Disclaimer: Everything familiar belongs to J.K Rowling.
A/N: This is my first attempt at angst and is very dark. It is a one-shot.
You watch as he enters the room with him. You look up at his face, surely he will save you. He will take you away; for once in his life he will stand up for something he believes in…..only he doesn't. He doesn't believe that your kind should exist.
Yet he says he loves you.
Love…..such a strong word. You have fallen in love with him and you still love him after everything. You know he betrayed you and that you should hate him but do you? No you don't. You know you love him. So where is it that your loyalty lays?
You don't know.
It is neither here nor there. You will never leave him and you will never betray the trust of your friends…..
Except you already have.
So does that make you a traitor?
No. you tell yourself.
You love him.
That's what matters more than everything else.
So much for friendship.
You look up at him with hope in your eyes…..
Hope. What a funny word.
What is hope exactly?
Is it the feeling that someone would save you, someone would take away the suffering. If that's what hope is then what was the use for hoping?
None.
You know that there was no one; no one would come for you. Yet you don't hate him.
Quite the opposite actually.
He looks so different from the rest of them. He is wearing no mask and his hair is hanging in front of his eyes.
.He starts walking towards you…except he is not alone. His master is with him. The master he left you for. You wonder if it was worth it but you know that it must have been. If it wasn't he wouldn't have done it.
But you have eyes only for him. You watch as he crosses the boundary of the side and kneels by your side. He reaches out and caresses your cheek gently, just as he had done so many times before. And before you know it, you are leaning in his hand. And he smirks.
That smirk you love so much.
Only now it's different. You know that this was not a playful or a teasing smirk. No. it was the opposite. It was the cruel and malicious smirk that belonged to the old Draco.
But your Draco is the new Draco.
And you wonder if the new Draco ever existed or if it had been an illusion. An illusion to lure you into a false sense of security and to break you…..not at once…that would be too quick…..he will break you into pieces…and then break you again…..and again…..until there are no pieces left to be broken…..and even then he would not be satisfied…no…never satisfied…..he would dispose of the pieces…so no one will be ever be able to put you back again…as if they could….so no one will even see the shell of the girl that had once been Hermione Granger.
He is very thorough.
You know it's true, yet you wish it wasn't.
Why? You ask yourself.
Because you fell in his trap you answer yourself.
You are a fool. No matter…you love him.
So much for the brightest witch of her age.
You wonder if he has ever been in love with you. He told you he loved you more than anything else in the world and you believed him. A part of you still believes him but you know that part will lose the battle.
You are still leaning in his hand. You start to hope….again….until you feel his hand replaced by his wand.
He broke you…..again.
Just like you knew he would.
He stands up and you follow his every move. You know you're not good enough for him. He is so graceful, elegant….and you are…..nothing….
Books! Huh! What good did they do?
In the end you're at his mercy.
And you know he won't spare you.
Yet you wish that he would.
Why?
Because you want to live in your fantasy world.
So much for the logical and realistic bookworm.
''Crucio'' he whispers.
But it doesn't matter if he whispers it or shouts it. The curse remains. The pain is unbearable.
You insides are burning and your skin is freezing and there is no pain comparable to this pain.
He know you hate this curse. You have nightmares about the last time you were subjected to this curse….
You remember when you had woken up. He was there. He had let you cry in his arms and had promised you that you wouldn't have to go through that curse again. That he would protect you.
And yet here he is.
And here you are.
Any you are being tortured by the Cruciatus curse again…..by him.
Do promises mean nothing?
''Why?'' you ask him amidst sobs.
''Because I like it.'' He replies mockingly.
You can't breathe after that answer…..no…..you don't want to breathe.
But you know he won't kill you…..
…..not yet…
Not so easily…..
''Crucio'' he say again. This time more loudly.
And there is that pain again. The kind of pain that you can't think through, the kind where the only thing you hear screams. And yet you don't realize that you are the one who's screaming.
And he laughs.
He lifts the curse for a moment but soon casts it again. And you wonder if the pain will ever end.
Just as you are slipping into unconsciousness he lifts the curse.
He lifts the curse as soon as the blissful state of oblivion was going to overcome you.
And for a second you can't remember who you are. You can't remember your name
You only remember one name. His.
For a second you are not aware of anything.
Except…..him.
He pauses.
And the tiny traitor part of yours starts to hope that this was it.
That now he will just utter those two words and relieve you of the burden you call your life. Or maybe, just maybe he will come and hug you and tell you that everything will be alright.
You know it's not true.
But does that keep you from hoping?
No.
Damn you!
Maybe he had released you so you can regain your senses…..so you can be aware of what he does to you.
You look down and see blood pooled at your feet.
Your blood.
And you hate him, right?
Wrong.
You still love him.
And you have to ask him.
''You said you love me'' you managed to choke out.
He walk over to you and starts to circle you. Like a predator circling his prey before finishing it off. Only the prey gets killed and it doesn't have to face death over and over again. You on the other hand are not so lucky. You have to die again and again. How? Torture.
He is the prey and you are the predator. The lion and the lamb.
