DISCLAIMER: Trigun and its characters belong to Yasuhiro Nightow.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sometimes it still feels like it was yesterday that the woman I called my angel became an angel. For the first one to make me smile - wait for me.
Wait for Me
Meryl Stryfe's heart was breaking, listening to the tormented screams on the other side of the door. Screams she could have prevented, if only she had stayed away.
After fighting herself for what felt like such a long time, she had heeded Milly Thompson's advice and followed after Vash to the town of L-R. Followed the man that she finally admitted to herself she was in love with.
It hadn't been pretty. Even if she hadn't followed, things would have ended the same. Innocent people would still have been held hostage by Legato Bluesummers, captive to his mind control. The only way to save them would still have been to kill him. Nothing would have changed if she and Milly hadn't followed.
Except Vash wouldn't have seen her. Wouldn't have held her eyes right before pulling the trigger. She wouldn't have seen how much it hurt him to actually take a life. The man she loved died inside with a single squeeze of the trigger.
Seeing what it cost him to kill Legato, Meryl knew she would take it upon herself to bring him back. Not just from his injuries of that day, but from whatever personal hell he was lost in.
She had to. Because rational or not, she carried the blame for his willingly sentencing himself to a personal damnation.
So she stayed. Couldn't take being in the room with him while he relived his horror over and over again, but neither would she completely flee. Half of her wanted to burst in and bury herself in his pain, so he would know he didn't have to stand it alone; half of her wanted to run away, as far away as she could, because all she had brought him was the pain of taking a life and the loss of the woman he set his standards by. The voice of Rem Saverem no longer spoke to Vash.
Meryl chose the middle ground, neither going to him nor escaping. She stood her self-appointed post at the door and waited for a pause in his storm. There was always a pause, a point at which he exhausted himself and fell more into unconsciousness than sleep. Then she would go in and tend to him, changing his bandages and making fresh food and whispering soothing things in his ear in the hope that they would penetrate the guilt he felt.
Vash's screams subsided. Meryl waited a few moments more, then gathered herself and quietly went in. He was unconscious again. She checked his bandages, assuring herself they did not yet need to be changed. The stew she had left on a tray at his bedside was cold and untouched, reminding her yet again of his steadfast refusal to eat, no matter how often she tried. She sighed in resignation and took it back to its pot at the house's tiny stove in its tiny kitchen.
Went and pulled a chair over to his bedside. There was a Bible in the nightstand, presumably left from the previous occupants. When she could not think of anything to say to him, she would pull it out and look for inspirational things to read to him. Even things that seemed useless for this situation, she would try to tie back to Vash.
"We finished yesterday with Noah and the end of the flood," Meryl said softly. "So much destruction, yet look at all the good that came from it. You see, Vash, good things really can come from bad things. I wish I could get you to understand that."
No response, although she had not expected one. Cleared her throat and continued. "I think we'll cover Psalm Ninety-one today. You need that one especially."
Meryl read the psalm to him. As she finished, it felt like something tugged at her spirit. Looking at his unconscious form, she wondered if she should. A moment's internal debate, and then her decision was made. She read the psalm again, a little more force in her voice this time, like it was a prayer over Vash.
When she finished, she added her own solemn promise, clutching his hand. "I won't abandon you."
Gasped as his hand clutched hers back. Had he awoken?
His head moved back and forth restlessly. No, he was not awake, just dreaming. Meryl hoped the dreams were more pleasant than the memories.
She leaned in to hear what he was muttering, over and over like a chant.
"Wait for me," he mumbled. "Wait for me."
Who was he talking to? Her? Rem? Somebody else? It did not matter; she held his hand tighter and gave him the answer he needed. "I will."
Vash stilled with her words as though he heard, body relaxing and head lolling, yet still he held onto her hand. His breathing steadied once more as the words sighed out of him one last time.
"Wait for me."