Instead of updating the fics I've started I decided to write a one-shot. And this crap came out. I am sorry.
"This may be your worst idea of all time. And you've had some pretty dumb ideas." Kululu crossed his arms and just looked at Mois, glared at her really. Most of her dumb ideas had some merit- be it some sort of innocent and rewarding experience that they shared or a life lesson that Kululu hated to admit he probably should have known and enjoyed learning. Usually her dumb ideas were just simple minded and naive.
But this one was different, this one was just all around terrible- there was no merit in it nor anything good about it, but Angol Mois of course had latched onto it.
"Awww, come on! Don't be like that." Mois pouted, tugging on Kululu's arm. "You agreed, didn't you?"
"You woke me up in the middle of the night and I was half asleep. I didn't know what I was agreeing to!" Kululu pointed out. "I mean, I know that you think it's a good idea- a chance for a bonding experience to fix your messed up relationship with your precious Uncle, but just think about how I feel. It's just...Awkward for me."
Angol Mois just stared at him, not understanding. "But weren't you the one saying I should do more platonic activities with Uncle? I mean, I really do need to fix things...We've barely spoken since well..."
"Since you realized he'd never like you back?" Kululu speculated.
"I wasn't going to say that," Mois pouted, "I'm over him. You know that. I just genuinely want a family and strong platonic relationship with him now. It's just...I always mess up...He's been avoiding me." She chewed on her lip a bit, honestly disappointed.
She might not have been in love with Keroro any longer, but that didn't make her thirst for his validation and approval any less. And she felt like she was ready and mature enough to pursue the relationship she always should have been having with him- a normal friendship.
"Huh, wonder why he's avoiding you. Ku, ku, ku. Maybe it's because you're dating the biggest jerk around?" Kululu suggested.
Keroro hadn't taken to the idea fondly that Angol Mois and Kululu were dating. At first he had tried to save his niece by breaking them up and now he was just honestly creeped out by her taste in men. Kululu was fine with that, it wasn't like he wanted Keroro around them or spending time with Mois.
He wasn't the fondest of the idea of his girlfriend spending a lot of time with her ex-crush. So Keroro avoiding Mois suited Kululu just fine.
But it bothered Mois a lot and she really wanted to remedy this problem. Kululu knew she really was trying to take strides and fix her past mistakes with Keroro, sweep it under the rug that she had pretty much had a crush on her Uncle figure and see him as more of an Uncle figure, but part of him was still a little paranoid that Mois would fall back in love with Keroro and run off with him.
It was always a little fear of his. After all she had been so very in love with him.
"I want to show him that not only should he be happy for our relationship, but that we can still be friends. And friends spend time together." Mois directed. "What's the real reason you have a problem with my suggestion?" She accused.
"Mois, he's your ex-crush, of course it's awkward for me to spend time with him. Not only that but he's my boss whether I like to admit it or not. Ku, ku, ku. I don't want to see him in that fashion!" Kululu pointed out.
"Please? Please can we go on a double-date with Uncle?" Mois begged. She did her dirty trick of clasping her hands together and staring at Kululu.
Kululu knew that even though he didn't want to go on a double-date, he'd give in. He's my boss...Oh god this is going to be painful. He had never been on a double-date before, but he could imagine he was in for a world of hurt.
"You have no guarantee that he'll agree to this-" Kululu stuttered out.
"Actually," Mois gave a playful smirk, "Uncle already agreed! He wants me to get along better with Tamama anyway."
Kululu just stared at her blankly. Idiots flock together. Keroro apparently still didn't know that Tamama and Angol Mois had previously been competing for his attention and that despite the fact that Kululu and Mois were dating Tamama still viewed her as a love rival.
"Well?" Angol Mois asked. "Will you go?"
Kululu finally sighed. "I don't have much of a choice, do I?" He asked, "And I kind of like seeing things crash and burn anyway. Ku, ku, ku."
He just hoped he wasn't the one that was crashing and burning. He didn't want this double-date to be at his expense.
