Chapter 1
Dear Diary (February 11, 2015),
I couldn't be happier with my life right now. Wow, I wish that statement was true. I'm miserable. It's been over a year now since my mom past away and yet it still doesn't feel real to me. I try to hide how I feel in front of my friends and especially Tyler, my boyfriend. They all have been so supportive and I don't want to be a burden to any of them. They have their own lives to live too and I need to respect that. I have spent almost every day with Tyler since my mom's death. We don't even really talk anymore though. He never knows what to say to me, so most of the time we just have sex. It keeps my mind off of things for a little while and at the same time keeps my connection with Tyler strong. I love Tyler. At least that's what I want to believe. He treats me so well and is such a great guy.
Oh by the way, I forgot to mention that he proposed to me the other day. Yes you heard me right, I said proposed. It's crazy to think that just a couple years ago I was just a normal teenage girl trying to decide what homecoming dress to buy and now I'm a vampire who just got proposed to by a werewolf. Do you want to hear how it happened? Well, I'll tell you any way. It wasn't anything romantic or special if that's what you're thinking. I've always had high expectations for the way I wanted my future husband to propose to me. I pictured walking into the house with rose petals on the floor leading to the bedroom and candles lit throughout the house with the lights off. Then I would walk into the bedroom and there he would be in a suite on one knee with rose petals all around him. I would then start to cry tears of joy and say yes before he could even ask me the question. We would then start to kiss which would lead into a long night of us making love to each other. That's how I pictured my proposal to go, but it didn't quite happen like that.
I was over at Tyler's house and we were watching some random Netflix movie I've never heard of. Out of nowhere, Tyler says, "Hey we should get married." I looked at him and said, "What?" I didn't think I heard him right because he said it in such a careless tone. "We should get married," he repeated. I was flabbergasted. Did he really just ask me to marry him while were watching some weird movie about insects. Like is this really what I'm going to have to tell my kids how I got proposed to by their daddy. It wasn't even the fact that he asked me during the Netflix movie, but the way he asked me. I wouldn't even say asked, but more like suggested we get married. You can only imagine how angry I was. You want to know how I replied. Well, I simply said, "Shh, I'm trying to watch the movie." Obviously, I couldn't give two shits about what was going on in this movie though. He didn't say anything back and so we just continued to watch the movie like nothing ever happened.
So many things were going through my head during the rest of that movie though. I wasn't even thinking of marriage, so him bringing it up was new to me. I needed time to process this information. After the movie, we went straight to bed. We haven't talked since then. It's only been a couple days, but still that is a long time for us. Well, time to go put on a fake smile for all my friends, which is what I do best.
–Caroline