"Dean, this isn't about you. This is about me. I need this Dean."
"No you don't, you need me Sammy!"
"Stop babying me. I don't need you Dean, I'm 25 years old not 6. And don't call me Sammy." Then he slammed his room door closed. I sat down and rubbed my face in my hands. "Sammy wants to leave again." I whispered to no one. "I can't let him leave me again" tears were falling from my eyes and I quickly wiped them away angrily. "Fuck this. Fine he can leave if he wants." I got up and left, to the bar to drink this night away and maybe find me a hot babe. Forget about Sammy. My Sammy, forget about my world for one night.
*********Sam******
I sat on my bed with my eyes closed taking deep calming breaths. Why can't Dean see I need to leave. I can't hunt any more. It's killing me. I need to leave. I can't stay here. I need to get away from this, from him, from my feelings that are sickening.I heard the Impala taking off down the road. I stood and packed my bag. I have to leave.
••••••••••••Dean••••••••
It was 3 am when I stumbled back into the bunker. I walked up stairs to Sam's room he was sleeping. I could see the rise and fall of his chest. I wonder if I tell him how I feel, if he would stay. But I won't because i know he won't stay, if I tell him he'll be so disgusted he'd leave right away.
I walked to my room and stared at my ceiling until I fell asleep my thought full of Sam, and him leaving. I woke up around 11 the next day and walked downstairs. I saw Sam's bag next to the door and my jaw clenched. I walked into the kitchen. Sam looked up at me. "The train to New York is tonight, can we just spend this day together and not fight?" He asked me calmly but sadly. I didn't even have to know that he was doing the puppy dog face. I could hear it in his voice. "Yeah..."
I turned around and he was smiling at me. "I don't want to fight, but I have to know why are you leaving me..." I said not looking at him because I know my eyes will fill with tears.
I heard him sigh. "I can't do this anymore Dean...it's not what I want, I liked it kind off but honestly I want a normal life, I want to get a real job, maybe have a family of my own without worrying if they are going to get attacked by monsters Dean. I just can't be a hunter anymore, I'm sorry..." I nodded still not looking at him before I turned and started to make pancakes.
"Dean..." I turned around and Sam was right there behind me. I froze. He put his hand on my shoulder. "I'll always be there for you Dean. You can always stop too, we can live a normal life, we don't have to do this anymore, we can stop this."
I stared at his hand. Then looked up at Sam. "You know I can't Sammy..." I whispered "you know I can't stop doing this..." His face fell and he pulled his hand back. "I know..." He looked down and I noticed how close we were and I did something I hoped I wouldn't regret but knew I had to try if he was leaving.
I lifted his head and kissed him.
Sam froze for a moment but then he grabbed my waist and pushed me back against the counter and kissed me roughly. "You have no idea how long I've wanted you to do that" he breathed.
I pulled back and looked at him. He looked at me his eyes flickered with fear or something, like he expects me to shove him away and forget it happened.
I'm tempted too. I want to, but the voice in my head reminds me I want this. Almost more than he does. I've wanted Sammy for so long. I've always wanted to touch him, feel him, I was always there to protect him. I raised him. I love him.
Then I remembered. He's leaving. He leaves tonight, off to find his perfect life with his own little perfect family. And that's when I pushed him back roughly. I put my hands through my hair and started pacing.
"Dean, what the fuck?" Sam said once he regained his balance. I didn't answer and I didn't look at him. I can't let him see me cry. I can't cry. You knew one day Sammy would go off in the world alone. You knew you couldn't protect him and keep you with him forever. He doesn't need me anymore.
He doesn't need me anymore...
He doesn't need me anymore.
The tears well up in my eyes. I knew this day would come but I didn't know it would be so painful. The day Sammy leaves. The day my world falls apart and apparently that day is today.
"Dean?" Sam put his hand on my shoulder stopping me. I shrugged him off and grabbed my keys. I'm gonna need alcohol to get through tonight. No doubt about that. I started storming to the door
"DEAN." Sam yelled. I didn't flinch I just kept walking. "Dean!" He grabbed my arm and pushed me against the wall. His eyes were full of concern and surprisingly anger. I looked at the wall behind him.
"Dean..." His voice was soft. "Talk to me" I scoffed and looked at him with a blank face. "Nothing to talk about Lil Sammy" I tried getting out of his grip but he held tight. "Why did you kiss me?" He said looking at me for any sign of anything but I kept a poker face. "It doesn't matter." I said staring at the wall behind him again.
"Dean..." He said again his breath hitting my face. He leaned closer to me. I pushed him away again. All that was running through my head was; he's leaving. He doesn't need you. He's leaving. He's leaving. He doesn't need you. He doesn't need you.
