Rumplestiltskin grabbed the flier off the notice board outside city hall and glared at it as though it had personally offended him.
In all honesty, it had offended him. The innocuous piece of white printer paper emblazoned with words in a cheery font that made his stomach curdle. Below the flier's message were several tabs with Belle's cell phone number printed on each. Rumple was further annoyed to see that a few of the tabs were already missing. How long had the flier been up?
He crumpled it in his hand, turning on his heel and stalking toward the library. The door blew open before him, his magic swirling like a tempest as his anger grew during his trek across town.
"Rumple," Belle said without even looking up from the computer at the circulation desk. She was used to her soon to be ex-husband's outbursts. "What can I do for you today?"
"What is the meaning of this?" he growled, slapping the wrinkled flier down on the desk in front of Belle.
She spared a glance to the paper, rolling her eyes slightly before returning to whatever she was doing on the ancient library computer.
"I wish you wouldn't have taken it down," she sighed. "I could only print out a handful."
"You're hiring a nanny?" Rumple demanded, slapping his hand against the paper again. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"
"I didn't think it was important," she said with a shrug.
"You're soliciting applications for some stranger to watch our child 5 days a week and you didn't think it was important enough to consult me?" he exclaimed. "As much as I know you wish otherwise, dear, Lucy is still my daughter."
"Rumple, I don't…" Belle trailed off with a shake of her head. "It's not a big deal. I just need someone to watch her for a couple hours in the evenings while I'm switching the library's reference system to digital. It's taking a fair few more man-hours than I originally anticipated and it's made for some late nights."
Rumple clenched his hand, reigning in his temper. He wasn't angry with Belle, not really. He was never truly angry with Belle. He was angry with himself. It was his fault they were in this situation in the first place. It was his fault that Belle no longer lived with him in their home. It was his fault that she had taken Lucy and moved back to her apartment above the library.
Everything was his fault.
Knowing that didn't make any of this any easier.
"Did you think that perhaps I could watch her on the evenings you have to work late?" he posited, trying to relax his clenched jaw.
An uneasy look stole across Belle's face.
"We've talked about this," she said with a sigh, finally standing up from her place behind the circulation desk.
"You've talked about it at me," he snarked. "There's a difference."
"Look, I'm working through things with Archie," she said, crossing her arms against her chest defensively. "But for now, I just can't. I really hope we can have joint custody one day, but for now it's just visitation. I can't let you take her."
"It's not enough," he growled.
"I agree," Belle said, surprising him. "I want Lucy to spend time with you as much as you do. I would never want to keep you two apart."
"Then why are you?" he asked through clenched teeth. "You can't honestly think I would hurt her."
"No," Belle agreed. "I know you would never do anything to intentionally endanger our daughter, but as long as you use dark magic, I don't trust that she's safe with you. Magic has consequences, Rumple. It always comes with a price, you taught me that. I won't let that price be our child. Not again."
He'd heard similar words from Belle before, but they still stung. He stepped back from the desk, turning his head so she wouldn't see the hurt he was sure was etched across his face. Belle, his own wife no matter that she was sure to take care of that discrepancy any day now, didn't trust him with their child.
"I miss her," he said softly, still not able to look at Belle.
"I know," she replied. A moment later he felt Belle's small hand clasp around his. It was the first time she'd touched him in weeks and he tried not to flinch at the contact. He didn't want to do anything that would make her take her hand away. That small contact would have to be enough to sustain him for weeks or even months ahead.
"This isn't easy for me either," she said with a shake of her head, her hand squeezing his briefly. "I wish…I wish things were different. But Lucy comes first for me."
His anger had burned off leaving him tired. His magic sustained him, gave him little need for sleep, but lately he felt as ancient as his years. All Rumple wanted to do was go home, drown his sorrows in a whisky bottle and sleep until the sun came up and he started the same drudgery of a life all over again.
"Of course she does," he acknowledged. "Your safety and that of our daughter are my primary concern as well."
"I know that," Belle said, squeezing his hand again before letting it drop. He felt bereft at the loss of contact, his hand reaching out to follow her of its own accord as she stepped away. "I know you love us, Rumple."
