A/N: So, this is a collection of the first fanfics I ever wrote at least two or three years ago, and I thought I'd upload them. They're not the best, but oh well.

Fuhrer for a Day

It was another incredibly slow day at work. Sloth's desk was completely devoid of all paperwork- a miracle in itself, she thought, then smiled- and the Fuhrer's wife hadn't called at all that day to complain that she was certain there was something going on between Mr. Bradley and his secretary.

"Of all things," she whispered. "I never thought I'd be bored at work."

At just that moment, Fuhrer King Bradley, also known as the homunculus Pride, burst into the room. "Juliette Douglas! Be a doll, head down to the supermarket, and buy me a bottle of hard lemonade!"
She sighed and returned in twenty minutes. "Here you are, Mr. Bradley."
"Thanks, Juli. You're sweet. Oh, by the way, there's something important I have to tell you."

"Go ahead."
"My wife is planning a vacation, but I don't know who I can trust to take my place and follow Dante's plans while I'm gone... so, will you be willing to be Fuhrer for a day?"

Sloth almost fell over. "What? Fuhrer for a day?"

"Yes. It's pretty much what you do everyday, since all us sins know you're really the one running the country. Just- be careful. Oh, and if you have to go to a meeting, stay awake. Just a word of advice."

"Um, sure. When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow. I'll be back in time for work soon. Do you think you can handle it, Miss Douglas?"

"Probably."

"That's the spirit! I should probably pay you overtime too."

"That's okay, Fuhrer."

"I should also arrange for someone to watch Wrath too."

"It's okay. Greed has babysitting duty; it's his turn."

Meanwhile, with Greed...

"Please please please can you take me to the playground?" Wrath pleaded.

"No. The last time I took you there, you joined your body with the swings and gave everyone there a tremendous fright. Do you know how much work it took Sloth to erase that scandal from the news?"

"I dunno. But take me, please! I'll be a good boy! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEAAASE!"

"Just take him!" Lust screamed. She was sick with a fever and did not think Wrath's whining would help her recover. Gluttony had promised to go buy her a get-well-soon treat, but everyone knew there would be no treat by the time he got back. Dante had gone down to the pharmacy under the excuse that she needed to buy some painkillers for Lust's headache- and the migraine that Wrath was giving her- but Greed was certain she just wanted to get away from Wrath's whining.

"I can't! He'll morph with some equipment and do something stupid again! What, you think we need the entire military at our front door?"
"TAKE ME TO THE PARK!" Wrath screamed.

Envy turned the radio volume in an attempt to hear the news. Unfortunately, not only did he still not understand anything because only static came out of the speakers, it made the noise louder and Lust felt even worse.

"Greed, if you don't make that brat shut up, I swear, your Ultimate Shield is going to need some major repairing..."

"Fine! Come on, let's go to the park. Promise me you'll pretend to be a normal human."

"That's lying. Mommy says lying is wrong. Only bad guys lie."

"Wrath..." Greed was seriously annoyed. "WE ARE THE BAD GUYS!"

At first, her work day was just like any other. She finished loads of paperwork, made a list of people that were to be promoted, then somehow ended up with an extra fifteen minutes before her lunch break. She had just turned on the radio to listen to some recent news when Maes Hughes burst in.

"Hey! Miss Douglas, is the Fuhrer in?"

"Unfortunately, he isn't. I'm taking over his duties until he returns. How may I help you?"

"Are you aware of the Scar investigation?"

"Very."
"Well, we received a tip-off that some Ishbalans in a refugee camp are holding him. What should I do?"

Sloth tried to think how she could respond without sounding overly evil- which she was. "Um... I suppose... send out a couple of troops... and... I dunno... investigate?"

"Sure."

"Hughes."

"Hmm?"

"Don't kill more than necessary."

"Got it. Oh, and do you want to see some pictures of my daughter?"

"No, scumbag."

"Suit yourself."

Once he left, she was surprised when yet another man coming in requesting the Fuhrer. She was sorely tempted to make him go away, but instead she said, "I am taking over the Fuhrer's duties until he returns. How may I help you?"

"Well, um... we need reinforcements in Liore."

Sloth opened a notebook, flipped a few pages until she found what she was looking for, then read it. "Lt. Travesty, is that it?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Well, we've already sent more troops than necessary to Liore. How about we make a deal. I'll send some reinforcements, and if you don't solve the problem, you're going to have to get your help from somewhere else."
"All right. Could you send a State Alchemist, like Fullmetal?"

At first, it seemed almost golden. She might get him killed, and that would help Dante's plans go a lot smoother, but she wanted him in Central, where she could still watch him and wistfully imagine herself as his mother before deciding she wasn't.

"Take your pick." She handed him a list, making sure to cross out 'Fullmetal' before she did so. "Now... is there anything else?"

"No, thank you."

"Greed! I'm stuck! Help me down!" Wrath had recently climbed a tree, proud of his accomplishment, only to look down and get scared of the great height.

