The glass that separated her from him was cool against her lips and sticky with months of lipstick stains. Annie could still make out the golden skin, the bright green eyes, the mischievous smile that had always told her when her husband was up to something, but it wouldn't be long before she lost even that beneath a layer of pinks and reds. She couldn't bear to wipe it clean, to scrub away all her kisses and love for him like dirt. They had loved him for his face, and they would wipe their lipstick away from his picture to feast on bronze hair and green eyes, but she had found something more to care about.
"Wish me luck. I'm going to need it." She knew there would be no answer, but that didn't stop her from pausing for an instant for one. Annie sighed and pushed herself up from the bed. "Ronan, are you ready? We'll be leaving soon!"
As usual, she heard the clap of little feet against wood floorboards before she saw her son running down the hall towards her. "Yeah, let's go!"
Annie smiled as he wrapped his arms around her thighs and looked up at her with big green eyes that were almost impossible to say no to. Almost. "I don't think you're quite ready. But once we comb your hair and get your shirt buttoned up the right way, I don't see a reason for us not to get there a little early."
His grin showed the gap where his front tooth had been as he scurried into the bathroom to grab a comb. She waited just outside the room, and when he emerged, Annie accepted the proffered comb and gently coaxed unruly bronze locks into some semblance of order. Ronan looked far too much like his father to ever have perfectly neat hair, but a mother had to try, didn't she? She fixed his shirt so that the buttons were slipped through the correct holes and neatly creased his little collar.
Ronan, who had remained admirably still through the entire ordeal, squirmed. "Now can we go?"
"Yes, we can go." Annie kissed his forehead before lifting herself up. "Are you excited for the Remembrance Day bonfire?"
"Yeah! Mrs. Rourick told us all about it yesterday!" He grabbed her hand and almost pulled her down the stairs.
"Slow down, sweetie. We're still early. What did your teacher tell you?" She wished she'd been the first to tell her son about Panem's newest holiday, but Annie still wasn't sure how much she wanted Ronan to know. When should she tell him about Finnick? Ronan knew he had a daddy, of course, and that Finnick had died before he was born, but she'd never told him anything more than that. Annie could hardly look at herself in the mirror and admit that Finnick would never come back; his death had destroyed her, and she couldn't bear to think about admitting the horrors the Capitol had inflicted on her and Finnick to her child. When the sun set and her demons crawled out from their daytime hiding places, she thought about what they would have done to Ronan had they had the opportunity. How they would watch and laugh and drink as they forced her baby to kill or be killed, or how their hands and lips would taint every inch of him –
Stop, Annie. They can't hurt him. She forced herself back to the real world, where she walked down the steps hand in hand with her son who had never experienced the cruelty that some were so happy to inflict. He happily talked about the construction paper bonfire he'd made the day before in school, and the joy on his face was so innocent that Annie wanted nothing more than to hide him away so nobody could ever destroy that happiness. "It's in my backpack, I think."
"Will I be able to find it in your backpack?"
He looked up questioningly at her, a bronze curl falling over his eyes, and her heart broke. Sometimes, maybe all the time, Ronan was too much like Finnick. "That's not the same question!"
"We'll have to work on keeping your things neat before you go to first grade. They'll want you to be a little more responsible for your own stuff then."
"But not now, right? 'Cause we're leaving now."
She grinned. "No, not right now. Just let me get my keys, and we can head."
Together, they ran down Victors Lane, Ronan beating her to the gate by just a few seconds. "I beat you, Mommy!"
"I didn't know we were racing." Annie gasped out. She winced when she glanced back and realized their house was no more than two blocks away. When she'd been in training, the coaches had led them on five-mile runs followed by half-mile swims every Saturday. She should get back into those habits, but exercise was just one of the many things she'd allowed to slip by the wayside since Ronan's birth. Since Finnick -
Don't go there. "I want a rematch. To the beach?" He shot off. "Hey! I didn't say go yet!" Laughing, Annie struggled to keep up with him, and by the time they reached the beach, her hair had escaped from its neat bun and her her cheeks were flushed a deep red.
Already, people crowded the strip of sandy coastline. Adults gathered in little groups to chat while children played with nature's toys of sticks and sand. A few teenagers swam out to the boats that held even more partygoers. Her breath hitched as she realized how many people had come to celebrate the anniversary of the Capitol's Games. She knew the whole town came to this every year, and she remembered the crowd in front of the Justice Building each year at the Reaping, but she'd never connected the two. They're all celebrating harming the children to punish the parent. That's what the Capitol did for years. Will we never learn? Annie's fingernails cut into the palm of her hand, but she forced herself to calm down. Ronan needed to come to this, to be with the other children and share their experiences. She wouldn't let him grow up an outsider.
