Glitter Based Life Form
A Welcome to Night Vale/Labyrinth Crossover
Summary: Children are disappearing in Night Vale and it is not by the orders of the City Council. One shot.
Disclaimer: How do I not own thee? Let me count the ways…
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"Not everything is as it seems in this place. Maybe you should get glasses to see the true horrors that lie before you. Welcome to Night Vale," Cecil said before hitting the theme music. He quietly shuffled papers around as the opening music played and got the thumbs up from Intern Sarah.
"Breaking news just in: children are disappearing without prior approval of the City Council. Parents are encouraged to make blood sacrifices to appease the Elder Gods until more information has come in. Stay tuned as this story develops."
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"The Secret Police say that a barn owl has been seen flying near houses of the missing children. This barn owl was identified by the Dark Scouts and confirmed by the Fear Scouts. The NRA encourages you to shoot all flying objects, save for our alien ambassadors."
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"Carlos, perfect Carlos, has just texted me with some new information. All of the sites of the missing children were covered in what appears to be glitter. It seems to be made of a substance not known to man."
Cecil smiled at a memory. "You know, that reminds me of the time in college when my roommate and I dumped a bucket of glitter on top of James Henson's head and it took him weeks to get it out of all of the suckers on his tentacles. We did apologize to poor Jim as we were trying to get Lucas, that soul sucking, 'everything has to have a scientific explanation', party pooper. He got hit by a bolt of lightning by the POWERS THAT BE for trying to change the original text of The War Between the Stars."
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"It appears that one of the children has been returned to us. Marta Medina is with me in the studio. Hello, Marta. Would you be willing to tell us what happened? Marta just shook her head 'no' to me. Why not Marta?"
"I am… I would rather talk to a girl," Marta said.
"All right. Sarah, could you come in here please?" Cecil asked.
Sarah walked into the room hesitantly and sat between Carlos and Marta. "Hello, Marta. I'm Sarah. Would you tell us what happened?"
"I was babysitting my baby brother and I was really mad so… I made a wish so he would go away," Marta said, "Then… he came."
"Who is he?" Cecil asked.
"He… he said if I ran his Labyrinth, I could get my brother back. I couldn't but… but…" Marta sniffled.
"Marta, you don't have to do this," Sarah said, "He is just using you to…"
Marta pointed at Sarah. "I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now!"
A great gust of wind swept through the enclosed recording booth. Thunder crashed and the room shook.
"You are free to go, Marta. Your brother is back in his crib," the Goblin King said.
"I am sorry for the disturbance listeners. We have a new guest," Cecil said as Marta ran out of the room.
"Jareth, I told you to stop throwing tantrums," Sarah sighed.
"And I told you not to run off every time I did something to upset you," Jareth said.
"You bogged Hoggle!" Sarah said.
"He deserved it and you know it," Jareth said with a smirk.
"Just because he did not lead the Runner all the way back to the beginning does not mean you get to bog him," Sarah said.
"Oh, so you know him," Cecil said.
"Yeah. This is the Goblin King," Sarah said.
"Listeners, I have to explain what just happened. There was something like a storm in the studio and the booth is now covered in glitter. A beautiful blonde man in black armor and a dramatic cape appeared in our studio. He is almost as beautiful as wonderful, perfect Carlos. Intern Sarah says that this is the Goblin King, who we all know is in charge of stealing children for Faery Land," Cecil said.
"Who is this Carlos? Surely he cannot be as handsome as I," Jareth said.
"Carlos is Cecil's boyfriend. Cecil would be totally flirting with you if he was still single," Sarah said, "Stop being a vain child and tell me why I shouldn't just say the Words and send you on your way."
"Because you like me too much to send me away. Besides, you would have filed divorce papers if you were truly disgusted with me," Jareth said.
"You two are married?" Cecil asked.
"Yes. A lap in judgment," Sarah said.
"Sarah, we have been happily married for twenty years…"
"You've been an absolute jerk the entire time!"
"You have not always been a joy to live with either!"
"So… the child kidnapping is all because you two are having relationship issues?" Cecil asked.
Sarah and Jareth glared at Cecil. The radio host smiled.
"Well, come on. Twenty years? Surely there is something there you two want to keep. Let's talk this out," Cecil said, "Why don't you take a seat, your majesty?"
Jareth looked up to the ceiling for a moment before turning a swivel chair into something more elegant and made of mahogany. He sat down and looked like a child told to go into time-out. Sarah was in a similar mood.
"Now, why are you upset, Sarah?" Cecil asked.
"Jareth acts like he can do whatever he wants because he's the Goblin King. He throws a tantrum if people don't bend to his will," Sarah said.
