Rivaling memories, a harry potter fanfic

Rivaling memories.

AN: hehehe, i think this will just be a one shot, though i am not too sure anymore...we shall see, if i get enough reveiws to convince Jill to start another chap with me (and considering how long this one took, there better be a HELL of a lot of reviews hint hint)

OK, i didn't write this alone (though i wish i could claim all brilliance) my co-writer is Jillian -Owl of the Night- and i owe much of this to her, without her i am pretty sure i would have given up. she will also be posting this fic in about a weeks time, so make sure you don't get confused (we planned it this way...)

also i would like to claim that neither myself nor Jill own Harry Potter, i don't even own the books.

"Harry, I just want you to know that no matter what you do in life, you will never do anything I haven't done."

Harry peeked through his dark bangs up at his godfather as they walked down the marble staircase from Dumbledore's office, yet another meeting about Harry's behavior in school grounds. Those words didn't seem right coming out of Sirius's usually sarcastic and casual mouth, the tone sounded odd to match the words, fatherly almost.

Sirius glanced down at him, familiar smirk fixed in place as he swaggered down the hall towards the great doors.

"Don't bet on it," Harry murmured as he walked back to his dorms.

"Check ya later kid," Sirius called over his shoulder. He glanced around to make sure no one was watching, then transformed into a huge black dog. He gave a farewell bark and bounded out the front doors of Hogwarts.

XXX

Harry peered into the murky brown water within the glass bottle.

"And where did you say it was from?"

"Ugh, the twins gave it to me," Ron grimaced as the words finally reached his brain. The trio was sitting by the far side of the lake; the only people out on the grounds (aside from Hagrid in the far distance). Classes were over for the day, which would normally cause everyone to be outside, but there were clouds in the overhead sky and it looked as if it was about to rain.

"You aren't going to actually drink that, are you," Hermione's voiced worriedly from the other side of the wide bottle, "because if you are, that is a serious breach of… 8 school rules: obtaining alcohol, distributing alcohol, keeping alcohol on school grounds, being intoxicated on premises, illegally-"

"Well in that case, bottoms up," Harry cut her off, grabbing the bottle and taking a small sip, "and it's not like we're getting drunk is it? We don't even know if it really is alcohol! After all, it was Fred and George that gave it to us…" he smirked and took another sip of the drink, wincing as it burnt his throat on the way down to his brain.

He passed the bottle to Ron who took a large gulp –to impress Hermione- and gagged, coughing and spluttering as he threw the offending bottle back into Harry's hands.

"Ggughhffa! Ugh mate, how can you drink that? It tastes like metho," Ron groaned

"Its not that bad," Harry declared, proving his point with a larger gulp of the amber liquid.

"Harry I don't think that's safe to drink, I mean we don't even know what it is! And it's all murky and thick looking," Hermione protested, her voice raising a notch when Harry took another pull from the large bottle.

"Why actually, my dear esteemed friend, I do, actually, I do believe it tastes better the more you drink it," Harry said with a gurgle, a blush settling over his cheeks.

Ron leaned closer to Hermione and farther away from Harry as he proceeded to take a gulp bigger than the last two combined and it went up his nose.

"Is he trying to impersonate Professor Lupin or is he actually getting tipsy," Ron whispered in Hermione's ear as Harry took to scrubbing his nose against a cushion he had previously been sitting on; his butt waving in the air and his arms spayed useless at his sides.

"I've read about this!" she whispered back.

"Of course you have."

"The term used in the book was; bodily incapable of taking too much of a particular substance without feeling the effects faster than that of someone with a larger body mass. But it is more commonly known as 'lightweight'," Her eyes widened as she spoke, as if witnessing a great feat.

Ron's eyes filled with awe and they shared a sage nod between them before returning to watch their best mate make a complete ass of himself.

