Logan turned in his sleep, growling unconsciously, deep within his half human dreams of pursuit. His prey was getting away, the Wolverine knew it. It angered him. It was hard enough to track as it was, the irregular movements as it teleported. Now it didn't just shift around, it was truly gone. Then Logan's dream became wholly human. "Kurt! Kurt come back!" he yelled into the snow filled clearing he found himself in. Silence. Then Logan was torn from his dreams by someone shaking his shoulders.
"Hey Logan? Logan, you okay?" It was Scott.
"Yes, I'm ifine/i. What did you have to wake me up for?"
"You were yelling something, something about coming back?"
"Oh, hell. I was dreaming." Logan said nothing more; he didn't want Scott to know about him and Kurt, let alone the fact he was losing Kurt. In sleep anyway. Scott stood up straight, and went over to the door.
"Hope it wasn't too bad. It's morning you know," he breezed on his way out. His expression was almost impossible to read, on account of the dark glasses, but Logan swore he detected a hint of something in the simple phrase. He looked at the empty doorframe, when suddenly; someone was behind him, raking their fingers through his matted hair. "Guten Morgen Sunshine," teased Kurt.
"Oh, it's only you."
"iOnly/i me? I'm rather offended Logan."
"Oh shut up. And come here." Logan pulled Kurt into a rough hug. Kurt curled into Logan's chest, wrapping him in his arms and tail.
"What's with the sudden affection?"
"What's with the "Guten Morgen Sunshine"?"
"I like it here, this school is so ifree/i. I'm in a good mood today. Which is more than can be said for you, it seems." Logan shook his head.
"Bad dream." He smiled. "I need you to make it all better again, kid." He was only half joking.
Kurt laughed, vanishing from Logan's grip, and reappearing; sitting on Logan's chest. He leaned over and looked into Logan's face. "Are you awake yet? You know we have a little time before classes start…" Kurt wrapped his tail around Logan's thigh.
"What happened to all the saintliness? And watch where you're putting that tail!"
"I was never a saint you know. I still follow my Bible, dankeschön, but I see no need for abstinence until marriage."
"Glad to hear it, kid." Logan growled hungrily and pulled Kurt close, kissing him roughly, and it was all okay again, Kurt felt so good.
This was what Kurt loved. The way Logan wouldn't hesitate. The way they could talk, joking or serious. The way he could tease Logan, and the way Logan teased him. The touch of Logan's lips, Logan's body, the arms around him.
"Logan, Ich liebst du."
"Say again?" Logan was panting; he didn't want to break the kiss.
"I love you Logan." Logan didn't answer, just wrapped an arm around Kurt's back, pulling him closer into the kiss. Kurt bit Logan's lip with his sharp little teeth, cutting it, adding another taste. Logan growled again, and unzipped Kurt's hooded jumper, tossing it across the room. Logan quickly released his claws, tearing Kurt's thin t shirt into a thousand little pieces, until it was gone, and there was only Kurt's indigo skin that he wanted so badly to touch. So he did, stroking it with his long fingers, leaving three lines of blood where he scraped it with his claws. He felt Kurt flinch at the sharp pain. Kurt laid himself flat against Logan's bare chest, breathing in Logan's scent of aftershave, a musky sweetness that was almost animal, and a hint of metal. They both enjoyed the touch, skin on skin, the softness of Kurt, broken occasionally by the rough scar tissue, and the smoothness of Logan, no cuts or scars. Kurt bled a little on to Logan, but he didn't care. He began to nibble at Logan's earlobe, causing him to gasp as Kurt's teeth made him jump. Logan began to bite at Kurt's shoulder, which was close to his teeth. Eventually they found each other's mouths, and began hungrily kissing again, when a noise made them both look across at the doorway.
"I'm sorry, I uh…This is obviously a bad time so I'll uh…" Scott Summers fled from the door that had been left open.
"Shit." Logan was frustrated. "Now One Eye knows. It'll be all around the school by lunchtime."
"Perhaps this is not a bad thing, mein liebster. Perhaps we should let people know."
"How's it going to look though? Wolverine, the toughest mutant around, a queer? Laughing stock of the kids. I don't want that Kurt."
"It won't matter Logan, trust me. We're still the same people."
Logan shook his head and yanked himself from the bed, almost tipping Kurt off in the process. He reached for a T shirt and pulled it over his head.
