Summary: Aeryn and Chiana find comfort in each other. Set post Fractures, Spoilers to that episode.
Warning: If you don't like slash, you won't like this. You have been warned. Special thanks to Nymeria for beta and to both she and Arevhat for feedback. Also, thanks to Nymeria for the artwork on short notice.
Work Text:
"A stronger girl would shake this off in flight,
And never give it more than a frowning hour,
But you have let your heart decide,
Loss has conquered you" ~~The Shins, "Girl Sailor"
Anyone's Ghost
"Food! Food! Chiana, you have no idea how much I missed this." Rygel picked the berries out of the bowl in front of him then popped them into his mouth.
It hadn't taken long for Rygel to get back to his usual pattern of eating and sleeping but he seemed more content than Chiana remembered. Like he actually appreciated Moya. She'd caught him more than once floating through the corridors, the palms of his hands brushing Moya's ribs like a parent tickling its young. Maybe he just didn't believe that they'd survived.
That he'd survived, was more like it. They hadn't all survived.
She raised the raslak to her mouth and ran her fingers through her hair. One more drink wouldn't hurt, she decided. One more, then one more after that. Something to fill her up and settle her down. When Talyn's crew had come aboard, they'd brought an emptiness that had settled into her bones. The ground beneath her had grown fragile. She'd never wanted attachment. Now it seemed like the few she'd had were breaking to pieces.
"You're not going to tell me what happened up there, are you." She rested her chin on her hand and leaned toward Rygel. His hand stopped midway between the bowl and his mouth then he dropped the food to the table. She watched as one of the berries rolled to the ground.
"Bah-girl, you've ruined my appetite. I was wounded. Three times by my count. First that Peacekeeper bitch Xhalax then that hezmot Stark then those frelling Charrids. That's all you need to know."
And that was as much as she was going to get from him. She pushed away from the table.
She slinked down the passageway toward the maintenance bay where she found Lo'la. D'Argo sat inside, one foot propped against the control panel, elbow on his knee and his head resting against his fist. For a moment, she thought he was asleep. She stepped inside. He reached for his Qualta blade and was on his feet in one sweeping movement. When he saw it was her, he let the blade rest but the expression on his face hadn't softened.
"Chiana. What do you want." He held the blade between himself and her.
She stood her ground and lifted her chin toward him. "Nothin'. Just...just checking in on you. Rygel's eating everything again."
"We should have adequate food stores." He sat down and turned back to the console then set the blade on his lap. She moved to him, put her hand on his shoulder.
"Did...did you talk to Crais about the others? About Talyn and what happened?"
He looked up at her, annoyed. "Why would I do that? The copy's dead. Aeryn is acting like a hezmot. Crichton has a plan. That's all we need to know."
"It's a stupid plan. Who goes on a command carrier and thinks they're going to come back? You're a fek if you think it'll work."
"It's no more frelled up than any of our other ideas. And if it rids us of Scorpius and leaves us to find what we want, then it's a good plan." He swatted her hand away from her shoulder.
"So...what do you want, D'Argo?" She leaned down and settled her chin on his shoulder. He growled and shifted away from her.
"I wanted to find my son. And I did. Then you-Never mind. I'm going to find Macton and I'm going to kill him. Now leave me alone and let me think."
He hunched over the controls of the ship as she backed out and down the steps.
She found Crichton sitting on a console in command, an open notebook in front of him. She watched as he bent his head toward the notebook on his lap, then forward to the stars. Even without seeing his face, she could tell from the tilt of his head and the angle of his body that he was conjuring up something more than a new plan for Scorpius. Wormholes, more wormholes. She was kind of sick of it.
"Hey, Crichton." She kept her distance.
"Hey, Chi." He didn't turn around.
"Whatch'a doing?"
He shrugged. "Nothing much."
"So...you're really gonna do this."
He turned to her. "Yeah. Have to, Pip."
"You want to end up like the other guy, huh? You're tinked, Crichton."
"I'm not planning to end up like the other guy." He held up the notebook. "Wormholes. Right here. I'm going to find the right one, and I'm going home. I was never meant to be here anyway."
"How about...what about the rest of us? Aeryn?"
He set the notebook aside. "You guys? You guys will be ok. And Aeryn? Yeah. Sure. Aeryn. She can hardly stand to look at me. All she sees is other me, and I'll never measure up to that. Never. Go on, Pip. I got work to do." He picked up the notebook and turned away from her, face to the stars.
Frell that, she wanted to scream at him. The other guy was a copy. She skittered out of command and down Moya's passageways, no destination in mind.