But that's not enough. Her unspoken words hung in the air between them.
Rumple closed his eyes against her words as though he could shut them out. He loved Belle and he knew part of her still loved him. It didn't mean they would ever be happy together.
For a brief time, after he'd managed to wake Belle from her self imposed sleeping curse, it looked like they might actually make things work long term. They'd been together throughout the rest of her pregnancy. When they returned to Storybrooke they were quickly dragged into a battle of wills with Mr. Hyde and his very unforeseen accomplice the Evil Queen. Lucy had been born in the midst of all the chaos, but Rumple had been there by Belle's side. Despite there never being a dull moment in Storybrooke, the first few weeks of Lucy's life were some of the best of Rumple's life. But it was only a matter of time until things began to crumble.
He could never fully protect his family, no matter how much power he had. Lucy had been kidnapped at just 6 weeks old. Hyde had seen her as a weakness, one he could exploit to bend Rumple to his will. He'd threatened her, forced Rumple to do his bidding. Meanwhile Belle had been distraught and every crack and mar in their mended relationship had split open yet again.
Rumple had eventually been able to save Lucy and destroy Hyde. Things slowed back down and they tried to go on as though things were normal. But things between them had never been normal and they certainly weren't now. Belle was having anxiety over Lucy, hardly letting the baby out of her sight. On top of that she was still feeling guilt over what had happened to Gaston in the Underworld. Rumple had urged her to talk to Archie to work through those issues though he was loath to extend the same courtesy to himself. It was through her therapy sessions that Belle came to several realizations about herself, one of which was that she hadn't truly forgiven Rumple for the events prior to his banishment and Lucy's kidnapping had just exacerbated that. No matter how hard she tried, she was still having trouble completely trusting him and that now extended to their daughter as well. As long as Rumple had his dark magic, Belle felt as though there were a third person in the relationship and he couldn't fully commit to their family.
Archie suggested time apart for the two of them to examine what they really wanted, and Rumple had reluctantly agreed. He wanted Belle to feel better, to be herself again. But part of him knew that they wouldn't survive yet another separation. When Belle moved out of their home and into the library apartment again, he knew she wouldn't be returning this time.
That was five months ago and so far, his prediction was correct. Belle showed no sign of giving their marriage another shot and now he was being left out of decisions about his daughter's welfare.
Belle had moved on.
"May I at least have some say in the hiring process?" he asked, steering the conversation back to the matter at hand and away from more sensitive territory.
"Sure," Belle nodded looking slightly surprised. "I'm collecting a few résumés. I'll send you copies of the ones I think look promising."
"Thank you," he said, with a brief nod of his head. "Good evening Belle. Please tell Lucy that her Papa loves her."
"Of course," Belle agreed.
The stiff formality between them felt so wrong. It was only a short time ago he'd have pulled her into his arms, kissed her, they would have gone home to their daughter together. They had been happy for a brief flickering moment. They had been a real family just as he'd always dreamed. And now here they were speaking stiffly to each other with several feet of space between them. And Rumplestiltskin would be going home to his empty house alone.
Belle was good as her word and the following day she stopped by with a stack of résumés for potential nannies. Rumple leafed through them after she left finding something wrong with every one of the candidates. One was a former princess he'd made a bad deal with. One was the wife of a butcher he'd turned into a pig. And one had come from the Land of Untold Stories in the company of Hyde.
No matter how much childcare experience they had among them, Rumple didn't trust them. Any one of these women could be out for vengeance against him through his daughter. The princess had been reduced to rags after her deal with Rumple in the Enchanted Forest. The butcher's wife might still be miffed about the pig incident. And after he'd personally destroyed Mr. Hyde, who knew what someone from his realm would have against Rumple.
He tossed the resumes into the trash bin and heaved a sigh. There wasn't a soul in town he'd trust his child to. He knew Granny Lucas looked after Lucy on occasion, and he supposed the old woman's love for Belle and Lucy outweighed her dislike of him. But she was the rare exception. Snow and Charming would probably dart off on an adventure and leave Lucy behind with Granny anyway. Emma would no doubt hand Lucy off to the pirate, something he'd rather die than see happen. And Henry was little more than a child himself.
