First of all, the usual disclaimer. I own nothing, gain or profit from this. Fox, Hart Hanson and Stephen Nathan do. I just gain the fun and catharsis of writing here.
This was inspired by the song "Someone like you", from Adele. It's such a beautiful song, and it catches the whole plot behind this.
I fear saying more will give the whole plot away, so read away…
When she set foot outside the busy airport, she inhaled the slightly brisk DC air, and let a wave of peace wash over her as she knew this was finally the right choice.
From the moment that "no" had left her lips, she had always wondered what her life could have been if she had answered otherwise, if her fear to compromise on her ideals had receded before the future that amazingly brave, caring, loving man had offered her.
From the moment she had started packing her things, and trying to sort out everything, she had been trying to avoid the nagging feeling that for the first time, it was the wrong time, the wrong moment to run away. She had always been dead set on her ideals, on the fact that she would never let any man tie her down. She loved her freedom, and besides, she didn't need marriage to prove her commitment or her love to anyone.
But as images of his face flashed before her eyes, images of that smile reaching all the way up to his beautiful dark brown eyes when he was happy, images that contrasted painfully to the hurt, devastated, disappointed look she had been met with as she refused him, she had lost her nerve. She truly felt she had lost the right to fight for him, and she knew that she needed to give him time to heal, and perhaps forgive her fully. A part of her truly believed they would get another chance, and she was determined to wait for as long as she needed to, if it meant being able to earn his forgiveness and bask in his company once again.
B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B
Her first thought after she arrived in US soil was going to his place. It was a beautiful Saturday, filled with sunshine and the warmth the summer had left still clung to the air, as if nature itself was refusing to give way to the chill of the approaching fall. She hoped that he was in, but as she had learned from all the time they had shared before her departure, whenever he had his son for the weekend, Saturday afternoons were spent either playing catch on a nearby park if the weather allowed it, or indulging in a movie fest and junk food marathon. She knew how precious these moments were to him, and how much he cherished them. And she hoped against hope that due to some strike of luck, he might be there.
She knew it was preposterous to expect him to still adhere to the same schedule of years prior, and even more when it was because of her that everything had changed, that her leaving must have changed him, but still, she continued to hope. He was a good man, the best man she would ever meet, and she couldn't give up on the hope that he might forgive her. If she was honest with herself, a part of her had hoped he hadn't moved on from her, that the love he claimed he felt for her was still there, and that such love would give him the strength to forgive her for leaving him, for betraying his trust in her, for destroying his ideals of love and forever because of what he must have seen as her not caring about him as deeply as he cared about her.
When she reached his doorstep, she found she needed to take deep breaths as nervousness coupled with anticipation warred within her. "You're not a coward", she told herself, "You've never been. You've been to Hell and back. You can do this". After some moments of mentally chanting to herself, she found the courage she needed and entered.
She was met with a young woman on the lobby, someone she had never met before. Again, it was to be expected when you left for a long time. Things changed. She tried to muster all the charm she could get, and approached the desk with an open smile on her lips.
"Hello", she said, and the young woman smiled politely at her, and replied in kind.
"What can I do for you, miss?", she asked, and inhaling deeply, she asked the question that had led her here.
"I am actually looking for Seeley Booth?", at the confused look on her eyes, she added, "He lives on apartment 4D", she grew worried as the confusion didn't clear in the woman's eyes. If he had left and moved away, she would have to work harder to find him. She only hoped he hadn't perhaps taken on a promotion and moved from the city altogether.
"He doesn't live here anymore", a voice came from behind the desk, and she turned, her concerned frown turning to a relieved smile when she realized it was the old janitor, a man she had known pretty well before she left.
"Mr. Harris, how are you?", she asked politely, and the man gave her a tight, but welcoming smile, "I'm good. It's a surprise to see you. I was told you were on a trip when I asked Mr. Booth about you. Long one, huh?", she nodded.
"Actually, Mr. Harris, that's why I'm here. I arrived just today, and I was hoping to find him here. He… He truly moved?", the man motioned for the young girl to go inside the room next to the reception desk, and he faced her.
"Yeah, he moved, about a year ago", she gasped, and her hands were actually shaking when she dared voice her deepest fear.
"Did he…. Do you know if he moved out of the state?", the man chuckled, and shook his head.
"No. He loves DC way too much for him to move away. We miss him here. He was a good, good man, always polite, not like those youngsters who haven't been taught manners", he added, "Always willing to help out. We never felt safer, knowing the FBI was stationed here", she could see the man truly appreciated him, but again, who didn't? He was one of the rare men that managed to make the room brighter, lighter, with his presence.
"I know perhaps this goes against everything you were taught, but I was wondering if you could tell me where he moved? I just arrived from the other side of the world, and I really, really want to talk to him. Please?", the man must have seen the depth of her despair in her eyes, because after some minutes of silent consideration, he took pity on her, and nodded.
