Moblit liked to take walks in the middle of the night. It wasn't so much that he was a night owl, but rather sometimes he would wake up from his sleep either having to use the bathroom or needing a glass of water and Moblit always found it hard to go back to sleep afterward. So he would walk. Not very far, though. Only around the building and only long enough to tire himself out and make it easier to fall asleep.
Moblit enjoyed the quietness of the barracks at that time of night. There was something about the calmness of the air that he liked. It made him feel alone, but in a way that was comfortable and familiar. It didn't even matter to him that the halls were dimly lit. He was so used to the hallway layout that he could walk through the entire building with his eyes closed if he wanted to. One particular sleepless night, as Moblit wandered the halls, he noticed that Hange's office door was open. It was nearly four in the morning and a low candlelight was spilling out into the hallway. It seemed as if Hange had gone to bed without blowing her lanterns out despite all the times Moblit had warned her that it was a fire hazard. Moblit sighed and made his way over to the office. He was just about to enter, but he stopped short when he saw her.
Hange was sitting at her desk with a book laid out in front of her. This wasn't normally an odd sight except it was late at night and after watching her for a moment, it became obvious that she wasn't even reading the book. She was propping her head up with her hand and her gaze was fixated on a random spot on the page. A few wisps of hair had fallen over her eyes, but she made no motion to remove them.
Hange had been in a weird mood all week. It started off with general grumpiness and visible annoyance. That hadn't bothered Moblit. He had seen her in an irritable mood several times before and while it was unpleasant, her foul attitude usually didn't last very long and Hange always apologized for her behavior after she had calmed down. No, it wasn't the short temper or the frequent sighs of frustration that worried Moblit. It was her behavior later in the week that caused him to look at her with concern.
She was quiet. Usually quiet. While she normally talked his ear off, Hange had barely said anything to him at all the past few days. She also seemed on edge and she would jump at any sudden noise. Several times Moblit had caught her fiddling with her sleeve or her the hem of her jacket which was something Moblit had only seen her do in the rare moments that she was nervous. He had asked her numerous times if she was okay and every time she would give him a small, closed-lipped smile and a quick nod before returning to whatever she was working on. Moblit decided not to push further. Hange was a strong woman and he knew that she could handle whatever was going on. Still, Moblit found it hard to ignore the pang of worry that had settled in his stomach. It was the same feeling he had while watching her now. He wanted to enter the room or say something or even just knock on the door, but his body wouldn't move. He had spoken to Hange plenty of times, but this time felt different.
"What do you need, Moblit?" Her eyes didn't even leave the page. Moblit blinked and reached up to scratch his ear.
"How did you know it was me?"
"Who else would be standing in my doorway at this hour?" She had a point. Moblit entered the room.
"You're up late, Section Commander," he said.
"So are you." She flipped a page in the book, although Moblit guessed that it was pretty much for show at that point.
"Yeah, but I've only been up for about twenty minutes. You look like you never went to bed." Hange shrugged and flipped another page.
"I have work to do," she replied.
"Can't you do it tomorrow?" No answer. Moblit took a step closer to her.
"I can't sleep," she said with a sigh. "I might as well get some things done." She picked up her pen and scribbled something into a notebook.
"What could you possibly be working on that needs to be done right now?"
"Erwin want this report as soon as possible."
Moblit let out a huff of annoyance. It was far too late in the night to be having this argument. "Does he need it within the next hour because otherwise-"
"Why do you even care? Just go back to bed, Moblit," Hange said.
"I'm just trying to help you-"
"I don't need your help!" Hange snapped.
She finally looked up at him and for the first time in days, Moblit realized how exhausted Hange looked. She was pale and her eyes had lost their usual fiery spark and instead were rimmed with dark circles. There was something else in her face too. Desperation? Hurt? Fear? Moblit couldn't quite tell, but it was making him nervous. Hange closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.
"I'm sorry," she finally said. "I didn't mean to yell." Her voice was soft. Much softer than it had been in a while. Moblit took the book from the desk and closed it. He was surprised when Hange didn't protest.
"You should get some sleep," Moblit said. "Come on. I'll walk you to your room."
Hange shook her head. "There's no use. I can't sleep even if I want to. I've barely been able to sleep all week."
"I'll walk you to your room," Moblit said again. He looked her right in the eyes and eventually Hange let out another sigh and got up from her chair. She swayed slightly once she was on her feet and Moblit reached out to steady her.
"Thanks," she mumbled. She rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hand and her cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment.
