Disclaimer: They're not mine, I'm only playing!
GOING ON
Author Sheri
Email trekke_30@yahoo.com
Home page www.geocities.com/janeway2626/SMITH.html
The heat hit Kathryn's face as she stepped out into the sunlight. It felt good, warmed her insides. She walked over to her tree in her mom's back yard and sat, leaning against its strong trunk. She needed strength right now, she felt so weak and empty.
They had arrived home four months ago via a wormhole. At first for Kathryn everything went picture perfect. The welcome home was extravagant, the ball, everything. It was rough waters at first for the Maquis but Starfleet eventually gave them all pardons and the festivities rolled on. It was after a wonderful dinner at Starfleet head quarters, she was outside sitting on a bench in the gardens when Chakotay approached with a woman on his arms. He introduced her as Alicia, a friend of his from his Starfleet days.
"I wanted him to see a friendly face upon his return. Chakotay was always special to me, when I found out he was alive and on voyager, I had to be here for him." Alicia said with a definite fondness. She reached her arms around him and buried her face. "When he went missing, I was frantic, I would never see him again. He will not disappear on me again."
He never told her about this woman. That seemed a little odd. But then again, why would he, he had the love of his life obviously waiting here for him, do you really tell someone you supposedly have interest in about the woman at home. No you don't there was a good possibility that he was never going to see her again. Why take that chance?
They seemed happy together, Of course, it wasn't said, but I suspected they would be a couple before long. Maybe they were already a couple, the way they were hanging on each other, it looked like a possibility. A part of me died there. I had hoped when all was through I would have been able to confess my feelings that I had buried so deep, but as they stood before me I knew it was too late. I swallowed hard "Nice to meet you Alicia, Chakotay you look so happy, I'm glad."
"Thank you Captain, Alicia we should get back to the party, I want to introduce you to everyone. Captain are you coming?"
Captain, that's all I was now, just captain, this was all more then I could bear right now, "no, I'm tired, I think I'm going to turn in."
"Alright, Have a nice night Captain" and the two of them left her there, standing amongst the flowers.
******
Now here she sat, under her favorite tree, Wondering what he was doing, was he happy, 'of course he was, she was beautiful, outgoing, and she wasn't pushing him away. He probably was craving close contact with a woman, and probably didn't even look at her as a woman any more, you deserve this Kathryn, you did this, pushed them all away, isolated yourself, dated a hologram for god sakes. Why would he want you if you chose a hologram over him.'
"How long are you going to sit here and pout, do I need to get some ice water?" her sisters voice broke her out of her reverie. "I know things didn't turn out how you wanted, and I know there are things you need to talk about, maybe at some point you will."
"I just feel so.... lost ."Janeway thought out loud." I spent all that time with a single goal, pushing aside myself to the point no one really knew me. Except Chakotay and I just pushed him away. Kept the hope that once we got home I could change things, but I Can't."
"No you can't, so what are you going to do, sit here and mope or go on with your life."
Kathryn smiled, how can her little sister do that, say the simplest things and make you feel even a little better, "you're right Phoebe, lets go see if Mom is finished with dinner" Of course, she still had a lot to figure out, but she eventually would.
*****
Kathryn spent the next two months living, enjoying her family, her niece and nephew ' god were they cute'. Starfleet had contacted her and asked her to temporarily command a small ship in need of a captain. The Voyager was being refitted, and it could take another 6 months to a year. This command would only be temporary, until Voyager was ready. The Dante was basically a diplomatic ship, shuttling Diplomats, ambassadors, and anyone else needing a ride, entertain them, and keep them happy. It was either that or a desk job at headquarters. She accepted the Dante, It sounded like an easygoing job, and she wanted that right now.
She was visiting mark and his wife Diane. They invited her over for dinner, and Kathryn had gratefully accepted. She found she quickly fell into an easy friendship with the two. The two really made a cute couple, and it made her wonder how her and Mark could've ever worked out, she couldn't really see it any more.
They talked along time, she told him about her experience in the Delta Quadrant, about her crew and eventually about Chakotay.
"You're not telling me everything Kath, come on what are you leaving out. I have a feeling you thought of Chakotay as more than your first officer."
"Yeah at one time I did. Oh who am I kidding, I always did, and I just couldn't act on it. And now it's too late"
"Why, It's never to late"
She told them about Chakotay and Alica. "So I haven't heard anything that says they're actually together. "Mark didn't think Kathryn should give up so easily.
"You don't know Chakotay, the way he was acting with her, there was something more."
"Well, I didn't think you were the type to give up. Go fight for him Kath."
"He doesn't want me, why would he, I never gave him any reason to wait, and he didn't. "She didn't want to cry anymore. "The subject needs to be changed, so tell me about this little one" letting them know, she wouldn't talk about Chakotay anymore.
******
"I won't be gone long Phoebe, and besides, I'm in the Alpha Quadrant, and allot of these diplomats are coming to earth, so it'll be like I'm barley away!"
Phoebe wasn't thrilled with her sister going back into space already. Yes she had been back for six months, but so much of that was spent in depression. She wanted to be sure that Kathryn was really feeling better. "Kathryn, they did offer you a desk job, why don't you take that."
"Because I'm not the desk job type phoebe, at least not right now."
"Kathryn, be careful. "She was concerned.
"I'm shuttling diplomats and picking up hitchhikers, it's almost safer than a desk job"
*******
Kathryn Janeway entered the bridge of the Dante actually a little nervous. It was one thing to be handed your own command of your own ship, but she was taking over command, this was someone else's crew.
"Captain on the bridge "she heard yelled out.
"Hello people, we'll save the introductions for the staff meeting, which I want 15 after we leave space dock."
There was a yes mam heard, "and contrary to protocol, I prefer Captain, Helm take us out." This felt good, she really did love being in space.
The ship was underway, on their way to DS-5 to pick up and deliver an Ambassador. She had just dismissed her senior staff, a good bunch of people, and found her self staring out the port at the passing stars.
"A penny for your thoughts" It was her first officer, Tim Carthe, a handsome man, 'handsome, positively gorgeous' Tall, must be at least 6'2 Dark hair, pale skin and blue eyes, and last but definitely not least a very nice build. To bad he was married with 2 kid, her luck!
"Excuse me?"
"I said a penny for your thoughts"
"Just where would you find a penny". She laughed, as he placed one in her hand.
"I keep them around, it tends to break the ice. What were you thinking about."
"Nothing, everything you know the usual." she was going to like this man. They fell into an easy conversation.
"I'd like to hear more about your experience in the Delta Quadrant, if your not to tired of telling it."
"I'd love to tell you, but I think we need to get to our bridge"
"Sure, later, how about dinner, 0700 hours."
"Sounds great" yep she would definitely like this man.
******
Kathryn and Tim fell into a comfortable command relationship, and friendship. She longed for her old life but this one was good too. Tim was allot like Chakotay in some ways, he nagged her on her coffee intake, bugged her about eating, and was all in all, a very fine first officer. He had one hell of a sense of humor too. Sure it fell a little out of the realms of protocol, but he would crack a joke anywhere, anytime. She supposed it was one of the reasons Starfleet gave him this position, He could make even a klingon laugh!
Depression now long forgotten she found herself enjoying life. Her old way of doing things got her no where, and that needed to change. She already lost Chakotay, the one person she loved more than anything and she could only blame herself. She didn't want to lose anything else!