"I normally don't do this. It goes against security, and Mr. Booth specifically told me not to give his new address to anyone, but you're not a stranger, so I guess it's not entirely wrong if I make an exception, is it?", she smiled brightly, as the man turned to find a book and scrolled until he seemingly found what he was looking for. He found a post-it note and wrote down a series of numbers before he passed it to her.
"Please, make sure to give him my regards when you see him", she clutched the note against her chest like it was the most precious thing in the world, and smiled gratefully at the man.
"I will. Thank you so much for this. Really. You have no idea how much this means to me", she said, and with a spring in her step, she left, confident that she was finally on the right path, because it was leading her to him.
B&B&B&B&B&B&B
She was surprised when she told the driver of the cab she had taken the address Mr. Harris had given her, and realized it was the upside part of town. As they made their way through the streets busy with Saturday afternoon traffic, she realized it was indeed a clear jump from the more humble apartment he lived in when she met him, as she saw the landscape fill with beautiful two-store houses and huge willow trees. The area spoke of old money, and it was clearly stylish and filled with the feeling of family.
She assumed he had tried to find Parker a better place for raising him, and this was clearly the right place to do so, as small parks appeared before their view, and families enjoyed the last remnants of the fading summer.
When the cab came to a stop, she paid the driver, and tried to act nonchalant as her hands were visibly shaking, but the graying man saw through her nerves and smiled at her with an encouraging curve on his thin lips, "Don't worry, whoever he is, he´ll be a fool to turn you down", she smiled tentatively, and nodded, but inside, she knew he had every right to turn her away, to dismiss her as she had dismissed him.
She stood several moments on the pathway leading to his front door, and saw it was filled with flowers. She realized, with a pang, that this was exactly what he had offered her, what she had so foolishly turned down. It was the perfect house. She guessed he had been working hard to be able to afford this. Her heart refused to believe this meant he had moved on, that he had found someone to give him the dream life he hoped they would share.
She walked slowly, and as she had done before at his former apartment building, she sighed heavily, trying to still her racing heart, which beat painfully in her chest, and knocked on the heavy mahogany door.
The sound of rushing feet told her she was about to be met with his new reality, and she was startled when instead of his large frame, she was met with the petite frame of a young woman, who didn't look to be older than 20.
"Hi", she said, trying to come out as friendly and non-threatening as she could, "I was told this is Seeley Booth's place?", the young girl appraised her thoroughly, and seeing her hesitation to answer, she nodded, and added, "Look, if this is indeed his place, I know he must have told you to never give any of his personal information to what to you is a virtual stranger. But I knew him, in fact, I was very close to him, and I've just come from abroad, and I would really, really need to talk to him. Please?", the young girl's stance didn't change, "Look, my name is…", and eerily similar to the scene in his former building, a voice came from behind.
"Holly, who is it?", as the young woman turned to face whoever was speaking, she gasped at the sight of a more grownup Parker Booth coming through the spacious living room. In the year and half she had been away, he had really grown taller, and he resembled his father now more than ever, except for the rowdy ashen blond curls that adorned his head.
"Parker? Oh my God! You've grown so much!", she said, and the preteen smiled, but she could see he was not comfortable enough with her being there, and she couldn't blame him. The young boy must have seen the state his father was in after they parted ways.
"That happens when people don't see you for almost two years", he said, but there was no sarcasm behind his words, only factual statement, "How are you? I heard you were on a trip", she nodded eagerly, relieved that at least he hadn't thrown her to the street, and demanded she never set eyes on his father again.
"It was very good. I went to very exciting places, and did all sorts of things", the teen smiled slightly, before a little frown appeared on his forehead.
"I guess you want to talk to my Dad, don't you?", she gave him a pleading look, knowing that he would stand in the way between her and finding him if he wanted to. She was very much aware of how important this young man was to his father, and to their burrowed family, so she tried to show him all the pain she had felt, all the remorse for causing him pain as well.
"I know perhaps you don't want me close to him, but… I need to talk to him. I just got here, to DC, today, and… I… I really need to find him", he seemed to ponder the sincerity in her words, and when he was satisfied she was being honest and not just coy, he nodded.
"He's not here", her face fell, and he must have seen the disappointment in her face, because he added, "If you want, he's at a park now, about 5 blocks from here. If you walk in that direction", he pointed to the right side of the road, "it will be there. You can't miss it", she gave him a watery smile, grateful that he had been merciful enough to let her contact his father when he probably knew by now how much she had hurt him in the past, "For what it's worth… I'm glad you're back safe. I know you were at dangerous places, and I… I could never wish you harm", she smiled again, relieved that she had dodged this particular bullet.
"Thank you, Parker. It means the world to me. You're a good boy, and you clearly take after your father. He's done a wonderful job with you", the teen smiled proudly at the praise, clearly glad that his father was being acknowledged.
