Dealing with it
This is my entry for the "Trauma defines a life" Challenge here on HPFC Forum. It's a short ficlet about Molly Weasley, dealing with her brothers' death. I am not a native speaker of the English language (have a look at my profile if you want to know more), but this is my first fanfiction that has been beta'ed (by the wonderful evanescentaless. Thank you so much!). Please let me know what you think :)
She was standing by the riverbed, watching the water flow past her. The noise of the rippling current sounded like thunder to Molly Weasley, unnaturally loud. She felt like she'd been struck by lightning. How was that possible? Her two older brothers, Fabian and Gideon were dead. The twins she had grown up with, loved and argued with, who had teased her but also helped her when she needed them, were no more.
Molly felt as if nature was mocking her loss. Everything around her was peaceful and unaffected. How could the birds sing so merrily when she was experiencing such grief? How could the water still pass by, pure and unstained, when it had been her brothers' blood, staining the floor of their house, spilled just a few hours ago? Didn't nature care for its own offspring? Fabian and Gideon had left this world, so surely something had to acknowledge that change? But there was nothing, everything was still the same. The wind touched the green leaves of the surrounding trees, caressing them softly.
Tears filled her eyes, painful and burning. Molly sat down, feeling like she could never stand up again. She had no strength left to fight. When Arthur had come that morning to tell her the news, she hadn't cried, hadn't protested when he brought her a tea to calm her down. She had not collapsed while she was with him. But now that she was, she let herself go. The sobs were breaking free, her shoulders were trembling and her cries echoed through the forest. If anyone had heard her, they would have been shocked by the force of her pain. She sounded like a wounded animal. Her chest was rising and falling in quick succession, tears were streaming down her cheeks and her body was shaking.
She stared at a shimmering rock lying in the riverbed. It was unyielding and hard. "Like life," she thought. She reached for it, slowly enclosing it in her fist. It was cold and still dripping. Somehow though, it brought her back to life. It freed her from the fog that seemed to engulf her, making her forget her duties and responsibilities. It would be so much easier to just end it all. She wouldn't have to see more death in the war, wouldn't have to mourn any other loss. Molly sat there, considering if this was an option.
How was she supposed to go home after all this and care for her children like nothing happened? She couldn't do it; she just couldn't bring herself to stand up. Bill and Charlie were old enough to care for themselves, Percy would miss her, but he would come around, eventually. Then she thought of the twins – Fred and George – and it was like a dagger stabbing her heart. They were so like them.
The red hair; both boys were so incredibly alike, the resemblance was striking. And it hurt. Her little boys... Automatically her left hand found her belly. She was with child, and everyone in the family hoped it would finally be the much longed for girl. After 5 boys it was time for a girl and Molly needed a girl. She loved her boys, but sometimes she wished for a tender little girl she could teach and share how to be a woman. She'd always wanted a daughter after growing up with boys, longed for the sweetness and delicateness she didn't have with Fabian and Gideon, who were funny but typical men. They fooled around and were blind when it came to understanding female feelings. They often teased her for being soft, when in reality the problem was that they were too lazy to try and understand her. Or maybe they couldn't have understood her even if they'd tried. She had never blamed them, instead accepted their casual attitude as a part of them. She remembered how they always made everyone laugh. It was their special talent; they could make everyone feel happier with their stupid jokes.
Molly sighed. They were gone, it was still an incredible thought, but it was the truth. And she would have to accept it eventually. She couldn't give up. She had to be strong and fight; for her family, for them. They had enjoyed their happy, albeit short, life and they wouldn't want her to forget herself and drown in grief. Molly drew a deep breath. The forest smelled like wet wood for it had been raining the previous night and the grass was still damp. She stood up, panting as if she had run a marathon. But it was the meaning of that gesture that fatigued her. She was back.
She patted her belly and thought about her boys. They deserved a mother who wasn't living in the past. They needed a mother to grow up carefree and happy. And she, Molly decided, would be that mother. To take the easy way out in death would be cowardly and selfish, how could she deliberately inflict more of the type of pain she was feeling onto anyone else? It wouldn't be like a Gryffindor at all.
She would never forget her brothers, but she would live on. She would honour their sacrifice, but she would not let herself be rendered useless by the loss, instead she would do all she could to keep the rest of her family safe from harm. Fabian and Gideon would forever live on in her heart.
She had a feeling that her own twins were more like them than she would've liked. But they were brave men and Molly was proud of them. She was proud.