Withdrawal is lonely without Red.
Nicky is thankful for Pennsatucky (If someone had told her she'd ever be thankful for Pennsatucky before about three hours ago, she probably would have laughed herself sick), but it's not the same, and even thinking that makes her feel like a petulant child. She would be disgusted with herself if she wasn't disgusted with herself for other reasons already.
They're three hours into lockdown, and three hours into her detox. She's not crying, not really, but there are tears streaming down her face from the force of her heaving. She's half propped up on her hands and knees, half leaning against the cold metal of the headboard, and Pennsatucky has a hand tangled in her hair to keep it out of the splash zone.
Fuck, what she would give for Red's rubber bands right now.
The vomiting subsides, and Nicky collapses on her back, a dry sob choking her.
"You alright?"
"Do I fuckin look alright to you?"
Pennsatucky just rolls her eyes and smooths a hand over Nicky's head, grimacing when it comes away sweaty. She's got the shakes, and her veins are trying to pulse their way through her fuckin' skin.
"You're too hot."
"Fever. Comes with the territory."
Nicky goes to pull her blanket back over her, and Pennsatucky snatches it away.
"The fuck, Doggett?"
Nicky tries to look menacing, but she retches again about halfway through attempting to raise an eyebrow.
She ends up puking on the floor of the cube this time, because when she goes to sit up her head spins and she flops onto her stomach dizzy right as the vomit comes up.
"You're too hot," Pennsatucky says again, as if Nicky hadn't just spewed bile all over the floor inches from her feet, "and the blanket will only make you hotter. I'd rather not have to watch you seize because your brain is melting."
"Valid point."
She looks at the puddle of sick on the floor absently. Pennsatucky tucks a hand under her head and guides it back to the pillow and Nicky goes, her brain throbbing against her skull too hard to really fight it, as much as she wants to.
"Red has hair ties."
"Huh?"
"Red. She bought hair ties from commissary for when I puked."
"I think she's still out with Piscatella."
"Probably."
Her head spins. She's dehydrated, she can tell, but if she wants water she's gonna have to ask Pennsatucky to go get it, which means Pennsatucky will have to leave, which means Nicky will be all alone with her pain and her puke smelling hair and sweaty bed and she can't fucking deal with that right now.
"Nicky."
"Unhg."
"Your eyes are rolling in your head."
"Spinning."
"I'm gonna go get water, and maybe a cold cloth for your head."
"N-no."
Her hand shoots out and latches onto Pennsatucky's wrist desperately, her entire arm shaking. Pennsatucky leans over, pushing a sweaty clump of hair.
"It'll be for five seconds, Nichols."
"At-at least get someone else in here."
She's getting paranoid, as she usually does when the fever gets to boiling levels, and again she wishes for Red to be there.
"Vause? I can try to get Vause."
Pennsatucky is blurring in front of her eyes. Nicky tries to lift her head but it sends a violent spike of pain down her spine and she curls in on herself and cries out. Even in her own head she sounds like a dying animal, and the bunk goes silent except for a thick russian accent that fills the silence with a roar like an angry bear.
"Nichols!"
Red appears in her cube, wrinkling her nose at the smell. The room fills with chatter again, and Nicky reaches desperately for her mother with trembling arms. Her stomach is rolling again, and Red takes her sweet time coming to the bed. She's telling Pennsatucky something, and then shooing her out, and then Nicky's face is between two work worn hands.
"Ma."
"You look like shit, little girl."
"Th-thanks, Red. You really know how to make a girl feel good about herself."
The bed shifts. Nicky groans as her joints sear with pain.
"You still got those rubber bands, Ma?"
"Of course. Do I look stupid to you?"
She laughs, chokes on it, and buries her face in what is probably Red's thigh. It's warm, and dark, so she doesn't give a shit what it is because it's blocking out the light.
"Don't lie to me again, Nicky."
"Not planning on it."
She rolls her head sideways and forces her eyes open, looking out into her cube. Her head is in Red's lap, and Red's fingers are scraping her hair into a ponytail at the nape of her neck. Pennsatucky is nowhere to be found. Nicky's teeth are chattering.
"Where'd you send Doggett?"
"Water and a cold cloth. And something to clean up your vomit."
"Speaking of vomit-"
Her stomach heaves again, and Nicky spits up into the bucket that magically appears below her head. Red is saying something in Russian, and the hand not holding the bucket is kneading tension out of Nicky's lower back. She finishes, wipes her mouth, and flops to her other side, the one where she can actually see Red's worried face, and grins crookedly, because if she doesn't make shitty jokes she's going to start sobbing with the pain and the sickness.
"Just like old times, eh?"
"Shut up, Nicky. Rest."
She dozes, fitfully in and out. Pennsatucky comes back in between blinks, and Red forces water down her throat and rubs her back. She wakes up when the muscle cramps start up, hyperventilates through Red and Pennsatucky digging them out, and passes back out. She wakes up to puke a couple more times, drags herself to the bathroom with the help of both of them at around four in the morning, and proceeds to shit out what little moisture is left in her body for two hours.
By the end of the night, and the lockdown, she's spent, delirious with fever and muscle aches, and trembling.
"How about a shower, huh? Get you feeling clean."
She looks blearily up at Red. Pennsatucky is gone (probably getting more water), and Nicky isn't entirely sure when she ended up back in her bunk but here she is, her head on the pillow and Red in the chair.
"I uh, don't think I could stand up long enough to make it to the bathroom right now, Ma."
Red tuts.
"Later, then. After breakfast. I need to leave soon, malyshka."
"Hmmm."
She's falling asleep again, and she's vaguely aware of Pennsatucky coming in and smoothing her hair back before making her drink. Red kisses her head and wanders off to the kitchen.
"Let sleep happen, Nichols. I'm not going anywhere."
"I'm touched, Penn."
It comes out jumbled, slurred with fever and exhaustion, and she falls into the blissfully black pit of unconsciousness soon after.
Fuck detox. Fuck heroin.
She's too tired for this shit.
Anyways I haven't posted anything on here since 2014 enjoy. Also on AO3 where I post most of my shit because ain't nobody care how dirty it is over there- I'm Petalclaws on AO3 and skai-ripa on tumblr hit me up.