a/n: post-ep for Singularity.
In the quiet of his office, Hammond reads Jack's report. It's short enough; this is just the addendum relating the events in the abandoned nuclear facility. Across the desk, sitting in the moderately-comfortable chair, Jack drums his fingers on his leg. Watching people read is a little weird. He's always wondered why he bothers writing things down when he could just say them.
The general finally looks up. "So Captain Carter was the one who took the girl down?"
"She was."
"Not you?"
"I offered. She insisted."
"Hmm." Hammond has a look on his face Jack is starting to wonder about. He's a general with some of the planet's most important secrets on his shoulders. That look holds at least a few of them.
"Anything else, General?"
Hammond shuts the folder, setting it down on his desk slowly. "I trust you'll have an appropriate discussion with the captain?"
Jack blinks. "Uh - sir?"
"Come on, Jack. I know you. You ordered her to come back up. She stayed."
Even now, Jack can feel the creeping tightness that locked his chest the minute he realized what she was doing.
His report doesn't lay that out so plainly, but he should have known: Hammond's an expert at reading between the lines.
"She figured out -" Jack thinks back to the explanation she'd rattled off, brittle, desperate, too fast. "She said she realized it was about keeping Cassie away from the 'Gate."
"So she knew the bomb wouldn't go off?"
"I - guess so." It sounds flimsy. It feels flimsy. But it's what he has. "You know how smart she is. I wouldn't have known without her explaining."
"Right." Hammond nods slowly. "Well. Hard to argue with success, isn't it?"
"Sure is, sir."
The general folds his hands on his desk. "All right. I'll trust you to address Captain Carter's actions in whatever manner you see fit."
"Will do, sir."
As soon as I figure out what the hell to say.
The airmen in the hallways point him towards her lab. Jack's not surprised. Carter has all sorts of fancy, complicated toys in there. The door's half-open, so he leans in, peering around. The lights are on, but it takes him a moment to find her, sitting at a worktable near the far corner.
She's crying.
Jack freezes.
He shouldn't be watching this.
He's about to take a step back, walk away, give her the space and privacy she obviously wants, but of course she chooses this exact moment to look up and see him.
Carter looks away hastily, wiping at her eyes, but it's sort of a moot point. "Um - sorry, sir, I didn't see you there." Her voice is thick, unsteady. Clogged. "Did you need something?"
"I -" he's not sure what to say, because any wind he'd had in his sails has long since deserted him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sneak up on you."
For a moment, he wonders if it would be better to do this later. She's de-stressing. She needs time to herself.
But Jack's not as dumb as he thinks he is sometimes, and he knows the difference between giving someone else space and backing away to spare his own feelings.
So rather than back away, he pulls the door shut behind him. The room feels too big, especially with her over in a corner, so he joins her, sitting on the bench beside her. Close enough to be connected, but far enough to be respectful.
"Is it - what happened in that bunker?" She doesn't say anything, but it's obvious that's what this is. "It's okay. It rattled everyone."
Carter nods slowly. "Yeah."
"You did a brave thing." She's still looking down at her hands, and he thinks maybe it's time to push a little. "Even if it almost got you killed."
"I told you, sir. I realized what the coma meant."
"No, you didn't." She looks up at him guiltily, and if he hadn't already been sure, the look on her face would confirm it. "You would have said something. You didn't know it when you went back down."
The minute he saw 26 turn back to 27, he knew what was happening. He knew exactly what she was doing.
"Sir -"
"I'm not angry." Jack shrugs. "I mean, I was. God, I would have run down there and dragged you out, if I could have. But I know why you did it."
"She was crying for me. And I just walked away. I was going to leave her there to die, all alone." She lets out a shuddering breath. "What kind of person does that?"
"I gave you the order to do it."
"You couldn't hear her crying."
Objectively speaking, he knows it was the right decision. As a CO, his job is to look out for his team. But that doesn't mean the thought of leaving Cassie to a lonely death hadn't torn him to pieces, that little girl who did nothing to deserve what happened to her.
"Still."
"You did what you had to, sir." She offers him a shrug. "I did what I thought was right."
"I know." Jack sighs. No way out. He sometimes wonders when SG-1's magical luck is going to run out, because it's only a matter of time until tragedy catches up with them. They've certainly tested their luck enough these past few months. "It was a no-win situation."
"Kobayashi Maru, sir?"
"Exactly." And she references Star Trek. Just when he'd thought she was already perfect. "But there was no way to cheat this one."
They fall silent for a while; Carter wipes her eyes, but she seems to be done crying.
Jack wonders what she was thinking, waiting as the seconds ticked down. Huddled there with Cassie, waiting for the explosion to rip them both apart.
Carter's staring at him, and he's about to ask why when she opens her mouth.
"You would have stayed, sir." It's not a question. "You would've done the same thing."
She knows him too well. Kids. Kids always get to him. Especially adorable, tiny, innocent kids who deserve so much better than the horrors around them.
"Maybe."
"You would." She nudges his shoulder with hers, and Jack feels a rush of warmth at the contact. "You didn't evacuate up top, did you? You guys were supposed to leave. But you came back to the intercom too quickly."
Jack meets her eyes for a long moment. It's probably a mistake. She's vulnerable right now, and her blue eyes are still red-rimmed, glittering with tears. She looks young. Young and desperate and - and -
- and he needs to back off this train of thought right the hell now, before he starts thinking things that will do nothing but get him in trouble.
He rubs his hands on his trousers, desperate to relieve the tension that's descended on the room. "Normally, this is where I'd give you some kind of stern warning about obeying orders in the future."
Carter gives him a half-smile at that, a little watery, but real. It's a good sign. "Normally, I wouldn't need it, sir."
He's seized with the sudden, irrational desire to hug her again, tighter, wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her hair to assure himself that she didn't die down there, that she's fine and safe and everything worked out miraculously, yet again.
The impulse swamps him with an intensity he wasn't expecting.
He might already be in trouble.
For now, he settles for a hand on her shoulder. "Can we agree you'll try to stay alive in the future?"
Carter nods. "I can do that, sir."
"Good." He squeezes her shoulder. "Let's hope for something a little more boring next week."
"I'd like that."
He stands, moves to leave, but chances a look back at her, still sitting on her workbench. A brilliant woman, surrounded by things he doesn't understand. This really is her turf.
He likes it here.
"See you tomorrow?"
She nods.
"Have a good night, sir."
Jack's halfway out the door when he pauses, leaning back in. "Sam?"
She looks up at that; she's not used to him using her given name. It's starting to feel too familiar. Too close. "Colonel?"
"I'm really glad you're alive."
Her face softens.
"So am I."