They began sharing dinner nearly every night. Sure she called them working dinners but they rarely worked during them. They got to know each other, She talked to him about Chakotay and about Voyager and all they're adventures. It still hurt a little to talk about Chakotay but not as much. Tim helped her work out her feelings, at least some of them. He understood how she felt when she was in the delta quadrant, but told her he wouldn't put up with one bit of it here! "A captain should not be isolated, should not push her crew away. "Tim wanted her to see his point of view.
"How could I remain objective if I got too close, How could I send one of them to their death if..."
"That's a bunch of bullshit Kathryn, and you know it. "
"How dare you say that" ooh was she pissed.
"I will say it, Here you are, in love with a man you could've already had many happy years with, but you put protocol in the way," he paused, making sure she understood everything. "Don't get me wrong, I follow protocol, but there comes a time and place where some parts of it needs to be set aside. Starfleet wouldn't have thought that much of you in a relationship, and I think you know that."
She had to admit to that. "I do know that now, I guess I was afraid. Afraid that if we were to get involved, it would have hurt the view Starfleet took with the maquis, and afraid of allot of other things. Stupid, I was just stupid."
"Yup, you sure could say that. "Tim said matter of factly.
"Gee thanks, "she was being sarcastic.
"I'm not being insensitive Kathryn, I will make sure you have a good time from now on. No more of that hiding away in the holodeck or your quarters. So tell me, is it true you dated a hologram" he was laughing now, trying to change the mood.
"Oh god, not that"
"Yes that, please do tell. Was the sex any good."
She couldn't believe this man "Contrary to what my entire crew believes, I did not have sex with Michael. It was tempting but ... no I didn't. I enjoyed the fun, the culture, OK and an occasional cuddle and kiss."
"An occasional cuddle and Kiss, come on I was not born yesterday." he had her laughing now.
"OK more than occasional, but I did not sleep with him, and it only lasted for a few months."
"Alright I believe ya, well I suppose, I should get to bed." He got up and approached Kathryn, who stood up to say goodnight. Kathryn couldn't believe what happened next. He put an arm around her waist, pulled her close and placed his lips on her. The kiss was not light, it was passionate, sent a fire through her, she almost lost herself in it, but then she pushed away.
"Tim, we can't" she couldn't look him in the eye, he was married for god sake.
"Kathryn, it was just a kiss goodnight, relax" he smiled at her, kissed her nose, and left.
She sat on the bed, "that was some kiss goodnight."
******
Tim and his wife lived on Risa, funny but the pleasure planet seemed to fit him. They were going to stop there for a few days, and Tim had invited Kathryn to come stay with him and his wife. Of course she objected at first, didn't want to impose, but after he nagged at her the entire trip there she gave in.
His wife, Christine, was beautiful with long black hair and blue eyes, she too was tall, and 'well everyone was tall compared to me.' At Tim's convincing, Kathryn had given up the high heeled boots, that had given her constant back aches, she felt a little insecure about it at first, but that was another thing Tim helped her with. This man was changing her whole outlook on life, a little scary but still it was nice.
It really didn't surprise her when Christine greeted her with a kiss, a small gentle one. "Kathryn, it's so nice to finally meet you, Tim has told me so much about you. Let me show you to your room."
******
Chakotay stared out of the window of the hotel room. How the hell Tom and B'Elanna talked him into this he would never know. He knew he had been down in the dumps for quite some time. The way Kathryn just walked away from him, from everyone, hurt. He didn't understand it. It all fell apart after the party, he only saw her a couple times after that, and that was in the briefings. Otherwise, she had avoided him completely. He knew she took command of another ship, possibly only temporary, other than that he knew nothing. He spent many nights talking to Alicia and her lover Carol, what better advise on woman then from two women. Alicia always joked with Chakotay that she knew women well.
Now here he was on Risa of all planets, having a real bad time. "Come on Chakotay, Tom said this club was allot of fun, and I need fun and so do you. "B'Elanna could be very convincing sometimes. "Besides, you might just meet the woman of your dreams there "she joked with him.
"Fine, I'll go, just for a little while."
******
The club was definitely hoping, wall to wall people, 'not exactly what I was in the mood for' thought Chakotay. B'Elanna took him by the hand and continued to lead him to the spot Tom chose to sit.
"Sorry Chakotay, I didn't expect it to be so busy, we don't have to stay long." Tom said.
"Good" was the only answer Chakotay gave him.
They sat back and tried to enjoy the music. Chakotay was looking around at all the people, he liked to people watch, see what everybody was doing, and it helped to pass the time. He glanced over to the other side of the club, when he saw a familiar glimpse of auburn hair. At first he couldn't tell if it was her, it was the back of her head, and she was sitting with another man and woman, the man was in-between them. She was laughing, he could tell because she turned around towards the man, it was definitely her, Kathryn. His heart stopped momentarily, and he suddenly remembered B'Elanna's words on finding the woman of your dreams, yes she was definitely here. His dream was shattered in an instant, though, when the man leaned close to Kathryn and kissed her. Yes it was a simple peck on the lips, but Kathryn didn't except just a simple kiss from anyone, it definitely meant something.
"I'm leaving, right now," he yelled at Tom and B'Elanna.
"What the hell has gotten into you. "B'Elanna yelled back.
"Look over there" he said pointing in Kathryn's direction.
B'Elanna looked over to see Kathryn embrace the man she was with. "Oh my god, Chakotay, I'm sorry, Yeah come on lets go." B'Elanna somehow knew the vacation on Risa was going to be cut very short. She gave Tom the look that said 'don't push him' as they walked out the door.
*******
Kathryn was really having a great time. She found that both Tim and his wife were very affectionate people with those they were close to. It was never anything suggestive or such. Sure she felt Tim put a little more into the kisses he gave her, but his wife was aware and encouraged it. They both noticed how much Kathryn changed with the shows of affection, she fell into it, absorbed it. It was definitely strange to her but it was also like a breath of fresh air, she was trying so hard to change that person within and Tim and Christine were definitely helping in it all.
She spent a week on Risa before her and Tim had to leave, their mini vacation now over. She had two more months on the Dante then Voyager would be done, she was hesitant to leave Tim and her new crew but their Captain was coming back and she missed her old ship. She had been back for nearly 10 months now, nearly 10 months since she saw Chakotay. She knew Starfleet had offered everyone their old positions and most had taken them, including LT. Harry Kim. She hadn't heard from Starfleet yet to see if Chakotay was taking the first officer position again. A part of her wanted to but could she face him and Alicia, she was sure a wedding would probably be coming up. Of course she knew allot of this could be her imagination but she couldn't help but go with what she felt.
*******
Tim walked into her ready room with their latest orders "Proceed to Bettack to pick up an Admiral who is and I quote 'ready to get off this damn planet.' end quote."
"Oh this is what I need, a grumpy Admiral and a murky planet with an unstable atmosphere. Why they don't deem it uninhabitable is beyond me. "Kathryn griped.
"Why people still live there is beyond me. God it's a hell hole down there. There is definitely some strong storms going on there, we'll have to be careful, those storms are strong enough to tear a little ship like ours apart." Tim warned.
"Hey who said our ship was little" she mocked him.
"It's no better than a glorified shuttle Kathryn."
"It's at least three time's a shuttles size. So watch your mouth."
They both laughed than headed for the bridge.
******
The trip to Bettack was uneventful as usual, Kathryn sat in her chair on the bridge, Tim in his to her left. "Put us in orbit and hail the surface, let's get this over with" she chuckled.
