DISCLAIMER: I don't the 100!
A/N: Hello gentle viewers!
I come to you with another CLEXA story. This story makes a small turn to what happen in Mount Weather. HOWEVER, just because I made some changes to make Lexa's betrayal less painful, it doesn't mean I don't believe her actions were not justifiable. I believe Lexa's choice when leaving Mount Weather were the actions of a leader, but since I wanted to use some things in the future, I decided to go with this route in the fic, and honestly it makes the process of reconciliation between Clarke and Lexa faster for me, lol.
For the readers of my other stories, I'll say that I am not procrastinating the other stories to write this one, in fact I haven't been able to write anything in like a month now. The thing is that I started this fic since July from this year, but I have been avoiding to post anything yet because I wanted to write a good amount of episodes before I started uploading them. Since I haven't uploaded anything in a while and because the Trailer of the 100 was awesome, I decided to post this now. Unfortunately I still won't be able to write anything from my other stories yet, so have patience with me.
Also, I want to say special thanks to FearoftheInevitable who beta readed the first chapters of this story!
Important info: things in italics will be memories or thoughts of the characters.
If the words in italics are between "quotations" there are memories of someone else's words.
translations from trigedasleng will go between (parenthesis) within text instead of foot notes, because I found stressful to go to the footnotes to understand things.
the xxxx, will separate scenes in the chapters.
Warnings: This story will have a lot of violence, sex, and adult content in the future, so I guess that's a fair warning, but in every chapter I'll give a heads up for mayor trigger warnings. It's rated M for a reason.
Also, I've tried to do justice to most of the characters, but since this is a Clexa story they are the focus and the other characters may take a while to appear in the story, but they will be there, so no worries.
Ok, I hope you like it, so here it goes! Enjoy!
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Reasons
"We do what we must to survive."
When Clarke Griffin had left camp Jaha, it had been a decision spurt of stubbornness and fear. She didn't want to face her friends because every time she looked at their faces she remembered what she had done. She would remember what she had become in order to survive. She had let all the people in Mount Weather die in order to safe forty of her own people.
"The things that we've done to survive, they don't define us."
She didn't regret it. She didn't, but she did feel remorse for her actions. Children, elders, mothers and fathers, all innocent, and they had died that day because of her actions.
Sacrifices.
"Victory stands on the back of sacrifice."
All of them had died, to save her people, and if saving their lives meant her hands would be stained with blood, so be it. She knew she had made the right decision; however, she still hated herself for making it. That was the real reason she had left from camp Jaha; it wasn't only guilt that she felt, it was hate. She hated Jasper and the others for putting her in that position. She hated her mother for being so weak, for pushing her to become the leader she was supposed to be. She hated Bellamy, because somehow he had become a real hero when at the beginning she had been the one with higher moral ground. She hated herself for becoming so cold and heartless, for willing to sacrifice hundreds of people just to save her own. And...
She hated Lexa for betraying her...
"Not everyone, not you."
The leader of the grounders had been a constant thought in Clarke's mind since she gave the order that would kill everyone in Mount Weather. She thought about how the Heda had sacrificed Clarke's people in order to save the grounders in the mountain and avoid a battle where many of her own people could have died. Clarke thought about how she had made the same decision an hour later, sacrificing hundreds of innocents to save her own. She thought about how, if she had been in Lexa's situation, she might have taken the same offer. That's why she hated Lexa; because she couldn't hate her. Her heart roared with revulsion and resentment, but her brain and rationality prevented her from fully hating the commander. She understood her choice, but still felt betrayed by it because she thought that, out of all the people of the Skaikru and Trigedakru, Lexa was the one that would have never hurt her. She had seen it in her eyes, felt it in that kiss; Lexa would have never hurt her...but she did. She had hurt her a lot.
She thought about Lexa's proposal to go to the Polis, and she wanted to go, but Clarke was also scared of meeting with Lexa again. In all honesty, she felt like she would want to stab the Heda the moment she saw her, and considering it could cause an imminent death at the hand of the grounders, she wanted to avoid encountering her so soon. That, or she would run to her and hug her with all her might because she was scared, she was sad and she was lonely, and somehow Lexa had always been capable of erasing those feelings from her mind with a simple glance of cold and soulful eyes because deep down Clarke knew that Lexa was the only one that truly understood her.
"To lead well you must make hard choices."
All in all, Lexa confused her. She wanted to know why she had betrayed her. She wanted to confront her and asked her if the kiss she had given her was real, or if it was only a play of power for her. That's how she end it up there, in the same spot she stood the day she watched Lexa turn her back and walk away from her. She was standing before the gates of Mount Weather. She frowned when a sick feeling prevented her from going any further. She was curious to know if her people had gone and buried the dead and saved any possessions they could find, but she couldn't find the strength within herself to walk inside the doomed mountain.
She glanced at the sky when a reflection of light blinded her for a second. She used her hand to cover her eyes, and squinted in confusion when she noticed the glimmer was coming from the mountain over the metal gate covered by a row of bushes and small trees. Curiosity drove her to climb through that part of the woods, her mind immediately jumping to Lexa again; she and her men had come to this part of the mountain to fight the snipers.
