White Butterflies Falling Without Wings [Gaara Oneshot]
His wind tossed, brilliant red hair. His soft but deep and powerful voice. His strong, pale jaw line. His slim but masculine figure. And his beautiful aquamarine eyes.
"Kyoko?"
I blinked and looked up into those stormy green blue eyes. My breath left me and all sensible words fled from my head. "Ka – ze – ka – ge – sa - ma...?" The words came in slow, painful syllables.
The Kazekage sighed. It was a unique talent he saved up just for me.
"I – I'm sorry, Kazekage-sama!" I mumbled, looking down. I crushed the pile of paperwork to my chest. My spare hand drifted downwards to fiddle with the hemline of my dress.
How long did the excuse 'It's my first day' last for? A week? A fortnight? A month? A year? This wasn't going well at all. The Kazekage was going to fire me. Fire! As if anybody would hire me after that, and after all the problems I've caused since he came into office, who would blame him? I wouldn't.
I could feel his eyes on me, radiating heat through out my body and making my skin crawl. Why did he have to look at me that way?
Villagers gave us a wide berth as they past us on the street. I pulled more nervously at my dress, tilting away from his gaze. I was trying to hide even though I knew it was impossible. No one could hide from those eyes.
And that's when the papers slipped from my grasp.
They fluttered, like white butterflies, in the wind around us. The Kazekage was frozen, so still that in a moment of shock, I thought he'd make a good statue. The noise that slipped from my mouth was something between a squeak and a squeal.
The wind caught my dress as I chased the papers, jumping and leaping, pouncing and grabbing. My long, blue hair tugged out of the tight bun I always wear to work and floated around my face, hindering my desperate attempts at collecting all the paperwork.
Time past in gasps and grunts rather than seconds and minutes. I had retrieved all the papers (by running down streets and side alleys) but one. As I reached for it, it flew higher and further away. I had jumped for it three times but each time it slipped out of my reach. My legs bunched underneath me as I prepared to try again and just as I was about to jump, a hand of sand, twice my size, reached up beside me, easily grabbed it and placed it in the pile in my arms.
Suddenly I wished that there were more papers to collect, I'd do anything to not have to face the Kazekage. I took a deep breath and walked over to his side. The silence felt like a weight on my back, pushing me down, forcing me to do something, say something.
My head raised slowly and I looked at anything but his eyes. I couldn't bare to see the look in them. Would it be disappointment? Annoyance? Anger?
"I'm so sorry, Kazekage-sama," I said.
And I was, but sorry only works so many times and after that, it just isn't enough. It wouldn't change anything, it wouldn't stop me from making another stupid mistake and it wouldn't stop him from looking at me like that. Sorry would not save me this time.
"Sometimes I wonder how you managed to make it through the Academy, Kyoko."
A lump rose in my throat. Did he mean to sound so harsh? Did he mean to hurt me? Did he even know how insulting that was? The Kazekage had never been rude or cruel before, had I tipped him over the edge?
The Ninja Academy had been a breeze. Basic ninja skills were simple and tests with paper, a pencil and my mind, well that was what I was best at. I could think myself through the toughest of problems, I could set traps and plan battle strategies. I had wanted to be an advisor to the Kazekage one day.
My paperwork had always been exceptional. I had never made this many mistakes. It was not like me to be so clumsy and absent minded. When Gaara had become Kazekage, not many people wanted to work with him, but I had volunteered. I thought I could do it, that the fact that Gaara was Kazekage would not effect my work in any way.
That was before I had looked into his eyes. Did he know that his pain and suffering was so easily seen? Did he know that loneliness was written in his eyes? Did he know that I could see right through his indifferent demeanor?
"Kazekage-sama," I said. "Thank you for tolerating me this long." I clutched the paperwork to my heart. "I'll put these on your desk with my resignation."
I spun on my heels and walked away. I couldn't look at him. The wind brushed a few grains of coarse sand against my skin and my body shook. This was it, everything was over. I'd never achieve my dream, I'd never get what I wanted and I could never show my face in Suna again. I'd had to leave and that meant I'd never see Gaara again.