He's leaving...
I smiled at Sammy, "c'mon man, no chick flick moments alright? I kissed you, so what, doesn't mean nothin' you're leaving-" I paused and took a deep breath. "You're leaving tonight anyway, let's have some fun before you go.
Sammy was staring at the ground his jaw clenching. And before I knew what was happening he pushed me to the floor. "Sammy what the-" then he was kissing me again. Straddling my waist and kissing me. On the kitchen floor of our bunker."this is the fun I want Dean"
"If I'm leaving tonight Dean, I want you in every way before I go." Sam whispered in my ear, his voice full of lust and longing. I nodded before I could contemplate what he just said. He growled playfully and started kissing and nipping my neck. "This isn't a chick flick moment Dean," he said against my neck.
Something snapped inside me and before a blink of an eye I was on top of Sammy pinning his arms above his head. I couldn't think about Sam leaving I could only think about my throbbing hard on and Sammy lying below me. He stared at me his eyes looking lost. His face says he took it to far. But my mind says he didn't take it far enough. I leaned down toward his ear and whispered "C'mon Sammy, you really think I'd let you be dominate?"
I chuckled darkly. "Not a chance little brother" he squirmed and I smiled grinding down into him. He gasped. "Dean!" I smirked. I kissed his neck leaving a huge hickey. "Come on Sam," I growled slightly "tell me what you want?" He shivered. "I want you Dean, I fucking want you" I looked at his face he smiled at me. I put on a cocky (he he) grin and let one hand travel down from his chest to his waistline. My other hand still holding his hands above his hand. He squirmed.
"Do you want this Sam" I half whispered. I know I want this, "I want you dean so get on with it already" he said laughing slightly. I smiled and leaned down capturing his lips with my own. My hand automatically going to his pants buckle. I slid my hand down into his his boxers and grabbed his hard on. "Mmh hard already for my Sammy" I smirked and rubbed my hand slowly down his dick. He bucked and I smiled. "Dean.." He moaned softly. I started to pump my hand faster with Sam panting hard below me.
He's going to leave you, that little voice in my head said. And just like that I stopped. "Dean what the fuck?" I rolled over and sat on the floor staring at the wall. "Dean...?" Sam sat up not even bothering to buckle his pants. He grabbed my hand pulling it softly. "C'mon Dean..." His voice still dark but also confused. I looked at him, "I can't do it Sam, I can't do this, because when you leave it will all mean nothing to you." He frowned. "Dean..." I stood up
"I love you Sam." He stared at me. "I love you-"
"No. I'm in love with you Sam. I'm not saying that to make you stay I'm not saying it for any other reason other then I want you to know. I fucking love you. And I've wanted you, all of you, for such a long time now and-" I stopped running my hands through my hair and exhaling "I want it to mean something". He stood and looked at me biting his lip.
"no chick flick moments Dean" I punched him in the arm and sighed. "Just please, just stay for one more day, one more week?"
"I can't stay Dean..." I looked away from him.
I nodded slightly looking down at my feet "I'll always be here when you want to come back though alright?" I looked up and smiled hopefully at him.
He broke eye contact with me and look over my shoulder "I don't think I'll be coming back Dean..." He half whispered. My heart broke and shattered.
"I figured you'd say that."
"I think, I think I should leave now...earlier. Before it gets harder for the both of us." He said not looking at me. I nodded clenching my jaw. I grabbed his bags and put them in the car.
The train pulled in and Sam looked at me, "I love you too Dean." He whispered. I pressed my lips together and bit the inside of my cheek to stop the tears. I knew he was referring to my confession but for some reason he saying that broke me more than it help me. He sent me one last wave before heading on the train. I watched the train go by and realized my life just went with it.
5 months later
I stood outside the door. It's been 5 months and I haven't been able to focus on anything but him. It's been 5 months and I've been slowly dying inside. I tracked him down though. New York City. He's in school to be a fancy lawyer. He's still my little brother though. I miss him like hell. I can't stop hunting but maybe I don't have to. Maybe he can stay in school and I hunt and we can be together. If he wants us to be...god I haven't thought this through.
I raised my hand to knock and sighed. I have to do this at some point. I knocked three times and took a step back. I waited a few minutes this was a bad idea I should go. I turned to leave when the door opened. "Dean?" I heard his voice whisper. I turned to him and smiled pulling him into a hug "hey little brother". Sam was smiling the smile I missed so much.