A copy. Why should it matter to her what happened, how he died? The other Crichton was a clone. A duplicate. All those things her double had been. Not having that second guy around was less of a headache, or complication. One Crichton was enough, wasn't he?
Equal and original.
The thought brought her to a halt. She wrapped her arms around herself to stop the chill. No, the other Chiana was a clone, a copy; the girl who died wasn't her-She was the real Chiana.
She did what she'd had to do and each of them had survived: she, D'Argo and John. John Crichton was still living and breathing...and suffering for something he hadn't done.
"He was a copy, Aeryn. A copy. You can't mourn a copy." They couldn't suffer the same way. The copy didn't feel any pain as that psycho had drained the fluid from its body. Maybe a Peacekeeper couldn't tell the difference. A copy couldn't love.
It was about time she saw to it that Aeryn understood that too.
Her hands ached to hit something but the rest of her body wouldn't cooperate. Aeryn paced the corridors in this rarely used section of Moya. Back straight. Clenched her hands. Unclenched. Her quarters offered no solace; in them she felt suffocated and trapped. Out here wasn't much better. She was only grateful that Moya was such a large ship.
Unease hummed through her body. She wanted to run but she couldn't. She'd committed herself to Crichton's cause. She would see it through. The idea of her own death was of no consequence to her and there was a part of her that longed for the stars again, her body forged to the seat of her Prowler, machine and flesh operating as one. She missed the fluidity of flying and fighting without thought, even if she only had one more brief opportunity.
She'd tried it John's way. All she had left was numbness at her core.
If she died, she only wanted to make sure that it happened to her before it happened to him.
Once the promise was fulfilled, if she survived, she wouldn't stay. She couldn't. Not with D'Argo's feeble attempts at explanation and mediation, not with Crais' eyes following her with a hint of fear and desire. Not with the memories she carried of one man that couldn't be resurrected in the other. He'd made that quite clear.
"I'm me. I was here. I missed that dance."
He'd not spared a breath to tell her she was wrong. And she'd known that as soon as her own words had left her mouth.
She continued on, eyes staring ahead but not seeing until the girl's wiry body stopped her forward progress, causing her to stumble back and claw at the wall for balance. It was enough hesitation on her part for Chiana to catch her off guard, swinging her body onto Aeryn's and pressing her into the arc of Moya's rib.
"What the frell are you doing?" The words croaked out of her like she hadn't spoken in days. She looked down into Chiana's dark eyes. They were wet but crazed. Her hair looked like she'd laced her fingers through it over and over. Chiana's body shook over hers; she braced her hands on Aeryn's arms and pinned her.
"What are you doing? He's not real. He wasn't real." Chiana pressed against her more urgently, surprisingly strong for someone so lithe. Her breath was warm on Aeryn's neck. No one got this close to her, save Crichton. No one would again.
Aeryn didn't push her away.
"No one will tell me. We're all frelled. Frelled, screwed, fucked-whatever those other words are that Crichton uses. D'Argo's still pissed, Jool doesn't give a crag and Crichton..." She tiptoed and put her mouth to Aeryn's ear. "Crichton only wants you."
"No. He doesn't." She gave a halfhearted attempt to push away, only leading Chiana to lean in harder. Aeryn could smell the raslak on her, and it only seemed to have empowered her as her mouth moved to the tender skin on Aeryn's neck, lips leaving a trail from her ear to her collarbone.
Chiana was drunk and lost. They were all lost now.
"How 'bout it, Aeryn? Huh?"
Her lips had moved to Aeryn's jaw line. She knew she should push her away but Chiana's body pressed against her, cradling her between it and Moya.
How many times had she recreated like this, in some empty corridor? Males, females. She'd had no preference. By the time she'd been granted her own prowler, her interests had shifted to males but, ultimately, it hadn't mattered. As long as the assignations were cursory, without attachments: She was who she was bred to be.
"What do you want to know?"
"Do you wanna do it standing up or lying down?" Her hands moved to Aeryn's zipper, fingers fumbling with the metal tab. Aeryn reached for her wrists but Chiana flicked her hand away and slid the zipper down to Aeryn's waist. She bent her head forward, then her mouth was on the curve of Aeryn's breast, her breath warm. Her hands slid inside the open jacket, cool on the small of Aeryn's back.
Aeryn closed her eyes, shoulders rounding forward to better nestle herself against Moya. A wave of desire washed over her and settled in her belly as Chiana moved from one breast to the other.
She moved her hands to Chiana's hair, silky between her fingers. Behind her eyes were John's hands. His mouth, his hair, his body. Everything he was inside; the same man, yet not, lived on the same ship with her but she couldn't let her guard down. Not to him.
He'd give his life for her; if she pushed hard enough, maybe he'd stop throwing it away.