"Where are you going?"
"To find Summers and kill him. I won't be long."
"You better not be." Kurt smiled and put his head on Logan's pillow, curling up to doze. Logan looked at Kurt for a moment, adding another thing to his list of reasons to stick around. He turned away and started pacing the corridors, looking for his prey for real this time. "Summers?!" he yelled, not really expecting an answer. His shout echoed around the empty corridors. Logan stormed to Scott's room, kicking open the unlocked door. Scott Summers, also known as Cyclops, sat up in shock when Logan burst into his room. Logan quickly grabbed Scott by his shirt, and held him up to his face, so Scott's feet weren't touching the ground. "You tell ianyone/i about what you saw today, and you're idead/i One Eye. Count yourself lucky I haven't torn your head off right now. You know I could. At least you don't have to worry about me taking your girlfriend any more. Oh I forgot; she's idead/i isn't she?" Scott's lip twitched at the mention of Jean, but Logan could not see behind Scott's dark glasses, so he could not tell if he'd made the Boy Scout cry. "Okay, maybe there was no need for that, but still, you tell anyone, you're dead." Logan threw Scott back down on to his bed.
"Are you this rough with Kurt?" Scott whispered. But Logan's ears were bat like. He heard.
"If I am or not, it's not something I plan to discuss with you Boy Scout."
"He doesn't deserve you. He hasn't known you as long as I have." Logan was surprised. And angry. Scott was clearly just jealous
"Yes he does. I might have known you longer, but I've liked him for longer."
"Playing hard to get, are we?" Scott said arrogantly, sliding into the doorway and pressing close to Logan. "Come on. You know you want me."
Scott softly kissed Logan, and, to his own disgust, Logan kissed back. He tasted good, but not as good as Kurt did. Scott grabbed at Logan, his legs, his chest, anywhere he could reach. Kurt did this, but it felt so much better when he did. With Kurt it meant something. Still disgusted at himself, but unable to stop, Logan touched Scott. It wasn't long before they were on Scott's bed, Logan cursing himself, assuring himself Kurt would never know. Scott meant nothing to him, just a quick fuck as revenge. Logan told himself this, he would have Scott once, then watch him spend the rest of his time trying to get Logan back. Scott, however, didn't notice that he didn't do anything for Logan, he just moaned.
There was a small knock at the door. "Herr Summers? Is Logan in there?" Neither of them heard it. "I'm coming in now." There was the familiar whoosh as Kurt teleported into the room. "Mein Gott," Kurt gasped as he saw Logan and Scott. He felt something snap inside him, and an emptiness seemed to fill his chest. "Logan. How could you?" It sounded childish to his own ears. Logan looked up and saw Kurt, looking dejected, fighting back the tears, and just barely managing it.
"Hey kid, it's not what it looks like."
"Not what it looks like? How is it not what it looks like?! You're…" he looked for the right word, eventually giving up. "You're cheating on me! Don't try and deny it. You don't even have the decency to tell the truth!" Kurt teleported away; back to his own room, letting himself flop down in his bed, burying his head in his pillow as the sadness overtook him. But he could not cry. He felt almost pain in his chest, like his heart had physically been hurt. Kurt almost never got angry, but he did now, teleporting all over his room and pushing things off his desk, trying to tear his bedclothes, punching the wall. He yelled at nothing in particular, cursing in German. "Gott Verdammt, Logan du bist ein Ficker! Das ist scheiße!" He finally ran out of energy, and collapsed back on his bed, letting the tears fall, and tried to sleep. What made it worse, was the fact that Logan was not there to hold Kurt. It was hopeless. Kurt knew he loved Logan, but he couldn't go back. Not after what Logan had done to him. There was a knock at Kurt's door. "Hey kid. Can I come in? Please?"
"Nein, Herr Logan! Gehen sie raus! Leave me alone!"
Logan lost his temper. "Fine, I'm igone!/i I'm not coming back, you blew your chance to talk to me!" he shouted, selfishly.
"Gone for good," Kurt whispered to himself.