He was happy enough that the double-date was going to be in a private setting. Apparently Keroro and Angol Mois had disagreed on a number of things about whether it should be at someplace childish like a toy store, or mature, like a restaurant. Keroro liked cheap despite his boyfriend being rich and Angol Mois just wanted a more classy setting. So eventually the two had volunteered (at Tamama's and Momoka's expense) their little 'date' to be held at the Nishizawa mansion in one of the spare wings that was largely owned by Tamama.
Suits me just fine. That way when things get bad I can just duck out. Kululu could see this date going poorly in a number of ways- Tamama and Angol Mois were either going to get in such a big fight that the entire building would collapse, Keroro and Angol Mois's love would be reignited for each other and they would ditch out, or Kululu would ruin everything by just being a jerk to Keroro and Tamama and Angol Mois would be mad because her 'make up with Keroro' plan wouldn't go as great as she wanted.
The chances of a positive outcome were less than one percent.
"You know...If you want we could still stand them up." Kululu suggested desperately, "There's this really nice fault line-"
"Don't try your 'seducing me with fault lines' talk. It won't work. Not this time." Angol Mois stood strong.
"It's just lying there, waiting for you to destroy the planet..." Kululu whispered. "We could make out a little before you did the deed, and then captain wouldn't be a problem anymore-" He tugged at her hand.
She knocked on the door ignoring him. He could tell his words were getting to her. She was so predictable. Fault lines always did seduce her.
"Ugh! I bet that's her!" Kululu could hear Tamama's shouting and groan from inside. He could actually hear quite a bit of arguing actually.
"Be nice. Come on. We have to look cool and classy or something, whatever that means. Giroro said functional couples don't just eat snacks and lay on the floor watching anime all day." Keroro scolded from inside.
Kululu wasn't sure if Angol Mois could hear all this gold. She probably couldn't. His headphones could pick up more than she could.
"They don't?" Tamama gasped. "Well, maybe we're better than most couples than. We're dangerous. After all the entire platoon doesn't approve of us!" Tamama said proudly.
"Um...That's only because you've been making the effort to make things dangerous and for them not to approve. Giroro and Dororo were quite happy for us until you started shoving intimate details about our life in their faces. Now they're sick of us." Keroro cried. "Angol Mois and Kululu might be the the bottle of the barrel but they're our last chance to socialize like normal couples!"
"B-but...But it's that woman! She better be in a body bag if she wants to come into this house." Tamama cried.
"Tamama...Please don't ruin this. Try to be nice, at least?" Keroro begged.
"To my love rival? I bet she's just waiting for her chance to leap on you, like a leech! From Kululu to you!" Tamama was perhaps more paranoid than even Kululu.
Kululu didn't know someone could be more paranoid than him. At least I'm not the only one who will hate this event. He didn't like relating to Tamama, but he took solace in that.
The door eventually opened and Angol Mois smiled when Keroro greeted them.
"Heya, Mois..." Keroro trailed off, "Uhhh, Kululu." He waved.
Tamama hung onto his arm and glared at Angol Mois. "He's mine, woman. Back off!"
"We brought flowers!" Angol Mois ignored Tamama and handed Keroro flowers.
"Umm...I don't think the girl is usually supposed to give guy's flowers..." Keroro was confused.
"It's not for you, silly." Mois giggled and smiled. "It's for your house! I thought it could use some shine."
"Are you saying my house is ugly?" Tamama growled.
"Just as ugly as your personality." Kululu couldn't help but snidely say.
Tamama was about to hit Kululu over the head, but Keroro pulled him back.
"Umm...I see you brought curry too as a gift..." Keroro reached over to Kululu's jar of curry.
Kululu held it back, possessively. "It's all for me!" He hissed, "Your food isn't good enough for me."
Keroro and Angol Mois glanced nervously at each other as both Kululu and Tamama glared at each others date. They didn't want to admit that they might have made the wrong choices, but both of their dates weren't the most social with others.
Both of them kept their optimistic attitude though. They had to.
Dinner was a rather silent and awkward affair. Angol Mois tried to make small conversation with Keroro, but whenever she brought up a subject or tried to ask him questions Tamama would cut him off and answer for him. His answers were usually mean and directed at Angol Mois and about how much he wanted Angol Mois out of their lives forever.