The hail went through and the response was being received when the ship suddenly jerked. "report" she yelled.
"Captain, we're caught in one of the stronger storms, trying to break us loose" came from the lieutenant at Conn.
It wasn't working, the ship was so small it was no match, suddenly the view screen showed the planets surface, larger than life, "ALL HANDS BRACE FOR...." she never had a chance to finish her sentence.
******
B'Elanna was busy in the Engineering of the Enterprise. Geordi Laforge had been so impressed with B'Elanna's skills that he finally convinced Picard to take her on until Voyager was ready, he wanted some time to work with her, share some secrets of these engines. Of course Tom came with her, it was the only way she would go. They needed some time away from Chakotay also. He had been a real bear since returning from Risa.
She was about to turn in for the night when the word of a rescue mission came about. It seems a small diplomatic ship crashed on a fairly inhospitable planet. Rescue teams were being dispatched, but the enterprise was close by and could be of great insistence. The ship went to red alert. She ran to engineering to give them a hand at enhancing the shields, this planet had some wicked storms.
Tom came and found her, they were in orbit and he was being sent down as a medic. "You coming B'Ella, could use a hand down there. "
"Of course Tom."
"We're being sent to the bridge, let's go."
******
The ship was dark, only a few emergency lights were working. Reports were coming back that most that were found were dead. Hopefully the bridge crew didn't meet the same fate.
They finally reached it, God was it a mess. "Tom did they tell you who commanded this ship. "B'Elanna asked.
"No, there really wasn't time for discussion, just get down there, it's bad. "Tom replied.
As they stepped they heard a squishing sound Tom looked down to notice the carpet was wet, he shined the wrist beacon at the bulkhead in front of them, water was leaking in through a breach. "We have to hurry, this place could flood soon." The ship had crashed on the edge of one of the murky swamps, it would fill the bridge in no time at all.
They both hurried towards the command chairs, they saw Tim first, unconscious in his chair. B'Elanna went to him first "He's alive, I'll call for a beam out" she did as Tom searched for the captain, he was about to step on a fallen bulkhead when he noticed someone was underneath it. He reached down to check for a pulse and gasped as he got close enough in the dark to see "Oh my god, bell"
B'Elanna had just finished beaming the first officer away, she turned to see what caught Tom's attention. "Who is it."
He gulped "Captain Janeway, she's still alive, help me get this off her so we can get her to sick bay." They were frantic, the Captain did not look good. The ship was flooding fast by now, the Captains hair was already wet. They removed the bulkhead and called for a beam-out. They searched the rest of the bridge found no more survivors there, so they beamed back to the Enterprise.
******
Sick bay was in an organized state of chaos. Out of a ship compliment of 30, only 12 survived to reach the Enterprise, already two of them were dead. Tom jumped right in anxious to help the remaining survivors. He wanted to ask how Captain Janeway was but Dr. Crusher was busy working on her, and he could be used elsewhere. He heard someone stirring from one of the biobeds he went to help.
It was the first officer, 'isn't this the guy that Janeway was dating' he thought to himself. "Hi there, take it easy." he said to the man.
"The Captain, is she OK?"
"The doctor is working on her now, don't worry about her, how do YOU feel?" Tom asked.
"A bit of a headache, but otherwise OK."
"You were quite lucky, a mild concussion but other wise, you're fine, others didn't fare to well." Tom took a breath, "Captain Janeway had a bulk head fall on her, she has a concussion, both her legs are broken, amongst other things, she isn't out of the woods yet but Dr. Crusher is good."
"Yeah I know, listen I need to call my wife, if she hears the report, she'll be frantic, I need to let her know I'm OK."
Wife, he has a wife, oh Chakotay you are such a fool. "Come on, you can use the doctor's office for a quick call, only a couple minutes then you have to rest."
Tom listened to the call, the wife was reassured that her husband was OK and was now drilling him about Kathryn. Tom glanced at the screen and saw the other woman that was with them on Risa. From the sounds of it these two were quite close to the Captain, which would explain the kiss they saw. He definitely had to talk to B'Elanna, they had allot to fix, that is, if the Captain survived. The enterprise was at warp trying to make it back to Starfleet Medical, these people needed all the help they could get.
******
Tom and B'Elanna agreed that they wouldn't let Chakotay know until they arrived at earth. Kathryn's condition was still guarded lets not give him false hope. They stayed close to her willing her recovery.
It was a day later when Kathryn finally regained consciousness "What the hell happened," she groaned, "I feel like I've been run over. "
Tom was the first to reach her, "well captain, you could say that."
"Tom, what are you doing here" she asked softly.
"We were on the Enterprise when word of your graceful landing came in, we were the first to arrive."
"Tim, my crew, are the OK."
"Tim is just fine, in fact it looks like he's on his way over here, I'll let him explain the rest." Answered Tom as he stepped back to let Tim get closer.
"Hey Kath, nice to have you back."
Kathryn tried to sit up but was immediately stopped. "No stay still, you were pretty badly injured, your legs are quite a mess right now. The crew, I'm afraid, is mostly dead. A total of ten of us survived."
"Ten, god, is that all." She just couldn't believe it.
"Don't worry about that right now, we need to get you better." He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, then left her to rest.
******
They finally made it to Starfleet and the survivors were all transported down to medical. B'Elanna and Tom immediately went to find Chakotay. They wanted to tell him everything in person. They found him at his apartment, still in quite a bad mood.
"God Chakotay, you really need to chill. Well we have news, a lot of news!"
"About?" he asked.
"Kathryn, she..."
"Forget it, I don't want to hear it" he barked back.
"Sorry, but you do want to hear this so sit down and shut up! And while you're at it get rid of the attitude, it doesn't become you." She was in no mood for it.
He took a seat, he knew B'Elanna wasn't someone to argue with. "Very well go on."
"First of all, Kathryn's first officer, Tim, was the guy we saw her with. He is something else, well he's married, and not involved with Kathryn, it seems he's just the friendly sort. His wife was the other woman there. Kathryn is still quite single!" She took a deep breath, then continued. "Now, the next isn't good news but she's OK now. We just got back from a rescue mission, The Dante crashed in a swamp on Battack. It was quite a mess, they lost more than half the crew. Kathryn was their captain."
"Oh gods, is... is she OK." He felt like a brick had hit him.
"She will be, A bulk head fell on her. Her legs are pretty mangled up. But the doctors expect a full recovery. It will just take a while."
"I have to go see her, now." Chakotay was already up and heading for the door.
"I thought you might!"
********
She looked so peaceful sleeping. The doctors reassured him that she would be OK, although walking will have to come later. She would need help when the doctors released her, and he was planning on giving her all the help she needed.
She was waking up, "Hello there, how are you feeling?"
"I have a bit of headache and... Chakotay, god I sure wasn't expecting you!"
"I guess not. I've missed you" that was an understatement.
She was hesitant, she had spent this time getting used to him not being around, she thought she was ready to see him again but she was obviously wrong, it still hurt. "It's nice to see you too."
"Listen the doctor's said you could be out of here in a couple days if you had someone to stay with you, that'll be me." Chakotay said matter of factly.
"What... no Chakotay, I will probably be staying with my mom. She'll take fine care of me!" just what did he think of her!
"Kathryn, you can't walk, is your mom able to carry you around?" damn stubborn woman.
Tim wanted to laugh, despite Kathryn's weakened condition, and she was still putting up one hell of a fight. He knew how she felt though, so he decided to intervene "That won't be a problem, I've already talked to Christine, I will stay with you and your mom until you are back on your feet."