Sam grabbed my arm and pulled me into the apartment. "What are you doing here Dean?" I looked at Sam. " Wow, no 'Hi Dean my gorgeous awesome older brother I missed you' if you must know: I missed my little brother is that a crime?" Sam stepped closer and smiled pecking my lips. "Not at all..." He said still smiling. I stepped back
"Also there's a hunt here I got to do." I said my face going blank as I pushed him aside and walked into his small kitchen. Opening the fridge I saw lettuce. Lettuce. Fruit and more rabbit food. "C'mon Sammy? Really, rabbit food? I thought you were a warrior." I laughed to myself. Sam stepped behind me and closed the fridge.
"You're right we should order in," I said by stepping him and reaching for his phone on the counter. "Dean." I turned to him. "Yeah Sammy?" He smiled slyly at me. "There is no hunt here." I looked at him. And crossed my arms over my chest leaning back against the counter. "What do you mean there is no hunt here" I questioned.
Sam stepped closer to me. "There is no hunt here Dean." He was smirking now. "Sam what the hell are you talking about, ghost sighting apartment 45D near your Apartment you should know this" I said squinting suspiciously at him. He put his hand on my arm smiling. "You know Dean it's quite easy to feed you information I made up. Ever wonder how those emails were so easy for you to see? Why my address was so easy to find?" It hit me then I pressed my lips together to stop from smiling. "You did this didn't you."
Sam smiled and moved his face so it was inches from mine. "Oh yes I did" I smiled at him. "You always could've pick up a pho-" I couldn't finish because he kissed me. I put my hands on his hips and pulled him closer to me. "You came back for me" he whispered "I always will Sam you know that," He looked at me his eyes were glistening.
"Oh god Sammy don't cry." I said pushing him playfully. He sniffed and looked at me "I just missed you god, it's been so hard and now you'll be leaving soon." He said looking at me his face asking for him to be wrong. I looked him straight in the eye and said blankly. "Hurts doesn't it" he looked up at me eyes filled with hurt. "C'mon Dean that not fair." I sighed. "Yes Sammy, it's not, it really isn't fair." Sam stepped back. "Can you at least stay for a little while?" I thought about it for a a few minutes, "yeah I guess, beats sleeping in a motel" he nodded. Then his front door opened "Sam! I'm home" a female voice called. he froze and looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights and for some reason I knew this was all going to go straight to hell.
"Sammy?" I heard the feminine voice call out again. I tensed only I can call him
"Uh, in the Kitchen Jess," Sam called out taking a huge step away from me. This is not going to end well. A blond hottie walked in I stood straighter,
"well well who might you be" I said smirking and her. Sam glared at her, surprisingly...she didn't notice. "I'm Jessica. Sam's girlfriend. Who are you?" I froze for a second at the sound of girlfriend. But I shrugged it off. "I'm Dean, Sam's older and more attractive brother" I said with a wink. Her face seemed to relax and she turned to Sam who plastered on a fake smile.
"Oh Sam! You didn't tell me Dean was coming!" She said excitedly. She turned back to me smiling brightly! "I've been wanting to meet you but Sam always said you were busy and Sam talks about you alllllll the time, cuz you're his older brother ya know, I honestly thinks it's a little messed up that you didn't call or see him in 5 months but who am I to judge" she said. And immediately she went to hot girl to complete bitch. I eyed her up and down,
"well, if I knew Sam had a girl like you I would have come down sooner, but if you don't mind I would kind of want to be with my brother tonight...alone, you know family stuff." She smiled tightly. "Mmhmm, Sam said you were a flirt, and I mean if you had called, you would know Sam and I have been dating for 3 months and have been roommates for 4. If you want to stay here its my apartment to you'll have to deal with me" She walked over to Sam and rubbed his arm "we were just meant to be." She smiled at me but there was a clipped tone in her voice asking me to disagree with her. But I just nodded again.
"Well, Sam, it was uh, good to see you, I forgot that I had some more work in uh somewhere so I'll just..." I said on my way to the door. "Go..." I opened the door and looked back "aye, but it was nice seeing you Sam, and good to meet you Jessica. See you guys, uh, sometime I guess" Then i turned into the cold air and walked to the Impala, I opened the driver's side and started the car. I was about to pull out, "DEAN!" I looked over to see Sammy running towards the car I rolled down the window but he just passed it and went around and climbed in the passenger side. "Go." He said simply I noticed a duffle bag on his lap and his my smiled as peeled out of there in search of the farthest motel.
"Uhm, so" I said not knowing how to start a conversation after all that happened. "You know I'll always choose my brother over anything" Sam stated.