Chiana was on her knees, unzipping Aeryn's leathers, lips on the flat of Aeryn's stomach when Aeryn opened her eyes. Chiana glanced up at her but the only expression Aeryn saw was a certain determination, like there was something she had to do.
Wrong, it was all wrong. She slapped Chiana's hands away and pulled the girl to her feet. Chiana slammed her body into Aeryn's, sending her off balance. Pants half undone, jacket open, she stumbled to the floor. Chiana stood over her, shoulders back defiantly. Grey tears streamed down her cheeks.
"What the frell is wrong with you?" Aeryn sat up and leaned against the wall. "Chiana?"
"I thought you wanted that...you were enjoying it..."
Aeryn held out her hand but Chiana looked at it and shook her head.
"Forget it," she said. "Just...just forget it. If you don't wanna...fine. I get it. I get it. Crichton wouldn't. D'Argo won't. Jool gives me a frelling headache."
"He's dead. If that's what you really wanted to find out."
"He was a copy. Just like I was. The real man is here. Don't you get that? And you didn't have to come back unless you wanted to see that for yourself. There was no other reason. You left with him, you came back for him and the rest of us floated around, trying not to die. Guess we had better luck than you guys."
"What do you want from me? This?" She stripped off her jacket and threw it into the space between them. "It's just sex. Reduction of fluids. That's what Peacekeepers do. We move on to the next one, and the one after that." She got to her feet, sliding her back up the wall, Moya's flesh warm against her own.
Why had she returned? Moya was her home. She hadn't considered any other options. At that moment, she'd nowhere else to go.
"You're all gonna die. Like Zhaan. Like your John. You think you're heroes but you're just dead. You know why I'm still alive? Because I ran. I ran and I didn't look back. You're not supposed to look back."
John, the light fading from his eyes, skin ashen and dry. After he'd died, she'd fallen asleep with her head on his chest, waking up believing that she'd dreamed it all until his cold, stiff body proved otherwise. She still expected to find him next to her; every time she realized that wasn't to be, she felt like her insides were being consumed, leaving nothing but a pit.
Chiana was warm and alive. And she was right. Aeryn could conceive of no option where they all walked off the command carrier intact. Her only mission was to make sure Crichton did.
She owed him that at least.
"Forget it, Aeryn." Chiana took a step back but Aeryn reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her in close.
"What is it you want?" Aeryn leaned down and pressed her lips to Chiana's. She felt the girl stiffen in her arms, then her body sagged into Aeryn's.
Reduction of fluids. You recreated, you moved on.
I ran and I didn't look back...
Chiana's hands moved to Aeryn's still unzipped leathers and pushed them past her hips to the top of her boots. She pulled away, a smile on her face. "Boots are in the way."
Aeryn nodded and pulled her pants up, then took Chiana's hand and hauled her along the corridor until she found the empty cell. She had thought of taking up residence here, in this ignored part of the ship, but each time she'd set out to pack her few belongings into a bag, the effort of thinking it through was overwhelming.
She sat on the bed, pulled off her boots then her leathers. Chiana's eyes were bright but that weird, determined look was still there. Was this a challenge, a game?
"You...you're beautiful." Chiana straddled her and reached back for her braid. Aeryn slapped her hand away.
"Leave that." She reached behind Chiana, unzipped the tight fitting bodysuit. As expected, Chiana wore nothing underneath. Her body was smooth and wiry, small but strong. Aeryn ran the palms of her hands over Chiana's back, felt her shivering. She wrapped her arms around the girl and pulled her to her chest, Chiana's small breasts pressed against her own. As a Peacekeeper, she never would have taken even this much time; they would have finished in the corridors, pulled up their trousers and gone their separate ways.
Chiana pulled away from her embrace, looked her in the eye. "I wanna see you-all of you."
Aeryn nodded and stood, removed her remaining clothing then reached back and undid her braid until her hair fell loose past her shoulders. She hadn't realized how tightly her hair had been pulled until it was undone. Here like this, she felt free. No one to follow, no one to disappoint.
She moved to the bed and pushed Chiana back then lay beside her, drawing her close. "Is this what you wanted?" Chiana was soft against her, molded to her, belly to belly, her head resting on Aeryn's shoulder. One arm draped itself over Aeryn's flank, fingers caressing her back.
"You...you're warmer than I thought you'd be." Chiana moved her head from Aeryn's shoulder and nuzzled her neck. "Softer too." Her hands wandered to Aeryn's breast, fingertips grazing her nipples. Her mouth followed.
