When the darkness of the night turns into the faint light of dawn, there is hope. Hope for a new life, hope for a new start, hope for forgiveness from the horrors of your past. I knew that only too well as I gripped the pistol I held so tightly my hands turned white. But there are some things time can never erase, some scenes forever played out in my memory. This, yes, this was one of those scenes. I shook my head, trying desperately to erase the horrific images flashing through my head.
"No! No! No!"
I thrashed madly, becoming twisted in the mangled mess of my sheets. Slowly, I opened my eyes, gasping for breath. I shuddered, remembering. I reached for the reassurance that the bedside light offered. Easing my way gently out of the bed I placed both my feet into the warmth of the slippers left at the foot of my bed.
I reached for my favourite mug, hoping a coffee could ease the pain of these memories away. Lots of people play video games, where killing someone seems like an easy thing to do when caught in a situation. But no video game ever has or ever will be able to portray the true horror of killing someone. You can never forget that look on their face after you fire the shot that ends their existence. That look, which somehow seems to capture the horror they have over facing an uncertain future. You can never ever forget that last look; it penetrates everything and cuts away at your emotion like a scalpel in the hands of a surgeon.
Hardened Soldiers! This expression always made me laugh even when I was in the force. There is no such thing as a hardened soldier. What people call a hardened soldier is more appropriately described as a soldier who has been doing his job so long; he simply doesn't have any emotions left. They have been eaten away by the acid of horror repeatedly drilled into him with more power than a machine gun round. Maybe, I thought, it would be better I had stayed long enough to become one of these.
But the truth was I couldn't take it anymore. War is, and always has been a terrific waste of life. Even those that come back from war, they aren't who they are before they left. Hell, I can testify to that. War strips away your heart, your beliefs, even your mind, and turns you into a brain dead zombie fit for only one thing.
My past filled me with regret every single time I remembered it. Such a waste of life! Now look at me, all I am is a wreck with a past that haunts me during my sleep. If I could have just one wish granted, just one, I wish that I could rewrite my past to erase these memories.