So this is my attempt at a reveal fic set between seasons 4 and 5. This has been sitting in my head for a while and thanks to college, I have only now been able to finish it. Please enjoy.
"Why!?" How did I get here? How did I come to this moment? This moment, standing in front of a stinking, rotting jail cell, glaring at the back of a man who I considered my friend. And not just standing, but demanding. Demanding to know why the last person on this earth I ever would have expected it from, had betrayed me.
Was it only a day ago? One day since I had learned of the lie that was my manservant. The lie might as well have been my life. How cruel the fates become in the short course of a day. But it was only a moment really, for the day had begun as so many others had.
-m-
"Annoying."
"…Birdbrain,"
"Ooh, a double B. Actually trying to use your head today, Merlin," I said. "Let's see… Ah, clotpole."
Merlin looked at me as though he had been scandalized. "That's my word," he cried.
"And now it's mine," I retorted
"Fine then. Dollophead," he replied.
I just laughed. Myself, Merlin, and several knights were returning from a long overdue hunting trip. We had made an excellent haul, despite Merlin's fumbling (which I am fully aware he does most, if not all of it, on purpose). We were playing a game; stupid banter to pass the time.
"Okay, what are we on, E?" I said once I had finished chuckling. "Elephant ears."
I remember Merlin's silly, appalled expression. "My ears aren't that big," he protested.
"Ha, if they were any bigger you could fly with them," I remarked. It was the calmest I had felt in months… but Camelot never stays calm for long. A man called Gelfin, newer to the ranks than most, halted the party. His stance was tense and alert. "What is it?" I called.
"I believe I heard something," he replied while his nervous gaze remained on the forest ahead of us.
"Aw, he's just getting jittery from being away from home for so long," Gwaine, along with Elyan and Percival, teased the young knight.
That was when I heard it.
A searing whine tore through the trees followed by a blinding white orb. I grabbed Merlin's arm and pulled us both to the ground, narrowly missing the light as we fell. Instead, the orb pulverized the oak tree behind us, which barely left us any time to maneuver as it plummeted to the earth. I tumbled out of the way surprised to find Merlin closely at my side. Thinking back, it probably shouldn't have surprised me as Merlin had always proven himself agile when it was truly needed. Still, the tumble had left us on the ground and vulnerable. It was the perfect opportunity for Morgana to take aim again. Apparently she was fed up with her plot to assume the throne, and settled for simply killing me as a consolation prize. All around I could hear the hungry growl of the cruel, ravenous wolves that accompanied her. They were viciously attacking my knights. There was no one to come to our aid.
Morgana sneered, and her eyes flashed an amber gold. I had just enough time to understand with a terrifying certainty that I could not dodge the orb that had twisted in her palm. She let loose the light and then…
Suddenly a bold, vibrant voice, one I knew well even though it seemed strangely foreign, spoke in a language I didn't understand. The orb exploded into a thousand dancing lights just before it would have dealt me a fatal blow. I turned and stared dumbfounded at Merlin, just as the last specks of gold faded from his eyes.
"It cannot be. Merlin!?" Morgana shrieked with an uncontained rage that should never have been present in her. She could have said that I had turned into a frog and that she would dance away with a consort of fairies trailing after her and it wouldn't have mattered. My eyes remained only on Merlin.
The strength in his stance was something I had never seen from my skinny manservant before. His head was held high, but with authority rather than arrogance. His face was solemn and firm.
"There are those that call me Emrys," was all he said.
Morgana's eyes grew wide with unchecked fear. She fled. I watched, frozen in my astonishment as without another word, she turned into the woods and fled, her foul wolves retreating with her. Several of the knights attempted to pursue her, but two of the younger men, Gelfin and another, came to stand behind Merlin, but seemed reluctant to go any nearer. "What shall we do, sire?" The question seemed altogether innocent in Gelfin's mouth, but it entered my mind as a menace. What shall we do indeed? I really had no idea.