"Bye then. Good luck", he said, and with a nod of her head, she replied, "I'll need it. Thank you", and with a timid bounce on her step, she left the way she had been aimed to.
"Parker, why didn't you tell her your dad would be there with Lizzie?", Holly asked him, and he smiled coyly before he answered, "Someone once told me an image is worth a thousand words, and in this case, I think it's the only way she'll get the message loud and clear. My dad had the right to find someone else, and in this case, the perfect someone for him", Holly smiled and shook her head, seeing the glint of satisfaction on the boy's eyes. She would hate to be on the receiving end on anyone who dared hurt a member of the Booth family. There was no malice, but she could see Parker Booth had been very intent on teaching that woman a lesson she would never forget.
B&B&B&B&B&B&B
She had practically sprinted towards the park, her eyes taking little notice of the beautiful houses that surrounded his. Her only intention was to find him, and beg his forgiveness if she could.
When she arrived at the park after walking the required 5 blocks Parker had told her about, her eyes instantly started scanning the grounds for his familiar, imposing figure. After a few seconds, her eyes were met with the sight of him, and if it hadn't been so utterly heartbreaking for her, she would have basked in the beauty of the scene.
Sitting on a wide, white bench, with what had to be the Rolls Royce of baby strollers next to him, there he was. All the beautiful 6´2" of him. But it wasn't the sight of him that undid her. It was what he was holding in his arms that stole the breath from her lungs, and left her dazzled beyond belief.
Cradled tenderly against his powerful chest, there was a baby. He was staring deep into the baby's eyes, and it seemed he was talking to her while the baby sucked on a bottle he was holding carefully against the baby's lips. The scene was beautiful, but again, she had always known he was capable of this much tenderness. She had been on its receiving end thousands of times, and she had been witness to it whenever he had Parker. Her heart clenched painfully as the loving look in his dark gaze could only mean the baby he was holding was his. She couldn't blame Parker for not telling her what she would find, and in fact, a part of her had to thank him. If he had told her about such huge changes in his life, she wouldn't have had the guts to find him and talk to him. But she guessed it was her own foolish heart that had led her to believe that he would wait for her until she got her feelings straightened out. Any woman would be proud to call herself his, and she should have seen it from the moment she set eyes on his new home. Now, she realized that the womanly touches there could only mean he had found someone to make his dreams come true with.
It was only her innate curiosity to find the truth behind the images that prompted her to take a step forward in his direction, ignoring the pain she felt as every detail of his large frame, highlighted by the few rays of sun that passed through the tree branches he was sheltering himself with, came into focus. He was as beautifully handsome and strong as ever, but there was an aura of peace surrounding him she had never seen coming from him. From the moment she met him, there was always a feeling of "calm before the storm", of a man who hid many secrets: in short words, he looked haunted, like he held the weight of the world on his shoulders.
But as she came impossibly close to him, the glow of happiness radiating off him was impossible to deny, as his voice was laced with love and adoration.
"Yeah, and then your mom "bang!", he laughed as the baby giggled while she held on to her bottle, like she understood the tale he was telling, "punched the guy right in the nose, twice, and made him fall down the stairs. She was the most beautiful sight ever, you know?", he brushed a curl that was caressing her tiny, milky white forehead, "Tell you what, my princess. If a guy ever gets fresh with you, I give you permission to punch the living daylights out of him. But please, wait until you're much, much older, my angel. My heart couldn't take losing you to some scum who doesn't deserve you, who doesn't love you as much as I love you, as I love…", he seemed to take notice of the woman staring intently at him, because surprise shone in his brown gaze when he realized who she was, and disbelievingly said, "Hannah?"
B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B
He had been basking in his Saturday afternoon ritual. He had been righteously disgruntled when Cam had called to interrupt their Saturday afternoon fun, but he knew their longtime friend would never do so unless it was absolutely necessary, as she was very much aware of how much they both treasured their family time. They had decided to alter their schedule accordingly, and Holly, their almost-babysitter (Who he suspected Parker had a little crush on) had offered to help out with the kids. She was a young anthropology student who Bren had taken under her wing when she learned the girl came from a middle-class family who couldn't afford much of her tuition. She had met the girl during a conference at American University, and when she was met with smart inquiries and the same passion for science she had shown at the same age, she eagerly inquired of the girl´s background, and found she had won a scholarship, but was on the brink of losing it due to her conflicting schedules, as she had to mix her schooling with a nighttime job that was poorly rewarded and time-eating to afford the expenses her scholarship didn't cover. He had always known she had a generous heart, but when she offered the girl to help her out with the additional expenses her family couldn't afford, and to personally guide her through her schooling, he was in awe of the woman he loved. He knew what she wasn't saying: that she had hoped to find someone to help her find her way when no one seemed to care the same way she was now caring for Holly. And he was more in awe, as she took her in. Though it wasn't needed, Holly now spend much of her time at their place, acting like a babysitter-of-sorts to Parker and to his Lizzie when they had a case, and she was clearly benefitting of being so close to the most brilliant anthropological mind that existed.