"So are you and Tamama happy, Uncle?" Angol Mois asked personal questions about Keroro's relationship, as she drank her sparkling water- Keroro had decided it was a bad idea to even let her near any wine after her last encounter with it.
"Sure-" Keroro tried to answer.
"Happier than you could ever be with him, woman! Me and Mr. Sergeant are going to be happy for the rest of our days." Tamama was sitting in Keroro's lap despite the fact that they were eating a meal.
"I have to ask a question- It's been bugging me for a while." Kululu finally spoke up, "You two have been dating for, what...six months now?"
"I can't actually remember..." Keroro admitted.
"It's been seven!" Tamama was flabbergasted that Keroro had forgotten.
"But you still call him Mr. Sergeant? What's up with that? Ku, ku, ku." Kululu asked.
"He thinks it's more professional to call me that when we're in public. He calls me Keroro when we're alone, don't worry." Keroro reassured and laughed.
"Uhhh...Yeah, that's my reason..." Tamama laughed. Really he was just into some weird crap. He was perhaps a bit too kinky.
Angol Mois just looked between them. So Keroro was allowed to answer Kululu's questions, but not hers? I wanted to bond with Uncle a little bit more...I guess that's a good thing that he's talking to Kululu though. Maybe he'll see us as less of a weird couple. "Ooh! I have an idea! A fun bonding game! How about I ask you some questions about your life as a couple so we learn more about each other!"
That was the way to bond, right? Learn more about each other.
Kululu was about to stop her and tell her that might have been a bad idea, but he was too slow. What if they have literally nothing going as a couple and Keroro and Mois start thinking they'd be a better match? He and Tamama shared an awkward glance. Apparently they were thinking the same thing.
"What was your most romantic date?" Angol Mois asked.
Keroro choked for a moment on some of his drink. "M-most romantic date?"
"It had to be something, right? You and Tamama have gone on an 'official' date?" Angol Mois was confused.
"We have...Just...Not any good ones..." Tamama reluctantly admitted. "There's always someone or something getting in the way. Namely you!"
"So wait, you've never been on a real date? Ku, ku, ku." Kululu laughed.
"We're the more casual sort of relationship. We just like being ourselves and a couple at home. It's way more fun to play video games than spend a lot of money going some place expensive." Keroro grinned. "And he didn't like the anime convention I took him too..."
"I did! It was just sooooo nerdy!" Tamama tried to reassure him, "Too nerdy. But don't think that leaves room for you to butt into our relationship, woman! We're more of the type to start the affair first and then date!"
Kululu and Angol Mois just stared at them and froze. That was too much information.
"Ah...So I see...You could say, you were knocked up?" Angol Mois could now see why Keroro and Tamama were in a relationship. She tried to keep her cheery smile.
"I can't knock him up. You're getting your saying's wrong again, Mois." Keroro pointed out. "Tamama, I told you, keep the personal details about our bedroom life just that! Personal!"
"But I like rubbing it in people's faces..." Tamama pouted in a cute way.
Kululu just rubbed his forehead. I'm surrounded by the weirdest couples around.
"Anyway, I think just being us and not needing to put up false pretenses is romantic and great in it's own way anyway. It's way better than the unrealistic standards of dating in this day and age." Keroro pointed out, trying to defend his and Tamama's relationship.
"Ku, ku, ku!" Kululu laughed. He looked over at Angol Mois. "I think he was making a jab at you."
"What? Why?" Angol Mois was confused.
"I mean you're the one who's into those pretenses and expectations of romance the most! Ku, ku, ku." Kululu pointed out.
Angol Mois frowned at him. "Yeah? Well, who's the one who's dating me?"
Kululu stopped laughing. She had him there.
"I never did understand how that happened." Keroro admitted. "Did you brainwash her? Why's it lasted so long? Did you knock her up and now you're hiding the child from us?"
Kululu shrugged. He wasn't sure why it had lasted so long either. Honestly he expected Mois to tire of him eventually, but she was so honest and genuine, she always put so much effort in to make him feel actually loved and like their relationship was something meaningful. He was now at a point where he couldn't imagine what life without it would be.
And that was why he had to make sure that Mois didn't like Keroro again.
"It was none of those things." Mois giggled. "We just fell in love! Like normal people. And then we started dating..."
