Chapter 1
Funny Human
Kandomere POV
"Oh my god, Nick, must you ramble? I swear I hear it more and more in my dreams."
"It's not a dream. We're in hell."
"Hell smells like bleach."
Some how this human's been caught in the brights mess. She is a civilian. There is nothing in her background check that leads me to think anything magnificent about her. An orfan girl that grew up to be a shut in. Her physique however, makes me doubt how much of a shut in she truly is. She is not thin and weak or obease like so many humans become when they close themsleves off into their homes.
There are scars on her that the doctor suspects were done deliberately. Possibly child abuse but others are more recent. Scars a shut in should not have and could not have been inflicted upon oneself.
"Really? All I smell is elves and your anger. And bleach."
She breathes in deeply. "Albino elf from hell ruined my ride, my night, and what little good looks I have left. My face feels like a balloon. Someone's gonna get a foot in her ass."
"Krista, I think you spend way too much time in la-la land if you think you can best an elf."
"Wait until I'm off the drugs and I'll put a foot in your ass too. For dropping me."
"It was an accident." The orcs ears twitch.
"You're a klutz."
"Human."
"Orc."
"Dwarf."
"I'm not a dwarf. I'm vertically challenged." Followed by her snorting at him. "I'll sass you later. Let them talk before his head explodes."
She has unusual eyes for a human. One is blue and the other is brown. It's a trait I see more in animals than humans and with her recent injury, the white of her blue eye has turned red and created a very unusual look.
"Officer Ward, your report."
He explains the nights events as if there was no wand ever involved. We both know that's not true but we can't have more chaos, can we?
She was in the corner store when Lailah attacked them. Tien had attacked her because she was there, but we're all in agreement that they never thought she would have fought back.
"Oh my god! Why can you never behave!"
"Oh my god, Amarel, why must you oh my god everything? And why must you scream at me like I'm deaf? And I was trying to sleep."
"You and I both know you don't sleep. You run on anger, anxiety, cat naps and negativity. Maybe this head trauma will fix your personality."
The security downstairs texted me she was there. They frisked her, ran her background, and she is a no one. Her parents were Inferni and with that in her history, she is lowest of us.
"Yeah, no. That's not how it works. If anything, more head trauma will make me an even bigger and more moody bitch. And why are you always following me?"
"Because we both need a friend. We're like Max and Caroline."
"I'm not Caroline."
"Obviously. When can she be released? I'm amazed she hasn't already tried to walk out of here."
"She has a skull fracture, swelling in the brain, bruising on 40-percent of her body and there is going to be an inquisition of her injuries."
"Don't bother. It's a result of the foster care system where "parents" dicipline their paychecks."
"Not all of your injuries are that old."
"I said no. Do you need her to translate it for you? And why would an elf want to run a medical history on me? What do you think you're going to find."
"I'm a doctor. I do not limit myself to only the health and well being of elf patients."
"Good for you. The answer's still no and he's dead. You're gonna be able to do nothing about what's in the past. Leave it where it belongs and kindly take your nose outta my ass."
"You're very crass."
"It gets the point across. It seems the more I cuss the more people actually listen to what I'm saying and not just watching my mouth move. And when can I leave? I'd love to have my pants back. This gown's embarrassing."
"It could be worse."
"Worse how?"
"Remember Dr. Dick?"
She makes a face.
" ?" Dr. Elenwe questions.
"Human MD who's got a thing for her. They met after she picked a fight with an orc."
"She started it. I finished it."
"And he just thinks she so cute." She pinches her friends cheek.
"Don't do that. My face hurts enough as it is."
"I bet. It's killing me."
"Yes, I'm so hideous you're always staring at me. Did you bring me clothes?"
"I did. I figured something got broken, ripped or stained so I brought you something loose but not baggy." She brings the dress out of the bag. "A dress."
She makes a face.
"Relax. It's something from the closet and not the store. It's been so long since you've worn it I had to wash the closet smell off it."
