Title: This Immediate Family
Disclaimer: When you know you can't have what you want, where's the profit in wishing?
Summary: A year has passed since that night in the hanger. Roy died that night and today, they remember.
Author's note: I've had this floating around in my head for weeks. It's a bit of closure for the Finale, set to what I know of the possibilities of Season Four. I hope it makes sense. Let me know what you think.
Emma
"I'm early."
"Really? I had no idea." She swung the door open and ushered him inside, taking the bag of food from him and walking to the counter to begin unloading it. He joined her when he had divested himself of his jacket and shoes.
"I just…" he said quietly as he came to stand next to her. "I couldn't stay…"
"I know," she said, turning to glance at him. "Thanks for coming early."
"When will they get here?"
Kate met his gaze. "At 1:30, like I told you."
He smiled and took the chicken from her, moving comfortably around her kitchen to the sink to take it out of the package. She watched him go with a very small smile, and then turned to the bag to remove the last of the ingredients he'd brought for lunch.
They worked quietly, taking turns to wash ingredients and add various items to the two saucepans on the stove. They bumped each other occasionally, exchanging smirks from old jokes and recent experiences cooking together. Somehow, they always managed an edible product, despite their interruptions.
When the chicken was done and the vegetables and potatoes properly sautéed, Kate opened the oven and together they put everything into the dish to let it sit until the boys arrived. They still had an hour.
"What now?"
Kate considered him. "Come here," she said, extending a hand. He took it and she led him through her bedroom and out onto the balcony. This apartment, for all the grief she'd had in finally finding it, was relatively perfect. Empty, but perfect.
She guided them out and then they stood together, looking out over the city, their hands entwined on the railing of the small balcony.
"I miss him," she said softly.
"Me too."
"I can't believe it's been a year already."
"Long year," he added.
"Yeah," she sighed.
His hand moved out of hers and she felt him move behind her to wrap his arms around her stomach, pulling her into his chest. He leaned his face against hers and she could feel his warm breath against her cheek while his hands drew soft circles on her stomach. They stood together for a long time, just staring out at the bustling city. One of his hands eventually roamed up and over to the spot just below her heart and Kate felt him take a deep breath.
"Still beating under there," she said quietly.
"You bled so much," he whispered.
"I know."
"And then you wouldn't wake up."
"I know," she covered his hand with hers.
"And then Dr. Motorcycle Boy wouldn't let us in to see you."
"I know," she said, this time with a sigh. "He got an earful when I finally came to, believe me."
"I still dream about it, sometimes."
"You never wake me," she said softly.
"I haven't had those dreams with you."
She smiled. "Good. Maybe I just need to sleep with you more often." He tensed behind her and she let out an exasperated breath. "Don't go there, Castle."
"Oh, come on. I don't think that was worthy of Castle."
"Innuendo is always a Castle thing."
"Rick can't do innuendo?"
"Nope."
"Fine."
They fell into an easy silence again. "How you holding up?" he asked a while later.
"It's not like my mom," she began, choosing her words carefully. "Roy…I saw him. We saw him. We said goodbye, you know? And I don't, I don't agree with it anymore now than I did then, but I got that closure, you know?"
"I do," he said against her cheek.
"And so it hurts, and it aches, and I can't pretend that it doesn't sting to look into his office and see her every morning."
"Because we all know how painful that is for you, Roy aside."
Kate leaned back into him. "I like to think that we're making progress."
"She did actually smile at you yesterday."
Kate gave a small chuckle. "Yeah, because I said you were annoying."
He kissed her cheek. "See, just keep telling her the truth, and eventually you guys will get along."
She leaned her head against his. "I miss him, though."
"He'd be so proud of you."
"What, for getting my head out of my ass and agreeing to date you?"
He laughed, a full on smile blooming on his face. "For that, yeah, probably. Did Lanie ever tell you how much he had in on the pool?"
"No," Kate said, surprised. "Roy bet on the pool?"
"Over four hundred."
"Seriously?"
He nodded. "I know. I was shocked too."
"I don't know whether to be appalled, amused or embarrassed."
