It's dangerous to get too comfortable

by Codename TBD

Sometimes people can only find themselves when they lose themselves. Sometimes losing yourself is a choice. Sometimes that choice has been taken away from you and it's a reaction, a survival instinct. But sometimes when you lose yourself, you find something you never knew you wanted or had long since forgotten. The question is, can you keep hold of it when you find yourself again?

1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers, their characters, plot, etc. I do however own my OC and any plot additions. Post CA:WS

S:

I ran for several reasons. But the most important and influential reason was that I just couldn't look myself in the mirror anymore. Every time I saw my reflection the memories came surging back.

The first thing I changed was easy, my hair. I used to have it all colours, dyed to my latest fad, styled in the most outrageous way. Instead I stripped the colour out and brought it back to my natural brown, but boring brown wasn't enough. There were still too many memories.

I changed my clothes; no longer the rebel, but the girl next door. But it didn't change anything. My friends and family started to ask questions which I couldn't answer so I moved away –not far at first, but I quickly found that it wasn't far enough.

I would see a friend, a family member, pass a place I knew and it would all come flooding back. I was fighting to stay sane. I could numb the memories by allowing myself to go insane, dabbling in things I never thought I would. They soon became a lifeline. The people, the place, my choice of self-medicating were killing me. I needed to be someone else, be somewhere else. So that's what I did. I left. I left the place, the people and myself behind.

So I became the antithesis of what I was, my best impression of a good English girl. I cleaned myself up. I did everything I could to change who I was, what I was.

I hoped it would be like faking a smile. You may not feel it at first, but eventually it starts to become real. I was doing just fine. Then, just as I was starting to believe the lies I was telling myself, and the people around me believed them too, everything started to unravel. That's when I met him…