XXX 20 minutes later and half a bottle down.XXX

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! No, no, no, no, no, ickle Ronniekins! I said no! I know I know you think I am drunk!" Harry flared his nostrils and tired his best to look furious. Well as furious as one can look when lying on their back with their legs pressed up on a poor defenseless tree. He pointed a finger at Ron, attempted to poke him and forgot he was seeing everything upside-down and slammed his finger into the hard packed earth.

"OOOOooooowwwwwwwwwww," he howled twisting to look at his injured finger and slumping against the tree upright –ish-. Hermione started forward to help him but Harry snarled; snatched up a cushion; hit her on the head; then proceeded to place it in his lap and lay his finger gently across it. He stroked his finger gently and made crooning noises.

"Daddy will not let the bad, nasty, hard, hard floor hurt pointy wointy ever again will I, pointy wointy shointy mointy cointy…"

Ron gave up on taking the bottle from him after that and just waited for it to run out.

XXX 40 minutes later; bottle: empty. XXX

"Gone! Gone, gone, gone, gone, goooooonne!" Harry sung tunelessly, shoving Ron's face against his as he peered into the glass bottle (so Ron could see too! How… considerate.)

"Ronniekins," Harry howled into Ron"s ear; causing the red head to jump. Harry tackled him to the ground; flopping boneless over him.

Ron yelped as a very wet tongue wiggled its way into his now very deaf ear; he squirmed under the dead weight that was his friend –though not any more because Ron thought he could never be considered the friend of a bad drunk (and an ear sucker at that).

Harry's tongue retreated from the waxy ear over a speckled face to two little holes that he decided was much tastier that the other ear tasting one.

Ron choked, gagged and tried his hardest not to snort the slimy tongue that was currently worming its way to his lungs. His arms were trapped at his sides and his legs pinned down, no escape.

Ron screamed.

Hermione decided it was time to stop Harry from suffocating Ron. She gripped Harry's arms and pulled as hard as she could. Harry, for his part, flailed wildly and effectively pulled his arm free. He was now intently licking Ron's eyelids free of stray eyelashes.

So instead she latched her hand onto the back of his dark black hair and yanked backwards.

Harry toppled on top of her, blinking owlishly without his glasses; his eyes too bright and slightly frenzied.

He rolled to the side and onto the stone floor of the Room of Requirement, his head hitting the ground with resounding 'thunk'

Harry gazed unblinkingly at the spinning ceiling for a long time –for him- then his eyes shut and didn't open for a long time, but when they did he wished they hadn't.

"I will never drink again!" Harry vowed as he reached under the bed he had found himself in and groped for a bucket.

XXX

Sirius grinned down at James; his eyes alight with excitement. He picked up the first bottle and handed it to James and then took his own. They looked at each other eyes glinting in the moonlight.

"One," Sirius said barely keeping his voice level

"Two," James gave the signal for Peter to start the stopwatch.

"Three," they both yelled, pulling the bottles to their lips and taking the first sips. Sirius spluttered at the taste and was tempted to spit it out but he saw James take another larger sip and swallowed.

James took another gulp and Sirius wondered if his friend had any taste buds, or feeling, or brains for that matter. But then again, Sirius knew that he had none of nothing and left it as that.

Sirius took another swallow; pinching his nose to keep out the taste; trying to hide the grimaces and look macho and manly as so not to be out drunk but his best mate. Said friend was currently grinning goofily, attempting to drink at the same time and failing miserably, the rather deceptively harmless and looking liquid dribbling down his chin.

Sirius didn't try to hold back a laugh as the liquid ran down his friend's nostrils and James began flailing around gasping for breath and spluttering. Sirius took another swig.

And another…

Thirty minuets in and half and ¾ of a bottle down

And another…

A staggering Sirius waved at peter, vision blurring as the tubby youth stepped up to catch him as he stumbled.

"Ugh thanks mate, tad dizzy is all, though I really don't think it's working very much. See I don't feel drunk, or even slightly tipsy, honestly, you would think after going to all the trouble of stealing the stuff form Filch's office; from under the very claws of Mrs. Norris, which are very, very sharp by the way and I know this from experience; that this stuff would perhaps taste a little better and maybe even do something to the…the person drunking it!" Sirius said a little too loudly in Peter's ear as he regained his wobbly balance.