"That doesn't give us any details or answer any of our questions. You guys are more mysterious than the occult. Even Fuyuki couldn't figure out why or how it went on." Keroro just sighed. She wasn't understanding the question.
"Maybe it's just a ruse!" Tamama suggested. "Maybe she and the sergeant Major started dating just to make you jealous so she could have your attention!" He looked nervous and jealous.
That...T-that couldn't be it...Could it? Nah, we started dating before them. Kululu tried not to be nervous by the accusation. "That doesn't benefit me at all. That only benefits Mois's sake, what reason would I have to help her out with such a long running con? Ku, ku, ku." Kululu pointed out.
"She threatened you into it." Tamama finally decided.
"Oh yeah! Cuz he's scared of her!" Keroro murmured in agreement.
"No, because she's secretly evil and probably would torture him if she had the chance." Tamama gossiped.
Angol Mois frowned. Kululu wasn't really stopping their yammering, but he did look a little bit nervous. It can't be that he believes what Tamama's saying?
She wondered if maybe that was why he thought the idea of spending more time with Keroro was awkward. If part of him was just jealous. Kululu had never really acted jealous or said he was jealous but he had implied that sometimes he looked a little insecure about things. She always reassured him when he was feeling insecure though. I just wish he would tell me when he gets like this instead of waiting for me to pick up on it.
Before she was able to say anything, Kululu stood up in his chair and pulled Angol Mois down to kiss her in front of Keroro and Tamama.
Keroro and Tamama gasped. Kululu didn't really pay attention to their murmurs about "What if she hits his teeth?" and things like that.
But he gave her a long and passionate kiss just to get the idea across. "There." He finally pulled away, making sure to let them see the small bit of saliva between them. "Does that get the picture across that our relationship, gasp, is a relationship?" He sarcastically asked.
"Dude, we were just eating." Keroro frowned. "What if you had something gross in your mouth. Like garlic?" He had manners when it came to kissing people.
"You can kiss me all you want if you want sweets from my mouth." Tamama drooled and looked lovingly at Keroro.
Keroro scooted away a bit. "Later. Public." He frowned and reminded Tamama like he needed to be trained.
Angol Mois looked a little flushed, but stood up. "I'm going to...Uhhh...Wash up..." She needed to talk to Kululu about if he was insecure or paranoid or something. It was better to nip his worries in the butt. "Kululu? Come help me."
Kululu was glad to ditch Keroro and Tamama, so gladly took the opportunity.
"At least be a bit more subtle that you're leaving to make out." Keroro sighed. It was so weird to see Angol Mois and Kululu be couple-y.
Angol Mois stood in front of Kululu and crossed her arms. "Listen we need to talk."
Hoo-boy. Geez, that line is never good. Is this going to be one of those conversations where she scolds me because I've done something wrong or the frightening 'My feelings for Keroro never stopped and I still like him' thing. He hadn't done anything that jerky, he hadn't wanted to tick her off. The most he had done was take Keroro's food and 'accidentally' put his hot sauce on top of it. So it must have been that she still liked Keroro.
He didn't know if she would say she wanted to break up after that or if she'd be fine with settling for just Kululu. She should have told me if she still liked him! Shouldn't have started realizing it just now.
Mois could tell Kululu was nervous. She put a hand on his hand. "Something's bugging you. I saw that you didn't really stop Tamama from gossiping about our relationship or speculating on the fact that I was dating you just to make Uncle jealous. Don't tell me you think that?"
"Fine. I won't." Kululu said coldly.
"Kululu, it's really hard to reassure you about something your paranoid about if you don't even tell me about it!" Angol Mois pointed out. "You need to trust me enough to tell me about your problems."
Kululu sighed for a moment relieved. She just wanted to check up on him. He didn't spit the idea about her getting together with Keroro out of his mind though.
He was about to pat her on the head and tell her everything was fine, but realized she was staring at him. He was trapped between a wall and Angol Mois's stare. "N-nothing's making me paranoid."
"Tell me what it is." Angol Mois ordered.
After about a minute of staring, Kululu gave in. Even after so long of dating he had a low tolerance.