Kurt stayed in his room, alone, for days. Not coming out to eat, at least, not during the day. All of his friends came to the door, trying to talk to him. Though Kurt let them come in, he seldom said anything. After three days, Kurt thought he was ready to talk. However, he didn't go looking for people; he didn't feel that good yet. There was a small knock at the door. "Hey Kurt? It's Remy. Can I come in?" Kurt felt a flicker of happiness, Remy was his best friend. After Logan. Well, after what Logan had been. Without waiting for an answer, Remy came into Kurt's room, shutting the door behind him. He sat down on the edge of Kurt's bed and placed a comforting hand on the mound in the duvet that was Kurt. "He's gone huh?" Kurt nodded sadly. "Come on, you can't stay here forever. Come on out and have some fun. Forget Logan!"
"I don't want to forget Logan. I want Logan back. I don't want to go out."
"Okay, fair enough. Talk to me then." Kurt sat up on the bed, moving so he was next to Remy. Remy was slightly shocked to see the cuts and healing scars on Kurt's torso, scars he hadn't made himself. Most of these cuts were three parallel lines, and could only have been made by the Wolverine's metal claws. "Did he do this to you?" Remy asked Kurt, knowing the answer already.
"Yeah. Sometimes he got a little…over excited. I didn't mind, not often. It only hurt afterwards."
"Why didn't you tell him to be careful?"
"Because I love him." Remy noticed this was in the present tense.
"Even so. You shouldn't let him hurt you. Some of those cuts look pretty deep."
"You don't understand. I love him. But I don't think he ever really loved me. If I'd started to tell him to stop, or made demands, he'd have gone off with someone else much sooner. I just wanted to be with him." Kurt broke off. "I just want to be with him still." This was barely more than a whisper. Remy was a little surprised to see Kurt's eyes shine, and spill tears down his cheeks, irregular tracks, broken up by the scars Kurt gave to himself.
"You really idid/i love him, didn't you?"
"I still love him. I think I always will. But like I say, he never loved me."
"Tough times huh?" Remy put an arm around Kurt's shoulders. "You'll live. Times always change, you know." Kurt's tears fell faster, and he fought back sobs. "Hey, what's up? Was it something I said?"
"Logan always said that to me. Ever since we first got together."
"Oh. I'm so sorry Kurt. Look, I'm here for as long as you need me. I really think you should let me take you for a drink, I'm your friend. Or at least have some back here. At least try to get over Logan."
"Yes, of course, I have to try. Let me get a shower or something and we'll go out. If that's okay of course."
"Attaboy Kurt! That's fine; I'm offering remember. I'll come back here in an hour," Remy gave Kurt a quick hug, handed him a tissue, and breezed out of the room. He trotted back through the school's corridors, heading to his own room to get a shower himself. He didn't really look where he was going, and crashed straight into Logan, who came round a corner.
"Dammit kid, look where you're going!" Remy crossly shrugged off Logan's hand that was steadying him. He glared at Logan. "Hey, what's with the face?"
"I've just been with Kurt." Logan's smile faded.
"Ah. How is he?"
"Don't talk like he's just got a cold or something, Logan. He's upset. Really upset. He loved you, you know. He ifucking/i loved you. He even let you tear him almost to pieces, never saying a word or asking you to stop. Because hei fucking loved you,/i and didn't want you to leave. But you left him. You broke his damn heart Logan. He loved you, he igave/i you his heart, and you went and fucking broke it. Nice going, 'bub'" Remy pushed past Logan and stormed off to his room.
Kurt turned on his shower, forcing himself to make an effort. He found the warm jets of water soothing on his aching skin. Kurt washed his hair, scratching his own scalp as he tried to wash away the Logan on him. But it was there. Kurt was almost animal himself, his senses, though nowhere near as developed as Logan's, were keener than everybody else's in the school mansion he had taken as his home. Kurt could smell Logan on him still. It was not a bad smell, but sometimes when it entered his nostrils, a flicker of hurt, anger and sadness all mixed into one, rippled through him. Other times it sent a wave of longing through him, he wanted Logan back. He knew this deeply, in his secret heart of hearts, but he also knew Logan wasn't coming back, and he had to try and get over him. Every word he had said to Remy was true. Kurt sighed and stepped out of the shower, after using up almost an entire bottle of shower gel trying to get the smell off him. He tried again in vain, by spraying himself all over with his own aftershave, taking care not to use the bottle of Logan's that he had stolen by mistake. Kurt went to his wardrobe, and picked out his grey-blue jeans and white shirt, and combed his hair with his fingers. There was a knock on his door again. This time Kurt actually called out "Come in." Remy wandered into the room again, in jeans, and a blue shirt, and his favourite trench coat. "See, you look good when you itry/i K man. Instead of just slouching around in a hoodie and combats. You know, scratch that gorgeous, you even look good in a hoodie and combats. Forget I said anything."