"Ugh mate, I think it actually, er, might have had a bit of effect." Peter patted the dark haired boy on the back causing him to topple to the ground.

"I am NOT drunk! Peter my dear friend, I am astonished that you would have the…" Sirius searched for the word in his spinning mind; an obnoxious noise buzzing on the edge of his hearing, growing louder and more off pitch by the second, "indecency, to accuse one of your most loyal and solid-rock-like friends of getting dunk, -what in hells name is that noise? - And then you even have the gall to push him to the ground! Well Peter, I am astonished! What say you, fair Moony Mc Moonykins?" Sirius said from his heap on the ground, managing to give the impression of injured pride while staring venomously at a stalk of grass that had obviously offended him in some personal way.

"Sirius you are making a complete ass of yourself," Remus, being the only person in humanity who can be more uptight under the influence, tried to reason with the boneless mass that was once his friend. "Your denial will only save you for so long but when that mighty headache comes in the morning you will no doubt find yourself wishing you were in the state of mind to refuse to drink and never touch another bottle again."

"I never said you were drunk…" Peter mumbled in his defense a few minutes to late.

"Peter, Petey, Pete, Petie-pot-pie, I never doubted you for a second mate, but if you are the one making that noise I will unfortunately have the sad task of murdering you." Sirius made a vague motion with his hand in the opposite direction of the disembodied voice that was peter, trying to give his best sympathetic look that ended up looking like he had got grass up his ass. "What the hell is James doing eh? He better be soddin' drunk and laughing with his great aunt fanny, 'cause he cannot win this battle of the muskles, or was it muscles? Musketeers? Well I know it begins with an M…men? Moochers? Or mustaches? Wait we don't have mustaches does we," Sirius stroked his none existent chin hair and he pulled himself to a sitting position.

"Err; I think that's James over there isn't it? Along with the noise, I think he could be," Remus flinched, "singing." He pointed to said object; a dark lump on the Quidditch pitch.

"Oh Jamesie poo!" Sirius called out to the kneeing sound on the pitch. Scrabbling to his feet and stumbling towards the lump, Sirius stumbled, lurched and fell, giving up on his legs and feet and worming his way towards his best friend on his stomach.

Sirius reached James and rolled to a stop (or crash- depending on your point of view) next to him. He leaned over to James ear and started to 'whisper' into it.

"Jamies-poo," He squealed in to James's face, "I think that we have a awfully large, rather big pwoblem."

James rolled over and looked Sirius in the face.

"What is it Sirius, my love? My one and only heart's desire, cherisher of my…err bosom, keeper of my secrets, and so on and so forth."

"Oh sweet jamy, what ever would I do with out your charming words and blossoming bosom?" Sirius crooned, batting his eyelashes and making kissy lips.

"Oh God, I think I will be sick…" Remus choked thorough a fit of half suppressed laughter.

"We ran out of beer…or what ever the bloody hell it was we were drinking…AY! The bloody bottle is empty," Sirius shouted loudly, making both Remus and Peter cringe and James hiccough at the volume.

"What the hell," James exclaimed, sitting up. In the process, he managed to bang his head into Sirius' chin above. Both boys rolled over, James crying out in pain and Sirius going into some hysterical fit of laughter.

"Never fear Jamey dear! I haveth a planeth." Sirius declared in triumph, grinning madly at the dark sky, "We shall make some! To the kitchens! And to the house elves whom are sure to know all sorts of these thinks." At that Sirius picked himself up and ran towards Hogwarts, tripped on a rock, landed on his face, picked himself up again and kept stumbling towards the castle.

James, after a particularly bad fall from Sirius that ended up with one of his feet lodged in a rabbit hole, his face in mud and his coat arm hooked on an overhanging tree, decided it was far safer to stay lower to the ground. And so he began to roll after the zigzagging shape that was Sirius.

