Moving to the Fast Lane
"What's up this time?" Sora asked as she joined the group.
Everyone, with their digimon, were scattered about the lounge, sitting on the couch scanning through magazines, or standing and staring off into space. Tai turned when Sora arrived. "Glad you finally made it."
"Sorry. Traffic coming downtown, you know."
"Don't mention it."
The secretary appeared with a smile. "Mr. Cisco is ready to see you know."
They followed her through large doors into an office filled with many chairs. Tai took a seat at the front, Matt at the back, and everyone else was scattered inbetween. It was a somewhat snug fit. "Ah, kids, digimon, glad you could make it," Mr. Cisco greeted.
"Make it quick, buddy. We're busy people," Tai said briskly.
"Now that's no way to treat your legal representative."
"Hey, you're only our agent because of your reputation, OK?"
"A well-earned reputation."
Tai did not respond.
"Well, anyhow, I've some interesting news for you. We've been made an offer."
"Oh?" Mimi said, whipping out a file and working on her nails.
"Yep. It was too good to decline. So, now you'll be working for NBC. We're moving to prime time."
"What's the catch," Matt said from the back of the room.
"Well," Mr. Cisco started, glancing nervously around the room, "they want some changes. 'In order to compete,' they say."
"What kind of changes?" Joe said.
"Well," Mr. Cisco trailed off. He took a deep breath. "Tai, Matt—you two are gay lovers."
"What?!" they both voiced.
"Hey, it's a new trend. Gays, lesbians. They demanded it!"
They looked at each other. "You guys better get used to it," Mr. Cisco said.
"Well, what does it pay?" Tai asked, rubbing his chin.
"Two hundred thousand an episode."
Tai smiled. "Well, they just bought my sexuality."
"Who can refuse?" Matt responded. "Just don't get too close," he quickly added, shooting a glance at Tai. Tai put on a look of innocence.
"Anything else?" Tai asked.
"All right. Here's the list." Mr. Cisco pulled out a piece of paper. "Joe, you love Mimi and fantasize about her, but don't have the courage to do anything about it. Mimi, on the other hand, loves Matt, but she doesn't know he's gay. Tai denies his gaiety, but Matt acknowledges it, even though he doesn't tell anyone about it…until Mimi gets a little too close. Joe settles for Sora, who actually loves Tai. When Mimi and Sora find out that Tai and Matt are gay, Tai still denies it, but they go out on a fake date to get them mad. They get no reaction, so end up in bed and have a little sax play in their attempts to get them mad. Joe thinks that Sora liked it a little to much, and threatens to break up with Sora. All the while, T.K. and Kari decide that they will become sex partners, but won't engage in a committing relationship. However, as time goes on, they find themselves closer and closer together. That's it."
"Woah," Sora said. "That was quite a bit."
"That's just the first season."
The gang looked at each other. "What about us?" Biyomon said, picking up a paperweight on Mr. Cisco's desk and examining it. She placed it down. "What's in it for us?"
"OK, Gabumon," Cisco began, "you are frustrated because you feel that Agumon is getting all of the attention. You claim that his job is easy, so you switch places with him for a day. Agumon does your job better than you, and doesn't want to switch back, but he finally gives in in the end when you beg on your knees. Biyomon starts smoking, and Palmon keeps telling her that it's bad for her, but she keeps persisting. It isn't until she sees someone die of lung cancer and gets lung cancer herself that she stops. However, its minor and she recovers. Tentamon is sexually frustrated, and keeps trying to get advice from Matt and the other humans. This only confuses him more, and he tries hitting on Gomamon for a time. Gomamon, meanwhile, has become a stand up comic, who gets his fame by doing a sketch about nothing. Gomamon finally introduces Tentamon to porn, which calms him…for the moment. Gatomon loses his motivation and heads off to the Tibetian mountains for a time. Patomon digivolves into Magna Angemon and entertains taking over the world, but after days of calculation, decides it's economically infeasible."
"Sounds OK," Gomamon said.
"Yeah, because you're not dealing with sexual tension," Tentamon said.
"Oh, stop complaining. Sexual tension is the easiest to do!" Biyomon said.
"Yeah, well you got the easy drama roll," Tentamon said.
"Hmph," Agumon said. "I agree. All you gotta do is those tear-jerkers."
"Well," Cisco interrupted. "I take it that it's fine then? Well, good. Because I already closed the deal."
Matt stood up. "You have those detailed character sketches for us before the end of the week."
"As usual."
"Oh and Cisco," Gabumon warned, "I don't want you talking to my PR agent anymore, got it?"
Cisco held up his hands. "Sorry. Just thought it was a good suggestion."
"Let him do his job. It's what he gets paid for. You should do the same."
They got up and left the office into the lobby, where the secretary was telling them to have a good day. "Feeling fine, Carrie?" Tentamon said.
"As usual," she responded cheerily.
"You got my e-mail?"
"The 'you know you've been watching too much digimon' one?"
"No, no. The other one."
"Oh!" Carrie laughed.
"What do you think?"
"It was great!"
Izzy called back. "That's not more of those dirty pictures, is it?"
Tentamon didn't respond as the two left.
"Well," Matt said, "I've got an interview with Entertainment Tonight at six. I'd better be off." They said their farewells as he parted on his Harley.
"Still writing that book, Agumon?" Sora asked as they hung around the lounge.
"Can't get past the fifth chapter," he responded.
"Did you try that quasi-interview thing I told you about?" Gomamon said. "I saw it in some biography."
"You'll have to run me by that again sometime," Agumon said, leaving with Gomamon.
Mimi yawned. "Anyone for tennis at five thirty?"
"Sure," Biyomon said.
"Count me in too," Joe said. "Your place again?"
"Of course," Mimi said. The three of them left.
T.K. shook his head as he headed for the exit with Kari. "Sex partners? This has gotta get real good."
Kari laughed. "It'll be nothing." They left chatting all the way to the cab.
"Well, sweetie. I suppose we'll have to defer that Cancun thing, huh?" Tai said to Sora.
Gatomon called out, "OK, everyone out. Lovers moment." The rest of the digimon left the room snickering.
Sora looked back. "Just make sure you don't get to caught up with this gay thing, OK?"
Tai smiled back as he reached the door. "What could go wrong?" Then he was gone.
Sora put her face into her hands, then looked up at the Carrie, sitting at her desk. "Help me keep an eye on him, will ya?"
"Of course," Carrie said. She leaned forward and whispered. "I always knew the guys digged him."
"Oh don't you get started now," she said, picking herself up and leaving. "NBC? What have we got ourselves into."