He ran his fingers through his hair, thinking over the predicament. This would all be so much easier if Belle would just allow him to watch Lucy while she was at work in the evenings. He could close the pawnshop whenever he wanted. He had no other pressing engagements. And wouldn't it be better for Lucy to spend time with her father rather than a complete stranger? He was the only person he could truly trust with his daughter outside of Belle.
That's when the solution came to him with stunning clarity.
He would be Lucy's nanny. He had magic at his very fingertips, what was the use of that magic if not to ensure his daughter's safety?
He felt a momentary glimmer of guilt for deceiving Belle in something yet again. If she ever found out she would be livid. But perhaps he could show her that he was no danger to Lucy. That he could and would take care of her perfectly well. He'd raised a son before, after all, he thought with the familiar pang of heartache that came with any thoughts of Bae. Of course within a year of becoming the Dark One he had lost him.
And that was the root of all their problems. Belle didn't trust the Dark One, not after everything that had happened during the Snow Queen's reign of terror, not after Rumple took the curse back willingly, and certainly not after Hyde had used his own power against them. But Rumple was the Dark One. There was no separating the two in his mind. Belle's rejection of one part of him equaled the rejection of all of him.
His mind made up, Rumple made his way to the bathroom, standing before the mirror over the sink. He avoided mirrors for the most part. He didn't particularly like looking at his face, although he appreciated the bits of it he saw in Lucy. She had his eye color, rather than the crystal blue of her mother's. There was a sharpness to her nose that she got from him as well, but the features were softened by the beauty she'd inherited from her mother. She was a definite improvement on him.
He concentrated on his face, letting the glamour take over. It was easy enough to glamour himself into someone he knew, but creating a face from scratch was quite a bit harder. He couldn't be anyone Belle had ever seen before.
He concentrated, morphing his features into his appearance from the Enchanted Forest, letting the green-gold scales encroach, the yellow eyes, his hair curling up closer to his scalp. He let out an impish giggle for old time's sake. What would Belle do if he showed up on her doorstep like this and claimed her first born, he wondered?
She'd once confided in him in the dark of night as they lay entwined in each other's arms that she rather liked his appearance back in the Dark Castle. She had been particularly fond of his leather pants. Completely ridiculous of course that his strange little beauty would have been taken with him at his most beastly and reject him now.
He gave a shake of his head, letting the glamour fade to be replaced by his usual appearance.
He'd have to be a woman, he thought, analyzing his features and willing them to soften into something more feminine. He needed to be someone maternal, someone Belle would trust, and someone Belle would definitely not think was her estranged husband in disguise. He had to become someone completely different, so a woman he would be.
His first attempt came out looking far too much like Granny, complete with steel grey bun and spectacles. He needed something slightly more youthful and energetic to take care of an almost one year old.
He focused, willing his hair to darken from the grey. He gave it a little curl, changed the color of his eyes slightly and looked again.
He looked rather like his own twin sister.
He heaved a sigh, rolling his shoulders. This was ridiculous. Belle would immediately see through his ruse and she'd be so angry he'd be lucky to ever see his daughter again.
That's when something caught his eye, a book on the nightstand next to what had once been Belle's side of the bed. A remnant left over from when they were still playing at happy family. He hadn't had the stomach to move anything from where she'd left it, several of her blouses still hanging in the closet and books still scattered everywhere. She hadn't asked for them or come for them and some ridiculously hopeful part of Rumple's heart had taken it as a sign that maybe, one day, she'd return. The reminders had been a torment. With little pieces of Belle still scattered around the house he'd been able to pretend she was still there only for it to come crashing down when the stark reminder that she was gone from his life presented itself. More than once he'd thought about packing the lot of it up and dropping it at the library doorstep to end the torture for good. But now he was glad for his sentimental heart.
Mary Poppins by P.L. Travers.
There were countless new citizens of Storybrooke running around, imports from the Land of Untold Stories. Who was to say Mary Poppins wasn't among their ranks?
Rumple turned back to the mirror.