Title: Hey Ishida!

Warnings: Yaoi, smut, violence, swearing, alchohol unbeta'ed

Pairings: IchiIshi, hints of Ichihime, rukihime, Byaren, Ishinemu,Uluqorriahime, renishi (Damn, does Ishida get around!)

Summary: Ichigo Kurosaki never goes for men. So it must be some Quincy Technique that has him squirming in his seat. Songfic set to " Hey Brittany" by forever the sickest kids.

Disclaimer: I do not have as much money as Tite Kubo or Forever the Sickest Kids. They make their money off of Bleach and Hey Brittany. since I did not make money off of these things, I am neither Tite Kubo nor Forever the Sickest kids, Thus I do not own Bleach or Hey Brittany.

"Hey Ishida!

Why are you messing with me?"

Ichigo Kurosaki does not go for men. "So why," he thought, as Ishida bent over to retrieve a dropped piece of chalk for the third time this problem," am I suffering through This? he wondered, mentally gesturing towards the uncomfortable bulge in his pants. Ishida coughed deliberately, and continued explaining his math problem. For the first time in years, Ichigo payed full attention. "It has to be some stupid, forbidden Quincy technique!" he reasoned. "No wonder the Shinigami wiped them out. This is pure torture! " The bell reverberated throughout the building, signaling the beginning of lunch, and some release for the poor strawberry. As he bolted for the bathroom before anyone, especially the bespectacled boy, could notice his "problem" one single thought ran on loop throughout his mind." Stupid Quincy. Stupid, sexy Quincy."

"Is your girl in your mind?"

"ngh….ISHIDA!"

After emerging from the bathroom with a flushed face and freshly scrubbed hands, Ichigo Kurosaki attempted to inconspicuously join his four namaka for luck. They all had their occasional odd disappearances, so they ignored his lateness with ease.

"Kurosaki-kun!" Squeaked the busty girl seated between Rukia and Chad.

Orihime was damn gorgeous , but also somewhat naive. not to mention, she already had a boyfriend, some emo ex-espada name Ulquiorra Schiffer."What do you think would go better with red bean paste, Ice Cream or pickled mackerel?"

She also had the most bizarre taste in food, and an addiction to red bean paste."Definitely the mackerel!" cut in Rukia. Chad nodded in silent agreement. Ishida, however, stared off into the distance, a smile on his lips, and flushed cheeks only perceptible to someone who studied him as closely as the Shinigami did. only one thing could get the proud Quincy to look like that; his girlfriend, Nemu. When the smaller boy sighed, Ichigo knew this to be true. Ishida was dreaming about his girlfriend, who was currently in Soul Society drowning in paperwork, trying to get adjusted to being the new captain of the 12th division. Upon seeing how gorgeous his raven-haired friend looked, Ichigo decided that, for his own purposes, he was the one making Ishida look like that. Convincing himself that the Quincy was dreaming of him, Ichigo settled into his own daydreams, all of them fettering the white-clad archer seated across from him.

"Kurosaki-kun? Kurosaki-kun? Are you alright? You're just staring at Ishida-kun with a really weird look on your face. Kurosaki-kun, wake up!" Rukia sighed, looking over at her distressed friend, and leaned over, reeling her fist back to punch the substitute Shinigami in the face.

" Is your girl in the car?

Or our you alone?"

Sitting in his families clinic, a bandage keeping's nose in its proper alignment,( for such a small girl, Rukia sure could punch!) Ichigo Kurosaki realized he needed to talk to the Quincy archer, no matter how awkward it would be. He could already hear the conversation playing out in his head.

"Hey, Ishida, have you been, ya know, trying out any um, new techniques lately?"

"They should not have affected…" Ichigo could imagine the awkward tension build as the realization hit the Proud boy.

"Kurosaki! You're a fag, and a pervert!" Ichigo could practically see the look of disgust on the white-clad boy's face as he reached for his bow, fully prepared to shoot the Shinigami full of holes. He would have to be careful not to offend his prideful friend, and approach the subject with delicacy. Ichigo had never been very good with delicacy.

Making sure his father was occupied (Isshin had an unpleasant habit of eavesdropping, and this was one conversation Ichigo definitely did not want being "overheard") He dialed the archer's cell number."Please don't let him ask how I got his number, Please don't let him ask how I got his number, Please don't let him ask how I got his number…" On the fourth ring, Ishida picked up. He appeared to be in the car. The radio was playing, and there was the fuzzy sound of indistinguishable voices in the background. "Hello?"Ishida's voice rang out clearly through the cheap speakers of the Kurosaki Clinic telephone, that slight twinge of "I'm better than you" clearly audible, though sounding slightly drunk. Ishida rarely drank. Ichigo planned to use this for his benefit. The Quincy would most definitely be honest with him now! "It's Ichigo. i know that this is probably a bad time , but…" Ichigo was cut off by the Quincy's voice, still razor sharp through the alcohol." Damn right it is, Kurosaki!" Ishida never swore. he was either really drunk, or something important must have been happening. However, Ichigo was to desperate to care." I really have to ask you something…." Hearing the background voice again, Ichigo could not restrain his curiosity."Is Nemu with you?" He received a response in the form of a snappy, irate "NO." knowing that the voice was not an illusion, Ichigo tried again. "Are you alone?" Sounding more irritated than ever, Ishida replied. "NO." Suddenly, his voice lowered an octave."Now if you will excuse me, Kurosaki, you're cockblocking me." Ichigo, up until that moment, had never understood the appeal of "talking dirty". but, upon hearing his best friend, the tight-assed, purdish gentleman utter such a vulgar, lowbrow, and utterly sexual word, Ichigo felt himself flushing to the same shade of red as his namesake fruit. Imagining Ishida's lips parting, tongue brushing seductively against his upper teeth on the "B" Ichigo felt his blood rush to somewhere else. Ishida pressed the end button, ceasing their conversation with the cold, mechanical beep. However, before that harsh goodbye could reach the substitute shinigami, he finally got a clear reception of the background voice. It was an aggressive voice, tinged a faint hint of grit. It was the voice of the vice captain of the sixth division, Abari Renji.

Author's notes: This is my first fanfiction, and english is my fourth language, so please let me know how I did. I am in the USA on a foreign exchange program, and one of my friends introduced this site to me. please give me sow constructive criticism on my first fanfiction, It is about my OTP. My friend showed me that acronym, it's so convenient, tell me if I am misusing it. Reviews are love!