And Ronan, being the outgoing child he was, had already found a game to join. She felt a sour taste in her mouth as he and another boy struck two sticks against each other in a crude imitation of a swordfight, but she said nothing. Annie saw when the bigger boy hit Ronan in the arm. Her son stumbled back, and Annie was ready to snatch her son away from the game and drag him to the safety of their home when Ronan struck him back. "Look, I cut off your leg! You have to hop now." He laughed as he spoke, and Annie relaxed. Her baby could handle this on his own.
The other boy began to hop towards Ronan, and both giggled as more and more body parts came off. Even Annie laughed when Ronan, having lost both his arms and one of his legs, began to fight hopping on one foot with his stick between his teeth. She felt a tap on her shoulder. "I'll keep an eye on Ronan if you want to go talk to the grown-ups."
Annie recognized the woman as the mother of one of the children in Ronan's class. "Thanks for the offer, but I don't want to be any trouble."
"It's no trouble at all. Go on, you deserve some time to yourself. I'll make sure he stays out of trouble."
"If you're sure…"
"Very. I'll see you in a bit."
Annie smiled. "Thanks." She checked to make sure Ronan was still getting along nicely with the other children before venturing into the crowd. Why had she agreed to this? Some faces looked vaguely familiar, but Annie didn't know anyone well enough to stop and chat. She wandered, lost, through the throngs of people until she found the long picnic tables set with an enormous potluck dinner. Annie stopped to admire the spread: fish prepared in every imaginable way, bowls upon bowls of fruits and salads, and mountains of desserts that together rivaled even the meals she remembered from her Victory Tour. Her stomach growled loudly enough that the two girls beside her giggled. Annie blushed and hurried to the tables, grabbing just a bite or two of a dozen different dishes. All right, and a couple of giant, absolutely delectable-looking cookies as well, but it was Remembrance Day. Nobody was going to judge her. She tucked into the pile of food with gusto, tapping her foot in time with the band that had started playing in the distance. She had almost finished her first plate when something knocked her to the ground.
"Hey, cut it out, you too! I'm sorry for them, ma'am. Are you all right?"
Annie cringed when she caught sight of her nice white shirt, now decorated with a huge splatter of cranberry dressing. "Yes, I'm fine." She couldn't quite keep the annoyance out of her voice.
"Need some help up?"
She turned to see a man with kind brown eyes and darkly tanned skin watching her with both hands extended. "Thanks."
He pulled her to her feet. "I really am sorry about that. I don't think those two know how to handle their liquor yet. I'm sure there's still plenty of food left if you're still hungry."
"It's fine, really. I was done anyway. Thanks." She smiled up at him.
The man glanced down at her left hand, and his face brightened. "Well, if you aren't in any hurry, do you want to dance with me?" He nodded over towards the band.
Annie thought about it a few seconds. She hadn't danced with anyone but Ronan since, well, since. It's okay, Annie. It doesn't mean you love him any less. You're allowed to have some fun once in a while. "Sure, I'd love to."
They walked together away from the picnic tables. He took one of her small hands in his and rested the other on her waist. Together, they began to sway in time with the music. Annie was transported back to evenings with Finnick when he would lead her in gliding Capitol dances through the first floor of their house. He'd been a wonderful dancer, graceful but patient, and with him, Annie had felt wonderful as well.
Her partner now was anything but graceful. But he tried and was careful not to tread on her toes, and Annie could ask for nothing more. "I don't think I've seen you around before. I'm Connor Bryant."
"And I'm Annie Cresta. It's very nice to meet you."
She saw a flash of recognition at her name."I'm sorry about, well…"
She shook her head. "You had nothing to do with it. Or the people who knocked me over for that matter. You really apologize too much."
"I'm sor -" He chuckled at his own mistake and shook his head. "I think you're right."
Annie laughed. "I know I am." This felt so effortless. She met his brown eyes and leaned up for a kiss. His lips were soft against hers, and for a few seconds, Annie allowed the events of the last six years to melt away. Reality would come back to claim her soon, but for now, she could pretend that everything was perfect.
Later, she told herself that it was just a dance and a couple of kisses, nothing special. Like every other night, she gave Finnick's picture a kiss and told him she loved him. But that night, for the first time in years, she saw something other than green eyes and golden skin in her dreams.
.oOo.
A/N: Thanks for reading! This was written for Rowan in the Caesar's Palace New Year's Eve Exchange. Any feedback is much appreciated. Happy New Year's!