"Kyoko." His smooth voice was right behind me, almost in my ear.
I jumped and swung around. It's never good for a ninja to be surprised, but he was my Kazekage after all. I met his eyes before I could think it through. My heart thumped wildly.
"You didn't let me finish," said the Kazekage.
"There's nothing left to say." Something strong and defiant was raising it's head within me.
The silence came again, heavy and unbearable. I gulped. No one ever talks to the Kazekage like that. Nobody is disrespectful to his face. They may murmur behind his back, they may disagree with his appointment as a Kage, but they fear him. They respect his power.
"You had the best grades in the Academy, you passed Genin and Chuunin without much trouble, you even made it to Special Jonin. If you were this clumsy naturally, you wouldn't have made it past the Academy."
The paperwork shook in my hands but I couldn't move, couldn't look away, couldn't talk. I was helpless underneath those eyes.
"So I ask myself "why?" Why does a proficient ninja suddenly become worse than an Academy student?"
Those eyes zeroed in on me and I was stuck, breathless and without a single sensible thought in my mind.
"There was only one answer. Only one variable factor: myself."
I swallowed the rock in my throat. "Kazekage-sama..."
It was a feeble protest and I knew it couldn't save me. I could not for the life of me, think of something witty or smart or logical. I was falling without wings.
"You seem to be an excellent ninja. You have the ability to do a lot of good. I can't change how you feel about me but I can send you somewhere else, where you don't have to be afraid –"
"Afraid?" the word just burst from my mouth. I didn't have time to stop it and now I had interrupted the Kazekage. I shook the thought from my head because it wasn't as important as the fact that he thought I was afraid of him.
The Kazekage blinked, his forehead pulled down slightly.
"I'm not afraid of you," I said. "I'd never be afraid of you."
"You're not?"
I shook my head. "Not at all."
He ran his finger over his bottom lip. "Then why do you act like this?"
I had made another mistake in telling him I wasn't afraid because then there was only one other answer.
"Kazekage-sama," I whispered, lowering my head.
His finger slipped under my chin and he lifted my face to his. "Kyoko... tell me."
Gaara's beautiful aquamarine eyes were soft. Heat swept through me, erasing all sensible thoughts so that there was only the illogical, irrational truth. That I loved him from the first moment I looked into those eyes.
And again. "Kazekage-sama..." My voice broke and it was pleading, pleading for him to just let it go.
He didn't say a word but his eyes said more than his voice would ever say. He would wait, he would wait for as long as it took for me to answer him and Gaara was my Kazekage, my leader and my boss. I could not deny him this.
Villagers were stopping now, watching us with wary eyes. I could feel them on me and the murmurs. What were they thinking? Were they wondering why the Kazekage was leaning so close to me, when he keeps himself at a firm distance from everybody?
It wasn't a normal scene in Suna at all and there would be gossips spreading it around in minutes, changing it, turning it into something is wasn't. It definitely wasn't what it looked like.
My eyes roamed his face for that was all I could see, he made it impossible to look away like I desperately wanted to. Looking into his eyes so close, his name, intimate and inappropriate for talking to the Kazekage, slid out from between my lips. "Gaara..."
I had no choice now, I had to continue, but I said it low, in a whisper only he could hear. "I'm not afraid of you, I'm in love with you."
"You.. love... me?"
My heart twisted. He said it as if it were impossible, as if anyone loving him like that was inconceivable. "Oh," I said. My eyes were watering. "Gaara, why can't you see how beautiful you are? You are never spiteful or cruel. You are willing to give your life for this village, a village that has treated you awfully, a village that still doesn't accept you as it should. Even after everything you've been through, you are able to see the good in others and to love them as they are. And you –"
"Kyoko," Gaara interrupted.
I blinked. I hadn't meant to ramble. I especially hadn't mean to reveal that much. Heat flushed against my cheeks. "I – I'm sorry, Kazeka –"
The Kazekage interrupted me again, this time with a kiss.