"How much have you had to drink all ready, Remy mein freund? Oh, and please don't call me K man. My name is Kurt. Or Nightcrawler if you really want." Remy just laughed. He hadn't drunk anything yet, that was just the way he was, optimistic and friendly.
"Ready to go, K?"
"As I'll ever be." Kurt allowed Remy to lead him out to his car, and drive them to the local bar, known as The Box. Remy jammed his favourite purple hat on his head, and hopped on to a stool at the bar. Kurt took the seat next to him demurely.
"Right, what's your poison?"
"My what?"
"Poison Kurt, poison! Meaning, what's your favourite drink? What are you having?"
"Es tut mir leid, I'm sorry, I'm still learning the English. Slang doesn't help you know. If you're offering, I'll have whatever German beer they offer. American beer tastes of weak battery acid."
"And you would know what weak battery acid tastes of because…? Anyway that'll probably be a Heineken then." Remy shouted to the bartender "A bottle of your best Hein for the boy here please, and a shot of bourbon for myself, my good man!" Kurt laughed, and found he was genuinely having a good time. That was what he liked about Remy; you could never tell what would happen. His boundless energy and sense of humour always endeared him to others. That was what he liked about Logan, too. Nein! He mustn't let himself think that. Kurt took a sip of his beer, and turned back to Remy. "I thought you were French? Don't the French drink wine?"
"Only in name. I'm an all American boy! I thought all you Germans drank beer."
"What do you think this is?"
"Weak battery acid. Foreign booze tastes of various types of shit."
"It's funny how much Scheiße you Americans are willing to ingest, as long as it's local."
"Now that is true; good point Kurt. Oh, and though I may not agree with what you say, I'll damn well defend your right to say it!"
Kurt laughed again. "I'll drink to that mein freund!" They clinked bottle to tumbler, and finished their first drink. "Mein Gott, I needed that!"
For hours they stayed in the bar, talking and laughing as friends, never once mentioning Logan, until after their fifth or sixth drink, the alcohol loosening Kurt's tongue, and making Remy's brain fuzzy, so he wasn't really paying attention.
"Just don't get all melancholy drunk on me okay Kurt?"
"What do you mean drunk? We've barely started," Kurt giggled, forgetting Logan for the moment. Kurt and Remy were busy swapping dirty jokes, and neither noticed someone else enter the bar. The newcomer sat a few seats away from Kurt, and the bartender went over to him. "What can I get you, mate?"
"Anything. I'll have what he's having," he answered, pointing to Kurt. Remy slyly slunk away to the jukebox, after looking across and seeing who it was who had entered the bar.
Logan shuffled across into the seat Remy had just vacated. Remy put his money in, flicked through the songs, before finding the perfect track. "Hey Kid," Logan said gruffly to the suddenly sober Kurt next to him. "Did you miss me?"
Kurt looked into his half emptied bottle. "Yes. I still do. I haven't seen you for a week. But I can't forgive you. Not yet."
"People make mistakes Kurt."
"I know that. But it's hard…"
"Yeah? I just want to say…Hey look at me, so you know I mean it," he turned Kurt's face with the palm of one hand, so they were eye to eye. "I want to tell you I'm sorry. I mean it. For everything. For…what I did in the first place, and for being so selfish about it."
Kurt sighed. He wanted Logan back. He wanted the atmosphere he had had with Remy earlier. But he still hurt from what Logan had done to him. "Apology accepted. On the condition you don't hurt me like that again. My faith teaches me to forgive. Also it's going to take time and-" Logan broke Kurt off; putting a finger to Kurt's lips.
"I understand all of that. Can't we just forget it, for tonight? I don't want to spoil the good time you were having." Kurt nodded. Then the music started, and Remy smiled as Logan pulled Kurt up to dance to Elton John's 'I guess that's why they call it the blues'.