"You are the most spoiled homunculus in Amestris, you know that?" Greed grumbled. "The sooner your mommy's done playing president, the happier I'll be."

During her lunch break, Sloth discovered she had forgotten to bring anything to eat. "So..." she mused. "I can either go out and spend more money than I need to so I can eat out, or I can eat cafeteria food." She glanced at the cafeteria menu, made a gagging sound, then grabbed her wallet. "Eating out it is."

When she returned, she found a huge pile of paperwork on her desk. "How is it that I'm getting more paperwork today than other days?" she grumbled. "It's not like I haven't been running the country already."

At the end of the day, she was extremely exhausted and fell over on her bed. Lust, who still had a fever, said, "Sloth, could you head down and buy me some medicine?"

"You're a homunculus," Sloth groaned. "How in Amestris do you possibly get sick?"

Lust shrugged.

The next day housed a greater predicament for Sloth than the one before. "I can't believe I'm sick!" she moaned. "Now who's going to take care of the country?"

"Call in sick and ask," Dante replied. It was her turn to cook, and it wasn't going very well. She had tried making French toast, but it had turned out to be blackened and gross. Her scrambled eggs didn't look much better.

When Sloth called in to report she was sick, the operator didn't believe it. "You NEVER get sick, Miss Douglas."

"Well, I'm sick now," she snapped. "Who do you think can possibly replace me?"

"General Hakuro, maybe," she said. "Hold on, let me contact him."

After two minutes, the operator returned. "Gen. Hakuro is currently on vacation with the Fuhrer. There's no one who can replace you- I spoke with the Fuhrer himself. He doesn't trust anyone."

So that was how, when she was burning with a hundred-degree fever and feeling sick, Sloth was filing paperwork and being a stand-in for the country's aloof dictator-like leader.

"You know what," she mumbled to herself as she signed stack of papers after stack of papers. "I'm really going to ask the Fuhrer to pay me overtime."

She was genuinely surprised, then, when Greed came in with a bouquet of flowers. "So, um, Sloth," he said, handing her the flowers and a balloon that said GET WELL SOON.

"What?"

"Well, get well soon... good job being Fuhrer for a day and all, and... um... will you eat dinner with me at Papa Tom's pizza?"

Sloth took the flowers and hit him on the head with them. "No, I will not go out with you, Greed," she retorted. "Thank you for the flowers, though. They're rather nice."

"No prob. Oh well. It was worth a try. Also... how in the world do you MAKE WRATH SHUT UP?"

Sloth smiled. "Play with him. Interact with him. I don't know. Ooh, I have a marvelous idea! Take him out for ice-cream. He's sure to love that." She waited, realized that since she was technically the Fuhrer (at least for a little while), she could give Greed orders, then said, "Greed, while you're at it... could you buy your temporary Fuhrer a triple-dipped-chocolate-fudge-with-sprinkles-vanilla-ice-cream-cone?"

"If my Fuhrer-for-a-day will go out with me."

"Not a chance."

"No ice-cream for you, then."

"I'd rather die than go out with you, Greed."

"You can't die."

"Exactly."

That was also how Sloth had no ice-cream while she was being Fuhrer for a day, but when she arrived home, she was surprised to see a giant ice-cream sundae waiting for her on the table. Lust was eating a smaller cone.

"Greed got it for you," Lust said. She apparently was feeling much better.

"Oh, that's nice of him. I'm still not eating out with him."

"He knows, but Wrath wouldn't shut up until he bought you one."

"The perks of being a mother," Sloth said as she began eating. It was a heavenly tasting ice-cream sundae, and she wondered how much it cost. Probably quite a bit. "Where's Greed now?"

"With Wrath someplace."

"Wrath, I will not buy you a radio."

"WHY NOT?! I WANT ME A RADIO!"

"Wrath, the one we have at home is just fine."

"Yeah, but this one is PURPLE. The other one is just a boring brown color. Please?"

"No."

"I'll tell Mommy on you!"

"I don't care."

Greed was feeling very exasperated and wondered how Sloth managed to babysit the boy every spare moment she had from work.

"I want a radio!"

"How about this, kid," Greed said, reaching into his wallet. "I'll give you twenty dollars for you to spend on anything you want-anything!- while Uncle Greedy goes out and has a little fun at the pub."

"Pubs are for grown-ups. I can't go there."

"Exactly. I'm 400. You are... what, 10? So you can't go, but I can. I'll meet you here. If you get into any trouble while I'm gone... Uncle Greedy won't give you anymore money. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Good."

When Greed returned to pick up Wrath, he was surprised to find that Wrath had waited for him without doing anything. "The radio cost twenty-five dollars," Wrath pouted.

"Did someone buy it? I don't see it anymore."

Wrath grinned evilly. "I absorbed it into my skin! I stole it!"

Greed smiled. "You are one bad seed, kid. You fit in with us homunculii perfectly."