I can clearly remember that sharp, sick feeling of having made an almost deadly mistake, except this time it wasn't almost and there was overwhelming pain (painPainPAIN!) everywhere. But then, almost immediately, the pain was gone and everything was dark and warm and somehow okay.

It could have been years or minutes that I hung in that warm peaceful place in a sort of fuzzy contentment. I didn't think. I didn't need to. I just was.

My next distinct memory is pressure and then, later, sudden cold accompanied by a barrage of light and shadow and movement. The change was startling and overwhelming. And for the first time in a long time I remembered self and I tried to understand what had happened to me.

I'd reached under a suspended tank to remove some rubble that would prevent it from setting correctly and… The tank had fallen? And I… I'd been crus... I'd definitely been seriously hurt before I blacked out.

Had I been rescued? Was this the hospital?

I tried to look around, but I couldn't see much. I could make out shadows and I could feel that I was being moved. There were voices coming from all around, but I didn't, couldn't understand and I tried so hard not to panic, to tell myself that this was probably a hospital, that I could and would be fixed and everything would be okay. I tried to communicate that I was awake, to ask what had happened, how bad was the damage, where was I, why couldn't I see, but I couldn't form the words. My tongue was weak and useless, my mouth refusing to move as I commanded.

Then I realized that the way I was being moved around was strange, I wasn't laying on a gurney, I was being held and pawed at by giant shadowy figures?! That was when I panicked and crying and screaming in terror, limbs flailing weakly.

It didn't help. I soon exhausted myself and slipped back out of consciousness.

oOo

I don't remember much of the early months, but I know I was desperately confused and scared, but also constantly tired and hungry. I spent most of the time asleep. Even when I was awake at I had trouble focusing on anything other than basic sensations like hunger and cold.

This was most frightening and frustrating thing about my new existence. The structure of my thoughts was almost incoherent. I had trouble making connections that I knew would have come easily to me before and I couldn't concentrate on much of anything. I worried that I might be damaged beyond repair, that I had hurt something in my brain. I tried to communicate with my caretakers, to form the words "What happened? Where am I? Who are you?" with no success.

I could tell though that there were things that were off. The language spoken by my caretakers (and it was clearly a language) was definitely not Latin or Germanic based. I was moved frequently for long periods of time and contorted into strange positions, which is not something you do to patients who had been as badly damaged as I must have been (though it could have been physical therapy?). The way I was fed was bizarre too: no IV but with a bottle or warm squishy bag-thing of liquid held to my mouth. Another clue I had was the way I was cleaned up after soiling myself. The diaper wasn't exactly unexpected (they do make them for adults), but being lifted up so easily by my feet was.

All these things together eventually made me realize that I was either much smaller than I had been, or the world was much larger. Once I came to that conclusion it didn't take much of a leap to connect being treated like a baby to being one. I still didn't understand my vision problems though (maybe my new body was nearsighted?), but it did make sense that I had difficulty moving my body. And hopefully that was why I felt so stupid…

oOo

As I got older the world around me slowly came back into focus both visually and mentally.

I did my best to commit myself to the day to day realities of my new life, but I was very, very bored and it made me depressed. You can only spend so much time trying to grab things and attempting to say words instead of nonsense. I had nothing else to do and I longed for the days when I could talk and walk.

I could stay awake longer now, so I had the time and ability to think about my new and old lives. To make what plans I could. To remember all the ways I had failed in my first life. To vow that in this one I would be better. And to mourn my lost family and friends. ( I had died and lost everyone I knew. Even if I had been an able adult I probably wouldn't have done much other than sleep and cry and eat for weeks.)

Those were some of the worst days of either of my lives: after I was alert and coherent enough to know what had happened to me and to remember what I had been, but before I could speak or understand or do much of anything.

I cried the day I could finally roll over on my own because it was the first thing that I could do for myself after months of helplessness. I spent the next week rolling whenever I could.

And things began to get better after that.

oOo

It was clear from the art styles and language that I was in an Eastern country. Probably a developing nation since the technology levels were uneven. We had widespread plumbing and electricity, but it was obvious from the way the power lines were tacked onto buildings and the piping ran above ground that these were new additions. There were no cars (no sign of any sort of motor at all actually) and carts of goods were pulled by people.