The sensations washed over her, settling wet and warm in her groin. John had done these same things. His ministrations had always righted her, a release that cleared her mind and brought her a feeling of joy she'd never experienced before. Even with Velorek, things had been too rushed, too many competing interests that she hadn't understood at the time. John called it making love, showed her how it was more than recreation or a meaningless reduction of fluids.
She understood now that it could hurt you.
Chiana's mouth moved downward from breast to belly then to the warm place between her legs. She felt like one piece-herself, the bed, Chiana-all part of the same trajectory that started in her center and spread outward as Chiana's mouth brought her to climax.
Chiana pulled away then moved her body over Aeryn's and kissed her. Aeryn returned the kiss and wrapped her leg around Chiana, capturing her.
"Is that all you wanted?" she whispered.
Chiana nodded, eyes bright and wild. "Yeah. Just that. Gotta go." She tried to slither out from between Aeryn's leg and body but Aeryn held on tighter.
"Is that it? Frell and run?" She spoke the words without rebuke.
"Yeah. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be with Peacekeepers? You run too, Aeryn."
She sighed but didn't relax her leg. Chiana, too, was stilled, waiting. "For one arn, maybe we can both stop running." She cupped her hands on Chiana's face and kissed her on the mouth, then drew her leg away. If the girl wanted to go, she could.
Chiana fell away and lay beside her. "Can you...can we...can I just stay next to you for awhile? Like...like this."
Aeryn nodded and opened her arms. Chiana curled up in Aeryn's embrace.
"I...Aeryn. I...I'm sorry he died. Really sorry."
Aeryn nodded. "I know."
"Do you think we're all going to die?"
"I thought you didn't want to come with us."
"Yeah. I thought so too. Can't let you feks go and get yourselves killed without me." She yawned and stretched, grey toes pointed upward, body lean and perfect and smooth. Then she turned and fell asleep with her head on Aeryn's shoulder.
She zips up and straps in: jacket, leathers, boots, holster, gun, braid, all serving to keep her in one piece. She's all small tight moves; she wants to feel like she can slip in and out, just disappear without anyone noticing she's gone. John beckons to her from the window, catching her before she can go. If she turns to face him, if she reaches out her hand, she'll shatter and none of the Peacekeeper trappings will keep her in one piece.
Focus on her reflection, drawn, thin, pale, hair pulled so taut that it hurts as she refuses the hope and the hand he offers.
She awoke with a start and turned her head. She was covered with a blanket against the cool temperature of the sleep cycle. Her clothes were thrown haphazardly on the floor where she'd left them. The space beside her was empty. She rolled over, got to her feet, dressed then sat there, not sure where to go next, until she heard the com come to life.
"Aeryn!" It was Crais, voice sharp and with a hint of worry. "Aeryn, we are assembling in command. D'Argo and Rygel was preparing for their meeting with the Peacekeepers."
She sighed. So that was it, then. What they'd started would be finished.
Had it been a dream? Chiana had woken up next to Aeryn who slept as soundly as D'Argo. She hadn't expected that. Frell that, she hadn't expected anything that had happened between them.
She had gotten dressed and gotten out but she hadn't gone far. She lingered outside the cell, sitting on her haunches and rocking a little. She'd wanted to stay, to bask in the warmth of another body beside her, one that had no expectations, and whose expectations she hadn't damaged.
She'd wanted to stay, would have, but the dreams had brought her wide awake and her body didn't want to stop moving so she'd thrown a cover over Aeryn, who had curled up so tight that she looked like she was trying to disappear, and had left her there by herself.
She'd seen something with a certainty so true that it was like she'd lived it. An explosion, pieces of a ship spat into a starry, debris cluttered sky, seeing events that she couldn't stop. Jool (Jool?), arms around her, trying to shelter her. The rest of them scattered. Dead, alive-the dream didn't say. She couldn't see enough to know where she'd end up.
She didn't understand any of it.
More visions that she didn't want, hadn't asked for. She shivered, throwing chills like she was trying to rid herself of a disease. Then she heard the soft footstep as Aeryn rounded out of the cell and started past her, eyes focused in front of her. Aeryn walked like someone who had to think about it.
Chiana sprang to her feet and caught Aeryn's arm just as the woman strode past her. Aeryn turned, face a blank then her expression softened when she saw Chiana.
"What are you doing there?"
"Aeryn. When the time comes...don't go."
"What are you talking about? The plan is set. You know that. You don't have to be a part of it."
"Nah...it's not about the plan. The plan's frelled but it's not about that. It's...I saw...just...just don't go. That's all. That's all."
"You won't be alone."
She nodded then leaned against Moya. "I'm never alone."
Aeryn gave her a curt nod, seemingly satisfied with that response. Chiana released her arm and watched as she continued down the passage.
*END*