Logan put his hands on Kurt's hips, and Kurt reached up to put his hands on Logan's shoulders. They swayed together, Kurt unsteady from the alcohol, Logan leaning down, and softly singing along in Kurt's pointed ear. "Don't wish it away, don't look at it like it's forever. Between you and me, I can honestly say, things can only get better. While I'm away, dust out your demons inside, but more than ever, I simply love you. More than I love life itself." Kurt joined in on the chorus, and so did Remy; singing at the top of his voice. "And I guess that's why they call it the blues, time on my hands, could be time spent with you! Laughing like children, living like lovers, rolling like thunder, under the covers!" Then Kurt let Logan kiss him like he used to, in the middle of the dance floor, joining in, wrapping arms and tail around each other, and it was so good, so real, so sincere. And Kurt knew Logan really was sorry, and Logan knew that Kurt knew he was really sorry. They both showed each other that they both needed the other. Then the song finished and they broke apart, to a few catcalls and wolf whistles. "After that," Logan declared. "I need a drink. Back at my place." He whispered the last part to Kurt who smiled almost eagerly. They walked out of the bar with their arms still around each other. Remy pretended to be angry, but was glad for his friend, and settled himself down next to a sulking Scott, lightening him up with his sunny personality, and getting a good night out of the whole thing anyway.
Logan led Kurt to the motorbike he had stolen from Scott. He still had an arm around Kurt, steadying him. "And there was me thinking you Germans could hold your liquor."
"I ican/i hold it, I'm just not very good at balancing it." Logan had to laugh at that. Logan sat down heavily on the bike, Kurt hopping on nimbly behind him, and wrapping his arms and tail around his broad back. They sped back down the road, Logan accelerating almost constantly on the short distance back to the school. Kurt jumped off the bike almost as soon as Logan stopped it, and went sprinting across the wide lawns in front of the school, teasing Logan. Logan jumped off the bike and followed, catching up quickly. He tackled Kurt and pinned him to the floor in an area shaded by trees and bushes. "How convenient," Kurt laughed, and kissed Logan quickly.
"You could say that," Logan smiled back. His smile faded and he became serious for a moment. "Look, Kurt, I really am sorry about what happened. I promise I won't do it again. It killed me to be away from you. I don't want you to hate me."
"Oh Logan. Ich liebst du. People make mistakes. At least you've said sorry now, and I accept your word when you say it won't happen again. I want to stay with you. I love you."
"Hey kid, I love you too." Logan licked at Kurt's neck, still pinning him to the floor. Kurt felt himself getting excited as their bodies were pressed together, here, outside, under the sky. He looked up at the stars, and thought how nice it was for them to shine especially for him and Logan. Because that's what it seemed like. Kurt realised how much he had missed Logan, living in anger for days, not remembered the rough but gentle touch of Logan's fingers. He moaned without really thinking, and Logan smiled. "Oh ja, Logan bitte," Kurt breathed, reverting almost totally to his native language. He tore off his own shirt, and let Logan undo his jeans. Kurt stroked Logan's shoulders, pulling off Logan's T shirt and wrapping himself around Logan.
"Hell, you can get yourself into some strange shapes, Elf," Logan smiled.
"You have ino/i idea, mein liebster."
"You could always show me," Logan turned Kurt over, and traced the lines of scar across his back; elaborate patterns that decorated his beautiful boy. He put two of his fingers in Kurt's willing mouth, Kurt nibbling at his fingers like always. It was little things like this he realised he would miss if Kurt ever left him. It was little things like this he loved a lot about Kurt. Logan spread the saliva into a still willing Kurt, who wrapped his legs around Logan's hips, and used his tail to stroke Logan's face and chest. When Logan entered him, Kurt jolted at the sharp pain, and dug his heels into Logan. He relaxed after a while and let Logan take over him completely. It still hurt him, but Kurt began to feel himself enjoy it, as Logan unknowingly touched some spot deep inside him, that felt igood/i. "Oh Logan, bitte, das ist fantastisch!" Kurt began to breathe quickly, as they both neared orgasm, and then it was over, for both of them; Logan pulling out of Kurt, and both of them collapsing into a panting heap on the grass.
"We have to do that more often," Logan gasped.
"Agreed, mein liebster. That was good for me too."
"I know. You think I don't notice these things? Believe it or not kid, I icare/i about you."
"I know Logan. Hold me, bitte? I missed you." Logan gathered Kurt up into his arms and they looked at the sky together.
"Don't you think it's nice how all the stars are just for us?" Logan said, breaking the happy silence they had slipped into. Kurt laughed. "What?"
"My thoughts exactly."