"Tim you need to be with your wife, I will be fine, I don't need anyone taking care of me." How dare they treat her like this.
"Why are you so damned stubborn Kathryn" Chakotay was getting angry, "why can't you accept my help. And better yet, why have you avoided me for almost a year. Why..." He couldn't finish, this was not the time to start an argument, it would not help her any.
The doctor decided to intervene, "She needs her rest, and she doesn't need to argue with anyone right now. I would suggest everyone discuss possible arrangements amongst yourselves then see if she likes the idea." Then the doctor shooed them out of the room.
Chakotay just stomped off, no need to discuss anything, he could take a hint.
*******
He lasted less than 24 hours, he had to put an end this, and he at least needed closure. If she would at least tell him why she kept her distance, maybe he could move on. He was also really sick of how angry he got lately, so this had to end one way or another.
He headed back to the hospital, and went right up to her room. He found her awake and talking to Tim, arguing more like it. "Sorry to interrupt."
"You're not interrupting, this argument is over now." Tim said.
"What do you want Chakotay?" she barked at him.
"Well It's nice to see you too Kathryn. I'm not here to argue I'm here to make peace. I cannot go on with this attitude and I think it would do good if we resolved this right here, and right now."
She rolled her eyes, this should be good " OK, just what needs to be resolved.?"
"I don't understand why you find it so difficult to accept my help here, we used to be friends once. You have avoided me since we arrived home and I don't understand it. I now need to understand it, please."
"Chakotay it wouldn't be fair for me to go home with you. And yes I have avoided you, I needed to so I could move on. I needed to accept the distance so it wouldn't be so awkward on Voyager."
"You are not making sense, it wasn't awkward before, just why would it be awkward now" this was turning into another argument. "Kathryn, Tim needs to be with his wife. He was nearly killed too. Your mom would not be able to fully care for you, if you want to stay at your mom's fine, I'll stay with you there. But I will be the one to help." It was a statement, not a question.
"Like I said Chakotay, that is not fair to you. I would not be comfortable at your house, and It would not be fair to her for you to pack up for god knows how long and come live with me." He needed to get the point.
"Not fair to who, your mom. Why?"
"My mom would care less, she likes everybody. I'm talking about your girlfriend, wife, whatever she is by now."
"My who. What are you talking about?" he was confused.
"Alicia" she said it in almost a whisper, she really didn't like that name anymore.
"I can't believe this, you have avoided me all this time because of Alicia..."
She interrupted "You looked happy, after all those years of denying you what you wanted, it would have been wrong to interfere."
"Gods Kathryn, look I need to know before anything else is said. Do you feel anything for me, could you love me."
She spoke softly, "yes, I do. Don't worry, I'll be fine, I don't..."
"I love you too, Kathryn. With everything I have in me. And Alicia and her girlfriend would be nothing but happy for me." He made sure he was flashing his dimples at her.
"Her girlfriend. I... I.... She is a..."
"Lesbian, yup. I definitely don't turn her on" he laughed.
She was at a loss for words. Just what do you say after making a huge fool out of yourself. "You two seemed so cozy together, I just assumed."
"Well, I guess I could see where you would get the wrong idea. Alicia and I have always been like that, I should've said something. I'm sorry I didn't. I honestly thought I told you about her."
"NO you didn't, but I shouldn't have just gave up. That was wrong. I gave up and walked away and I will regret that now for..."
He sat next to her on the bed and touched her face. "No, no regret. We start fresh, new, It's a great place to start! Now we just have to figure out, my place, or your mom's" He leaned close and kissed her, just lightly but pleasurable much the same.
"Mom's, she has a big bathtub?" she smiled back. She would be OK now.
*******
They parted from Tim and his wife, she wouldn't be working with him anymore. It saddened her that she wouldn't get to see him nearly everyday, but he had taught her so much. He taught her to live again, and enjoy life, something the delta quadrant nearly swallowed whole. She found it hard to believe the way she acted back then, so cold.
Due to her injuries she wouldn't be taking command of voyager, at least not right away. She recommended Tuvok for the job, since he was remaining in Starfleet. She and Chakotay went to her moms, both now on a leave of absence. They mutually decided that they would take this time to see if either of them wanted to remain in Starfleet, she was so torn on the subject.
Her recovery was slow, the damage to her legs had been extensive, had it been a few hundred years earlier, they probably would have just amputated. As it was, it had been 2 months since the accident and she could barley take a few steps with assistance. She didn't mind though, Chakotay seemed to be in heaven finally being able to take care of her. And to be honest, Kathryn was in heaven letting him.
The relationship was going slow, neither of them in any kind of rush. They had the rest of their lives after all. They slept in the same bed, enjoyed a few kisses, but that was all. They were content with that!
******
Tim and his family stepped off the transport and smelled the earth fresh air. It had been so long since he had been here. After the accident, he returned to Risa with his wife and after a month of rest decided not to return to Starfleet. Yes he did love his job, but he almost was lost to his family, it had been too close a call.
Now he was ashamed of himself, he had contacted Kathryn a couple times to check on her recovery but then stopped. He really didn't know why. He had gotten a new job on Risa, ambassador no less.
And it did take up a lot of his time, but that still was no excuse, now here he was, nearly one year exactly from the accident, he was going to find her and have that long overdue visit.
He arrived at the address he had been giving and rang the bell, waited a few minutes but no one answered. He was about to suggest leaving and coming back later when he heard a commotion from the back yard, when he got back there all he saw was a little girl on the back porch.
"Hello there, do you know where Kathryn Janeway is young lady?" he asked.
The little girl pointed to the back yard "yeah, she out there. Uncle Chakotay sprayed her with the hose, and she said he was going to get it good and she chased him out there. I think he's in a lot of trouble."
As he was talking to the little girl, the couple returned, Chakotay soaking wet "Tim, oh my god, it's wonderful to see you" she cried wrapping her arms around him.
"You too Kath, It's been a long time. You sure look a hell of a lot better than the last time I saw you."
"Thanks, feel a lot better too."
He noticed the ring on her finger. "You two got married?"
"Yes, we've been married for eight months now." Kathryn said beaming.
"And who is this little one" he asked pointing to the little girl.
"That is my niece Amanda. She is spending the day with us, her brother is sick." Answered Kathryn.
"She's adorable, so Kath any little ones for you?"
"Oh we're considering it, the doctor wants me to wait until at least a year after the accident. There was a lot more wrong than just the legs." She glanced away, it had been a long recovery, and she honestly didn't know how she would have done it without Chakotay
"I understand, So tell me Kath are you happy?" he needed to make sure.
"Happier than I have ever been in my life. He completes me."
"And Voyager? Are you going back into space?"
"No, that's not for me anymore, Chakotay is teaching at a local college. I'm still in Starfleet but just doing most of the work from home, research and such. I was considering teaching also, but right now I have no urge to do anything else. I lost myself for a while, too long. You and Christine helped me find myself again, and Chakotay completed it. I like who I am now, and I really don't want to change that. Besides, I think I've explored it all, Alpha Quadrant, Delta Quadrant, what is left."
"Well you do have a point there."
They stayed there with them the entire day, and were finishing dinner. Christine leaned over to her husband and whispered, "She hasn't stopped smiling once, did you notice?"
"Yeah I did, she seems truly happy." They thought they were going unheard. But Kathryn quickly interrupted them.