Much had changed since he had last set eyes on the woman who now stood before him. She had left a year and a half ago, and his life couldn't be more different if he had tried. At first, he had thought he was living in a dream, but every single day, as he woke to the sight of his Bones´ sleeping face, her body safely and closely nestled against his, her milky skin shinning in the early morning sun like satin, and listening to his 6 month-old baby girl cooing in her crib through the baby monitor, he knew his dreams could have never compared to the reality that he had made his.
When he and his Bones had finally decided to move in together, when she was 6 months pregnant, he started getting glimpses of the Heaven that his life would be from on. He was startled as she worked steadily to lower her defenses, to let him in, to share her emotions, doubts and fears. As a result, both their personal and professional partnership had grown stronger, their bond becoming iron-clad, and he couldn't be happier, or more humbled by blessings he never thought he would ever receive. Waking to her, being able to caress her growing bump and feeling their baby girl move inside her worm was nothing short of perfect, but when she told him, on the delivery room, that she knew how much it pained him to have another child out of wedlock, and that she needed to give him something back as he had made her so happy, he had been unable to stem the flow of tears her words meant. 2 shorts months after Elizabeth Christine Booth had been born, they had married in a short, but meaningful ceremony on the gardens of the Jeffersonian. She had, in true Bones fashion, rejected to marry in his church, but she had accepted that his priest, father William, married them. He couldn't be more grateful, as Angela had been instrumental in that choice, letting her see how, even if she was married to Hodgins, she was still the same Angela, only happier, and with the family she had always craved. Of course, he had bent to her conditions, as he would have never imagined he would get his Bones to marry him, under his religion. Of course, she had used logic to explain her decision, "It doesn't matter that I don't believe in it, but you do, and I know you won't be as happy, and your Catholic self will be offended with less than this, and even if I don't accept the notions of sin, I don't want you to ever think that what we have is a sin. I don't want you to regret a single thing", he couldn't be prouder, knowing that the woman before him had lowered all of her defenses for him alone.
And if marrying the woman of his dreams wasn't enough, when Rebecca finally realized he was settled down with a woman both he and Parker loved, she had come, surprisingly out of her own accord, and told him that she knew Parker needed to spend more time with him, and that she couldn't be as petty as to deny her son of the happiness of being closer to his little sister. Besides, he was growing up, and there were things that fell to his area of expertise. Their little boy was growing up, and she had to accept, not without tears, that she had had him the first decade of his life, and now he deserved the same concession from her. To him, that was the best wedding gift he ever received, and now Parker spent 2 weeks each month with him without interruptions, and an additional weekend. All in all, he finally had gotten his dream life, and much more.
He had been angry that Cam had made his wife go to the lab on the weekend, but after a promise that she would join him at the park a little after 5p.m., he was assuaged. Besides, he loved these moments alone with his little princess. She was a daddy's girl, and she certainly had him wrapped around her finger. One look from those crystal blue eyes that were the perfect replica of her mother's and he was done. She was only 6 months old, but she could ask anything of him, and he would give it to her without a second's hesitation.
Most nights, as he laid in bed, holding his wife against his chest, he had counted his blessings, and marveled at how different his life would have been if that impulse to ask precisely the woman who was looking at him with wide, hurt green eyes hadn't backfired.
"Hey, Seeley", she said, biting her lower lip, "Wow", she said, staring at the baby tucked so protectively against him. She could now understand the pull women felt at seeing such a strong, virile man holding a baby like she was a precious china doll, "She's… beautiful", she said, and he smiled, his eyes going back to his precious cargo for a moment before returning to hers.
He had been so angry at her, so hurt, but seeing her after so much time had passed, all he felt was thankful that she had had the good sense to put a stop to what could have been a colossal mistake. He couldn't imagine a life when he didn't have this precious girl who was half him and half the woman he had always loved above all others.
"She is, isn't she?", he said, and she nodded, the baby startling them as she raised her tiny, gloved fists to pry the bottle away from her lips, signaling she had had enough to eat for now.
"You're finally full, aren't you, princess?", he said, setting the bottle aside, and moving her so she was tucked against his chest, her little head placed on his shoulder, while he patted her back. After only a few seconds, a hefty burp erupted, followed by a giggle, and he beamed, a wide smile gracing his lips as he said, "That's my girl", softly, and kissing the baby's temple tenderly, still rubbing her back soothingly, the only response her soft coos of contentment at being cuddled by her father.
Hannah swallowed hard, being faced with the reality she had denied herself, and knowing she could have had it all if she hadn't been so scared to lose her independence, and she stifled a gasp when she saw the glittering platinum band on his left hand, feeling the wind being knocked out of her.
"How old is she?", she dared ask, and he fixed his eyes on her, soft with the love he felt for the little girl tucked safely against his chest as he replied, "She's just turned 6 months old. Her name is Elizabeth Christine Booth", he said proudly.