Everything I saw that was mass produced was standardized and cheaply constructed, like there were only a few suppliers of goods. Anything even remotely modern fell into this category like packaged food or our microwave and refrigerator. The closest approximation I can think of is Eastern Germany before the wall fell. There were no phones, televisions, or computers. And while it could have just been the districts my kaa-san frequented, there what industry and manufacturing I saw in the city was antiquated.

Still there was this vibrant sense of individuality in the city. Many people had thick tattoos on their faces and bold hairstyles in all sorts of colors. Most had elaborate clothing with scarves, wraps, and embroidery, all hand done. Only the poor wore the simple mass produced clothing, and even then it was usually brightly colored and embellished with clan symbols.

There was no sense of urban development. It was like the city had a set foot print and had grown upward in fits and starts as the population grew. Tall, brightly painted buildings (ten-twelve stories!) butted right against short wooden ones. The architecture style was weird too. The buildings were often rounded and bulbous with multiple changes in width as they grew upwards. No two buildings were the same. There was even a several story tall building that wrapped around a huge tree!

There were balconies at all levels and water towers and gardens on the roof tops. The roads were dirt with wooden sidewalks in the nicer districts. Fantastically tall trees grew up everywhere in yards between buildings and lots of small public parks. Every building had multiple rough colored patches mending the walls and roofs as if the city had been subject to many earthquakes or attacks. The buildings and stores were painted with intricate murals and banners were hung up advertising all sorts of businesses. The overall effect was eclectic, ramshackle, and utterly charming.

oOo

My new mother, Kaa-san, owned a small corner store which sold a little of everything from fresh produce to toilet paper to kunai. Every morning, before the sun rose, she tied me to her back so I could see over her shoulder. We then went to the market district near the main gate where Kaa-san would buy produce, meat, and freshly baked bread for the store. Generally the sun was just starting to rise as we headed back to open the store on the north side of town. I love sunrises. They bring me back to the quiet contentment of those mornings and the soothing warmth of Kaa-san's back.

I was around six months by the time I had (finally!) trained my mouth and throat enough to actually say my first word "hai" or yes in my parent's tongue and I immediately began using it and other basic words to communicate. My kaa-san was very proud of me and took every opportunity to show off her brilliant baby to anyone and everyone who came by the store. I loved the attention and played up the cute, precocious child for all it was worth.

More time passed. I was soon crawling, then walking by my first birthday. My vocabulary grew by leaps and bounds now that I could point at something and get a name, explanation, and pronunciation lessons. And there were almost always people around to ask and emulate.

Kaa-san made a game of teaching me how to count and to use money. When I had a handle on that she started to teach me to recognize the basic kanji on the packages in the store and to read hiragana. Always starting, of course, with money and numbers. (And I wondered sometimes if I was learning too much too fast, but Kaa-san seemed to think nothing of it. Maybe she didn't realize how extraordinary my comprehension was. She was always too busy to take me to play in the park with the other children and none of her friends had children yet.)

I knew all the regular customers at Kaa-san's store and was something of a mascot for the store. There were the two retired merchants who hung out at the tables outside the store, Ito-san and Takana-san. They each would purchase tea and a single sticky bun then stay for hours reading the paper, playing shogi, and generally insulting each other. I was told many (greatly exaggerated) stories of the glory days when the village was only a couple decades old and profit was there for anyone with the guts to take it.

Then there was Natsuki-nee-san, a younger woman missing her right arm and with an ugly burn scar over her left cheek. She had a different story for each person who asked about it, so nobody knew for sure how it had happened. However, I do know she saw action during the Third War, since Natsuki-nee-san told me a little about her experiences when she played ninja catch with me.

My particular favorite customer though was an old retired ninja named Hamoto who alway had a new game for me when he can by for his morning paper. The game could be a riddle, a physical challenge (like finding my way to the top or the apartment building or hopping on one leg instead of walking around the store), or a question I could only answer by paying close attention to the people who came into the store (or I could ask someone, but I lost the game if they figured out why I was asking or what my goal was).

oOo

A couple days after my second birthday, I snuck out of the store to try and complete one of Hamoto-san's challenges. I needed to find three cat hairs and I'd gotten tired of waiting for one of the local cat ladies to visit the store so I could steal some hair off of her clothes. Some customers had complained just that morning about a feral cat colony living in an alley a few blocks east of the store. If I could just find the right spot it would be easy to gather the hairs. Since the store was bustling with preparations for the Founding Day Festival, I was pretty sure Kaa-san would be too busy to notice I'd left. Plus I was an adult, at least mentally, and could walk a few blocks on my own, no big deal.

