A Potato, A Tomato, A Disaster

Hi everyone! To anyone who's reading my in-progress Merlin fic, I'm sorry. I swear, I will update it! Recently, I've been working on a really depressing original story, and I need to write something fun to bring up my spirits.

This fic is kinda crack :P

Oh, yeah, WARNINGS: CURSING [CENSORED])

XXX

Veneziano and Germany were walking down a street in Italy. They were on a date. What could possibly happen?

"Ve~! Doitsu! Look, it's a totally f*cking kawaii neko-chan~!" North Italy chirped.

"…," Germany stared at him. "Why are you talking like a weeb, Italy?"

Veneziano, however, wasn't listening. He was too busy petting the cat. Said cat then scratched Italy across his cheek, causing Italy to start crying.

"Doitsu! The neko-chan isn't kawaii at all!" he blubbered.

Then, from underneath a potted tomato plant, Romano appeared. He jumped out of the soil and poofed back to his normal size.

Then he whipped out a gun and pointed it at Germany's head.

"You made my fratello cry, you f*cking potato b*stard!" He yelled. "Prepare to die!"

A small drop of comical sweat appeared on Germany's face. Five minutes into the date, and sh*t was already hitting the fan.

"I am so done," Germany muttered. "I wasn't even the one who made him cry."

"No! Fratello~! Don't kill Doitsu!" Veneziano cried.

Of course, Prussia had sensed that his little brother needed some awesome help from the awesomest person ever, so he decided to magically teleport to the scene from Germany. (No one noticed yet, but Canada teleported with him.)

"Have no fear! The awesome me is here!" he yelled. "I'll save you, not-so-awesome little brother!"

"Great, now there's TWO potato b*stards!" Romano grouched.

Annoyed, South Italy whipped out another gun and pointed it at Prussia. A second later, a charging figure appeared out of nowhere, a hockey stick in hand.

"DON'T YOU DARE POINT THAT THING AT MY BOYFRIEND, YOU SH*THEAD!" the country screeched as he started hitting Romano with the aforementioned hockey stick.

Romano then started crying like his brother. This alerted Spain, who was hiding inside Romano's pocket, that he had to save his little tomate.

"ROMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he called as he crawled out of the nation's pocket and unshrunk as well.

(At this point in time, England was creeping around in a nearby alley, with a weird grin on his face because other people were using magic, so they couldn't call him crazy anymore.)

"How dare you raise a hockey stick at my boyfriend?!" Spain asked incredulously. "Wait… Who are you, again?"

"I'M CANADA!" he replied exasperatedly. "And he pointed a gun at my boyfriend and his brother!"

"Awwwwwww, mi tomate pequeño is worried about his hermano~!" Spain gushed.

"Shut up, tomato b*stard!" Romano yelled back. "And I'm not your little tomato!"

"Eh~! Roma's so mean!" Spain whined.

A huge argument then broke out between the uninvited countries. During this North Italy stopped crying and went to address all of them.

"THAT'S IT, MOTHERF*UCKERS!" he screamed. "DOITSU AND I JUST WANTED TO GO ON A DATE, AND YOU ALL HAD TO RUIN IT, DIDN'T YOU! NOW GET THE F*CK OFF MY STREET, OR I'LL RIP YOU ALL APART LIMB FROM LIMB AND FEED YOU TO DOITSU'S DOGS AS A SNACK!"

Remembering Turkey's stories about how Italy used to beat him up, the countries fled.

"Why don't you act like that when we're at war?" Germany sighed.

"Eh~? But then it wouldn't be as effective at times like this~!" Italy answered.

Germany facepalmed.

XXX

So? What'd you all think?