"Besides hunting and staying with him" I muttered. "God. Dean can you get over that, it's been five months, okay? I'm sorry. Can we just have a nice time it was like this on my last day with you also. I don't know when you're leaving again and I just want to spend time with you is that to much to ask? Do you have to constantly bring up the fact that I left? I get it. I left. It hurt you. But can you try to look at it from my point of view for once and not wallow in your own self pity!"
I slammed on the breaks and Sam lurched forward "What the fuck Dean!". I pulled over to the side of the road.
"I tried Samuel Winchester. I tried so fucking hard to see it from your point of view and I can't. Why couldn't you stay. You didn't have to hunt. You could stayed in the motels, I could have gotten you a car, we could be together and be inseparable like we always were. So please enlighten me on you 'point of view' also please tell me how some how in this whole finding yourself bullshit you ended up with a total bitch?"
Sam glared at me. "Don't act like you haven't been sleeping with every girl in your path these last 5 months" I laughed sarcastically "Actually little Sammy instead of assuming you should ask because I haven't slept with a single girl...or guy since you left. I can't because all I see is you. And if you want to know why I showed up at your doorstep was because I thought it would be the same for you." Sam slammed his mouth shut.
"Wait...you haven't slept with anyone. Not even drunkenly not even the day I left?" I shook my head clenching my jaw and staring straight ahead. "I know you probably think I'm lying and honestly I wouldn't blame you stuff like that normally is part of me but I lost so much when you got on that Train Sammy. I haven't been my normal self" He nodded. Trying to contain himself from smiling
"How many hunts you been on, in these 5 months?" He asked suddenly. I gaped at him. "Really, I give you that stupid chick flick heart felt speech and you ask how many fucking hunts I've been on? Unbelievable, if u must know, 2 maybe 3 why?" I pulled out and started driving again he didn't answer just smiled to himself. A few minutes later I pulled into the motel and Sam stayed quiet. I went and got a room and I dangled the keys in front of the window and began walking to our room.
2 beds in a small ass room. I sighed. Just like old times.
He walked in and flopped down on the nearest bed staring up at the ceiling. "Dean..." I looked over at him. He was smiling, "you really do love me" I narrowed my eyes. "Of course I do bitch" " jerk." I rolled my eyes.
He got up and walked over to me. "You know Jessica was a pathetic excuse to get over you" I scoffed "pretty pathetic, I got green eyes, she has blue, I think, she's a blonde, I'm not, she eh, I'm Hot, she's a bitch I'm adorable she-" Sam cut me off "okay! I get it Dean, she's the complete opposite of you, that was kind of the point." I smiled "let's be honest Sam no one can replace me" "That's for damn sure" then I kissed him.
"I want to be with you Sam. I really do. But I can't stop being who I am, and doing what I do. I know it's the same for you." I said stepping back from him. He was smiling again. "I don't want you to stop being you, I respect that you hunting, like you respect me and my studies" "nerd" I whispered under my breath. He glared playfully as he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him. "As long as you're mine, nothing else matters." I squirmed away from him. "Okay let's stop with this feeling bullshit it totally not my style." He chuckled and took out his phone. "I'm going to call Jess, I need break it off". He walked out of the room.
I sat on the couch and started watching my favorite show. I heard the door opened, "aye Sam, Dr. Sexy is on!" I called out laughing to myself. I got no response. "Sam?" I got up and walked to the door. It was closed and locked. "What I swore I heard it open..." I unlocked it opened it anyway. Sam wasn't out there. "Sam?" I shook my head and closed the door. Suddenly someone grabbed me and threw me against the wall. I struggled looking up. "Hello Dean." I saw a dulled eye familiar staring at me with a feral smiled. I narrowed my eyes. "What the hell do you want?" I felt my anger grow, this means there is a witch in the area somewhere near by. "Oh, me? Nothing..." I rolled my eyes. "what does your master want me?" I spoke confidently. He glared. "I am no slave I have no master." I nodded "of course, of course." I reached for my blade but before I could grab it a knife plunged straight through its back. The dead body dropped to the ground and I looked at Sam. "I totally forgot how exhilarating this was." he breathed still staring at the body. I nodded and picked up our stuff from our room, "you got this Sam" he smiled. "hell yeah I do." I nodded and walked to the Impala throwing our stuff in the back and waiting for Sam. He walked over and sat in the passenger side. "we good?" He nodded "Yeah, looks like Mr. Gilded committed suicide." He made a sad face. "How terrible." I laughed.