"Take…take him to the castle," was all I could think to say. No sound came after that, from me or from Merlin. He allowed himself to be led away without a single pull of his shoulder. A sad and hollow expression horribly marred his features. I remained silent as we trudged to the castle. No words were left on my lips as I passed the astonished (and were they appalled too) faces of Percival, Elyan, and particularly Gwaine. Nor did I say anything when the suggestion was made to place "the prisoner" in the dungeon. I only nodded my head. I did not even speak to Gwen as I sat silently in my chambers.
Now I was saying the only word worth saying. The only word that could possibly make any sense of this entire mess. "Why?"
But Merlin was stubborn. Wasn't he always? He was determined to stay silent longer than I could. So I shouted it again. This time his shoulders trembled. His entire body did really, and it tore at something in me to see that. But he had to answer. I had to know. It was too important.
"I only wanted to protect you," he sobbed in a whisper, but he remained lying defeated on the ground, his back continuing to face me.
You fool. "That's not an answer! Why Magic? It's forbidden!"
"I was born with it," he declared, as much as a sobbing man can declare anything.
That can't be true. That would mean… "You're lying," I shouted. But really, he is a terrible liar.
Merlin hiccupped and it was a painful sound. "No," was his simple utterance. "It's true."
But I couldn't accept that. "Why protect me then?"
"You will be the greatest king anyone has ever seen," he replied without hesitation, "even if I can't be there to see it."
Stop it. Stop it! "STOP IT!"
"Why do you insist on repeating that? How can you believe that now?" But Merlin remained uncharacteristically silent and it unnerved me. I grabbed hold of the bars and shook them hard. "Answer me!"
A soft sigh escaped the heap that was Merlin. "I know you Arthur," he said. "You love your people. You would do anything for them."
Right. I do love my people. That's why I'm here. "You will be executed at first light." It didn't sound like me and the words felt cold on my tongue. I felt numb. Everything around me felt numb. The cell, the stairs, the walls, even the city with all its activity would feel numb were I in it. Still I turned and tore up the stairs wanting nothing more than to be rid of this cold nothingness. A shaky "I'm sorry" chased at my boots as they ran.
-m-
If there were ever a tournament for the art of brooding, a king would win every time, hands down. I often remember my father sitting on his throne, alone and silent, in our cavernous main hall. I remember as a child, I would hide in a corner sometimes to watch him because I was afraid that if he stayed there long enough, the hall might swallow him whole. Now I sat on the throne, enacting the same ritual. This was the true mark of a king.
I don't know how many hours had passed, how long I had stared trance-like into the nothingness, when three knights entered the hall. I had expected this visit. From the moment I left the dungeons, I had expected it.
"You've gotta let Merlin out of the cell," Gwaine, as irreverent as ever, said as he approached. I flicked my eyes toward him and clenched my jaw tight enough to break it, but otherwise said nothing.
Elyan was quick to place an appeasing hand on Gwain's shoulder. "What he means to say, sire, is that perhaps Merlin's imprisonment is a bit severe."
"No." I intoned. "You know the law. Merlin used magic and a sorcerer cannot be allowed to reside in Camelot."
"Then banish him," Gwaine cut in. "Send him back to Ealdor. Send him across the sea. Send him to the farthest corner of the Earth if you want to, but don't execute him."
Oh, if only he understood what he was saying. Send Merlin away? That was ridiculous. For Merlin to leave…no that was impossible. I stood from my deeply rooted chair and strode purposefully past the three men. "This conversation is over."
"You ungrateful bastard!" Gwaine never could let anything lie. "Merlin saved our lives. Your life!"
"Sire, this is Merlin," pleaded Elyan. "I know he hid this from you but, but this is Merlin we're talking about."
But that's why it was worse, wasn't it? Because it was Merlin, the betrayal is supposed to run that much deeper, right?