The walk to Hange's room took much longer than Moblit expected. For one thing, it was on the opposite side of the building from her office. It also didn't help that Hange was practically dragging her feet the whole way there. Moblit was afraid she was going to stumble again, but they made it to her room without a hitch.
"Thank you for walking me here," Hange said. "I'm sorry to trouble you. You can go now." Moblit paused for a moment before shaking his head. Hange raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not about to leave so you can sneak back to your office the minute I'm gone," he said. "I'll leave once I know that you're getting some rest." Hange opened her mouth to say something, but after some consideration, she pressed her lips together and opened her bedroom door. Moblit followed in behind her.
Her room was much tidier than Moblit expected. Her bed was unmade and several articles of clothing were strewn about. She also had a few books spread out on her nightstand, but otherwise, Moblit could still see the floor and that was good enough for him.
"Well, if you insist on staying, you might as well make yourself comfortable." Hange gestured to a wooden chair in the corner of the room. Moblit could sense a hint of annoyance in her voice, but when he searched her face, all he could find was weariness. Moblit removed a sweater from the chair and settled himself down. Hange rummaged through her drawer for what Moblit assumed was a set of night clothes.
"I'll be right back," she said before disappearing into the bathroom. The door shut softly behind her. Moblit realized how bizarre his current situation was. How he was in his superior's bedroom in the middle of the night. He didn't even want to think about the rumors that would spread if anyone found out. This was a mistake. Moblit thought. I should leave. Just as he was about to stand up, Hange exited the bathroom.
She looked different at four in the morning. She was wearing a pair of blue cloth pants and a white shirt that was slightly too big for her frame. Her hair hung loosely around her face instead of her normally messy high ponytail. Moblit watched as she carefully hung her uniform back in the closet. After shutting the closet door, Hange took off her glasses, placed them on the nightstand and then unceremoniously flopped onto her bed. The sight caught Moblit so off guard that he had to hold back a chuckle.
"Are you happy now?" Hange asked. She rolled over to face him. "You can leave. I don't need a babysitter to tuck me in." Her words had a bit of sharpness to them, but Moblit noticed how her voice wavered a bit at the end of her sentence. He didn't move and she didn't press any further. The only sound in the room was the wind outside the window.
"Have a cup of tea with me," Moblit said.
"Huh?" Hange lifted her head from her pillow.
"Sometimes tea helps me when I can't sleep." She pondered the proposition for a moment.
"What kind of tea?"
"It's a special recipe." Another pause.
"Okay," Hange said.
"Alright, I'll be right back," Moblit said. Hange laid her head back down in response.
Since there wasn't a line in the kitchen so early in the morning, it didn't take long for Moblit to make the tea. He decided on chamomile. Before he headed back to Hange's room, he pulled out his flask and added a generous pour of vodka into each mug. He had almost expected for Hange to be asleep by the time he returned, but she was just as awake as when he left.
"Here," Moblit said as he handed her the cup. He watched as she gripped the cup tightly to savor the warmth in her hands. After a moment took a large sip and her face immediately scrunched up. Hange held the beverage in her mouth for a few seconds before she finally decided to choke it down.
"You really like your tea strong, huh?" She said. She braved another sip, only this time she didn't flinch.
"Only after a particularly long day. Or when I'm in the middle of a particularly long night." He took a sip of his own drink. "Seems like you've had a few of those lately." He waited for Hange to respond, but instead, she downed the rest of her teas, set the cup on her nightstand, and then leaned back on her pillow and closed her eyes.
She sat like that for a long while and Moblit just watched her. Hange's eyes were squeezed tight and her lips were pursed into a small frown. Some hair had fallen in her face again, and Moblit fought an urge to reach over and tuck it behind her ear. Her breathing eventually fell into a soft rhythmic pattern and just when Moblit considered tucking her in for the night, Hange spoke.
"I've been having nightmares," she said. She kept her eyes closed as she spoke, but her fingers fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "I don't normally have nightmares...I mean, I haven't had one in years, but this week for some reason it's been every single night. I just...I feel that it's easier to stay awake at this point." She paused for a moment. "It's been a very difficult week. I'm sorry for my recent behavior."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Moblit asked. A tree branch rapped against the window. Hange finally opened her eyes and turned on her side to look at Moblit. Her eyelids were beginning to droop, although Moblit couldn't tell if it was from the lack of sleep or the vodka. Perhaps it was a mixture of both.
"No," she said. Her voice was barely above a whisper. Another long bout of silence.
"You know when I was a kid, I used to have nightmares, too," Moblit said. It surprised him how easily the words came out. It wasn't really something that he shared with anyone before.
"Really?" Hange asked.