'The lion fell in love with the lamb' you remember from a book.
Only it was the other way around,
And the lion hurts the lamb.
Just like it was the natural order of things.
He finally stops and kneels by your side….again.
You remember what happened to you the last time he did that and you avert your gaze from his face.
''Look at me'' he says.
You don't
''Look at me'' he say, more forcefully this time.
You make the mistake of not listening to him.
He yanks your chin and face towards him so you now look into him. The contact had hurt you yet you can't stop that electricity from coursing through your veins. His touch is so different from all the other times. You remember when he used to gently force you to look at him and would gently whisper words of love to you.
This touch was so….brutal.
''You should know better than to ignore me'' he whispers in your ear. It is not a soothing whisper…..it is the whisper of the kind that chills the heart and leaves the bones to crumble…the whisper of a child's frightened breathing as he watches his parents go down….the whisper of the leaves in the dead of the night…the whisper of a woman who looks into the eyes of a monster and knows that those are the last eyes she will see…the whisper of a captive begging her keeper to stop….the whisper of a murderer.
A murderer you happen to be in love with.
You know he is right, you should know better. You look in his eyes and try to find the man you know.
The Draco you knew had warmth radiating from his grey eyes….
The Draco you know would never hurt you….
The Draco you know loves you….
He stands up and again and points his wand at you.
You don't dare look away.
''Do you want me to answer your question?'' he asks.
Of course you want him to answer his question….but….you are scared of his answer.
What if he says he never loved you? That everything was lie to make you fall for him.
And you did fall.
Hard.
You just nod. You know that even if say that you don't want to know anymore he will tell you…..
And there's that smirk again.
''I do love you Granger''. Your heart being the traitor it was started to hope again and you know it was going to be crushed….again.
Once again you were not disappointed.
''But I love power more'' he continued. ''I love to hear the screams, I love to see the blood flowing. You are still a Mudblood, Granger. I may love you but that fact remains. I love to hear your screams and know that I'm the reason. I love to see you bleed….your dirty blood.''
In that moment you realize that he revels in the pain of his victims. That this is the real Draco. Your Draco was a dream, deception at its best.
And you wonder how it is that you never noticed.
Because love is blind you remind yourself.
''Now, any more questions?'' he asks in a sarcastic manner.
''Thought not'' he says after a minute pause. He flicks his wand in a lazy manner.
The pain takes over again, you can't scream anymore, your voice is hoarse and you are aware that tears are streaming down your face. You gather every ounce of will power and look at him. You wish you hadn't. He is laughing along with everyone else in the room.
When he feels your eyes on him he stops and lifts the curse.
The moment you see him laugh; laugh at your pain is your downfall….you have lost everything. To see the truth in his words has broken down your last barrier.
You know him well; you realize…..but not well enough. You know him enough to realize that this is not enough to satisfy him.
The end is just the beginning.
You lie there, crumpled in the floor. Your hands on the ground, your face hidden in your arms….hiding. He comes and pulls you upwards by your hair.
Your muscles are sore after torture and that small contact causes you more pain then it should. You have been through so much and somehow you have always managed to see the other side. But now…..you feel as if you don't have the energy to fight anymore.
What is there left to fight for.
Your parents are dead; your friends think of you as a traitor and the one man you love with all your heart takes delight in your suffering.
So much for the so-called Gryffindor courage.
''Please…no…don't….please…..stop'' you whimper.
''Stop?'' he asks mockingly. ''But I don't want to stop not now…''. He follows his confession with the Cruciatus Curse.
''No! Please not….this….you promised please'' you cry out.
You don't think that he will listen…why would he….you are nothing to him.
You wish he would but you know he won't.
He stops.
''That I did'' he says thoughtfully. You are so surprised by the turn of events that you almost miss his next words. Almost being the key words.
''But I never promised that I wouldn't torture you….. Ossis Extendum''
No! Not that spell! You know what it does. It stretches the person until one by one their body parts snap off. It was extremely painful.
More painful than the Cruciatus.
And the Ministry called the Cruciatus Curse unforgivable which only showed just how little they knew of the Dark Arts.
You watch as he stands there and enjoys the show.
You feel a tingling sensation in your arms and legs. It starts as you are reaching for something…..something you can't have…like you are stretching and it turns into your worst nightmare…you feel your bones strain under the stress and you think one of them just broke.
You scream.
He does nothing and then his Lord says something to him which you can't hear over your screams.
He waves his wand and it stops.
But you know that the worst has yet to come.
''I have recently created some new spells Granger. Let's see how they work.''
You are extremely scared; you know that he is a wizard of power. You can't even begin to understand his understanding and control over the Dark Arts. You know that this spell would be horrifying.
It would push you over the brink of sanity…..never to return again.
You are standing on a precipice and you know you are going to fall.
You look into his eyes, begging without words to not do it. To not ridicule and torture you. To have some sympathy for you. To love you the way he said he loved you. To love you the way you love him.
Your pleas fall on deaf ears.
''Sub Aqua''
You don't know that spell. You wonder what it will do, maybe you will die. That would be good. Nothing left for you to live for. Nothing.