"And what is causing you distress, Jareth?" Cecil asked.
Jareth huffed. "Sarah refuses to look at the truth of a situation. She runs away or ignores her responsibilities if it does not confirm to her will," Jareth said, "I know that Sarah will defy me if she thinks that I am doing ill to any, that is why I love her and why I wanted to bring her back home."
"You like it when I defy you?" Sarah asked.
"You know that, precious. Do you think that I would want some fool who did everything I said? That is not love, precious. You taught me that lesson back when we first met," Jareth said.
"I… I don't like it when you act like everything is yours, but I do love your confidence and protectiveness," Sarah said.
Jareth held out his hand. "Precious, please come home. I am lost without you. My world does not turn without you."
Sarah leapt on Jareth and began kissing him. "I missed you, you dolt."
"I missed you too, precious," Jareth said.
After a few moments of snogging, Cecil coughed. "Um, excuse me, but, um, we can't have dead air. That makes Station Management upset. Making out does not count as a radio show."
Jareth smirked. "Such a pity. Cecil, what do you wish?"
"Excuse me?" Cecil said.
"For helping my dear queen come home, what do you wish as payment?" Jareth said.
"Um… that is very generous," Cecil said.
"He can be quite generous," Sarah said before kissing Jareth's cheek.
"I am grateful, your majesties, but I do not think it is wise to accept such a gift. I did take Faery Land Law 101 back in 5th grade," Cecil said.
"A smart enough fellow," Jareth said, "Sarah, how do you feel about this town?"
"It is a little strange and homicidal, but nothing stranger than our kingdom. There is something we could do though," Sarah said.
"And what is that, precious?" Jareth asked.
"Well, we could cut back on the ferocity of the Cleaners when they come to Night Vale," Sarah said.
"But I like making the City Council cry," Jareth whined.
"I do too, my king. I just think we could cut down the mayhem to ordinary citizens a little bit," Sarah said, "You know that I enjoy watching the City Council, the Sheriff's Secret Police, and the Vague Yet Menacing Government Agency fall apart just as much as you."
Jareth sighed. "Fine. I shall lower the chaos of the Cleaners by ten percent to the ordinary citizens."
"You… you… um… thank you?" Cecil said.
"And you need to return the children and their families back to Night Vale. I know you did not come here because people said the right words," Sarah said, "There are other ways to get my attention, Jareth."
"But you were not paying attention to me, even when I made myself as adorable as possible in my owl form," Jareth said.
"True. Very true. Let's go home. I wish to reacquaint myself with my king and show that I am ever so grateful that he has brought me back from my foolish actions," Sarah said.
Jareth grinned. "Yes, you may have to do that for quite a while."
"Thank you Cecil. Good luck to the next intern," Sarah said.
The Goblin King and Goblin Queen poofed out of the room.
"And they have now disappeared, back to their realm to continue spreading chaos across the world. What a happy ending for such a lovely couple," Cecil said, "Best of all, our intern did not die or end up in reality warper! And now… the Weather."
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"I have just been informed by the Sheriff's Secret Police that all the children have been returned to their homes with no harm done to them. The studio, however, will probably never be rid completely of glitter." Cecil leaned in closer to the microphone.
"You see folks. Sometimes our worse problems can be solved if we talk it out or help an ultra-powerful Fae-like-creature with his marital issues. It is important for us to listen to those we care about because they have insecurities just like you do. Good night, Night Vale. Good night."
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A/N: If WTNV was not already crack-tastic, I would have absolutely no excuse for this.
This is completely nagia/yesthatnagia's fault/glorious Idea. I posted a question thingy on Tumblr about what my followers would do to me if they kidnapped me for twenty-four hours. You can see the results in this post. http :slash slash fargreencountryswiftsunris dottumblr dot com slash post slash 60220947301 slash i-would-make-you-write-a-labyrinth-wtnv-crossover# notes.
You can find nagia/yesthatnagia on the following.
Tumblr: http: slash slash yesthatnagia dot tumblr dot com slash
: http: slash slash www dot fanfiction dot net slash u slash 92501 slash Nagia
A03: http: slash slash archiveofourown dot org slash users slash nagia slash works
A big thank you to jasjabberwocky on Tumblr for letting me steal the idea about the Cleaners. http: slash slash jasjabberwocky dot tumblr dot com slash post slash 60319567762 slash i-listened-to-street-cleaning-day-and-all-i-could
*sarcasm* Me? Bitter about Star Wars constantly being re-edited? Nooooooooo. Whatever gave you that idea?
Today's Proverb: Be careful what you wish for. Or just keep wishing. The Goblin King gets bored and will enjoy watching you get ripped limb from limb.