Harry Potter and the Harry Potter's Outrageous Adventure

It was a dark and sunny night at Hogwarts. Harry Potter and his friend Ron were lazing about in the Gryffindor House while Hermione was doing Hermione things like writing things on paper and being a nag. All was silent and sweaty due to the heat and the sexy times going on in the rooms that I shan't talk about until Harry Potter spoke up.

"Oh bother, wot ar we goin to do un such a dull day."

Hermione said back "Well wut do you suppose we do 'Arry."

"YEAH, THERE IS NOT MUCH INTERESTING GOING ON HERE" Ron added in with his high pitch voice which decreased the frequency of thumping and humping going on upstairs.

"Dammit, Ron, I cannot stand all these Voldefucking moans on this Mothermorting Dormitory."

"I am a bit famished, how do you suppose we do acquire food do you think?"

"Excellent idea Hernaggy-"

"Hermione"

"I propose we retrieve pizza from the Pizza Wizard Hut."

"BUT THE PIZZA IS SO GREASY 'ARRY"

"Shut up Ron." Harry said annoyed.

And so, they began their trek to Hogsmeade where all the wizard shops and wizard boutiques were. But in the middle of their quest they were halted by Snape who after a crazy potions incident, became the Snapinator, A technologically advanced and magical fusion of Snape and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"Misterrrrr Pottteerrrr, where are you and your friends going on ZIS FINE EVENINGGGG" Snape said.

"We're going to Pizza Hut, Professor"

"Are you suuureeee you are not intending to participate in tomfoolery OV ANY SOART."

"Let me handle this Harry", said Hermione, "Transportius Make Snape Go Awayicus."

And with that Snape's inner mechanical workings begin to tumble and toil and his arms blasted off in an epic explosion. Sparks and flames took the place of his former arms cackling as smoke rose in freedom from the gaping hole in Snape's chest cavity. Snapes formerly cold and stoic gaze transformed to that of one of tranquil fury. His forehead wrinkled and his eyebrows furrowed, Snape let off a mighty roar which shattered the lights and caused epileptic spasms in the armor. Snape then assumed a the position of a tiger crouched in hunting. What was left of his human sanity said this in a raspy but booming voice:

"NOTHING BUT A TRAIL OF BLOOD AND TEARS! YOUR DEATHS, MY HAAANDS"

The formerly gray and black brick and mortars of the castle halls became a violent crimson to match the rising heat and tension for battle was near. Snape was unrecognizable save for his shiny raven black hair which swayed back and forth in a rhythmic fashion. Because he was worth it.

Sensing the killing intent, Harry quickly went into a wizard dueling formation he practiced everyday for Wizard Duels. First, Ron deployed into a combat roll flourishing his wand and stabbing it into the wooden floor and assumed all fours. He let out a wolf's howl and the magical energy emanating from his wand surrounded him in a green and yellow light which was drawn from the Lifestream. Hermione did a backflip and tossed her arm into the air which called the wand from her bag into her mouth. Like a tango dancer, her Emma Watson teeth gently gripped the wand and she landed back first onto Ron's back. Back to back, Hermione whipped her head back into the formation which then worsened Ron's neck problem. Harry jumped forward with wand in hand chanting the encantations "Humina humina ramma lamma weazle wazzle woozle wozzle, WINGARDIUM Leviosa."

Shamanic circles sprang forth, surrounding Harry's Body and a portal appeared from between Hermione and Ron and slowly, the Firebolt with Hedwig at the front emerged.

Now they were battle ready. However, Snape had already fallen asleep from how long the formation sequence took. They shrugged and went on to Pizza Hut.

On the way this exchange occurred,

"CAN WE LEAVE FORMATION NOW, I'M GETTING TIRED" whined Ron.

"No" Harry and Hermione said in unison as they were bringing Sexy Back.