They've done this before, this is hers and Mac's third year.
The first year fell through pretty harshly with Wallace in Chicago and everybody in assorted messes, and they focused mainly on drinking and ranting, although they did manage a batch of Ginger snaps. The second year Parker joined them and they went crazy with Clove-and-Cinnamon-flavored Snickerdoodles and various experimental cookie batches, with varying degrees of success.
This year they have the outspoken ambition of being traditionally Christmasey, baking Saffron buns and Gingerbread, and Parker has joined them for her second time, which is something of a surprise, considering the dramatic turns of the last year. Veronica considers it a win, though, and is more than a little grateful for Parker's apparent resilience, heaven knows she can use any friend she can hold onto, or who can hold onto her.
It has, in other words, been a little different each year. But still. The tradition has become a ceremony, and, like all ceremonies, starting it means opening inner doors by outer actions. So, as soon as the three of them clank their cups of Glühwein together, Mac breaks any remaining ice.
"Veronica! Your time has come to spill! Who's this secret guest joining us? It's not Wallace is it? 'Cause if so, he's in for a treat once we get into our second bottle."
"It's not Wallace!" Veronica responds. "I tried inviting him last year and his exact words were: 'When hell freezes over' and we know that's never gonna happen in SoCal despite its hellish tendencies."
"Tried inviting Max and his response was eerily similar." Mac grumbles.
"I don't know how they expect to make Pep Squad with that attitude." Veronica shakes her head.
"Just as well. They obviously lack what it takes." Parker establishes.
"Hear, hear." Mac goes dutifully, then turns to Veronica. "So? Who?"
Veronica bites her lower lip in a smile and relishes the last moments of holding onto a good secret.
"Fine! It's Meg!"
"Meg? As in Manning?"
"Wait," Parker interjects, "wasn't she the girl who ran off with your boyfriend senior year?"
Veronica's chin drops for a fraction of a second before she manages a response.
"How do you know about that, Parker?"
"You told me last year, I, unlike some people, can actually hold my Glühwein."
Veronica gives an indignant snort, but is a bit too excited about this whole scenario to linger on it.
"Whatever," she says. "The very same."
"Well, why would you invite her to this?"
Veronica gestures dismissively and a bit theatrically, even to herself.
"Oh, like I care about Duncan-cuddling-is-the-best-part-Kane!"
She does care, but this is the way she makes things real to herself, by acting them out, and the truth is she knows that this particular ex is of little consequence to her these days. But the part that holds onto him is the same that holds onto his sister, which means she'll have to get used to him always being with her in a way. She takes a sip from her cup.
"Ancient freaking history! Holding a grudge with Meg is useless, she comes bearing Saffron, adventure, swift, epic justice, something bigger than us, and I get to be a part of it."
"Do tell!" Mac says with a broad and curious smile.
"Okay," Veronica actually has to pace her words, "she's back to claim custody of Grace. She and Lizzie are joining forces with their aunt to get Grace away from the Mannings, and she needs the proof me and Duncan collected on the case, as well as my testimony, which I will joyously provide."
Mac's face lights up.
"Awesome!"
"I know! And as an added bonus; she loves baking, so, I figured we kill two birds with one stone." Mac and Parker chuckle, and the doorbell chimes. "There she is now."
Veronica goes to open the door and tries to not skip on her way. She is happy to see Meg again, and, like Parker and Mac slightly puzzled at her own inclination to disregard past sins. It's not like her to forgive and forget.
But it's Meg. There's something there, a loyalty not easily forgotten, and she does feel that maybe she's the one who first broke that trust when getting back with Duncan. She shudders a bit at the thought, the only memory now being one about a feeling of running away from something. The violence, Logan, herself. She's tired of it, tired of the fight or flight binary. The word "ancient" echoes in her head, that's what it is, that's how it makes her feel.
She opens the door and sure enough, there's Meg. Pretty as ever, in a red coat, her expression soft, somewhat vulnerable.