And Remus and Peter were forced to follow.

"No no no, James! I know its flower, eggs, and that vulgar fishy stuff! Yes, yea that's it; and then you boil it and let it…err…liquefy?"

"Nope, mate, its flower, sugar and the fishy stuff, no eggs and lots of that stuff that's clear and tastes like marzipan, 'sept' its liquid."

"Ah, you mean liquid marzipan," Sirius said with a sage nod, "And I think it's the liquid vanilla flavor we need"

"Its almond essence actually…and vanilla essence and I can not believe they would mix them with fish sauce then boil it and drink it. You know, I think we will be lucky if they get food poisoning," Remus whispered to Peter.

"Fish sauce? Yuck, hate the stuff, I do, Sirius made me drink a spoonful as a dare then made me laugh, it went up my nose and I was tasting it for weeks." Peter mumbled to Moony, just a tad too loud.

They reached the painting of the still life bowl of fruit just in time to see a staggering Sirius fondling the poor pear just a tad too much for anyone's comfort.

The door swung away to an empty kitchen, at least that's what they thought as Sirius and James began to squabble about how much detergent –they were convinced this is what gave the beverage the vile taste (aside from the fish sauce)- to use.

The two friends fell to the ground in some sort of wrestling match, both calling out things like; "choo couldn't tell how much soap to use wit' thos' mucky eyes," or " bloody dog, just cause' choo can drink anything doesn't mean I don't have standards."

There was a loud chough and a giggle and both boys sprawled across the floor turned sharply –well, as sharply as their state would let them- towards the disruption of their most important fight which they could no longer remember the reason for starting.

"Awwww! Look Haley! It seems as if the couple has had their first fight," a voice was heard proclaiming loudly from farther down the room. The group of four boys looked up to see Lily Evans and Haley Milbourne watching them from a row of low bar stools against the squat house-elf sized counter.

"Poor things," Haley crooned in response. "I'm sure that they'll make it through this very difficult time."

"Hopefully before the next Hogsmeade trip. We wouldn't want the two bickering then would we," Lilly replied. They were walking towards the group of four now; loaming closer with every word. The two went back in forth with the staged lines until they came to the end.

"Why, Haley my dear, it does seem as if all these lines have been said before."

"Why yes Lily my love, but wherever could we have heard them before?"

"I do not know Haley. Wait, I think I remember hearing them when Kingsly and me where fighting!" Both girls turned to look at Sirius and James. The two boys were looking very fearful. And who wouldn't, when Lily and Haley had a looks that could kill.

"Wait," Haley said, "You mean to tell me that someone actually said those things to you!?"

Lily nodded. "Yep, and guess who it was?"

"Let me guess; Sirius and James?"

"Wow, you must be physic! How the devil did you guess?"

The two girls were now right above the boys sprawled across the ground, daring them to say anything. James and Sirius tried backing up, but one icy glance Haley stopped them dead in their tracks.

"And what exactly is it you morons are doing, besides ruining my midnight munch?" Lilly who was currently glaring daggers at Sirius, she knew James could be charming, even almost nice at times, but those times never involved Sirius, and it had Lilly convinced the Sirius was corrupting James, forcing James to try and show off and be an ass to compare to 'the great Sirius black'.

"Actually don't answer that." Haley cut in as James tried in vain to stutter out a coherent sentence that didn't involve the word nincompoopy. "We were just leaving anyway."

"Wait- what? Were leaving?" Lilly said a little shocked, green eyes flashing at her friend for barely a moment before she brought the heel of her slipper down hard on Sirius's fingers as he tried to crawl away.

A few whispered words from Haley were all it took to have Lilly strutting out without another word with Haley hot on her heals, winking at the boys –who were in varying degrees of shock- and telling them they would be back.

As soon as the portrait swung shut Sirius leapt to his feet and grinned at James.