After five or six blocks I reached the right street, but I was really tired (it's a long walk for a two year old), so I slipped into a narrow little alley to take a short break. I found a good spot behind a sturdy trash bin where one building suddenly narrowed, forming a protected corner just the right size for a small child to hide out of sight of any meddling grown ups.

I'd just settled into my spot when the something about the day seemed to become suddenly ominous. The air grew thick with roiling, coiling malevolence. I felt an inexplicable sense of doom and terror weighing me down.

Once, twice, the world quaked and buildings collapsed. Pieces of concrete and tiles slammed down all around as the walls of my sanctuary shook and cracked. Screams echoed from nearby buildings and streets, only to choke off suddenly, sickenly as another earthquake hit. I heard buildings fall . Then red light lit up the sky with an even stronger burst of the awful alien power and the world quaked again and again and again.

When the quakes died down for a moment, I managed to crawl out of the alley and into the street. I'd been lucky so far, but I needed to get far away from the buildings incase more quakes hit. As I exited the alley I saw the source of the energy and cause of the earthquakes.

Less than half a mile away, near the street where I lived, was a giant bestial creature. It glowed dark red with the energy that choked the air. Long jointless legs flowed up into central body that didn't even brush the tops of the buildings. The face was a monstrous snout full of wicked teeth that shone starkly white against the red of its body. All around it, many tails of energy thrashed, toppling and smashing whole streets with each angry twitch. The creature snapped its muzzle and moved its legs as though it was batting away gnats. It took a step and the earth quaked.

It was so vast and alien and… angry. I froze, terror sliding through my veins, clinging to my blood, and leaching all sense. My heart beat so fast and my tongue felt dry and huge in my mouth. I knew intimately that I didn't matter, it wouldn't enjoy killing me. It simply wouldn't notice.

As I watched, struck by both terror and awe, the creature began to summon a huge ball of energy in its mouth, the same intensified energy I had felt earlier. Just as the creature leaned forward to release the energy into the city, a giant toad appeared on top of it slamming the creatures head into the ground. The ground shook again, the largest yet, and the building I'd recently been hiding next to collapsed with a roar, knocking me off my feet and releasing a huge cloud of dust. When the air cleared, the toad and the creature had vanished.

I could still feel the malevolent energy from earlier soaking the atmosphere, but it was fading with the creature's disappearance and the quakes had stopped. It was suddenly silent.

"Ho-ly fuck..." I said in English, "What… what the Hell was that thing?"

I looked around taking in the devastation. Fires burned in the distance. Multiple buildings had partially collapsed and the rest seemed damaged in some way. One four story building had slid off its foundation and leaned against another partially crushing it. I turned around and the alley I'd initially hidden in was buried under rubble from the last huge quake. In less than ten minutes the neighborhood had been all but destroyed.

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

oOo

"Wait! I can sense someone else still alive… Over here!" said a voice. "Hello? Can you hear me? Are you able to come out?"

"Hai" I called and shakily crawled out from my hiding place in the rubble of the fallen buildings.

"We are moving all civilians to the emergency shelters. I need you to come with me… Isami-chan?! What are you doing here? Where's your mother?" it was Natsuki-nee-san, looking startled but very glad to see me.

"I don't... Kaa-san's not… she's not here."

"Oh. I see." Her face was sad again, and her voice went gentle, "I am so sorry Isami-chan. I'll do my very best to find Kaa-san for you, but in the meantime can you come with me?"

I nodded.

And without waiting for me to answer further, she scooped me up with her good arm and jogged down the street to a group of civilians being lead out of the area. I was deposited into the arms of the leader, a teenager with terrible acne scars.

"Isami-chan you are going to go with Hiro-kun here to the shelters. Will you be a brave girl for Hiro-kun while Nee-chan looks for your kaa-san?"