"All three's been my standard."
She twined her fingers through his across her stomach. "He was rooting for you the whole time."
"Told me as much."
Kate stiffened. "In the files?"
He nodded slowly. "It's part of how he got me to the hanger."
Kate took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. They'd hashed this out—angrily and at large—two months ago, when the case had broken and everything had finally fallen into place. She'd been furious that he'd kept so much from her, angry and betrayed and so hurt. But then he'd solved it with her, hadn't left her alone, hadn't left her side, and she'd fled when it was over—rode out on the bike and not come back for days.
She'd spent time in a cheap motel, weeping and thinking and when she'd gotten just enough distance, she could see it. She could watch him watching her die in his arms, and see Lanie and Javi and Kevin pleading with her to not go back again. She could see Roy dying for her. She could see Rick weeping by her bedside, the memories clouded with medication. And she'd finally understood why Roy hadn't just given her the name. Why he'd sent the files to Rick. Why Rick had kept them and not told her until it was absolutely necessary. She could see, looking back, how much that had strained him, them. How the secrets for her own protection had nearly broken them all.
And so she'd come back and found him on her doorstep, waiting. And they'd yelled and cried and kissed and struggled together until they couldn't fight it anymore. They'd tumbled head over heels and ended up in bed, laughing and sighing and yelling in a completely new and different and terrifying way. And when that morning had dawned and she had looked around at the shambles they'd made of her room, she'd smiled and tightened the arm he'd wrapped around her.
Now, standing on her balcony, closure months behind them, all she felt was content. Yes, she was scared. Yes, there were unknowns, many of them. How would their relationship fair once Alexis returned? Rick was sure nothing would change; Kate wasn't. How would they deal with the new Captain, who still, after seven months, didn't like Castle, or Beckett, or their partnership? How would they survive if one of them got shot, again? How could she recover if he died? Because she knew, more than Roy or Royce or even her Mother, Richard Castle's death would utterly destroy her.
"You're quiet."
His whisper brought her out of her thoughts and she turned to glance at his face over her shoulder. "It's not a loud day."
"No, but you're thoughts are going a mile a minute, and I'm bored. Share." He planted a kiss to her cheek with a loud smack and she couldn't help but smile.
"We're observing the Anniversary of Roy's death, Rick," she said, though her voice stayed light. "A little respect."
He smiled softly and leaned around to press a gentle kiss to her mouth. "He'd want you to tell me, and to laugh and smile and let me make you do all those things. He died so you could live, Kate."
She felt the first tears glisten in her eyes and she blinked rapidly to stall them. She didn't want to cry. "Rick…"
"So, come on. Let's live," he continued, pressing his mouth back to hers.
He turned her in his arms and she wrapped hers around his neck while he tugged her closer. Their lips moved together, parting in sync as they shared breath and unspoken words while their tongues met. Kate felt her chest tighten as they kissed, the heaps of emotion she sometimes managed to suppress for this man surging to the forefront. They'd held each other at arms length for so long—her more than him—and now that they were finally together, sometimes she felt like it would consume them.
They broke apart after a long time had passed. Kate smiled faintly as Rick pressed his forehead to hers, his hands skimming over her back, trailing warmth over her skin through her thin shirt.
"The guys will be here soon," he said quietly.
"Yeah."
He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers again before pulling back to stand at arms length, looking at her. "You gonna be okay?"
She met his gaze. "No," she replied honestly. She squeezed his hands. "But you're helping."
He smiled. "I'm glad."
He guided her back into the bedroom, shutting the door to the balcony behind them. Together, they walked through and back into the kitchen, splitting wordlessly to gather plates and cups. They set everything out on the living room table and Kate was just getting drinks ready when the doorbell rang.
"Could you?"
Rick smiled. "You got it."
She listened as he opened the doors and the three of them greeted each other, manly hugs with pats on the backs exchanged while she set the drinks down on the table and made her way to the foyer.
"Hey guys."
"Hey, Kate," they said quietly.
