Present season. Post FMN. My mind's still jumbled. Though, it's open... Phenomenal job by Jorja, nonetheless :) Keep the faith. Do not own CSI.

Hope

She sat there contemplating what to do on her day off. With a sigh, she brought a hand to her face. Sleep was hard to come by these days, but it was desperately needed. Her co-workers tried telling her that, just not in so many words. Hell, she verbally told herself when getting ready. Though it never crossed her mind to refill the prescription. Her body shook in reaction to the sudden chills that raced down her spine. Weeks had passed since that man pointed a gun at her. Stalked her. Messed with her pills. The name did and always would wrack her core.

Her feet led her to the kitchen where she mindlessly made a cup of tea. In a matter of seconds the aroma was filling her nostrils and she was back to where she started. What to do...With utmost ease, she nestled into the couch cushion and against her nature she closed her eyes.

Nothing. Her mind was clear. There was absolutely nothing to distract her. Only the sound of her breathing. It was like heaven on earth. Until her utopia was shattered by the sound of the doorbell. Her eyes shot open and forgetting she was holding tea, the mug tilted, spilling a little everywhere. "Shit!" she hissed. With no towel around, the next best thing was a tissue. After soaking up what was possible, she threw the soiled tissue on the table and took a slug of the tea. Might as well. The glass barely touched the table when there was pounding on the door. "So much for the angels."

Refusing to hear anymore, she yelled, "I'm coming!" She couldn't wait to open the door just so she could slam it. Was it a peppy Girl Scout or an annoying—

"Catherine?"

By far, the last person who should be ringing her doorbell. There was no call, no text, nothing. Dammit! I never even called her! Probably had to hear it from one of the guys...

"Hey, Sara." The woman looked a bit uncomfortable. Her hands were clasped and her eyes wandered. Anyone who met Catherine Willows knew this was very unlike her. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I would've called, but I kind of did this on a whim. Nick called me—"

Sara enveloped her in a hug. "I'm so sorry, Catherine."

After inviting Catherine in, Sara led her to the couch. Blushing at the sight of the spilt tea, Sara threw a pillow over it. Taking in the sight of her living room, she couldn't help but feel discombobulated. It'd been awhile since any guests came to visit. "I've got a lot to apologize for." Sara sat down and held up a hand in lieu of Catherine's oncoming protest. "I'm sorry my house is such a mess. I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Gil and me."

A deep sadness appeared on the older woman's face. She put a hand to Sara's knee. "Sara, please, you have nothing to be sorry for! We've both been busy. You more so than me with—"

"Basderic." The word was like venom coming off the tongue. Again Sara shuttered. She hadn't meant to come off so cold and harsh.

By this point, Catherine had removed her had from Sara's knee and hesitantly placed it on her hand instead. At first Sara flinched, but accepted the gesture and remained still.

"I am the one who should apologize. You've had a lot to deal with. I was the one who should've kept in better touch. It's been a long time since we've spoken. If anything when you weren't working you were flying off to visit some foreign country. When would you of had the time? I've talked to Greg and Nick. Even DB and Morgan a few times. I've been a horrible friend to you. Especially after Nick let on you and Gil were struggling."

Sara's body tensed. It was one thing to hear herself say those words, but it was another when someone else did. Her eyes had trouble focusing like Cath's did not long ago. Again, taking in what her life had become, she saw how Cath looked at her. Complete sadness and utter pity. Tears were making their way down her cheeks, but she made no effort to wipe them. For so long she played the strong, fearless woman. Defenses had been placed. Next to no one saw her break down. Now that the cards were reversed, she had no choice but to play them. It was time to let go. She didn't care who was watching.

Sara sniffed. Unable to avoid the stare, she eyed Catherine. Her mouth opened but no words came out. Shaking her head, her lip quivered and she covered her face. "Aw, sweetie." Catherine leaned over and squeezed her. "It's ok. You don't have to say anything right now. I completely understand."

"I've never been good at this," she pointed to the space between them, "talking to someone about personal things." By this point, Sara had calmed down. A good cry was needed.

"I'm just here to listen. No judging. You know I've had my fair share of bumps in the road." Catherine's voice was firm, yet loving.

Sara played with the loose string on her shirt. "I really, truly thought I was ok. I briefly spoke to Nick and Greg. Some things were established. It relieved some pressure. I hadn't insinuated anything was wrong up until that point. Strangely enough, it wasn't Greg or Nick that realized something was off. It was DB and Julie." She paused to lick her lips. Catherine nodded her head.

"During some cases I might have let it slip things were rough, but when DB or Finn asked, I brushed it off. I didn't lie necessarily. I just wasn't in the mood to deal with it."

"By dealing with it, it would mean something was wrong and in need of fixing," Catherine suggested.

Sara nodded her head. "Then everything with Taylor and my mom...things got so out of hand so quickly. Before I knew it, gossip spread Gil and I were getting a divorce." Out of habit she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. With enraged eyes, she continued, "Wasn't it enough I was accused of murder? Then my "infidelity" and marriage had to come into play! I mean the nerve." She shrugged her shoulders. "It's over. Since then I've managed. But...we haven't spoken since that last phone call. I just—how can I deal with it if this was for my best interest? He's the one thousands of miles away. He's the one who never visits. Now he's the one to put a stop to things over the phone? Never was he like that. Even before we got together he was still...humane. I just...I don't know anymore. I've put up a front for far too long. I thought I was moving on, apparently not. I still love this man and I'm at a loss for what to do."

A few seconds of silence passed.

Catherine took a breath. "I can't imagine what's going through your mind after everything. The only things I know are what I heard from the guys. But...maybe Gil finally realized what his traveling is doing to you. For years he's been living the dream, while you've only been along for the ride. Like you said, you've been doing the flying back and forth. This whole time he's been situated. He's an intelligent man with a PhD for Christ's sake. I'm sure he saw how it's taken a toll on you. It's definitely put a strain on everything. You can't totally rely on my advice since I'm divorced," Catherine laughed, "but there comes a time when one spouse is doing all the work. Come a certain point, the other spouse gets fed up. I think Gil finally realized he's been hanging back and you deserve a break."

Sara wiped a falling tear.

"I'm not saying this is permanent. It could very well be a break. One thing the man wasn't entirely good at was clarifying what he meant."

"Trust me, I know." Sara chuckled. "Still...it hurts. I can't believe things got this bad."

"I know. I'm sorry, but—not that I'm taking his side, I truly believe Gil's doing what's best for you. You both need some time to yourselves, to calm down, to reevaluate everything. Maybe by then he'll be done traveling the world or you'll be ready to travel with him. Just don't give up hope, ok? You two have gone through far too much and you have way too much love for each other to call it quits."

Nodding her head, Sara agreed. "I think you're right. At least I hope you're right. Who knows where we'll end up, but there's still more to be written. Deep down, a separation is all it'll be, nothing more."

She sighed. It has to be.

I've had this on my mind since after FMN aired. I figured get it down before I forgot. So many stories have been written, but none with Cath (that I've read). I hope this did justice in how I feel about the current situation. Deep down, I think there's more to this GSR "separation."