I walked with heavy feet as I made my way down a corridor and entered the big oak doors. My whole body hummed like it usually does right before our usual late night meetings at the library. As I entered it did not take me long to find that blond head of hair I was searching for. I almost did not need to look; I knew he would be there, waiting, as always. I could not help the smile that came across my face as he spotted me and greeted me.

It was no secret that we met here for what started out as study session for a potions project, but then became regular meetings of a more social manner. Harry and Ron had become busy with Quidittch and their girlfriends, so I found myself digging deeper into my studies and my new friendship with Draco Malfoy. The boys were not happy at first, but it got better over time, when they saw that he did not have some ridiculous plan to humiliate me, which I knew in my gut he could not have. Naturally, I was a bit skeptical of him in the beginning, but that quickly changed, when I saw another side of him.

Without everyone starring at us and whispers following us around we decided to stay in the library, where we had peace and quiet. I saw a new and more mature side of Draco, who did not speak of status, power or with arrogance. After the potions project was finished the meetings did not stop. I suspect that at first it was out of habit, but soon it became necessity, at least for me. Contrary to popular belief I do not know everything and this was especially true when it came to the mind and being of Draco Malfoy. It was like finding a book on an unknown subject and I dived right into it. It fascinated me in such a way that I found myself wanting to know everything there was to know about him.

At first I thought that the sheer fascination was what drove me to spend so much time with him, but after a while I discovered something I never imagined to be true. It was not the knowledge I cared about, it was him and his being alone. My thoughts regarding him changed into something deeper than just mere curiosity. They slowly began to consume me in a way I had never experienced before.

With time, as we got to know each other better and better, my feelings for him grew and on this December evening I reach a breaking point. It was becoming too much, especially when I heard any talk about him and other girls. I knew I had to come clean and tell him as it was eating me up inside, but I feared his response. I wondered if I could handle every response he might have. I thought it over and over again all day and as I finished dinner I decided to just let my body take control for a while, while I continued my train of thought. It was then it dawned on me that I already knew what to do. I realized that I was making my way toward the library to meet Draco, without me really thinking about it and just like my feet had done that on its own (sort of, at least) I decided to just let my heart guide me.

We were sitting at the table across from each other talking and joking as usual and as usual I was smiling the whole time, but it must not have been quite as bright as before, because he noticed. He asked what was wrong and I took a long time to answer. Before he would interrupt I held up my hand without looking at him to signal that I was thinking before answering. He waited.

"Draco, I think, I am in love with you" I said in a rush and turned in my seat to look at anything else but him. It was the point of no return. Once the words were out there they could not be taken back, unless someone had (or was going to) used a Time Turner and we were to be interrupted in a moment. For a second I held my breath hoping that was the case and I would not have to think about this anymore. Nothing happened for a while and it felt like an eternity before I heard his chair being pulled back and his steps coming towards me. When he was in front of me I looked up at him and decided to stand up, before he could bend down to my eye level. In that moment I wished I had never said anything.

I had expected or more hoped that he would do anything else, but what he actually did. This was much worse. I would rather have him laugh in my face and tell me that he would never fall for a muggleborn like me. He could out right tell me that he hated me and that would be better. I could work with that. Even better, if he had shown a sign of pity, it would have shown me that I have had just the smallest of effect on him, but all I got was a blank face with a touch of sadness: Indifference.

He just stood there and looked me straight in the eye. I had no idea what he was thinking and I dared not hope, for the risk of hurting myself further if that hope was not met. Yet, a small part of me must have clung to the smallest amount of hope that ever existed, because it broke my heart in two when I hear his response.

"You're serious, aren't you? Look, I'm going to be straight with you. I don't look at you that way." He says something else, but I do not hear it. I do not need to hear more, because I can feel the tears coming and he cannot see that. From that point on, I just could not let him see me vulnerable again, since he already knew too much of me. Before he could finish the sentence or if he even was finished, I did not notice, I just practically ran from the room.

I slowed down after I ran through a couple of corridors and a flight of stairs, right before I reached the portrait to the Gryffindor Tower. The tears were coming fast, but I kept a hold of myself the best I could, before I could reach a sanctuary. I finally broke down when I was met with an empty common room. I just stood there for a moment, while the tears slowly gathered in the corners of my eyes. Then I slowly walked across the room while dried my face with my sleeve. All my dorm mates were asleep when I got to the dorm, so I just took of my robe, got into bed and pulled the covers over me. That is when I let the tears fall and cried silently in the dark. With each tear I felt my heart break a little more, as I cried myself to sleep.

For years to come I would look back at that time and him and miss it ever so much. I would look back with sorrow in my mind, knowing that I will never be with him, no matter how much I wish and dream it to be.

However, in that moment I told myself that I would get over this. I made myself believe for just a short moment in time that he did not mean that much to me.

It was the biggest lie I ever told myself.

A/N* Please, let me know that you think about the story in a review