"I guess you got your dream after all", she said, and had to stop her eyes from tearing up, as she knew she had made her bed, and had to lie in it.
"I did, Hannah. I've got the life I've always wanted, and… I'm not going to lie, it still feels like a dream. I still pinch myself sometimes in the morning, it's so surreal", he said, and she could see the awe in his eyes. But seriousness took over as he saw her rigid stance, and guessed why she was before him after so long.
"I never expected to see you again", he said, but there wasn't bitterness, only a whisper of kindness. He was too much of a gentleman, and she knew it, to treat her rudely.
"I know. But I… I guess I needed to see you, Seeley. I… I never thought… I never thought I would find you… like this", she said, and at his small frown she quickly added, "I know, I have no right or claim over you, but… it seems just like yesterday when we were together, and we were happy, and I guess…. I couldn't forget you. I only hoped you would still be alone, free… I don't mean to sound so selfish, because I know that the way things ended between us was mostly my fault, but… I didn't want to stop hoping. And to know you're married and settled… ", she said, sighing deeply, and though his eyes didn't hold the same warmth she had always seen aimed towards her, there was no hostility in them.
"Why are you here, Hannah?", he asked, and she lowered her gaze, and dared meet his eyes after long moments.
"Remember what I told you that night? I told you I loved you, and that for me, it wasn't over. It isn't over, Seeley. I still love you. I owe you honesty, Seeley, and I am not going to pretend there weren't others… But they were my pitiful attempt to find someone remotely like you, someone who could make me feel the way you did. I needed to come here and ask you to forgive me, because I know that I made you feel unworthy; I knew part of your history with Rebecca, and you told me briefly of Temperance, but I was truly scared, I thought I would have to settle down, to stop being me. Only when I was away I realized what a huge mistake I'd made. I wanted to return but I had to fulfill my contract, and then… I guess I lacked the nerve to face you. It's too late, isn't it?", her eyes were watery and filled with sadness, "Didn't take you long to move on, though. What if I had said yes? Would you have realized it was a mistake?", he could see the trace of reproach from her, and sighed, knowing she was referring to the life he was now leading.
He rearranged the baby safely against him, and with his free hand, he reached for hers, "When I proposed to you that night, I truly meant it. Perhaps it was an impulse, but I truly believed, at that moment, we could be happy together. And I know that you're thinking I didn't love you if I could move on while you're still… grieving. Hannah, if you had said yes, I would have devoted my life to making you happy. You were my light when all was dark", he explained, seeing her bravely fight the tears threatening to spill, "You showed me that I could be happy again, that I could laugh, and love, and above all, you showed me I could lose myself into someone else again. I had been burned, so bad, and you healed many wounds, and for that, I thank you. But Hannah… I was hurt, truly hurt, when you said no. Your words became another notch in a series of disappointments, of refusals that had broken my heart. I have to tell you this, I felt like what we had hadn't meant the same thing to you as it did to me". Her head fell momentarily, and his hand left hers to cradle the baby´s head, who was fussing slightly.
"What is it, princess?", he said tenderly. But of course he knew. His daughter had clearly inherited her mother's brains, but her intuitive nature was all him, and whenever he was distressed or worried, his baby girl seemed to notice, and grow frantic every single time. That's why their connection was so deep, because they got each other in a way most fathers and daughters didn't.
When he shifted the baby on his lap, and handled her a stuffed gray elephant (courtesy of his wife, who insisted any animal toys she had were both anatomically correct, and rightly colored), Hannah gasped audibly. Until this point, the identity of the little girl's mother had been a mystery to her. She guessed it was the denial tactic most women used when faced with the very real possibility that the man they loved had left port, for good: if she didn't know her, she didn't exist. But the crystalline blue gaze, along with the milky white skin were sure indicators of who the baby's mother was.
Objectively, she could only say the baby was utterly perfect. She had wide blue eyes framed by long, dark eyelashes that curved naturally, soft eyebrows that adorned a perfect bone structure. She didn't have to be an anthropologist to appreciate the beauty of the baby. There was little of her father, physically speaking, but the warmth and tenderness in those blue depths were completely Booth. She was just a bit chubby, as most babies her age were, and her dark auburn hair curled in glossy ringlets around her face, making her look angelic.
At her startled gasp, he saw Hannah's gaze utterly fixated on his child, and knew the moment she realized who his little Lizzie belonged to. From the moment she had been born, he had called her princess, but also his little Bones, as she was such a beautiful replica of her mother.
"I can't believe it", Hannah said softly, and there was so much pain in her eyes that Booth's heart went out to her. He knew what it felt like to be in her shoes, to feel you had lost hope to be with the one you loved. And he knew that in this case, as the baby's mother's identity had been revealed to her, she was again faced with the weight of her mistake. If there had been a woman who was against marriage and children, it was Temperance Brennan.