"I am, I truly am"
END
GOING ON
Author Sheri
Email trekke_30@yahoo.com
Home page www.geocities.com/janeway2626/SMITH.html
The heat hit Kathryn's face as she stepped out into the sunlight. It felt good, warmed her insides. She walked over to her tree in her mom's back yard and sat, leaning against its strong trunk. She needed strength right now, she felt so weak and empty.
They had arrived home four months ago via a wormhole. At first for Kathryn everything went picture perfect. The welcome home was extravagant, the ball, everything. It was rough waters at first for the Maquis but Starfleet eventually gave them all pardons and the festivities rolled on. It was after a wonderful dinner at Starfleet head quarters, she was outside sitting on a bench in the gardens when Chakotay approached with a woman on his arms. He introduced her as Alicia, a friend of his from his Starfleet days.
"I wanted him to see a friendly face upon his return. Chakotay was always special to me, when I found out he was alive and on voyager, I had to be here for him." Alicia said with a definite fondness. She reached her arms around him and buried her face. "When he went missing, I was frantic, I would never see him again. He will not disappear on me again."
He never told her about this woman. That seemed a little odd. But then again, why would he, he had the love of his life obviously waiting here for him, do you really tell someone you supposedly have interest in about the woman at home. No you don't there was a good possibility that he was never going to see her again. Why take that chance?
They seemed happy together, Of course, it wasn't said, but I suspected they would be a couple before long. Maybe they were already a couple, the way they were hanging on each other, it looked like a possibility. A part of me died there. I had hoped when all was through I would have been able to confess my feelings that I had buried so deep, but as they stood before me I knew it was too late. I swallowed hard "Nice to meet you Alicia, Chakotay you look so happy, I'm glad."
"Thank you Captain, Alicia we should get back to the party, I want to introduce you to everyone. Captain are you coming?"
Captain, that's all I was now, just captain, this was all more then I could bear right now, "no, I'm tired, I think I'm going to turn in."
"Alright, Have a nice night Captain" and the two of them left her there, standing amongst the flowers.
******
Now here she sat, under her favorite tree, Wondering what he was doing, was he happy, 'of course he was, she was beautiful, outgoing, and she wasn't pushing him away. He probably was craving close contact with a woman, and probably didn't even look at her as a woman any more, you deserve this Kathryn, you did this, pushed them all away, isolated yourself, dated a hologram for god sakes. Why would he want you if you chose a hologram over him.'
"How long are you going to sit here and pout, do I need to get some ice water?" her sisters voice broke her out of her reverie. "I know things didn't turn out how you wanted, and I know there are things you need to talk about, maybe at some point you will."
"I just feel so.... lost ."Janeway thought out loud." I spent all that time with a single goal, pushing aside myself to the point no one really knew me. Except Chakotay and I just pushed him away. Kept the hope that once we got home I could change things, but I Can't."
"No you can't, so what are you going to do, sit here and mope or go on with your life."
Kathryn smiled, how can her little sister do that, say the simplest things and make you feel even a little better, "you're right Phoebe, lets go see if Mom is finished with dinner" Of course, she still had a lot to figure out, but she eventually would.
*****
Kathryn spent the next two months living, enjoying her family, her niece and nephew ' god were they cute'. Starfleet had contacted her and asked her to temporarily command a small ship in need of a captain. The Voyager was being refitted, and it could take another 6 months to a year. This command would only be temporary, until Voyager was ready. The Dante was basically a diplomatic ship, shuttling Diplomats, ambassadors, and anyone else needing a ride, entertain them, and keep them happy. It was either that or a desk job at headquarters. She accepted the Dante, It sounded like an easygoing job, and she wanted that right now.
She was visiting mark and his wife Diane. They invited her over for dinner, and Kathryn had gratefully accepted. She found she quickly fell into an easy friendship with the two. The two really made a cute couple, and it made her wonder how her and Mark could've ever worked out, she couldn't really see it any more.
They talked along time, she told him about her experience in the Delta Quadrant, about her crew and eventually about Chakotay.
"You're not telling me everything Kath, come on what are you leaving out. I have a feeling you thought of Chakotay as more than your first officer."
"Yeah at one time I did. Oh who am I kidding, I always did, and I just couldn't act on it. And now it's too late"
"Why, It's never to late"
She told them about Chakotay and Alica. "So I haven't heard anything that says they're actually together. "Mark didn't think Kathryn should give up so easily.
"You don't know Chakotay, the way he was acting with her, there was something more."
"Well, I didn't think you were the type to give up. Go fight for him Kath."
"He doesn't want me, why would he, I never gave him any reason to wait, and he didn't. "She didn't want to cry anymore. "The subject needs to be changed, so tell me about this little one" letting them know, she wouldn't talk about Chakotay anymore.
******
"I won't be gone long Phoebe, and besides, I'm in the Alpha Quadrant, and allot of these diplomats are coming to earth, so it'll be like I'm barley away!"
Phoebe wasn't thrilled with her sister going back into space already. Yes she had been back for six months, but so much of that was spent in depression. She wanted to be sure that Kathryn was really feeling better. "Kathryn, they did offer you a desk job, why don't you take that."
"Because I'm not the desk job type phoebe, at least not right now."
"Kathryn, be careful. "She was concerned.
"I'm shuttling diplomats and picking up hitchhikers, it's almost safer than a desk job"
*******
Kathryn Janeway entered the bridge of the Dante actually a little nervous. It was one thing to be handed your own command of your own ship, but she was taking over command, this was someone else's crew.
"Captain on the bridge "she heard yelled out.
"Hello people, we'll save the introductions for the staff meeting, which I want 15 after we leave space dock."
There was a yes mam heard, "and contrary to protocol, I prefer Captain, Helm take us out." This felt good, she really did love being in space.
The ship was underway, on their way to DS-5 to pick up and deliver an Ambassador. She had just dismissed her senior staff, a good bunch of people, and found her self staring out the port at the passing stars.
"A penny for your thoughts" It was her first officer, Tim Carthe, a handsome man, 'handsome, positively gorgeous' Tall, must be at least 6'2 Dark hair, pale skin and blue eyes, and last but definitely not least a very nice build. To bad he was married with 2 kid, her luck!
"Excuse me?"
"I said a penny for your thoughts"
"Just where would you find a penny". She laughed, as he placed one in her hand.
"I keep them around, it tends to break the ice. What were you thinking about."
"Nothing, everything you know the usual." she was going to like this man. They fell into an easy conversation.
"I'd like to hear more about your experience in the Delta Quadrant, if your not to tired of telling it."
"I'd love to tell you, but I think we need to get to our bridge"
"Sure, later, how about dinner, 0700 hours."
"Sounds great" yep she would definitely like this man.
******
Kathryn and Tim fell into a comfortable command relationship, and friendship. She longed for her old life but this one was good too. Tim was allot like Chakotay in some ways, he nagged her on her coffee intake, bugged her about eating, and was all in all, a very fine first officer. He had one hell of a sense of humor too. Sure it fell a little out of the realms of protocol, but he would crack a joke anywhere, anytime. She supposed it was one of the reasons Starfleet gave him this position, He could make even a klingon laugh!
Depression now long forgotten she found herself enjoying life. Her old way of doing things got her no where, and that needed to change. She already lost Chakotay, the one person she loved more than anything and she could only blame herself. She didn't want to lose anything else!