You feel a drowning sensation as if someone was pushing you down in the water. You feel immense pressure on your chest and your eyes roll backwards. You feel like you can't breathe. Only you can.
And that is the worst thing that can happen to you.
You can't even scream to release your frustration because the spell makes you feel as if you are underwater.
You were sitting on the couch, your head on his shoulder sitting in blissful silence. You had just returned from a day on the beach. The sun had been shining brightly and you couldn't have been more pleased with your company. It was just you and him. Without the stress of the upcoming war…..for some time you were actually able to forget about it….
''Granger?'' he says in a questioning tone.
''Hmm?'' you reply.
''Why didn't you go in the water?''
You start to panic. This was something you did not like to discuss.
''What do you mean?'' you finally ask, deciding to play it out.
''When we were at the beach…..you didn't go in the water. Its almost like you were scared..''
You try to get up, removing your head from his shoulder but he stops you by hanging onto your hand. He pulls you beside him and hugs you.
''It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. I understand'' he says.
You think about how you could get as lucky as to have someone like him in your life.
''No its okay.'' You reply on the verge of tears. ''Do you what to know what happened?''
''Only if you want to tell me'' he answers, pulling out of the hug and settling you in his chest, with his arms on your shoulder.
You take a deep breath and start your story. ''In the summer before fourth year one of my friend had a party. She had this huge pool in her backyard and I didn't know how to swim. I was sitting there with my feet in the water when someone from behind bumped into me and I fell in the water.
I was pulled up almost immediately but I have been scared of going anywhere near water since that time. The sensation of drowning is something I don't want to experience again. Ever.''
You watch him as he takes in what you have just said, storing it in the recesses of his mind for use later on. Only you didn't know that.
''I promise you as long as I'm alive you I won't let anyone do that to you.'' He finally says taking your hand. ''And why didn't you tell me before? We could have gone somewhere else''
''I know you won't '' you respond, your mood brightening. ''And I love the beach….it's the water I don't like''
You remember that day clearly. The way he had chased you all over the beach. The way he had tackled you when he had finally caught up with you. The way you had exchanged in playful banter with him while having lunch…..and the way he had promised you that he wouldn't hurt you.
He has broken his promise you realize.
Drowning is your worst fear.
If someone had asked you before you would have said it was your second-worst. The worst being losing Draco.
But it seems that you have already lost Draco.
He lifts the spell and looks at you as if waiting for you to say something.
And you do have something to say.
''That day….you promised….that no one will hurt me….you promised Draco'' you remind him desperately.
Desperation.
Never in your lie did you think you would be one of those girls that were so desperate as to forgive the person you loved for anything. Hell you laughed at their stupidity.
Ironic,much?
You know that if Draco says that he loves you and wants you back, you would go crawling back to him.
Just like that.
You are broken out of your reverie as Draco laughs.
But it not the same laugh.
It is not the laugh of the person who used to find it funny to annoy you and then to somehow make it up to you. No this is the laugh of a person who will do anything for power. Who will kill for power. Who probably already had killed for power.
''I remember Granger. But it seems like you don't. I said that I wouldn't let anyone else hurt you. I never said that I wouldn't. And of course the other Death Eater will have their fun but they won't use this curse. That will be just me. So you see I never broke my promise'' he explains
And it makes sense. It makes sense in a twisted way but it makes sense nonetheless.
And the way he was explaining to you should have angered you, should have made you hate his guts….but they did none.
You love him. Nothing can change that.
Love. It was such a funny thing. It can make someone's life or it can break it. Ruin it. Break it into smithereens and the then crush it. It was funny how love had saved Harry's life but destroyed yours. It has taken away everything she stood for. Your loyalty, brains, courage and pride. It has made you weak and vulnerable to everything. It had taken away the real Hermione Granger and has replaced her with a feeble and a powerless girl that was nothing like you.
People said the key to defeating Voldemort was love. You had believed them. And yet love had made them weak. You are starting to see how it was good for Voldemort that he couldn't love. Love was a weakness. Voldemort loved no one so he didn't have to worry about endangering anyone, he didn't care. Harry loved Ginny. Ginny was Harry's weakness, the key to Harry's defeat. You have fallen in love with Draco and Draco had used you and. You had came here tonight to save him, thinking he was in danger.
And how did things turn out to be.
And in that moment you realize that you don't care if you live or die.
The pain doesn't matter.
Nothing matter's anymore.
This was you giving up.
So you let them have their fun. You scream as they curse you again and again. Use you as their test subjects for more of their inventions, each more vicious than the last. You scream until the pain takes over any other sense in your body.
You scream until you can't think straight.
You scream until you can't remember where you were.
You scream until you can't recognize the person that is torturing you and the others.
You scream until you lose focus.
You scream until you succumb to insanity.
You scream as you think your last thought before giving way to unconsciousness:
You still love him.
A/N: So? How was it? Love it? Hate it? Please review. Also check out my other story if you want something light-hearted. It's called Malfoys can Love and will be multi-chaptered.