As Hannah stared into the cherubic face of Booth's daughter (Booth's AND Brennan's daughter, her mind acidly reminded her), she was again faced with the consequences of her actions. If someone as Temperance Brennan, whose credo in life had clearly stated no marriage, no children, no attachments, could change so drastically, as the ring on the man before her and the baby he held so tenderly indicated, she could have compromised as well. And she didn't see a scenario where the good doctor played housewife and instantly became Betty Crocker.
"I know what you're thinking, and believe me, I am as startled as you are, but every day, I thank God for my blessings, for giving me what I never thought I'd have", he said, "I assure you", he continued, his voice soft and soothing, "You will get over it. Over the pain, over the sadness. Somehow you find the strength to move on. I did. More than once. And look at me. I am happier than I ever was. I don't mean to rub it into your face, but you deserve the same honesty you came to give me", he finished.
She nodded, lowering her gaze, her heart broken beyond repair, but he was right. There was no use trying to fight for someone who was clearly lost to you, forever.
But she needed to ask one last question, even if it broke her heart, "Just answer me something", he nodded at her request, and met her eyes, as his hand never broke the soothing pattern on his daughter's small back, "If I had returned sooner, if I hadn't gone away for so long… would it have changed anything?", he seemed to consider her question.
"I was too angry, Hannah. Too hurt. Too disappointed. If you had come back, perhaps you would have met a man you didn't like that much. Bones… she took the brunt of it. She braved my mood swings, my coldness and then my neediness, my silences and my needing to speak, my holding her completely on pause, until I could forgive myself for the mess I had made out of my life. No, Hannah. What we had was a spark, and… we would have been good, even great. But to me, Hannah, this life I now have, is perfect. You deserve that too. You deserve a man who's free to love you, without his past and his issues getting in the way to giving you all of himself. Perhaps I was never that man. But, for what it's worth, I did love you, and had you said yes, I would have continued loving you. But as Bones says, no feelings can survive without sustenance, and she was here when you ran: she knew all my dark spots. You only had a glimpse into them, and you deserved to know everything about the man who was supposedly giving himself to you completely. So yes, Hannah, I need to thank you for braving the answer I could have never given you. I fought, really hard, and believe me, I even refused her, for you, because I believed we could make us work, but in the end… There's only one person who gets you completely, and I was so afraid to taint what we had with my past, I didn't let you be that person for me. So I'm sorry. This was my fault too", Hannah smiled gratefully through her pain. It felt good to know that he was acknowledging that while she had been the one to change the course of things with her rejection, he had never shared the darkest parts of his past with her, part she needed to know to build a future with him.
And perhaps it had been for the best, because she didn't think the woman she was back then would have handled it the right way. Perhaps she would have run in fear. Perhaps her carefree nature of those days would have never been able to deal with the darkness he was hinting at. And the regret she would always feel at that thought would never truly go away. She guessed life had proven that Temperance Brennan was braver than they all had given her credit for. And she knew she was guilty, because she had never cared to dig deeper, to see past the fun she was seeking and past the fear she had at him asking more, which was exactly their downfall.
"Thank you. I believe that for the first time, I truly understand what Temperance felt that night, when she told you she had regrets. I will always regret not being what you needed, Seeley, because now I can see I was here too late. You're too good a man to roam free, and while I'm surprised, I'm glad it's Temperance", he smiled softly, not wanting to add to her grief, but also not wanting to give her any ideas that there was still any chance for them. Ever.
Hannah was about to reply when the familiar figure of the woman in question approached them. Hannah appraised her with a critical eye, and was suddenly envious. While she was a bit curvier around the hips (which she guessed was the result of her being pregnant), she was still quite lean and petite, and what struck Hannah the most was the glow of happiness that matched the man beside her, whose eyes lit up at the sight of her. Hannah felt another pang of sadness as she realized he had never looked at her with such adoration, like his entire life's happiness was wrapped in her, and she finally accepted that it was never Temperance who stood between them, it was she who had stepped in the path of these two people who were so clearly and absolutely in love with each other.
"Hannah?", she smiled openly at her, "I didn't know you were back in town", she said as she approached them, and bent to get her daughter, who was waving her chubby arms at her mother to pick her up, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead who made the baby giggle and smile cutely at being cuddled by her mother. Who would have thought Temperance Brennan could be so motherly?
"I returned just today", the blonde journalist explained, "I thought I would come by, and visit. See how you all were", Temperance nodded, and smiled, not a trace of animosity or disdain. Hannah replayed the conversation they had had the night of Booth's fateful failed proposal.
"Hannah, I told you he would give himself to you completely. I trusted you! How could you do this to him? He loves you!", the anthropologist had told her after she tearfully explained what had happened, and the reason behind her leaving.
"I know, I know!", Hannah had cried, "But I couldn't. I'm not the marrying kind, Temperance. I love him, so much, but I… can't stop being me. Surely someone like you can understand that", she tried to reason, and the anthropologist replied after a long moment.