Clarke shook her head, annoyed with herself. With a huff, she climbed the last bit of the hill to reach a flat space in the mountain. She lifted her gaze and gasped in surprise.
"I was wrong about you Clarke."
Missile launchers. At least five of them, with maybe a total of thirty missiles in them. Clarke walked absently to the structure closest to her and reached her hand to touch the cold metal of the killing machine. A beeping sound caught her attention, and she walked to a small controlling port at the side of the rocket launcher.
"Is it still working?" Clarke wondered at loud. The dam had been destroyed and the second generator had been stopped. Why was it working? With doubt she touched the screen and it lit up, coming back to life. Another surprised gasp left her throat when she saw what was in the screen. The assigned target of the missiles was just a few feet away from her. Clarke glanced down the path she just climbed and saw the entrance to Mount Weather. The place where an army of grounders had stood, prepared to attack the mountain people, before Lexa had made the deal with them.
"They were going to kill us all." Clarke said trying to process the new information.
"You're the one who burned three hundred of my warriors alive."
Clarke gasped for air, not sure when she had stopped breathing. Her mind was running one hundred miles per hour. When Lexa had climbed the mountain, she had seen the rocket launchers. She knew that, if she didn't accept the deal, everybody in the gates would have died.
This explained so much. She never understood why Lexa would have made a deal with the mountain men when they had killed hundreds of her people in TonDC.
"Jus drein, jus daun. (Blood must have blood)" She said in a whisper. The Trigedakru would have never surrendered so easily; they were warriors. The mountain men had spilled so much grounder blood that the idea of a truce was ridiculous. Their whole culture revolved around the idea of honor and revenge.
Lexa had ordered a retreat because there was no other option. If she fought back, they would have blown up everybody at the gate.
"I thought I would never get over the pain, but I did."
She felt her legs go weak as she collapsed to her knees, completely stunned. So this is why she did it.
"I do care, Clarke. But I've made this decision with my head, and not my heart."
Not only the grounders would have died, but herself and her friends. The mountain men must have thought that, without the grounders, the people from the arc wouldn't be able to do anything. If Lexa had refused, a lot of people from both sides would have died. Even if enough people had survived the bombing, nothing would have assured that they would win.
Clarke bit her lower lip in anger.
"Lexa." Why didn't she tell her? She would have understood if she had said that the mountain men were planning to throw missiles at them. Stupid Raccoon woman! Why didn't she explained herself?! "Why didn't you tell me?" She snarled angrily.
"I do trust you Clarke."
This changed everything, right? If what Clarke was thinking was true, then Lexa had a good reason for her actions. It was strange because, even while knowing that, Clarke was still upset with the commander, maybe even more now because she had left without explaining, letting Clarke hate her for something that had been inevitable. Did Lexa think about telling her the truth? Did the other grounders know why she had ordered the retreat? She had too many questions unanswered, and there was only one person capable of answering them.
"You should come with me to the capitol. Polis will change the way you think about us."
"Polis." Clarke said, remembering Lexa's words. She stood up, taking one last glance at the mountain before making up her mind. "You already have." She said with a sigh as she moved to go down the mountain. She walked almost by memory through the woods for hours, panting until she reached her destination.
She looked around and felt a ping of melancholy in her chest when she saw what had been a grounders' camping, completely empty. There were only two structures up: a tent and roofed barn. Movement caught her attention, and a frown etched itself onto her lips when she found a horse within a fence. She walked towards it, wondering if the grounders had left it behind to die, but found that the horse had food and water to last for a long time. She reluctantly turned around and walked directly to what she knew was Lexa's tent. She removed the curtain that worked as an entrance and froze in place when she found that the place looked almost the same as it had looked the last time she was there. Without the candles the place looked gloomier and sent a trail of shivers down Clarke's spine.
The grounders had left already. There was nothing there. She was about to turn around and leave, when something in the table caught her attention. Lexa's dagger was nailed in the table. She walked to it and smiled when she looked down. A map. A world map laid on the table. She leaned to look closer since the lack of light make it difficult to her tired eyes to look at the smaller details. She saw a circle in the East part of the map, and she recognized it as her current position. The grounder's camping zone. A dark line traced lightly from that spot to the Southwest part of the map. A long path, and it lead to where the knife was stuck in the map with a black cross under it.
"Love is weakness."
"Did you left this behind for me, Lexa?" Clarke smiled knowing the answer already. She moved her hand to the knife and lifted it with a strong pull. She smiled down at the dagger unaware of her actions. She then looked at the map and traced her fingers where the black cross marked the map. "Polis." She took the map with one swipe of her hand and marched out of the tent. She walked to the horse and opened the gate of the fence that trapped it, grabbing a saddle and placing it onto the horse, making sure to tie her luggage with it as well. She climbed over the beast and looked around her once more.
"May we meet again." Clarke said, and with a slap of her foot she prompted her horse to move forward. Her new destination: Polis, the capitol.
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There it was! Small chapters I know. I hope you like the small twist. I tried to explain how even without the missiles Clarke still could understand Lexa's actions, but like I said, I want to do some things in the future, so I needed this small change.
I hope you like the chapter, if you did please let me know! Also if you have questions or anything feel free to ask.
Bye!