It was a testament to how out of their element all of them were that she was 'Kate' today. It wasn't that they never spoke to each other with their first names. But usually it was in jest, or during occasions where formality just couldn't be kept, like Kevin's wedding earlier in the year.
"We made food. Rick, could you?" she asked, pointing to the oven while she sheparded the guys toward the living room.
Rick nodded and headed for the kitchen while the three of them got situated on the couch. He returned with the two dishes and sat them on the mats they'd laid out on the coffee table.
"Well, dig in," Kate said quietly.
They did, silently passing condiments, drinks and dishes. She observed them all as they worked together to eat their meal and pass things around. They were a family, just as they had been last year. Her immediate family was seated in her living room, Javi and Kevin on the couch, and her and Rick in the armchairs they'd pulled side by side across from them.
They ate without talking for a few minutes, until Javier looked up and caught her eye. "Do you remember my first day training?"
Kate smiled. "You nearly shot Roy in that alley."
"Wait, what? How have I never heard this?" Kevin asked, turning to look between them. "You almost shot him?"
"He came around back during my first take down with a murderer and I was jumpy, okay? I'd just gotten the guy down, and Kate was calming the little kid and I just…shut up," he gave Kevin a shove and Kate laughed.
She glanced over at Rick and found him smiling. "What about you, Kevin?" he asked. "Ever nearly take Roy down?"
He shook his head. "No. I did catch him and his wife once though."
"Seriously?" Kate asked, astonished. "Where the hell was I?"
He laughed. "Rare off night for you," he shrugged. "They were going at it like monkeys though. I never could look at the left corner of his desk again."
"Dude," Javi groaned while Rick laughed loudly.
"What?" Kate asked, laughing herself.
"That's where Franson keeps the picture of her and her grandmother."
They all looked at each other and then burst into hysterics, clutching at the closest hands and feeling tears run down their cheeks.
"It's not the same," Kevin said once they'd all calmed down.
"No," Kate shook her head. "It's not."
"Do you ever think he'll just pop in one day?" Javi asked them. "Sometimes I just expect him to poke his head out of the office, you know?"
"I always wait a bit to start my poker game, hoping somehow that he'll show," Rick told him.
Kate watched as the boys had a moment. But suddenly all she could see was Roy's body on the floor of the hanger, his lifeless eyes staring back at her as she knelt, weeping over his body. She registered the guys' quiet conversation going on around her but found that she was too far into the memory to break free. Then she felt a warm hand settling on her arm.
"Hey, Kate?"
She shook her head to clear it and then looked over at Rick. "Hmm?"
"You with us?"
She looked around at them. "Yeah."
"What's that?" Kevin asked, pointing to the open shutter to their left.
"Oh," Kate glanced over at the frosted glass window where her mother's murder board had once been. She'd taken it down the night before, finally nearly ready to put everything away. But today had to pass. "That was my murder board, for…"
"Oh," Kevin replied. "That's fitting."
"Why?" she asked, surprised.
"Just…I don't know. I never liked seeing your mom on the murder boards at the 12th. The window's just more honest, real, you know?"
She nodded and felt Rick's hand squeeze hers. He'd said much the same when he'd been over earlier in the week and had come in to find her standing there, staring at the board, now nearly two months obsolete.
"He'd have been glad that you cracked it," Javi said.
"We," she replied. "All of us."
They were quiet for a pause. "The way you took that guy down, Castle," Kevin said. "Man, I can't remember anything that epic."
"Yeah," Javi added. "I didn't know you could punch like that."
Kate felt her own hold on Rick tighten. They both knew that he could take someone out with his fists, and had for a while. The fact that he'd had to do it twice in a year was horrible, especially since the second time, Kate was too busy taking aim at the accomplice to have ever even seen the other one coming.
"For the right reasons, I'll do just about anything," Rick said quietly.
The guys nodded, looking between Kate and Rick. "Us too," they replied.
Kate looked at the three of them. Her family. They were missing Roy, but he was there, somewhere, watching them. She hoped he was smiling.
"He is," Rick said softly.
Kate met his eyes. "Yeah. I bet he is."