"Hey you!" Veronica goes, angling her arm around Meg's dragging her inside.
"Hi Veronica, thanks for having me." She takes off her coat and hangs it on a hook on the wall, then picks up two tiny paper pockets of Saffron handing them to Veronica, now with open regret on her face.
"Veronica, I'm so-"
Veronica embraces her, a bit longer than she intends to.
"Water under the bridge. I'm here for whatever you need."
Meg squeezes her back, and is the lead into the kitchen by the hand.
"Meg, you know Mac." Veronica says and the two girls wave at each other. "This is Parker. She's Mac's-" She interrupts herself. "She's a friend from Hearst."
Parker gives her a warm glance and smiles sunnily at Meg. Mac hands Meg a cup of Glühwein.
"Here you go. This is a safe space, but try to pace yourself anyway. A hangover on this stuff is a nightmare."
"So, what should we start with?" Parker asks. "Saffron buns or Gingerbread?"
"We make 'em both simultaneously." Veronica says. "Gotta maximize our workforce and time."
"Excellent!" Says Parker. "I'll be on team Gingerbread with my main Mac."
"I guess that makes us team Saffron bun." Meg says, smiling at Veronica.
"You bet, but we should really call it Saffron fun. Boom."
"A Saffron pun." Meg adds fluently.
"Oh no." Mac whines, while the others laugh. "How is this a thing already? We're on our first cup!"
Team Gingerbread and Saffron bun launch into their projects. Veronica peels apart the yeast in a bowl while Meg mortars the Saffron, and Mac and Parker mangle the Gingerbread dough onto the table, the latter while singing Christmas-songs, enthusiastically albeit a bit off key.
"I have to ask, Parker," Meg goes, after a while "'cause you give off such a familiar vibe, you must have been in pep squad at some point, right?"
Parker turns to her with a big smile.
"High school back in Colorado, and Cheerleading actually, but close enough."
"Why is this relevant?" Mac sighs.
Meg shrugs.
"I don't know, maybe I just wanted to test my spidey senses? It takes one to know one. "
"Oh, trust me, it's not necessary to be one to know one."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"There are signs, is all I'm saying. For instance that y'all seem to be so hot for baked goods, as well as apt in making them... I'm having some real problems with this roller-pin."
"Oh, here," says Parker "You need to be a bit lighter on the hand, don't press so hard, and use plenty of flour. And if all else fails; bake it 'til you make it."
She raises her cup, body shaking with silent laughter. Veronica and Meg join her and clank their cups together. Mac groans.
"And enough with the puns, that is another sign, by the way."
"Aw, Mac, you're one of us!" Parker throws an arm around her.
"I know." Mac says, helpless eyes to the sky. "I just don't know how it happened."
"Well," Veronica tries. "You do promote your own brand of school spirit, Mac"
"Class warfare?"
"So here for it."
"Yeah, you go girl. I think most of us a ready to join your squad by now." Parker goes.
"Yeah." Meg chimes in, a serious gaze to Veronica.
A little while later, the first baking sheet with Gingerbread is in the oven and the Saffron dough is raising. They're all sitting by the table with newly filled cups, second bottle ready to be opened. Parker turns to Veronica.
"So, tell us about Stanford."
Veronica stifles a sigh.
"It's weird. Who knew there was a real world out there, where there were such things as law and order, that people generally adhered to? Surreal."
"I don't mean to sound negative, but you don't look all that happy about that."
"Well, it puts me out of business, doesn't it?" Veronica manages to keep her tone light.
"Depends on what business you wanna be in." Meg says. "If police and law enforcement do what they're supposed to, people might not need P.I:s." Her tone is unusually dark.
"Yeah, so, you could pick one of those instead." Parker adds.
"Yeah." Veronica says, quietly hating it.
"I don't know." Mac says earnestly. "I for one am happy about who you are."
"Yeah." Meg says, and Parker nods. "Me too."
"Hey, what do you call the irrational fear of red heads?" Mac asks.