I nodded again and tried to wipe the tear tracks from my face. She grinned at me and ruffled my hair the same way she always did after I inevitably lost a game, then took off towards the center of the destruction.

We went to the shelters.

oOo

The shelter was a system of large caves built into the Hokage mountain on the west side of the village and reinforced with steel girders. It was equipped and set up to be a bunker in times of dire emergency.

"Name?" the clerk was abrupt and barely looked up from the paper.

"Isami," The boy carrying me on his hip said.

"Any family names?"

"I don't-"

I interrupted, "My kaa-san is Saito Izanami."

The clerk looked up at that, surprised to hear me speak. His face softened a little as he asked, "Any other relatives?"

I shook my head.

"Alright little one. Your name and your okaasa's name are on the list. She'll be able to find you when she gets here. You are going to wait with the other children whose parents have lost them." He smiled reassuringly at me, then said sharply to the boy carrying me, "She seems to be uninjured. Take her to the lost children's cave then come back here to join another rescue team."

The lost childrens area was in a smaller cave off of the main one. This cave had the distinction of being brightly painted in primary colors and having some benches set up as changing tables and cribs. When I arrived there were already over fifty kids there and by the time the night was over there were a couple hundred of us in the shelter.

The boy who'd carried me gave me hug and wished me good luck, then sped off to go help with the rescue efforts. The matronly woman he'd left me with gave me a juice box and a blanket then put me in a fenced corner with five other two to three year olds.

As soon as I could, I found a place along the wall and curled up against it, wrapping the blanket around me. I tried to make sense of what was happening. What had happened. I had seen a giant creature lay waste to my city and another giant creature appear out of nowhere to stop it. It should have been impossible. It was impossible. It had still happened. I didn't understand.

The giant toad had appeared out of nothing. (Wasn't I on Earth? That didn't, couldn't happen on Earth.) The red monster had help a ball of power in it's mouth. (And how did I know it was power? But I did know. Somehow.)

I remembered small mysteries.

Hamoto-san never seemed to touch the board when he taught me shogi, but the pieces moved just the same. (Was it magic? I'd thought I was just inattentive.) Kaa-san sold shuriken and kunai, and what is more, people bought them along with their toilet paper. (Natsuki-nee-chan had had a giant shuriken strapped to her back when she found me. How does that even work?) The eighth floor in my apartment building didn't seem to have any entrances from the stairs. (Could people fly? Why hadn't I ever seen it?) Offhand comments by customers in the store mentioning things like taking the roofs or trying a new earth jutsu. (Is a jutsu a spell or like bending in Avatar the Last Airbender? It could still be a type of food...)

My world had literally crashed down around me and I wasn't even sure it was still my world.

oOo

The rest of that day and the following night was filled with the sounds of sobbing, frightened children and screaming babies. We were fed some sort of dry protein bars for dinner and given pillows for the night. I slept very little. By the next morning officials began posting lists of confirmed dead at the front of the shelter. Each time the list was expanded, a new person's life fell apart.

We weren't told much by the people who minded us, just that an evil demon had attacked Konoha and that the leader of the village had heroically sacrificed his own life to defeat the demon. They comforted us as best they could that the demon was gone forever and the brave shinobi of the village were doing the best they could to find our parents. As the days when by and some kids were reunited with their parents, but many more weren't we stopped hearing so much about the search and rescue efforts.

There were many deaths in the rest of the city, but the north district, my district, had been hit extremely hard by the attack. Less than thirty percent of the people who had been in the district when the attack happened survived and the death rate was worse the closer you had been to the demon. Some people's, particularly young children and the elderly, hearts gave out from the beast's aura alone, but most died from the buildings the monster destroyed both directly and through the earthquakes.

On the fifth day, they found my mother's body. It had been buried in the ruins of the store. I wasn't allowed to see it.

The street where Kaa-san had lived and worked, where I had played and found a new home, was completely flatten. No one got out alive. I was incredibly lucky to have wandered off when I did. I didn't feel lucky though. Kaa-san was gone. The store was gone. All the people I had come to know over the last two years were gone.

As I was only two, I was not allowed to go back to the store or our apartment and attempt to find something in the rubble. So I had nothing to remember Kaa-san by other than the clothes on my back. Even those were taken from me when I arrived at the newly opened orphanage.