"Well mate you can thank me for that!" Sirius stated proudly, pumping a fist into the air.

"Hate to burst you happyful bubble there paddelbrains, but you had nothing to do with it, Haley saved us." James said haltingly, paranoid that a flaming red head was about to burst through the wall and castrate him with a rusty spoon –witch she had threatened to do on various occashions, and the scary part was, she knew the spell from memory-.

"Are yes the angle of mercifulness saved our sparkly backsides," Sirius wondered towards the shelves and began to pull out various random items as he spoke, "but see Jamy poo, I did in fact save us here, in this situation, because she would do anything for me, well actually its more like she would do anything for the sex.

"You slept with Milbourne?! And you didn't tell me?!"

"Well to tell you the truth, there wasn't much actual sleeping to do with it. And it was all very hush hush hush shhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

"Wait, wait, I heard something about this…" James scratched his head with the hand that had been previously holding him up, and hit the floor hard. "Ooooow, owwwww, ok I am over it now, er well what was I saying? Eh, yea that Milbourne chick, great tits by the way, err, I heard you two did it on the charms room on her desk, but I thought that was just a rumor.

"She has, great tits, like ginormous puddings. And yes, that was a rumor, we were actually on the professors desk," Sirius shrugged, giggled, grinned manically then reached up to grab a flour tin that over balanced and ended up with a gray haired Sirius on the ground clawing at his powdered eyes.

Twenty minutes later;

Various items from the mysterious cupboard that seemed to be filled with all Dumbledore's favorite sweets.

1 bottle of fish sauce.

5 tins of sugar.

8 eggs.

1 jar of marmalade (jar included).

12 rashes of bacon.

2 bottles of vanilla essence.

4 scoops of detergent (who knew the house elves kept that in the kitchens?).

1 sock (kindly donated by one James potter).

3 large mixing bowls.

1 blender (the lid was never found again…).

And a gigantic frying pan (who knew where they found it).

"We're baa-ack!!" The way to cheerful noise came from the doorway as did twin Cheshire grins and a bag of clattering objects.

"look what wee made!" Sirius trilled proudly holding up a rather lumpy looking mixture that crumbled in his hands. "Look what we have created!!…. Marvel at our brilliance! A drinking rock! A rock that has been very well drunk, a liquored stone! A brandy on the rocks… or is that a scotch…"

"OK then Sirius, at least we now know alcohol has a rather interesting effect on you, and I shall take note of this and next time bring a camera! Anyway… We brought presents!" said evil genius no. 1, also known as Haley Milbourne.

"Kinky presents?" said Sirius hopefully with large innocent eyes from were he sat cross-legged in a very large mixing bowl covered in flower and holding the a second bowl to James who was cracking eggs over Sirius' head and throwing them shell and all into the mixing bowl (it varied as to how annoying Sirius was as to which mixing bowl they were thrown.).

Nothing else had to be said. Lily dropped a bottle and note at James' feet and Haley slapped Sirius across the back of the head. The girls walked off. James stared after Lily with a puppy dog look on his face. Sirius picked up the bottle and started to read the note.

Sirius,

You are the biggest sodden drunk in this entire bloody world. Good Lord… just don't bloody insult Lily again or else I'll take away any and all beer you might ever get. Plus, I'll kick your sorry bloody arse! And we're giving you your hand-made beer back. I really don't think that Lily wants to reply to anything James wrote in the letter that you gave to us.

-Haley

PS- QUIT SHOUTING OUT THAT I"M HOT WHEN I'M WALKING AWAY FROM YOU!!

"James! THEY GIVED US BEER!!" James ran back to Sirius was. Remus shook his head and Peter watched as the two drunk themselves stupid for the second time that day.

As the boy were too happy to notice, and Remus and peter were to busy trying to take the new bottles away from them; no body noticed when Lilly and Haley spelled a few subtle recording spells into the corners of the room before exiting, and surprisingly enough, nobody noticed the strange color of the bottles, that is until the potions inside them began to take effect.

END