"He is loyal to you." I halted instantly. It was Percival who spoke. It was a rarity for the broad knight because he only did so when something needed to be said. When that happened, even kings stopped to listen. "Merlin would do anything for his friends, but he does everything for you."
Percival never disappoints.
I tore out of the room then. I wanted no more of it, but that didn't seem to matter anymore. As I stalked down the corridor I was suddenly aware of a presence behind me. I knew immediately who it was.
"You are making a terrible mistake," Gaius spoke in a voice both thin and firm.
"Not now, Gaius," I ordered feeling ridiculous. Gaius had been my mentor before Merlin's, and I don't think he ever stopped. I refused to turn to him, though. If I saw his face it could very well undo everything. I could not let that happen. The very kingdom depended on it.
Slow, weary steps echoed over unyielding stone walls. The sound grew, cloaking me like the clang of a warning bell. It took me several moments to realize the steps had stopped just at my back. When had I stopped moving? "You are not your father. Do not make his mistakes." His voice was low, sorrowful, and…soft with a gentle hand placed calmly on my back. After even this, he was still trying to comfort me.
He was right, of course. I am not my father. Was this truly one of his mistakes? But that didn't matter. What mattered now were the things I did. So I walked. I walked and walked until I found myself in the highest reaches of the castle. Gaius didn't follow. What more could be said? I climbed up a high tower until I reached its apex and stepped out into the open air. The castle walls were stifling. But I couldn't walk out into the city. To wander the streets and see the faces of the people – my people. I don't know what I would find. But I was doing this for them, wasn't I!? At all costs, protect the kingdom. That's what my father always said. We may not have always agreed, but on this there was no contest. I would protect my people to the very last, even…even if I was destroyed in the process. So that's it. My course was set. It had always been set. So, there was little use in continuing to needle the issue. This was all for the good of my people.
"For the good of the kingdom," I whispered. By then the sky had grown dark, and if I was to do what needed to be done come morning, I could not freeze myself to death out here during the night. I turned toward the stairs then and with no fanfare or even a glance back, I descended into darkness.
-m-
The night was terrible, cold, and lonely, but the first rays of the dawn were worse. I had not slept. I watched through my window in appalled fascination as gallows were built. A dreary stage to host a cruel show. Gwen had not come to offer comfort or support though I doubt I would have taken it, and I doubt even more that she would have ever given it. Righteous, pure hearted Gwen. Merlin had been a friend to her (to us all) and she would never stand to see a friend suffer. But did her husband not suffer too? The fate of my kingdom rests in the life or death of a man I called my friend, and I alone can decide that fate. A decision that has already been made.
I remind myself of this as I force my limbs to move with the rising sun. Best to end this quickly. There will be no pyre and no fire. I couldn't bear the slow burning of flesh. I never really could. The scent turned my stomach every time. I left my chambers and didn't bother to close the door. No doubt the guards that trailed me expected me to move toward the balcony where my father had presided over all executions. How many deaths had he watched there? How many times had he lowered the death knell as he let his hand fall in a decisive sweep? His eyes growing cold with seeming indifference as nameless faces lost all indications of life. But this was different. The face had a name. A name I knew well. Or at least I thought I did.
No, Merlin would not die by fire. A scaffold had been erected in preparation for a beheading. Quick, clean, simple. I paused at the edge of an alcove, lurking in the shadows. I watched as two guards led a small sagging form toward the steps of the platform. His pale skin was practically luminescent in the light of the sun. They ascended the stairs and knelt Merlin in front of the chopping block, placing his head gently in the center. Merlin made no move to struggle and didn't even so much as glance at the executioner or his gleaming axe. It wasn't just that Merlin didn't care, but he seemed entirel indifferent to his own death. This was too much.