"Yeah. I would dream that the Titans broke through the walls and ate everyone I loved," Moblit said. "You know, it was funny because I had never even seen a Titan before, but those dreams used to scare me so much that I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming." He paused for a moment and gave a sheepish smile. "To this day my parents still can't believe I became a Scout." Moblit wished that Hange would at least give him a small chuckle, but she just continued to twist her shirt around her fingers.
"How did you finally stop them?" she finally said. "The bad dreams, I mean."
"My mother would hold me until I fell back asleep," Moblit said. "I guess even when I was sleeping, it was comforting to have someone there with me. Eventually, I started to imagine she was there even when she wasn't and that comfort kept the dreams away."
"I see," Hange said. Moblit stifled a yawn and fought the urge to stretch his limbs. "You should go to bed, Moblit. Honestly, I'll be fine." As much as he wanted to, Moblit couldn't find it in himself to believe her. He couldn't leave her. Not like this. He let out a sigh and stood up from his chair.
"Scoot over," he said.
"What?"
"Move over." He took off his shoes and Hange shifted to the other side of the bed.
This is so weird, Moblit thought as he slid underneath the covers and gathered Hange up in his arms. She stiffened for a moment and Moblit thought that she was going to pull away or ask him to get out. She was well within her rights. Instead, Hange melted into him and rested her head on his chest.
"Don't worry, I'll leave once you fall asleep," Moblit said.
"Okay." The two lay there for a while and Moblit noticed how delicate and warm she felt in his embrace. Hange's hair tickled the bottom of Moblit's chin and he let himself become enveloped in her scent. She smelled like almonds, vodka, and a hint of sweat. He wondered if she could hear his heartbeat. If she could tell that it was picking up in pace.
Before long Moblit noticed that she was trembling. It was very slight, but he could feel her shaking in his arms. "Hange?" He started, but before he could get any more words out, Hange began to cry. It started out with a few heavy sniffles, but before long she was sobbing with such vigor that Moblit feared she was going to be sick. His shirt was becoming soaked with her tears and it clung to his skin, but he didn't care. Moblit stroked her hair and kissed her forehead and tried anything else he could remember his mother doing to calm him down as a child, but Hange was inconsolable. The gnawing feeling in his stomach was back at full force and Moblit couldn't help but wonder what could possibly make such a strong, determined woman so vulnerable and sad.
"I'm sorry!" She choked out. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
"Shh...It's okay," Moblit said. She didn't answer, perhaps because she didn't hear him or maybe because it was too hard for her to get any more words out. They stayed like that for what felt like a very long time. Maybe it was minutes, maybe it was hours. Moblit honestly couldn't tell, but along with his feeling of worry, there was another feeling brewing inside him as he came to a realization.
Hange trusted him. She trusted him enough to tell him about her nightmares and to let him see her cry. She trusted him enough to let him into her bed and hold her tight. She trusted him to bring her comfort when she was feeling dismal and that fact made Moblit feel very warm.
Eventually, Hange stopped crying. It took a while, but finally, her sobs quieted back down to sniffles and then the room was quiet again. Hange didn't say anything and Moblit was glad because he had no idea what to say. So, neither of them said anything and Moblit listened to the wind and the tree branch tapping against the window. He paid attention to the rhythm of Hange's soft breathing against his own body.
"Hange?" Moblit whispered. "Are you asleep?" There was no answer. Moblit smiled a bit and pressed a light kiss onto her forehead. I should go. Moblit thought for the second time that night. I told her that I would leave once she fell asleep. Moblit didn't feel like moving, though. For one thing, he was extremely comfortable. Also, he was beginning to fall asleep himself. And getting out of the bed without waking Hange up would be an extremely difficult task. While Moblit pondered on his dilemma, Hange shifted in his arms and snuggled up closer to him.
"Moblit?" Her voice was thick and groggy with sleep.
"Yes?"
"Don't go," she whispered. "Please?"
"Don't worry," Moblit said. "I'm not going anywhere." To make a point, Moblit tightened his hold on her and Hange let out a soft sigh. The two laid there again, and Moblit counted down the moments until Hange's breathing slowed and she fell into a deep slumber. Moblit didn't even care that he had spent most of the night with Hange. It didn't matter that his leg was starting to go numb underneath the Section Commander's weight, or that he was going to have to be up in a few hours after getting so little sleep. Seeing the serene look on her face as she slept made him feel like it was worth it.
With a small smile, Moblit closed his own eyes and before long the two were engulfed in a deep, dreamless, sleep just as the first rays of sun began to peek through the window.