It was getting dark and I was driving to nowhere. "Dean...pull over" I looked at Sammy confused. "uh alright" i said pulling over on the side of the road. As soon as I put the car in park Sam was climbing on my lap. "whah Sammy what are you-" I couldn't finish my sentence because Sam was kissing me. "I missed you" he said between kisses. He grinned on me and I moaned slightly. He started kissing down my neck. "Backseat" I mumbled I could already feel my hard on. He nodded climbing into the back. I followed after him. Leaning over his body kissing him hungrily. Sam lifted my shirt over my head and I began to unbutton his plaid button up. "Dean" he breathed at I fished the last button. "Please" he silently begged. I knew what he wanted so I unbuckled his pants and drew them down his legs where his kicked them off onto the Impala floor. I leaned down licking Sam from his navel to his neck. Attaching myself like a leech on his neck he moaned. I could feel how hard he was and it turned me on even more. I leaned up and he began to take off my pants so that we were both half naked only our boxers keeping us apart. I grinded into him slowly. He moaned. "Fucking hell dean just fuck me." he said. I smirked and let my hand slowly from his chest to his waistband.
"this what you want Sam?" I said palming him through his underwear shorts. He nodded breathing heavily. "yes Dean yes" I grabbed his waistband and yanked off his boxer short. I leaned down and kissed the tip of his dick. "Dean" he said bucking up a little bit. I held his hips down slowly taking in his penis in my mouth. He gasped. "Dean!" I took him in as much as I could and began bobbing my head up and down. His breath came out in little pants and as soon as he was getting close I withdrew. he whined from lost contact. "De-Ean." he breathed still out of breath. "Do you want me inside you Sammy" I said kissing his neck again. "Oh god yes Dean, please" I smiled and took of my under shorts. leaning to the front and grabbing the lube stashed in the glove box. "Didn't even know you ever swung this way Dean" he said eyeing the tube. I smirked. "Adds to the experience. His eyes went wide and his dick got harder. "Don't prepare me just go" he said deeply. I raised my eyebrow, "If you insist" I said rubbing the cold lube up and down my my cock. "I want you so fucking much Sammy" I spoke softly in his ear. He moaned, "then get on with it then Dean" i nodded slightly pushing into his virgin asshole. "I don't want to hurt you." I said, frightened that I will cause him pain. He rocked into me pushing me deeper inside him, he winced slightly and I stopped he playfully glared. "don't stop." I pushed fully into him pausing for a moment so he could get used to me. I slowly slid out and pushed back in. "Dean stop." He said and I froze. I slowly pulled out. is he rethinking all of this?
"Lay down" He commanded, I nodded getting turned on by him. I laid on my back and he motioned himself on my dick slowly moving down. I grabbed onto his waist, steadying him. "You were just going to damn slow Dean." he stated. "I didn't want to hurt you," I said, he didn't answer he started bouncing on my cock. I moaned. "Oh God Sam," I moaned even louder as he went faster. He grabbed hold of his own dick and starting pumping his fist around it. I pushed his hand away and did it myself. "Oh god Dean, I'm close" he had shouted. "I'm so fucking close" He then released his dripping hot cum onto my stomach I felt him tighten around my penis. He was breathing hard but still pounding on my dick. "Fuck Sam, God, I threw my head back and orgasmed inside him. I was panting as he slowly pulled out and laid beside me in the small backseat. We sat there for a few moments in peaceful silence. "We need to get to the motel now Dean he whispered in my ear. I nodded. I grabbed his boxers and mine. I slid mine on and jumped into the driver's seat. Sam put on his boxer and pants and climbed into the passenger side. I started up the car and pulled back on the road smiling. Sam grabbed hold of my hand. "I Love you Dean" he said smiling. "I love the way you look right now, sex hair driving in you boxers with my cum still dripping on your chest. Turns me on Dean." He said his voice getting lower. His hand slipped from mine and stroked my leg. "Sammy we just had sex, no more than 10 minutes ago," I said chuckling. He laughed. "and when we get to the motel we are doing it again." he stated not even asking. He just said it like it was a fact. and it turned out, he was right and it was a fact.
This is no happy ever after, Sam and I got into a huge fight 2 years after this night and I haven't seen him since, this would be year 3 since he's left. I don't know where he went. I miss him, I wish I could take back the words I said. I relive these memories, loving him a little more everyday. Slowly trying to drink my life away.
There was a knock on the door. I walked up to it in my boxers half drunk with a massive hangover. I opened it. Rubbing my eyes, not believing what I'm seeing, my heart jumping into my throat. Taller. Stronger. Older. But his face looks like years of sadness has taken over. The person I've never stopped loving~
"Sam?"
He smiled, his face began to glow, I felt that my face was the same. All these years apart you could see the sadness echoed into our faces. Now completely gone, because love just came face to face once more
"Hey big brother"