I pushed out from under the stone arch and marched up the steps in a furious flutter. Once on the platform, my body slowed until it was just in front of the well-worn block. "Merlin of Ealdor," I intoned, my voice a cold steel. "Or is it Emrys?" This brought a slight shudder from the man, but otherwise Merlin did not move. "For the crime of sorcery, Camelot's highest offense, I sentence you to death." Again he didn't move. "Have you anything to say for yourself?" At this he gave only a somber shake of his head.
Stifling an angered growl, I gave a curt nod to the executioner and stepped back. The axe lifted high overhead, ready for the fatal strike. Still, Merlin had not so much as lifted his eyes. No twitch, no fidget, no trembling. There was a resigned slackness to his whole body. What was he doing?
"Hold," I said, just before the headsman could finish his work. I pulled a dagger from my belt and once again approached the wood slab that so effectively exposed Merlin's neck. "This should end by my hand" I ground out. I raised my arm. One swift thrust should do. The dagger dove down and then…
"Of all the stupid, idiotic, moronic things," I trailed off absolutely astonished. I left my dagger stuck in the edge of the butcher's block where I had plunged it and moved to kneel behind the prisoner. Prisoner, Ha! As if a bit of rope could hold a man even Morgana feared. I really needed to have a talk with my guards about effective prison bonds. Of course, I couldn't really blame them though. Who would look at Merlin and say "Now there's a man who could tear you apart just by looking at you"? I still couldn't believe it. My thoughts were racing wildly now as I struggled to undo the knot that bound Merlin's hands. The entire time he merely stared, blinking owlishly at the dagger as a child would a particularly interesting little creature; half afraid, half curious and all together uncomprehending of what he saw.
I released a frustrated grunt as I gave up on the knot and reached for my discarded dagger. The frightened wince and sharp inhale he gave as I did so belied any sense of danger anyone might harbor about him as the action nearly shook the whole of his thin frame. And I hated it. I cut the rope from his wrists and spun him to face me so quickly that he probably would have been sent careening off the platform had I not braced his shoulders with my own two hands. "What was that about?" I practically shouted at him.
But he just looked at me.
The crowd at this point was beginning to murmur, but I paid them no mind. "Emrys, I know that name," I told him, and it was true. Camelot was not immune to folklore despite its king's wishes. "Emrys is supposed to be the most powerful sorcerer the world has ever known." I paused allowing the words to sink in for the both of us. "So tell me, how is it that with all that power and all that ability you couldn't free yourself from a half rusted jail cell?" Also true. I had him placed in a cell I knew was weak. It had been a singular favorite of my father's. He would place me in it whenever he felt a particular act of disobedience warranted such a thing. I remember visiting it the same day a certain servant drank a goblet of poison for me. Hell, this was insane.
Of course, Merlin had no idea what I was thinking. He just continued to stare at me with that silly, vacant expression he sometimes wore. But it was never really vacant was it. "What?" was the only word he managed to rasp out in a gritty, painful voice. I couldn't take this anymore!
"Listen," I said, kneeling close enough to see the dark bruises that hung beneath his eyes. "You have to understand. If there had been any chance, any possibility you were dangerous, Camelot would fall. The people depend on their king to protect them and I…well," I couldn't tell him that for a moment even I doubted him. The sorrow I would see in his face terrified me. Kings aren't supposed to be afraid, but then again, kings aren't supposed to be best friends with their manservant either. Rules seemed to lose importance where Merlin was concerned.
"This was a test?" his words were wisps of breath and I nearly missed them.
"Well, yes," I replied. "But at the very least I thought you would escape to the forest or something to save yourself. Of course, I'm not sure what that would have proved. Admittedly, I hadn't thought that far which I'm sure you will yell at me for later, but what was I supposed to do? And this!" I was rambling now. I hadn't expected this or even thought of it, but somehow I knew I had hoped for it.
"This was a test," he said again and he smiled that smile that would spread across his whole face and engulf it. It was beautiful.
