FAGE 10: Reborn
Title: Home At Last
Written for: M Crystal Cruiz/Cruiz107
Written By: Deonne
Rating: M, just to be careful. Heavy on the angst…
Summary/Prompt used: Bella is already a vampire, but is still treated like a little girl. Sometimes appearances matter, but should they matter when it comes to the heart?
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I have a privilege that I don't think anyone else has been given. I have been given another chance to gift something to a previous recipient. Last year I wrote a very grown up sexy story, this year I got to try something I very rarely do… emotional and heart-breaking angst. If you have ever read anything of mine, I stay away from angst as much as possible.
Thank you to the amazingly wonderful, stupendously super talented Mama4dukes for taking my crazy writing into something that I have very little doubt would have worked out as it has. You my dear I bow down and profusely thank you.
To Mariecarro Vanadesse; your artistic work is amazing, and I thank you so much for making the banner for this story. I have no clue how all the amazing artists that you do and I am beyond thankful for illustrating such a great banner for this story.
Chapter 1.
I wanted him to see me, not just as the girl he saved, but as the mate we both knew I was. Having been changed when I still looked like a teen was painful when your mate was meant to be in his early twenties in our society. Well, no, that's not completely true. In our true society, it didn't matter, but since we lived in the human community as we did… well, let's just say it would have been frowned upon. I hated it.
Neither of us were happy, and if it wasn't for the pain it would cause, I'd have probably left so long ago. Sure we could go for a week or two before the pain would start to grow, but compared to the pain I had for the constant rejection, I wasn't sure which was worse. My heart shattered at each new location we moved to, knowing he would get romantically involved with someone, yet I was not allowed to date until I was finished with high school.
The double standard was not lost on me, considering every time I was to graduate, we were already on the hunt for the next place to play family.
I had tried so many things to get him to change his mind-from dressing to match his age, wearing skimpy lingerie, and even walking around in nothing but a towel while the rest of the family were off hunting. My sisters had even tried to help me, giving me makeover after makeover. Nothing we did ever bent his strong willed conviction.
"Isabella, it'll happen. I've seen it. I don't know when, but it will happen." Alice sighed as I sat on the window ledge, half out of it.
"It doesn't matter. All I'll ever be is the daughter. I could handle being someone who was only recognised at home, but even here I know I'm nothing more than a daughter to be beyond protective over. In every house we live in and each town we move to, I watch him as he dates these women. Every time I wish it were me, but the fact is, it never will be." I sighed, thanking every deity that I could block my thoughts, feelings and decisions from my family.
"You're blocking me again. I don't know what you're thinking, but it won't help." She smiled as she reached to pull me from my seat on the ledge.
"I'm blocking everyone Alice. I want to think, feel, and do what's best for me. I can't do that if you, Jasper and Edward can interfere with where I see it going. Besides, once I make a decision, I may not even go through with it." I hugged her softly before I walked out of the room and down the hall.
I walked down the hall taking in all the pictures from throughout the years we've been together as a family. There were those of just Edward and Carlisle when the two of them were brothers, traveling to heal those who couldn't afford medical attention. The stories Edward would tell me about those times were both happy and sad-his view of Carlisle never changing as his hero.
Then when Edward and Esme mated, the pictures showed a happy couple and a sad looking friend who tried to hide it. The age thing never worried Edward or Esme, but then again, there were only a few years difference between the two of them. I was there when they married, but left soon afterwards since they had decided to travel not long after they had claimed one another.
Soon afterwards, pictures of Rosalie and Emmett joined the wall. Their many weddings, and the destruction caused during their honeymoons, left no doubt they were suited for each other. They loved one another fiercely and protected those they cared for. Rose saw me as a little sister in every aspect of life. She hated that I was in pain when it could so easily be fixed if only he would see it.
Then you have images of when I joined the family after running into Edward and Esme once again while traveling. I felt the pull from the moment I set eyes on him, but while he knows what I am to him, I've yet to feel it as anything more than a one way thing. It hurt to know you truly were trapped with someone who didn't want you. Being typecast as the little sister of the family when you were older than most of the members, was not something easy to swallow.
It hurt more and more as they slowly began to act as if I were truly the youngest of us.
Lastly, when Jasper and Alice joined us, my hunt and conversation with Edward notwithstanding, the day we met the final members of our family had been interesting to say the least. Having the two strangers take over my room was not something I was happy about. Alice, not knowing or seeing me, had just assumed that it was a free room. Her reasoning that there were two of them and one of me, did not go down too well. In the end, I decided to build a small cottage for myself and let them have the room.