They began sharing dinner nearly every night. Sure she called them working dinners but they rarely worked during them. They got to know each other, She talked to him about Chakotay and about Voyager and all they're adventures. It still hurt a little to talk about Chakotay but not as much. Tim helped her work out her feelings, at least some of them. He understood how she felt when she was in the delta quadrant, but told her he wouldn't put up with one bit of it here! "A captain should not be isolated, should not push her crew away. "Tim wanted her to see his point of view.
"How could I remain objective if I got too close, How could I send one of them to their death if..."
"That's a bunch of bullshit Kathryn, and you know it. "
"How dare you say that" ooh was she pissed.
"I will say it, Here you are, in love with a man you could've already had many happy years with, but you put protocol in the way," he paused, making sure she understood everything. "Don't get me wrong, I follow protocol, but there comes a time and place where some parts of it needs to be set aside. Starfleet wouldn't have thought that much of you in a relationship, and I think you know that."
She had to admit to that. "I do know that now, I guess I was afraid. Afraid that if we were to get involved, it would have hurt the view Starfleet took with the maquis, and afraid of allot of other things. Stupid, I was just stupid."
"Yup, you sure could say that. "Tim said matter of factly.
"Gee thanks, "she was being sarcastic.
"I'm not being insensitive Kathryn, I will make sure you have a good time from now on. No more of that hiding away in the holodeck or your quarters. So tell me, is it true you dated a hologram" he was laughing now, trying to change the mood.
"Oh god, not that"
"Yes that, please do tell. Was the sex any good."
She couldn't believe this man "Contrary to what my entire crew believes, I did not have sex with Michael. It was tempting but ... no I didn't. I enjoyed the fun, the culture, OK and an occasional cuddle and kiss."
"An occasional cuddle and Kiss, come on I was not born yesterday." he had her laughing now.
"OK more than occasional, but I did not sleep with him, and it only lasted for a few months."
"Alright I believe ya, well I suppose, I should get to bed." He got up and approached Kathryn, who stood up to say goodnight. Kathryn couldn't believe what happened next. He put an arm around her waist, pulled her close and placed his lips on her. The kiss was not light, it was passionate, sent a fire through her, she almost lost herself in it, but then she pushed away.
"Tim, we can't" she couldn't look him in the eye, he was married for god sake.
"Kathryn, it was just a kiss goodnight, relax" he smiled at her, kissed her nose, and left.
She sat on the bed, "that was some kiss goodnight."
******
Tim and his wife lived on Risa, funny but the pleasure planet seemed to fit him. They were going to stop there for a few days, and Tim had invited Kathryn to come stay with him and his wife. Of course she objected at first, didn't want to impose, but after he nagged at her the entire trip there she gave in.
His wife, Christine, was beautiful with long black hair and blue eyes, she too was tall, and 'well everyone was tall compared to me.' At Tim's convincing, Kathryn had given up the high heeled boots, that had given her constant back aches, she felt a little insecure about it at first, but that was another thing Tim helped her with. This man was changing her whole outlook on life, a little scary but still it was nice.
It really didn't surprise her when Christine greeted her with a kiss, a small gentle one. "Kathryn, it's so nice to finally meet you, Tim has told me so much about you. Let me show you to your room."
******
Chakotay stared out of the window of the hotel room. How the hell Tom and B'Elanna talked him into this he would never know. He knew he had been down in the dumps for quite some time. The way Kathryn just walked away from him, from everyone, hurt. He didn't understand it. It all fell apart after the party, he only saw her a couple times after that, and that was in the briefings. Otherwise, she had avoided him completely. He knew she took command of another ship, possibly only temporary, other than that he knew nothing. He spent many nights talking to Alicia and her lover Carol, what better advise on woman then from two women. Alicia always joked with Chakotay that she knew women well.
Now here he was on Risa of all planets, having a real bad time. "Come on Chakotay, Tom said this club was allot of fun, and I need fun and so do you. "B'Elanna could be very convincing sometimes. "Besides, you might just meet the woman of your dreams there "she joked with him.
"Fine, I'll go, just for a little while."
******
The club was definitely hoping, wall to wall people, 'not exactly what I was in the mood for' thought Chakotay. B'Elanna took him by the hand and continued to lead him to the spot Tom chose to sit.
"Sorry Chakotay, I didn't expect it to be so busy, we don't have to stay long." Tom said.
"Good" was the only answer Chakotay gave him.
They sat back and tried to enjoy the music. Chakotay was looking around at all the people, he liked to people watch, see what everybody was doing, and it helped to pass the time. He glanced over to the other side of the club, when he saw a familiar glimpse of auburn hair. At first he couldn't tell if it was her, it was the back of her head, and she was sitting with another man and woman, the man was in-between them. She was laughing, he could tell because she turned around towards the man, it was definitely her, Kathryn. His heart stopped momentarily, and he suddenly remembered B'Elanna's words on finding the woman of your dreams, yes she was definitely here. His dream was shattered in an instant, though, when the man leaned close to Kathryn and kissed her. Yes it was a simple peck on the lips, but Kathryn didn't except just a simple kiss from anyone, it definitely meant something.
"I'm leaving, right now," he yelled at Tom and B'Elanna.
"What the hell has gotten into you. "B'Elanna yelled back.
"Look over there" he said pointing in Kathryn's direction.
B'Elanna looked over to see Kathryn embrace the man she was with. "Oh my god, Chakotay, I'm sorry, Yeah come on lets go." B'Elanna somehow knew the vacation on Risa was going to be cut very short. She gave Tom the look that said 'don't push him' as they walked out the door.
*******
Kathryn was really having a great time. She found that both Tim and his wife were very affectionate people with those they were close to. It was never anything suggestive or such. Sure she felt Tim put a little more into the kisses he gave her, but his wife was aware and encouraged it. They both noticed how much Kathryn changed with the shows of affection, she fell into it, absorbed it. It was definitely strange to her but it was also like a breath of fresh air, she was trying so hard to change that person within and Tim and Christine were definitely helping in it all.
She spent a week on Risa before her and Tim had to leave, their mini vacation now over. She had two more months on the Dante then Voyager would be done, she was hesitant to leave Tim and her new crew but their Captain was coming back and she missed her old ship. She had been back for nearly 10 months now, nearly 10 months since she saw Chakotay. She knew Starfleet had offered everyone their old positions and most had taken them, including LT. Harry Kim. She hadn't heard from Starfleet yet to see if Chakotay was taking the first officer position again. A part of her wanted to but could she face him and Alicia, she was sure a wedding would probably be coming up. Of course she knew allot of this could be her imagination but she couldn't help but go with what she felt.
*******
Tim walked into her ready room with their latest orders "Proceed to Bettack to pick up an Admiral who is and I quote 'ready to get off this damn planet.' end quote."
"Oh this is what I need, a grumpy Admiral and a murky planet with an unstable atmosphere. Why they don't deem it uninhabitable is beyond me. "Kathryn griped.
"Why people still live there is beyond me. God it's a hell hole down there. There is definitely some strong storms going on there, we'll have to be careful, those storms are strong enough to tear a little ship like ours apart." Tim warned.
"Hey who said our ship was little" she mocked him.
"It's no better than a glorified shuttle Kathryn."
"It's at least three time's a shuttles size. So watch your mouth."
They both laughed than headed for the bridge.
******
The trip to Bettack was uneventful as usual, Kathryn sat in her chair on the bridge, Tim in his to her left. "Put us in orbit and hail the surface, let's get this over with" she chuckled.