"Yes Merlin," I sighed. "And I'm sorry. You've always been loyal to me and I've always known it. Can you ever forgive me?" Somehow his smile grew wider, yet I still held my breath until he said the words.
"How could I forgive you," he spoke and my heart clenched, "when there is nothing to forgive?" My own smile joined his and the world that had dangerously tilted just a day ago finally righted itself again.
Suddenly, the din from what had to be bewildered spectators made it back to my ears. "Now, I know you're tired, but there is a confused crowd watching us that probably need an explanation. Can you bear with me a little longer?" I asked.
His answer was instant. "Forever," he replied. How could there have ever been a doubt. I came to my feet and pulled him with me. We stood side by side facing the crowd, the kingdom, our kingdom.
"My father," I began with a voice trained to be steady and commanding, "governed Camelot in the ways he believed would protect his people. As his son and your king, I must do the same." The people fell into silence, their attention fully fixed on me. Everything now hinged on my next words, and they were fully aware of it. "Those who practice magic have been regarded as a plague on this land, and indeed the power some wield can be both terrifying and devastating. But, if we are ever to achieve peace in all the lands, it must be done with all of its people. From this moment forward, those who practice magic will be welcome in Camelot." The crowd inhaled a gasp. "I know this transition will not be easy. Time has set many of us in our ways. To that end I appoint Merlin as Court Sorcerer and advisor in all things magic to the king."
"What?!" gaped Merlin in a low his. His expression was a mix of hope, joy, and absolute befuddlement that would have been comical if I had not glimpsed the dried tear tracks that strained his face. They seemed more like rivers. Oh, how glad I was to put an end to this nightmare.
"Yes Merlin, Court Sorcerer," I affirmed. "If you accept it."
A cheeky grin crumpled the rivers making them almost disappear. "And if I don't," he replied.
My response was automatic. "Too bad. I'll order you to do it anyway." Merlin gave a light chuckle that sounded like a clear spring morning, and I knew that no matter what happened next, we would be alright. Speaking of which, the gathering before us was watching our exchange as though it were an incredibly absorbing play. They had yet to make a sound, which worried me. Many had been loyal to my father and I had no idea how they would take this news.
I addressed them again with every muscle in my body tensing as I did so. "People of Camelot, I present to you Merlin, your Court Sorcerer!" With those words I held Merlin's hand high as though he were a victor in a tournament. Complete silence descended on the people – not a whisper or even a cough – and I am ashamed to admit that doubt once again entered my heart. Was this really for the good of the kingdom? But it had to be. I couldn't turn my back on Merlin now. Merlin, my friend. My brother.
Suddenly and with a force that nearly knocked us flat, a great cheer erupted. The whole crowd rang out in one jubilant chorus. I had never heard the likes of it before. Leaving them high above our heads, I clasped Merlin's hand in my own and shook them in triumph.
We stood there, reveling in the moment when I felt a soft weight lean against my side. I looked to Merlin to see that he had sagged slightly and was using my shoulder to keep himself upright. Instantly, I lowered our hands and brought my arm around his bony frame. "Merlin, are you alright?" I couldn't keep the worry from my voice.
He was quick to reassure me, of course. "I'm just tired," he answered while stifling a yawn.
A sudden thought occurred to me. "Merlin, when was the last time you ate anything?"
He scrunched his face up in thought as if he truly didn't remember. "Um, I think I ate at breakfast not long before Morgana attacked."
"Merlin!" I scolded. "That was a full day ago! Did you drink anything since then?"
He merely shrugged. "I didn't see the point," he stated flatly.
I marveled at him. Gods, how did I earn such loyalty? "Come on you idiot," I said. "Let's get you some food. We have a lot to talk about." A fond, contented smile found its way to my face. We walked together toward the castle and away from the celebrating crowd. They would be just fine. Merlin and I would see to that.
For the good of the kingdom.
Please let me know what you thought. This is my first fic in first person so let me know how I did . Thanks.