"Bella?" I flinched upon hearing his voice filled with love-just not the kind that I desperately wanted from him.
"Yes, Carlisle." I turned towards him, my smile firmly on my face.
I hadn't heard him when he came home, but I knew it wasn't while I was talking to Alice… I'd have felt his presence through the shared bond. I must have been lost in my memories for longer than I thought. Still, nothing would change.
"Is everything alright? You don't seem happy," he noted, his unease melting into his voice.
Nodding, I turned back to the pictures on the wall, only to wish I hadn't. The one straight in front of me was of the two of us-when playing his daughter was funny, and when I still held out hope that I'd be more than just the daughter he saw me as.
"Come on, we need a daddy-daughter photo." Emmett laughed as he held up the Polaroid camera as the rest of the family herded us together.
We stood there waiting for them to settle. Carlisle beside me with one arm slung across my shoulders. The electric hum between us making me hunger for time to stand still. A simple touch did that, and I could only imagine what it would mean if he kissed me. I'd probably have my second death if he'd ever touch me like I truly wanted him to.
"Look at them. Are you ready to see your little girl off to her first year of school?" Edward smiled as I let him see into my head, begging him to smack Jasper for me. I didn't need the reminder of the physical difference between us.
It was too late though, Carlisle stepped aside slightly and removed his arm from around my shoulders. It was a good thing that I'd learnt to only let them see what I wanted them to. Vampiric life as it was, we were the best actors in the world.
"Now you have your lunch money, and your phone. Remember no texting or sending nudes to anyone." Rose giggled and I couldn't help but laugh with her.
"Damn, and here I thought sending it to the principal would be a good idea." I sighed, really hamming it up by kicking the ground.
"Enough now. Jasper, you and Rose are taking her to school and then heading towards your own. Edward and Alice, you pick her up. Emmett you go nowhere near the school. I can still remember hearing the poor janitor's heart stop for a few beats when you said you were from immigration." Carlisle shook his head before patting my shoulder and ushering me towards the cars.
"Nothing's changed Carlisle. I'm sure you would be the first to know." I sighed before heading towards the stairs and out the door. I needed time to think, away from all the happy vampires I shared my life with.
Running towards the trees I flung myself into their branches. Jumping from one to another, I knew I'd be able to travel relatively peacefully. Well, at least the rest of my family would let me be. My thoughts and feelings, however, were my constant companion.
In no time at all, I found where I wanted to just sit, and lost myself into the fantasy of Carlisle wanting me, of not feeling as if something was wrong with me. The rushing winds promised the biggest storm the area would see for the last year. I knew Emmett would demand a family game of baseball. He and Jasper would compete the hardest for who would catch the most impossible catch. In the end, it would come down to Edward beating both of them.
Esme would referee and Alice would pitch for everyone. As much as I loved my family, I just wasn't in the mood to play. It took only three seconds before my phone buzzed with Alice letting me know she would let the others know of my decision. I also knew to turn off my phone before Emmett or Edward would call to pester me to play with them.
Wishing I could cry, I finally gave into the emotions that wanted to rock my very being. I hated knowing that I would be nothing more than an unwanted being in his life-of smelling the women he would allow to drape themselves over him, of those who he would share his bed with. I wanted nothing more than to feel his arms around me as something… someone he wanted. Daydreams and fantasies hurt more, knowing that you couldn't have the one thing you truly desired could bring you to your knees.
I could sympathise with Marcus of the Volturi; though at least he got to hold and love his mate. I wondered if his bond was as tattered as I felt mine was to Carlisle. The sudden pull cutting off, leaving your soul bereft of its other half, undoubtedly hurt. Even I knew that if it wasn't for one of the guard, he would have found a way to end his life. He was stronger than me in a way. He bore his pain as part of him while I hid mine.
I needed a break, time away from him to think-to come to terms completely of my role in his life. My want to desperately be part of his life was slowly destroying me. I knew I couldn't go to the Denali coven. They would contact Carlisle straight away, as would those in Ireland. While I still had friends who were nomadic in their lives, I also knew I would be tempted to feed from humans if I were to go back to that lifestyle. I only knew one coven that Carlisle wouldn't have contact with that would take me in without fear of slipping from my chosen diet.
My decision made, I headed back to the house to pack a bag. It wouldn't need to bring much since they lived in the Amazon forest. A few changes of clothes and a few portable chargers for my phone and I was ready. Knowing I couldn't leave without letting them know that I would be back, I snatched up a piece of paper and pen. Jotting down a few words explaining my need to get away, I looked towards the wall for one picture, grabbing it and putting it in my bag, I walked out the door, not knowing when I would be walking back in.