"Hannah, I know you're attached to your freedom. I understand, because I've been a nomad myself, but you've made a huge mistake. Booth is one of the best men I'll ever know, perhaps the best, the bravest, the most loyal man you could ever find, Hannah. He's worth the risk", Hannah was surprised as she would have thought the feelings the anthropologist had worked so hard to bury for all of their sakes would prompt her to tell her to run, and she was humbled at the selflessness in her words, "Do you honestly expect me to pick the pieces of his broken heart?", she heard the sigh on the other side of the phone, and knew she would never leave him alone.
"I'm so sorry, Temperance. But I can't. I… I fear that if I say yes, I will regret it, losing my freedom and being able to lead this life that I love so much. And I don't want that. I know, I sound selfish and immature, but… He needs someone. A friend. You should have seen his face… I can't face him… Not now… I hurt him, too much", she finished, and stifled a sob.
"Where are you?", the scientist asked, and she replied, "At his place. Picking up my things. Knowing him, he must be getting drunk. I don't want him to be alone. Please Temperance, I know I have no right to ask this of you, but… please, check up on him. Make sure he doesn't do anything foolish, ok? I'll owe you", she had pleaded.
"I'll go, not because you're asking me, but because I could never leave Booth alone, and in pain. You're right. But he needs someone he can trust. And I can only hope he's not so angry that he asks me to leave. Booth does tend to be impulsive, but I will make sure he's safe", Hannah had breathed a sigh of relief at knowing the woman that he called his partner would stand for him.
"Thank you, Temperance. I was right. He's lucky to have you", Hannah said softly.
"I wish you the best, Hannah, despite the fact that I find myself disappointed by this turn of events. He deserved more from you, Hannah, but anyway, perhaps it will be best if you put a stop to this at this moment before the damage could be greater. Good luck", the dial tone had followed, and Hannah had been left with a hollow in the middle of her chest she knew she would always feel when thinking of him. He was the first man that made her doubt, even for a second, that she could give up her lifelong cherished ideals that now seemed to have lost most of their shiny value.
"Well, it's good to see you're back in one piece. I guess that you've continued to accept dangerous assignments that logically would threaten your safety, but also heighten your stand as a war correspondent", she said logically, making Hannah smile at the familiarity of her rationale. For all of the changes she could see, she was still the same Brennan who used logic whenever she could.
"Yeah, I was back… Well, to consider an offer to move to the States permanently. But… I don't think I'll take it", she said, and in the air hung the reason behind that choice, an explanation that would never be voiced.
"Well, whatever you choose, I know you will excel at it. You're a great journalist", she tried to diffuse. She was never good at reading people, but her time with her husband had taught her much, and if not, she would have been able to see the deep regret etched into the journalist's emerald gaze, a regret she had seen mirrored in her own eyes for quite some time, "And whoever gets you will be quite lucky", she said indulgently.
"Thank you, Temperance. And I guess congratulations are in order. This is one beautiful baby", Brennan smiled widely at the praise, like any mother would, proud of her baby girl, "And you look… quite happy. Both of you, actually", she added carefully.
"Booth, the ducks are by the pond. You should take Lizzie before they leave for the night. You know she loves feeding them", she smiled, but Booth knew his wife too well, and while her eyes held nothing but innocence, he knew perhaps she wanted to tell Hannah something without him cramping her style.
"Sure, babe", he said. "It was good seeing you, Hannah. Best of luck, and as Bones here said, anyone who gets you will be very lucky", he smiled, and Hannah nodded, fighting the tears, as she knew this was the final time perhaps they would be able to truly speak.
"Thank you, Seeley", she said, and with a smile, and a kiss to his wife's temple, surely restraining in her favor, he left, talking animatedly to the happily squealing baby.
Brennan took the spot Booth had vacated, and staring at the woman fidgeting nervously next to her she began, "Hannah", the blonde cringed as a sign of defense, but the softness in the anthropologist's voice couldn't be mistaken, "I know you'll find this strange, coming from me, but I am very sorry. If there's someone who knows exactly how you're feeling, it's me. I know what you're going through, and believe me when I tell you, I didn't wish that upon you. But you left him, Hannah, alone, brokenhearted, and angry, and it was up to me to mend the pieces of his broken heart. And while you know my beliefs, I've started to believe only a miracle could have made all of this happen. I had given him up to you, Hannah, and I did because I honestly trusted you were making him happy. But you shattered his self-confidence, and it took me a long while to help him heal. I need you to know something. I didn't "jump his bones", as Angela would have phrased it, out of respect for what you two had. You were important to him, Hannah, and I respected that. And I also never truly thanked you for being what I couldn't be at that moment of our history, for making him laugh, and for getting him out of the dark place he was in when he met you, a dark place I led him to. However, you led him to a new dark place, and I feared, for quite long, that he had given up on love, on being happy. I can understand why you're here, because I felt the same when we returned. Being away from him had made me realize what I had lost, and I tried to reclaim it, but I held back, because of you, because I felt I had no right to do so. I don't mean to sound… imposing, Hannah, but I guess the time for you to step back has come, as I did for you. You had your chance, Hannah, and unfortunately for you, you let him go. I, due to some strange twist of fate or serendipity, as Booth would call it, got my second chance, and I'm not wasting it. I wish you the best, Hannah, and I wish you find someone who can make you as happy as he's made me", she said gently, and Hannah sniffled, and wiped the tears that had dampened her cheeks.
