Disclaimers: I do not own Hetalia.
Laments of a Pasta Lover
Once again Ludwig closed a meeting after flawlessly making his points and having everyone really thinking on his ideas. It's obvious that his words had left an impact as people left the meeting buzzing. Is there anything he can't do? He has so many admirable qualities. Then, there is me. Sometimes I have to wonder what am I even doing here?
When I'm around things just go side ways. I mess things up, he fixes it. Seriously, what would I do without him? I know I can be annoying. I know I annoy him. Yet, here he is. I know that maybe it is partly due to my own persistence in being around him. What am I doing thinking like this? He's not that kind of person. I'd like to believe it. I know it. But even I have my doubts.
The truth is, sometimes I think he will get tired of me. I am so afraid that one day I will wake up and he has turned his back on me and forgotten me as if he never found me in that tomato crate. If you asked me what my life was like before I met Ludwig I can't even remember it.
Was I even alive before I met him? I was merely existing. Not really alive. But I know that I have to find something that gives me life on my own. I find it hard since I don't even really know what I am good at that is useful.
What am I going to do with my self? What use am I to him? Dammit why does all my thoughts lead back to him? Since when have I started to feel this way? Why am I being foolish—selfish? Is this ok? Can I really continue to be by his side? I'm making such a big deal out of what is probably nothing. But, no, to me this is everything.
Ludwig I-
"Helloooo? Is anyone there?"
I snap back to reality at the sound of a familiar voice. I nearly jump out of my skin at the familiar sight, immediately getting lost in a sea or rather a sky of blue. His name comes out as a clumsy stutter. My mind goes blank, for a moment. Then all of a sudden it starts reeling.
"Ah. So you are there. Are you ok?"
The German's voice, normally gruff, was warm with concern causing a fluttering in my belly and a smile outside as well as within me. I look him straight in his face and flash the biggest smile I could muster.
"I'm fine! There is nothing to worry about!"
"Hnnn..." He towered over me and leaned in to inspect me. His scrutinizing gaze made me think that he was seeing though me like an x-ray. I wondered if he could hear and feel how fast my heart was beating. I tried to maintain a neutral face despite feeling nervous and a little bit shy. Suddenly, he pulled back and I was torn between disappointment and relief.
His worried face eased up into a small smile.
"That's good."
All my anxieties melt away with that smile. I genuinely am happy and feel ok. His expression then returns to its normally serious, impenetrable one. I wonder if he could sense the feelings I have hiding or at least that I have been hiding things from him. No, I lied. I'm not good. Not entirely. I wish I could tell you everything, Ludwig. To think that after all the things I have expressed to you I still have some reservations.
"Well, let's get outta here!" I chirped excitedly patting him on the back.
"Let's go."
From the corner of my eyes I try to look for hints, of what I don't really know... Of anything, really.
There is none. Yet I feel like I am soaring and find my self grinning from ear to ear in spite of myself. One day... I will be brave enough. When it comes to you, Ludwig, I don't want to wave a white flag. I want to keep you in my life. I want to be the person you inspire me to be.
A/N: First Hetalia fic. Rather spontaneous and came to mind one day. It's not typical of Feliciano and a look at a different side of him than what is shown. I just hope it's believable.