"What?"
"Gingerdread."
"She has joined the dark side!" Parker hoots.
"And we do have cookies!" Veronica laughs.
There's a moment, when they've removed the third baking sheet from the oven, Mac and Parker putting new shapes on the sheet and stacking baked ones into a basket, Veronica and Meg all the while twisting their yellow dough into swirling shapes, working in content concentration... It takes Veronica back to her Pep squad days, her kitchen or someone else's from the squad, she and Meg often pairing off.
Lilly was usually uninterested in squad duties that didn't involve getting to put herself on display. On the other hand, those were the duties that Meg opted out of if she could, so everybody figured things levelled out one way or another. And at the time this trait gave her and Veronica some common ground. There was always something so comforting about her soft presence. Veronica felt then, as now, that she was so, so fond of her.
She thinks about that as they work. How close she would feel to Meg, but how it never really evolved into the kind of intimate friendship she and Lilly had. Why? Then, maybe because they were such nice girls. Wanted to be liked so much that they never took up unnecessary space, even when they liked someone, especially when they liked someone. Lilly always provided the drive in their friendship.
Now, well, now everything has been wrecked. Lilly's long gone. Everybody's loyalties have been exposed, put to the trial, and failed on numerous occasions. There's a chill that runs through Veronica at the thought. Because she doesn't want this to be the end of it. She glances at Meg, who looks back and shoots her a warm smile. Veronica gently nudges her shoulder against Meg's who widens her smile as she returns the move. Silly, how the simple warmth of the moment makes Veronica's chest ache with tenderness.
"So, Meg," Mac goes. "I have to ask, whatever happened to Duncan?"
"Oh, don't get me started!" Meg raises her eyebrows and voice, apparently needing to vent. "We went to Australia, 'cause that was the furthest we could think to go, and I figured; this is it. We're gonna start something new, actually live our lives. So, I enrolled in school, got my GED, but he insisted he was too big a name, that people would recognize him. So, I was studying, and he was just held up, playing Halo all day."
Veronica winces.
"Oh my god."
"Yeah, so meanwhile I'm so homesick, missing my sisters, even Lizzie for god's sake, and worrying about Grace. So, I emailed my aunt, asking her to check in on them. And Duncan freaked out when I told him, saying how I screwed us with that email. And that really got me thinking. The thought of us in this situation, forever? Fricking terrifying. And he was making no effort to change anything. So, I kept emailing Chris, and, we just decided that we had to fight for this. I couldn't run any more. And I told Duncan, and he… wasn't done running. So, I left. And here I am."
"Wow." Parker breathes.
"Yup, he's just... not at all what I thought he was." Meg sits down at the table, looking at nothing in particular far, far away for a beat, then emptying her cup. Veronica sits down opposite her mirroring her move, and grasping her hand, speaking to comfort her, as well as herself, although she feels she does a crappy job.
"People rarely are," She says, shaking her head. "But, part of me, this very childish part, apparently thought he was excluded from that principle."
"Speaking of which," Mac says, softly. "Whatever happened to Piz?" Sneaky.
"Uhm... It wasn't really a big deal." She can't stop herself grimacing, because it's a lie, it was a big deal, just, mostly because of her own feelings rather that his actions, or lack thereof. "After the election, I just- I was going to Stanford and we weren't really a lasting thing anyway, at least not to me, seemed the obvious choice to leave it."
"That's it? You sure? We are sharing here, after all."
She looks at Mac who obviously knows better, and yet wants to let her be the one to share herself. She's struck by the realization that she herself is almost incapable of that, but that she's willing to learn.
"Okay, fine." She says. "At first it was really nice, comfortable, like something soft and new. But after what happened I was just, deflated, and really angry. Again." She bites her lip for a second. "And he was just, business as usual, and I-" She hesitates, doesn't really know why she did what she did. Did she need things to change or be the same? Seems like the question to ask, but either way, at the time she was just so angry, and it spilled over at Piz. Him not being angry, it was almost worse than what had happened to her. The thought seems unreasonable, but still true, despite everything.