"Gee thanks."
Dr. Elenwe takes it before she can. "You'll get it in two days."
"Pipe down, dwarf. They're footing the bill" The orc, Nick Jacoby tells her.
"I'm not a dwarf. I am not below 4-feet in height nor am I fuzzy ground dwelling butt-head."
"I'm sure Dis would disagree greatly. And I thought you wouldn't cooperate so," She reaches into the bag again and brings out a small container of ice cream.
"I hate you."
"And your laptop."
"I hate you more."
"You're a terrible friend." The Orc tells her.
"I second that." Ward adds.
"No one asked you. What?"
"You're odd." Dr. Elenwe replies.
"Thank-you."
The Orc finds our healers expression to be hilarious.
"And if you behave, I'll bring you a taco."
The orc makes a face. "You eat beef?!"
"Yes. It's delicious. I also eat sushi."
"Uuh, enough. I can't hear anymore."
"I'll take sushi instead. I'm not in the mood for messy. And no taking time off work to baby me."
"I'm sure we'll live. It's just 30 minutes and any time away from the boss man is a blessing."
"I told you, punch him in the dick and he'll learn to stop trying to dry hump you."
"Because I am not you and I need a job."
"But it doesn't have to be that job."
"Your head is swollen and you still want to argue with me!"
"If I didn't, you'd think something was wrong."
"There is something wrong with you."
She breathes in deeply, "Well, lets see, Orc who doesn't behave like an orc, speaks dominantly English, files his teeth and takes a job as a public servant. Would you like me to continue to psycho-analyze you on how you're trying to fit in with another species?"
"Shut up and eat your ice cream. This is why you can't keep friends."
"I don't like people that pretend their shit never stinks. Go to work. If you're late it gives him incentive to be a pig. I wasn't refering to you."
Her friend moves a table over to her and sets the laptop on it, tells her she will see her later and leaves.
"I know."
"Then don't flick your ears at me and stop staring."
"You're weird."
"Fairy in the building! Get out! You rotten little beast!"
"That's not nice."
There are actually two of them. There's a flurry of wings and then they're perched on her laptop and another lands on her arm and attempts to help itself to her ice cream.
"Those are yours? Like, pets?" The orc questions exactly what I am thinking.
"I don't own them like you imply. We just have an understanding with one another." She grasps him in her hand. "Those hands better be clean when digging in my food."
It holds up both hands to show her and she lets him go.
"You better get rid of them things. They eat everything, shit everywhere, and they bite." Ward tells her.
"I'm aware. And they learned the hard way by being repeatedly slapped. You touch my food, your hands are clean and if you shit on my things, someone's getting flicked in the face. Right?"
The one on her arm shakes a fist at her and shrieks at her in a language I doubt she understands.
"Shake a fist all you want, pest. You know the rules. Break them and I'll pop your head off like a dandelion."
"You understand that gibberish."
"There's this thing called body language. Learn it. You can have the rest."
"Try to stay awake. I've arranged for a CT Scan in an hour."
"Okay. I wouldn't do that if I were you."
They've licked clean the little ice cream cup and are now playing with it. They take it off the table and on to the floor where they take turns rolling around in it.
"TV?" The Orc suggests to kill the silence and boredom.
"None of that orc music." Ward says.
"What's wrong with orc music?"
"It sounds like death metal if prisoners could play drums." Ward answers.
"You like this? Don't lie."
"I'm brutal in my honesty. It's not something I listen to every day but it doesn't make my ears bleed either."
I don't know what she is, but I don't believe she's human. Not completely. And I intend to find out everything.
A/N: Thank-you XxXLIFEafterDEATHXxX for the review and informing me there was a malfunction. I never thought to check it. I'll be sure to do so from now on so this doesn't happen again. I hope you (and everyone) enjoy!
PS. This is also posted on AO3, under MissDawes, "Fey Queen."