The hail went through and the response was being received when the ship suddenly jerked. "report" she yelled.
"Captain, we're caught in one of the stronger storms, trying to break us loose" came from the lieutenant at Conn.
It wasn't working, the ship was so small it was no match, suddenly the view screen showed the planets surface, larger than life, "ALL HANDS BRACE FOR...." she never had a chance to finish her sentence.
******
B'Elanna was busy in the Engineering of the Enterprise. Geordi Laforge had been so impressed with B'Elanna's skills that he finally convinced Picard to take her on until Voyager was ready, he wanted some time to work with her, share some secrets of these engines. Of course Tom came with her, it was the only way she would go. They needed some time away from Chakotay also. He had been a real bear since returning from Risa.
She was about to turn in for the night when the word of a rescue mission came about. It seems a small diplomatic ship crashed on a fairly inhospitable planet. Rescue teams were being dispatched, but the enterprise was close by and could be of great insistence. The ship went to red alert. She ran to engineering to give them a hand at enhancing the shields, this planet had some wicked storms.
Tom came and found her, they were in orbit and he was being sent down as a medic. "You coming B'Ella, could use a hand down there. "
"Of course Tom."
"We're being sent to the bridge, let's go."
******
The ship was dark, only a few emergency lights were working. Reports were coming back that most that were found were dead. Hopefully the bridge crew didn't meet the same fate.
They finally reached it, God was it a mess. "Tom did they tell you who commanded this ship. "B'Elanna asked.
"No, there really wasn't time for discussion, just get down there, it's bad. "Tom replied.
As they stepped they heard a squishing sound Tom looked down to notice the carpet was wet, he shined the wrist beacon at the bulkhead in front of them, water was leaking in through a breach. "We have to hurry, this place could flood soon." The ship had crashed on the edge of one of the murky swamps, it would fill the bridge in no time at all.
They both hurried towards the command chairs, they saw Tim first, unconscious in his chair. B'Elanna went to him first "He's alive, I'll call for a beam out" she did as Tom searched for the captain, he was about to step on a fallen bulkhead when he noticed someone was underneath it. He reached down to check for a pulse and gasped as he got close enough in the dark to see "Oh my god, bell"
B'Elanna had just finished beaming the first officer away, she turned to see what caught Tom's attention. "Who is it."
He gulped "Captain Janeway, she's still alive, help me get this off her so we can get her to sick bay." They were frantic, the Captain did not look good. The ship was flooding fast by now, the Captains hair was already wet. They removed the bulkhead and called for a beam-out. They searched the rest of the bridge found no more survivors there, so they beamed back to the Enterprise.
******
Sick bay was in an organized state of chaos. Out of a ship compliment of 30, only 12 survived to reach the Enterprise, already two of them were dead. Tom jumped right in anxious to help the remaining survivors. He wanted to ask how Captain Janeway was but Dr. Crusher was busy working on her, and he could be used elsewhere. He heard someone stirring from one of the biobeds he went to help.
It was the first officer, 'isn't this the guy that Janeway was dating' he thought to himself. "Hi there, take it easy." he said to the man.
"The Captain, is she OK?"
"The doctor is working on her now, don't worry about her, how do YOU feel?" Tom asked.
"A bit of a headache, but otherwise OK."
"You were quite lucky, a mild concussion but other wise, you're fine, others didn't fare to well." Tom took a breath, "Captain Janeway had a bulk head fall on her, she has a concussion, both her legs are broken, amongst other things, she isn't out of the woods yet but Dr. Crusher is good."
"Yeah I know, listen I need to call my wife, if she hears the report, she'll be frantic, I need to let her know I'm OK."
Wife, he has a wife, oh Chakotay you are such a fool. "Come on, you can use the doctor's office for a quick call, only a couple minutes then you have to rest."
Tom listened to the call, the wife was reassured that her husband was OK and was now drilling him about Kathryn. Tom glanced at the screen and saw the other woman that was with them on Risa. From the sounds of it these two were quite close to the Captain, which would explain the kiss they saw. He definitely had to talk to B'Elanna, they had allot to fix, that is, if the Captain survived. The enterprise was at warp trying to make it back to Starfleet Medical, these people needed all the help they could get.
******
Tom and B'Elanna agreed that they wouldn't let Chakotay know until they arrived at earth. Kathryn's condition was still guarded lets not give him false hope. They stayed close to her willing her recovery.
It was a day later when Kathryn finally regained consciousness "What the hell happened," she groaned, "I feel like I've been run over. "
Tom was the first to reach her, "well captain, you could say that."
"Tom, what are you doing here" she asked softly.
"We were on the Enterprise when word of your graceful landing came in, we were the first to arrive."
"Tim, my crew, are the OK."
"Tim is just fine, in fact it looks like he's on his way over here, I'll let him explain the rest." Answered Tom as he stepped back to let Tim get closer.
"Hey Kath, nice to have you back."
Kathryn tried to sit up but was immediately stopped. "No stay still, you were pretty badly injured, your legs are quite a mess right now. The crew, I'm afraid, is mostly dead. A total of ten of us survived."
"Ten, god, is that all." She just couldn't believe it.
"Don't worry about that right now, we need to get you better." He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, then left her to rest.
******
They finally made it to Starfleet and the survivors were all transported down to medical. B'Elanna and Tom immediately went to find Chakotay. They wanted to tell him everything in person. They found him at his apartment, still in quite a bad mood.
"God Chakotay, you really need to chill. Well we have news, a lot of news!"
"About?" he asked.
"Kathryn, she..."
"Forget it, I don't want to hear it" he barked back.
"Sorry, but you do want to hear this so sit down and shut up! And while you're at it get rid of the attitude, it doesn't become you." She was in no mood for it.
He took a seat, he knew B'Elanna wasn't someone to argue with. "Very well go on."
"First of all, Kathryn's first officer, Tim, was the guy we saw her with. He is something else, well he's married, and not involved with Kathryn, it seems he's just the friendly sort. His wife was the other woman there. Kathryn is still quite single!" She took a deep breath, then continued. "Now, the next isn't good news but she's OK now. We just got back from a rescue mission, The Dante crashed in a swamp on Battack. It was quite a mess, they lost more than half the crew. Kathryn was their captain."
"Oh gods, is... is she OK." He felt like a brick had hit him.
"She will be, A bulk head fell on her. Her legs are pretty mangled up. But the doctors expect a full recovery. It will just take a while."
"I have to go see her, now." Chakotay was already up and heading for the door.
"I thought you might!"
********
She looked so peaceful sleeping. The doctors reassured him that she would be OK, although walking will have to come later. She would need help when the doctors released her, and he was planning on giving her all the help she needed.
She was waking up, "Hello there, how are you feeling?"
"I have a bit of headache and... Chakotay, god I sure wasn't expecting you!"
"I guess not. I've missed you" that was an understatement.
She was hesitant, she had spent this time getting used to him not being around, she thought she was ready to see him again but she was obviously wrong, it still hurt. "It's nice to see you too."
"Listen the doctor's said you could be out of here in a couple days if you had someone to stay with you, that'll be me." Chakotay said matter of factly.
"What... no Chakotay, I will probably be staying with my mom. She'll take fine care of me!" just what did he think of her!
"Kathryn, you can't walk, is your mom able to carry you around?" damn stubborn woman.
Tim wanted to laugh, despite Kathryn's weakened condition, and she was still putting up one hell of a fight. He knew how she felt though, so he decided to intervene "That won't be a problem, I've already talked to Christine, I will stay with you and your mom until you are back on your feet."