"Hey, we get it. Right?" Mac says, breaking her silence. "If you're in a relationship your partner shouldn't stay on the sidelines."
"Amen!" Parker adds.
Veronica falls quiet 'cause she knows who didn't stay on the sidelines. Who said he couldn't. Who she thought she wanted out of her business. Maybe she knows better now.
Meg's quiet too and Veronica looks at her. She looks embarrassed, Veronica realizes and frowns at her questioning.
"I'm just-" Meg starts, but pauses. "Friends shouldn't stand on the sidelines either."
Veronica tilts her head. Meg's face twist in something like regret.
"I'm sorry, Veronica. I didn't do enough back in High School. I've known that for a while. I realized it that night at Logan's weird surprise-party. You know, before everything fell apart."
Veronica slightly taken aback by the reference to this ancient history, but Meg's aim is true. There's something waiting to be untangled there.
"Things were broken long before that." She allows.
"I know. That was sort of what I realized." Meg continues, eyes fixed on her own hands which are wringing each other in a grip. "And that really kills me, that things had to go to hell for me before I could really understand what you'd been going through. But by then I was feeling bad over so many things. It felt too late for so many things." She looks up to Veronica and shakes her head slowly. "I couldn't muster enough courage to tell you. So I just resented you instead."
Meg takes a sharp breath and drags her fingers lightly over her eyelids, before looking back, eyes shiny, but with resolve.
"I should have protected you."
Veronica opens her mouth and takes a deep breath. In her chest, her anger twists, like a tiny, cold shard. Usually she lets it expand, 'til it covers everything, but not now. She lets it sting instead, stuck in its place. So very few ever apologize, no matter the magnitude of their sins. She blinks away tears, forces a smile, and the cold stinging transforms into something burning instead. Before she has time to think twice about it, she hugs Meg.
"Thanks." She mumbles, because it's the most honest and uncomplicated thing she can think of.
She takes a deep, relieved breath, the scent of Meg's hair product mixing with newly baked cookies, and something else. She sniffs.
"What's that?" She asks. Meg lets go of her.
"Shoot!" She rushes to the oven and extracts a baking sheet of mostly black ginger snaps.
"Nevermind," Parker shrugs, "we have all we need. Oh! Wait!" She rushes over to the speakers attached to her smartphone and turns the volume. Christmas in California blares out of the sound system. "My mom loved playing this when I was a kid. And last year I went home for Christmas, but this year I'm finally here!"
She grabs the roller-pin and uses it for a microphone while singing along. The others snicker at her enthusiasm, having mostly grown up dreaming of a white Christmas.
"Well, since you didn't get to do it last year, we should go out and look at the lights, grab a beer." Mac says.
Veronica puts her cup down with a slight bang.
"Oh, thank god! I can't take any more of this!"
"What do you say, Parker?" Meg asks.
"How can I say no to that?" She smiles. "Let's go!"
While they're gathering up their purses and jackets, Parker sneaks up to Veronica, and speaks in a hushed voice.
"So, speaking of exes; I ran into Logan last week."
"Really?" Veronica has to struggle to keep her voice even, if only in that one word.
"Really. He's not in good shape." Parker pauses. "You should call him."
Veronica is in no way ready to have this conversation with Parker, since she hasn't even had it with herself. But she forces a response anyway. "Yeah. Maybe I should."
"Oh my god!" Mac exclaims. "Would you get off your boyfriends already?"
"You're no fun!" Parker whines.
"Yeah, 'cause guys are what we do for fun around here!" Mac responds caustically.
"I'm with Mac." Meg says. "Let's make tonight about pretty girls and pretty lights."
"Hear, hear." Veronica says, and they head for the door.
They all hum the song as they exit the apartment. Almost a minute passes before Mac comes running back inside to turn off the oven, and leaves just as quickly.