks, video games, designer clothing, Netflix, make up.."

Szayel paled at the last item and jumped up out of his seat "WHAT? NO MAKEUP? JUST WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITHOUT." He stopped suddenly, realizing that each person around the table was looking at him as if he had lost his mind. "I mean, I don't wear it, I just..I just feel sorry for the..uhhh..women.."

Grimmjow smirked. "Fag. I knew it! You owe me 20 bucks Ulquiorra!"

"I don't owe you anything Trash" the emotionless espada replied.

Aizen continued smiling with his idiotic grin."Continuing. There will be no more trips to the human world either, no more cell phones, cable, coffee, red bulls.."

Stark burst out crying.

"But lord Aizen! How am I supposed to stay awake for these meetings?"

Aizen continued, ignoring the half awake espada. "And, you will only be given $200 a week, which is up to you to ration how ever you see fit to use it"

Harribel spoke up. "This is crazy, how are we supposed to live off of $200 a week? I mean with food and other necessities there's no way we can do that!"

"Pfft. How about not spending $300 on self tanner then Harribel" Aizen replied.

Harribel stiffened, with an offended look on her face. She then fell silent.

Nnoitra shook his head. "Oh god, this is gonna be a boring fucking month."

"It's Aizen, but you may call me god if you wish."

Gin snickered.

Aizen smiled."If any of you don't agree to these terms you can have your head shaved, your powers stripped from you, join the soul reapers, and have giant orgies with all the captains and lieutenants every Tuesday."

Yammy fidgeted in his seat. "Do they…do they really do that on Tuesdays?"

"So, since were cutting back on expenses I guess we won't be having tea anymore."

A cero blast explodes through Luppi's chest. He falls to the floor, his mangled body twitching at Grimmjow's feet.

Aizen face twists in anger. "We will have tea, honey flavored tea to be exact."

Grimmjow stands up. "That's bullshit, how come you get to keep all your wacky shit?"

"Because I'm a god, and gods don't sacrifice anything. Only his bitches get to suffer, which means you mister kitty."

Aizen turns to face his unhappy followers. "Now you are all dismissed."

Mumbled curse words are heard as the espada exit the room.

Once the room is empty and only Aizen and his two right hand men remain, Tousen speaks up.

"Um Lord Aizen, I was reading over the budget while you were speaking and it seems to me that you may have been mistaken."

Aizen cocks his head to the side. "How can you possibly read anything? You're freaking blind!"

Tousen clears his throat. "Well, I may be blind but I can still see things."

Aizen stares. "That doesn't make any sense."

Tousen pulls out a sheet of paper. "My lord, I made the proper calculations and I found that we are actually right on the budget, as a matter of fact we have over a thousand dollars left over. I don't see why we need to cut back on anything."

Aizen snatches the paper and reads over it carefully. After a few moments, the giddy smile returns to his face. "Well you see that's only because you left out the six thousand dollars for my new entertainment system I'm having installed next week."

Tousen's jaw drops. "Entertainment system?"

Aizen claps his hands together in excitement. "Oh yes! And it's gonna be sooo cool! It's got a blue ray player, a 62'' inch flat screen television, complete with surround sound!"

Gin begins jumping up and down like a teenager at a rock concert. "Oh lord Aizen can I watch it too?"

Aizen grabs Gins hands. "Of course you can Gin! Who else am I going to watch the jersey shore boxed set with?"

Gin squeals loudly.

Tousen rubs his face. "Lord Aizen is this all really necessary? I mean this all seems a little extreme. The espada are really upset about this budget cut."

Aizen stops jumping around with Gin. "Pfft. Who cares about them, they probably don't even have souls."

Gin pipes in. "Or any fashion sense."

Aizen laughs. "See Tousen, people without souls or fashion sense deserve to suffer. Now, tear that paper up and help me decide what color wallpaper to put in our new super-cool-no-espada-allowed-fun-room."

Gin screams. "Weeeeee! Can we have shag carpet and bean bag chairs too? Oooo! Let's put in a mini fridge!"

Tousen turns to his Lord. "I thought you were just putting in the entertainment system?"

Aizen smiles. "I was, but you can't have a cool new t.v. and sound system without a rec room to go with it."

Tousen rubs his temples. "Lord Aizen how much will all this cost?"

Aizen scratches his head. "I don't know, but if there's any more money left over we can buy a puppy too."

Gin dances around and starts singing loudly."PUPPIES!"

a/n: oreos are so freakin good! I wish I had some right now. Review? If you do I will share!