"Tim you need to be with your wife, I will be fine, I don't need anyone taking care of me." How dare they treat her like this.
"Why are you so damned stubborn Kathryn" Chakotay was getting angry, "why can't you accept my help. And better yet, why have you avoided me for almost a year. Why..." He couldn't finish, this was not the time to start an argument, it would not help her any.
The doctor decided to intervene, "She needs her rest, and she doesn't need to argue with anyone right now. I would suggest everyone discuss possible arrangements amongst yourselves then see if she likes the idea." Then the doctor shooed them out of the room.
Chakotay just stomped off, no need to discuss anything, he could take a hint.
*******
He lasted less than 24 hours, he had to put an end this, and he at least needed closure. If she would at least tell him why she kept her distance, maybe he could move on. He was also really sick of how angry he got lately, so this had to end one way or another.
He headed back to the hospital, and went right up to her room. He found her awake and talking to Tim, arguing more like it. "Sorry to interrupt."
"You're not interrupting, this argument is over now." Tim said.
"What do you want Chakotay?" she barked at him.
"Well It's nice to see you too Kathryn. I'm not here to argue I'm here to make peace. I cannot go on with this attitude and I think it would do good if we resolved this right here, and right now."
She rolled her eyes, this should be good " OK, just what needs to be resolved.?"
"I don't understand why you find it so difficult to accept my help here, we used to be friends once. You have avoided me since we arrived home and I don't understand it. I now need to understand it, please."
"Chakotay it wouldn't be fair for me to go home with you. And yes I have avoided you, I needed to so I could move on. I needed to accept the distance so it wouldn't be so awkward on Voyager."
"You are not making sense, it wasn't awkward before, just why would it be awkward now" this was turning into another argument. "Kathryn, Tim needs to be with his wife. He was nearly killed too. Your mom would not be able to fully care for you, if you want to stay at your mom's fine, I'll stay with you there. But I will be the one to help." It was a statement, not a question.
"Like I said Chakotay, that is not fair to you. I would not be comfortable at your house, and It would not be fair to her for you to pack up for god knows how long and come live with me." He needed to get the point.
"Not fair to who, your mom. Why?"
"My mom would care less, she likes everybody. I'm talking about your girlfriend, wife, whatever she is by now."
"My who. What are you talking about?" he was confused.
"Alicia" she said it in almost a whisper, she really didn't like that name anymore.
"I can't believe this, you have avoided me all this time because of Alicia..."
She interrupted "You looked happy, after all those years of denying you what you wanted, it would have been wrong to interfere."
"Gods Kathryn, look I need to know before anything else is said. Do you feel anything for me, could you love me."
She spoke softly, "yes, I do. Don't worry, I'll be fine, I don't..."
"I love you too, Kathryn. With everything I have in me. And Alicia and her girlfriend would be nothing but happy for me." He made sure he was flashing his dimples at her.
"Her girlfriend. I... I.... She is a..."
"Lesbian, yup. I definitely don't turn her on" he laughed.
She was at a loss for words. Just what do you say after making a huge fool out of yourself. "You two seemed so cozy together, I just assumed."
"Well, I guess I could see where you would get the wrong idea. Alicia and I have always been like that, I should've said something. I'm sorry I didn't. I honestly thought I told you about her."
"NO you didn't, but I shouldn't have just gave up. That was wrong. I gave up and walked away and I will regret that now for..."
He sat next to her on the bed and touched her face. "No, no regret. We start fresh, new, It's a great place to start! Now we just have to figure out, my place, or your mom's" He leaned close and kissed her, just lightly but pleasurable much the same.
"Mom's, she has a big bathtub?" she smiled back. She would be OK now.
*******
They parted from Tim and his wife, she wouldn't be working with him anymore. It saddened her that she wouldn't get to see him nearly everyday, but he had taught her so much. He taught her to live again, and enjoy life, something the delta quadrant nearly swallowed whole. She found it hard to believe the way she acted back then, so cold.
Due to her injuries she wouldn't be taking command of voyager, at least not right away. She recommended Tuvok for the job, since he was remaining in Starfleet. She and Chakotay went to her moms, both now on a leave of absence. They mutually decided that they would take this time to see if either of them wanted to remain in Starfleet, she was so torn on the subject.
Her recovery was slow, the damage to her legs had been extensive, had it been a few hundred years earlier, they probably would have just amputated. As it was, it had been 2 months since the accident and she could barley take a few steps with assistance. She didn't mind though, Chakotay seemed to be in heaven finally being able to take care of her. And to be honest, Kathryn was in heaven letting him.
The relationship was going slow, neither of them in any kind of rush. They had the rest of their lives after all. They slept in the same bed, enjoyed a few kisses, but that was all. They were content with that!
******
Tim and his family stepped off the transport and smelled the earth fresh air. It had been so long since he had been here. After the accident, he returned to Risa with his wife and after a month of rest decided not to return to Starfleet. Yes he did love his job, but he almost was lost to his family, it had been too close a call.
Now he was ashamed of himself, he had contacted Kathryn a couple times to check on her recovery but then stopped. He really didn't know why. He had gotten a new job on Risa, ambassador no less.
And it did take up a lot of his time, but that still was no excuse, now here he was, nearly one year exactly from the accident, he was going to find her and have that long overdue visit.
He arrived at the address he had been giving and rang the bell, waited a few minutes but no one answered. He was about to suggest leaving and coming back later when he heard a commotion from the back yard, when he got back there all he saw was a little girl on the back porch.
"Hello there, do you know where Kathryn Janeway is young lady?" he asked.
The little girl pointed to the back yard "yeah, she out there. Uncle Chakotay sprayed her with the hose, and she said he was going to get it good and she chased him out there. I think he's in a lot of trouble."
As he was talking to the little girl, the couple returned, Chakotay soaking wet "Tim, oh my god, it's wonderful to see you" she cried wrapping her arms around him.
"You too Kath, It's been a long time. You sure look a hell of a lot better than the last time I saw you."
"Thanks, feel a lot better too."
He noticed the ring on her finger. "You two got married?"
"Yes, we've been married for eight months now." Kathryn said beaming.
"And who is this little one" he asked pointing to the little girl.
"That is my niece Amanda. She is spending the day with us, her brother is sick." Answered Kathryn.
"She's adorable, so Kath any little ones for you?"
"Oh we're considering it, the doctor wants me to wait until at least a year after the accident. There was a lot more wrong than just the legs." She glanced away, it had been a long recovery, and she honestly didn't know how she would have done it without Chakotay
"I understand, So tell me Kath are you happy?" he needed to make sure.
"Happier than I have ever been in my life. He completes me."
"And Voyager? Are you going back into space?"
"No, that's not for me anymore, Chakotay is teaching at a local college. I'm still in Starfleet but just doing most of the work from home, research and such. I was considering teaching also, but right now I have no urge to do anything else. I lost myself for a while, too long. You and Christine helped me find myself again, and Chakotay completed it. I like who I am now, and I really don't want to change that. Besides, I think I've explored it all, Alpha Quadrant, Delta Quadrant, what is left."
"Well you do have a point there."
They stayed there with them the entire day, and were finishing dinner. Christine leaned over to her husband and whispered, "She hasn't stopped smiling once, did you notice?"
"Yeah I did, she seems truly happy." They thought they were going unheard. But Kathryn quickly interrupted them.
"I am, I truly am"
END