"Fine! Fine! I give in!" Kululu begged her to back off. "It's just...I mentioned it before...It's a little worrisome for you to want to repair your relationship with your old crush..."
"It would be if he was any normal crush! But he's also my Uncle. I realize only now how messed up it was. And I want him to be just as happy for me as I am of him and Tamama. I really would like to reclaim our relationship and have him as an Uncle figure in my life, instead of a looming reminder that at one point I was so messed up that I had a crush on my Uncle." Angol Mois pouted.
Kululu sighed. "I know!" He knew he was being a bit selfish, and even jealous. He really should be congratulating Mois that she got to this point. "I just...I can't help but be a little jealous, ya know? He's about the closest you have of an 'ex', so I'm just...I'm a bit paranoid that you'll suddenly remember all the reasons you loved him in the first place and then decide to pursue him again. And then he'll be like 'my relationship with Tamama is terrible so I'm going to Mois' since you're a way better lover than Tamama ever could hope to be..." Kululu admitted and rambled.
"I'm just worried you'll leave me for him. I guess somewhere inside my mind I think if you start spending time with him again you'll get into your old habits and your life will revolve around him, and then boom...You'll have feelings for him."
Angol Mois knew she shouldn't be offended that Kululu distrusted her so much. Kululu was just an anxious person who wasn't used to trusting people. And he was insecure about a lot of things. Relationships in general with people were something at the top of his list. Heck, even being a super genius was something he was insecure about since he saw them as a 'dime a dozen.'
"I love you. And that won't change. You're way cooler than him." Angol Mois hugged him. "I knew me spending time with him alone might bug you, so I thought a double-date would be easier since you'd be around and Tamama would be around."
"Not like it would make Tamama or him like you much better anyway." Kululu sighed, "They're still wondering why we're together."
"Yeah." Mois nuzzled up to him, "But I appreciate that you tried. Do you want to ditch instead? We could see that fault line that you suggested?" If it really made him so worried, she'd wait until Kululu was feeling more secure.
She needed to build up his self-confidence more that he was better than Keroro.
Kululu shook his head. "Nah, let's finish this thing first. I'll just pick on Tamama or something to clear my mind. You can have your bonding session with Keroro. It's stupid to think you'd fall for someone so unromantic like him anyway." Of course she had fallen for Kululu and Kululu didn't know whether to consider himself even less romantic than Keroro.
He hadn't forgotten how long they'd been dating. So perhaps he was a better boyfriend.
Angol Mois nodded. She held Kululu's hand to make him feel more secure.
The rest of the date went just as badly as Kululu expected. They played a board game or something under Keroro's suggestion, and it wasn't very 'date' like. It ended with Angol Mois and Tamama tying in the game and Tamama picking a fight and the two of them fighting.
The fight was very physical, there were Tamama impacts, lucifer spears. Most of the building was gone by the end.
"Does...Does this happen to you often when you go to public places?" Keroro asked in a whisper while Tamama and Angol Mois were fighting. Neither of them were very fazed- this happened way too often.
"Sure. She uses her lucifer spear a lot. Ku, ku, ku. But I'm pretty supportive of it. We pick which buildings we want to destroy and then we hit 'em!" Kululu laughed maliciously.
Keroro paled. Tamama usually got mad from very small things- but it sounded like Kululu and Angol Mois's dates revolved around destruction.
"I can kind of see why you'd be dating her..." Keroro stuttered out. The two of them were perfect for each other.
Kululu took that the wrong way. "Hey, don't get any ideas! Ku, ku, ku. She's my girlfriend. But you're right. She is perfect. Perfect little angel of destruction."
Keroro frowned at him. "Dude, you do know that I'm gay, right? I have literally no plans ever to put my hands on Angol Mois. It isn't going to happen."
Kululu did not know that. But he pretended like he did.
"Okay! All of the building has been destroyed!" Angol Mois smiled. "Let's go! We still have time to take out a hospital!" She grabbed Kululu's hand.
Tamama and Keroro just watched in stunned silence.
Needless to say they weren't invited back for a second double-date. Angol Mois's idea to bond with Keroro fell through spectacularly.
Please review. Sorry for just cranking out a weird one-shot.