I just finished this series today, so I'm currently in a Hunger Games funk. I was lying in bed and couldn't sleep, so I was thinking about Peeta and how much I love him, and Katniss and how much I ship them. Then I wondered whether or not she ever talked to Gale again. Then I realized that I wasn't going to fall asleep for quite some time, so I got out of bed, got my laptop and wrote.
It's been a while. It's late and I hope this is good when I read with with not-tired eyes. Writing again felt really, really good. I'm rambling. Please enjoy.
"Do you think things would have turned out differently? I mean, if you never went into the Games?"
Katniss sighed. She knew that was coming. The second she got the phone call from Gale saying that he would be in District 12 on business and wanted to see her, she knew that was the reason behind it. Her ex-hunting partner and best friend didn't want to catch up—he wanted answers. He wanted closure, or the next best thing, because they both knew they would never be able to completely cut the cord on their friendship.
It was early spring and a cool breeze swept around them. They sat on their old rock and listened as the woods thawed back into life. She rested her head on Gale's shoulder as familiar chirps and squeaks fill the air. It seemed as though the rock has shrunk. Katniss knew that wasn't true. It had been a long time, but the rock remained the same. It was the boy and girl sitting on top of it that were different.
Up to this point, the conversation had been easy. That is, easier than expected. Gale gave her a rundown of his life in 2, she tried to tell him about her children without hurting him (and ultimately failed). He asked her how Peeta was. She said fine and gave no details, because she knew he didn't really want to know.
The small talk was over. After minutes of silence, this is what it had come down to. The real reason he was here.
Katniss knew that she had already hurt Gale more than she ever wanted to. She briefly considered lying to him to spare his feelings. Then she realized that she didn't know what would hurt him less—knowing that she never would have been with him, or knowing that she would have been, had it not been for the Game and the rebellion. She decided to go with the truth.
"No."
Gale took a deep breath. "Oh."
Katniss covered his hand with hers. "I didn't always know that, though. I mean, near the end of the war, I spent a lot of time…wondering. What if Prim was never chosen in the reaping, and I never had to volunteer for her? I thought maybe we could have been something. But after everything was over and I had time to think, I knew that I was wrong."
He let that information sink in. "How? I mean, how can you imagine your life without the Games? How do you know for sure?"
Katniss didn't answer for a while. She wasn't sure how. Finally, she opened her mouth and let the words fly out. "By loving Peeta."
Well, she knew that Gale certainly didn't want to hear THAT. She squeezed his hand tighter and tried to find the words to explain it properly.
"It was never a competition between you and Peeta. I know it seemed like it was, and it sometimes felt like it was. But when you weren't there anymore and it was just the two of us, I figured it out. I didn't not love you because I loved Peeta. I didn't love you because…I wasn't in love with you." There. She said it, plain and simple. Peeta didn't get between them. The fact that she never fell in love with Gale did.
Gale sighed and turned his head, watching new leaves dance in the wind. "Well, that's a shame. We could have been great, you know."
Katniss bit her lip. She could not tell him and just let him think that. But in reality, she couldn't let her best friend go on believing a lie for the rest of his life.
"No, Gale. We wouldn't have been great. It would have been terrible. And that's why I'm glad I never fell in love with you."
He remained silent, and she knew that she had to keep talking. "In the Games, I was the girl on fire. Once everything was over, I thought that was why I needed Peeta and could never be with you. You're the boy on fire, Gale. And Peeta isn't. He was the only one who could extinguish the flames that engulfed me. He was the only one who could calm me down when I became too much. And I loved him for it. I still love him for it, every single day. He's still the only person in the world who can help me escape from the fire. And I was right about him. I DID need him. I still do.
"But the thing is, it wasn't because of the Games. Cinna may have ignited that first costume, but he wasn't the one who made me the girl on fire. I've always been fire, Gale. It's who I've been my entire life. It's who you've been for your entire life. We were on fire, Gale."
Her grip on his hand loosens. "I didn't need or want anyone else's fire. I had enough of my own. I needed an escape from my own flames. You couldn't have done that for me, Gale. I know you would have tried, but—" her voice cracked. It was hard to tell him, but he had to know. "But…it wouldn't have worked. If we were together, we wouldn't have been able to free each other. We would have set the world on fire. And I never wanted that. It had nothing to do with Peeta or the war or the Games. I never wanted to burn the world. And I never wanted to…to be with you."
They sit there in silence. Gale absorbed this new information, as Katniss realized that they would probably never see each other again. That was it. The closest thing to closure they would ever have.
More small talk ensued until the sun began to set. Katniss had to go back home to her husband and children, and Gale had to return to District 2.
They slid of the rock and hugged each other. Katniss stood on the tips of her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. She gently whispered in his ear, "You know, I was never in love with you. But that doesn't mean I didn't love you."
Gale tightened his arms around her. He knew.
It was time to go. Their embrace ended, and Katniss stepped away. She smiled slightly.
"It was good seeing you again, boy on fire. Good luck with everything, okay?"
Gale stood still as he watched her turn and walk away. He called out behind her.
"Same to you, Catnip."