"You're right. And I thank you for understanding, but I… I had to know. I wouldn't have been able to move on without knowing if perhaps, there was one tiny chance for me. And it's true. You did hold back, for me. You never stood in my way, and while it must have hurt you like Hell to see us together… You befriended me, to make him happy. I hope one day we can be friends again, perhaps get some coffee, share stories… When the wounds have healed", she said, and Brennan nodded gently, not wanting to add to her grief. "I should go. I don't want to intrude on your family time", she said, standing from the bench, "Good luck, and I hope you continue to be this happy".
"Thanks, Hannah. And believe me, one day, this will pass. You deserve to find someone good", she said, and with a sad parting smile, Hannah turned to leave.
She was just starting to move the stroller towards the path her husband and child had taken when Hannah's soft voice interrupted her, "Temperance?", she turned to face the woman, who held a look of ineffable sadness in her eyes, "We both know what it feels like to lose someone like him. Hold on to him, tight. Don't ever let him go. Don't make my mistake, and don't repeat yours", Temperance nodded, her heart going out to her, knowing exactly how it felt like, and quite certain that indeed, she would never be foolish enough to let go of the happiness she had finally found.
"I won't. I promise", she vowed, and with a sorrowful smile, the blonde left, for good this time.
A wave of peace washed over her as again she was met with the blessing she had received, as she walked to find her husband and daughter.
She smiled broadly when she saw him sitting close enough to the shore that his daughter could see, but far enough so there was no danger to her, while speaking to her, pointing to the swimming ducks that were feeding on the loafs of bread they threw to them, her little girl squealing happily as she received the "quacks, quacks" of the birds while she sat between the cage of his long, powerful legs.
"Hey", she said as she reached them and sat next to him on the grass, leaning her head on his shoulder, her fingers entwining with his as he reached for her hand.
"Hey", he replied in kind, "Everything ok?", he asked, concerned for the words she had shared with his former lover.
"Yeah", she said, raising her head slightly to meet his concerned gaze, and raised her free hand to trace his afternoon stubble, which felt deliciously coarse against the softness of her skin, "Everything is just right", she whispered as he bent to press his lips tenderly against hers, breathing the same air. For all the kisses they had shared, each time was as thrilling and exhilarating as the first time.
"Booth?", she said after a few minutes passed in blissful silence, both basking in the contentment of their time together, of the righteousness of this moment, and he tilted his head slightly to meet her blue gaze.
"Yeah, babe?", he replied, his gaze filled with the love and adoration she had been so scared to face in the past, a look she could never get enough of now.
"I never truly thanked you… for giving me a second chance", she said, his lips tilting in that smile that told her how ecstatic he truly felt, "For giving me the chance to prove to myself I could love, and be loved. For giving me this life… For proving to me love is more than chemicals in the brain, for… making me believe, Booth. For making me happier than I ever thought I was capable of. For…", she blushed, "making me believe in miracles", he bent again and kissed her passionately, until a happy squeak from his daughter made them break apart, smiling widely at each other, and they both moved to tickle her, her lyrical laugh filling the air, warming their overflowing hearts.
In the distance, a solitary figure watched, a smile that held all the sadness of the world, "You hold on tight, Tempe. But you were wrong. Only if I'm very lucky I'll find someone like him. You're the lucky one now. Love him for the both of us", and with a sob, she turned on her heels, knowing that whether she liked it or not, that chapter of her life was closed for good.
I hope you weren't too disappointed. I guess many of you thought it was Brennan at first. Guys, I am a true B&B shipper. And even more now! With little baby Booth on the way, I would never break them up!
Perhaps most of you were confused, since the B&B part was indeed so little, but I wanted to sort of, kind of, punish Hannah? (LOL!)
Getting serious, I think the hints of the B&B life would be better explained as they came to the conclusion of this painful chapter of Booth and Bren's life.
This was prompted by something that has been bugging me ever since I watched 6x13. Hannah did say that she didn't think they were done, and as we're so used to HH and SN' evil streak, I fear miss Burley will make an appearance on S7, though I only hope it's so short you can't blink or you'll miss it (LOL!).
Musie loves reviews. She loves being it sucked, whether you loved it, or hated it, let me know. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, and taken into account for future works, ok?