A/N: I know it's long, bear with me and read it all please, it holds important information for my collection of one-shots. These are just random one-shots, I'll be uploading chapters sporadically as the muses decide to hit me. I haven't seen season 5 yet (I know shame on me) so don't hold anything against me…besides is fanfiction right?

These will be rated anywhere from K-M and have a mixture of slash, het, and gen.

I'll be sure to put any warnings and pairings on the top of the chapter so you can feel free to skip over the ones you don't want to read. If I do forget at any time, politely let me know, I'm only human. Constructive criticism is welcome, but please be polite about it and please no 'it sucks' that really doesn't help me improve. Thank you.

These one-shots will definitely vary in length from long to drabbles. And each character will probably have at least one chapter, but fair warning I love Max and Steve so don't be surprised if the majority is about them or they make an appearance in one way or another.

This one is based on SakuraGirl25's story The Healing Game (I have her permission). This is one of three prequels I have planned for that story (again I have her permission).

Warnings: hmm…implied slash, possible trigger warning (?) and no beta (some would consider this to need a warning, just trying to cover all my bases)

Pairings: Implied OMC/Max, implied Steve/Max

Characters: Max

Almost forgot, I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or it's characters, just using them ;-)

Max stared at himself in the mirror, he turned sideways, first to his left then to his right. He looked at his face in the mirror and pinched his cheeks a little. Finally he sighed, yeah what would Steve ever see in him?

Steve was as close to human perfection as one could get. Max frowned as he remembered all the names is ex-boyfriend would call him.

"Worthless"

"Fuck toy"

"Stupid"

The list seemed endless. Max sighed, he was perfectly content staying in his own world, just his quirks and piano to keep him company. But then Governor Jameson had to introduce Commander Steve McGarrett to him and try as he might he couldn't get forget his hazel colored eyes, the intense stare he seemed to always have, and as he got to know him, the way his lips would quirk up in a little smile.

He did his best to keep only a professional relationship with, not only Commander McGarrett, but the rest of Five-0 as well. But, like everything the man does, he bulldozed his way through, whether he meant to or not is another story and it seemed between one blink and another he was not only friends with him but all of Five-0 and then some.

He sighed again what happened to his simple life?

On one hand the infatuation he held for Steve wasn't going away, in fact it seemed to be getting worse, especially after he was held by that serial killer; Steve had felt horrible that he wasn't there for him and when he apologized the earnest expression on his usually stoic face melted his heart and upped his infatuation for him just that little bit more. On the other hand he could, as they say, suck it up and tell him to at least get it off his chest, but then…would he be able to handle the rejection?

What if Steve withdrew his friendship…ok so maybe that wasn't right, Steve wasn't a petty person, and he would never back away from someone just because he didn't feel the same towards them. But there may be awkwardness, most likely on his own side.

He tapped a rhythm out on his counter with his fingers as he continued his inner monologue. Why was he even contemplating this, he couldn't do this again not after Marco. That was decided then, he was a man of science and logic, he could do something as simple as burying his emotions. He'd ignore them, push them to the back of his mind and before anyone would know they would go away.

If it took avoiding Steve while he did so, so be it, of course that also meant avoiding the others as well; he could come up with a suitable excuse later and hope that none of the others, especially Steve, called him on it. He nodded his head, this really was the only choice. And yet…God this was a mess he felt feverish and shaky, faint and nauseous, he laughed despondently; he was probably the only person that felt physically ill at the thought of their feelings.

His fingers constantly moved the tap tap tap rhythm speeding up, until finally he leaned over the sink gagging, he could feel the bile trying to make its way out. Tears clouded his vision even though none fell. Marco was right he was pathetic.

And still despite all this torture he was putting himself through he wanted to be held, to be comforted, more so he wanted Steve to be the one to comfort him. He rinsed his mouth out and glanced up looking himself over once more. He shook his head and left the restroom, making his way to his bed; as he lay down looking up at his ceiling his thoughts turned to his previous boyfriend Marco.

Try as he might he just couldn't help but think about him in this situation; Marco never wanted to hold his hand or touch him in public, not unless he was staking his claim because he thought someone else was interested. He never wanted to take him with the light on insisting he was too ugly to been seen in that way.

Max turned to his side curling up in a fetal position. It seemed that Marco treated him like he was more of a nuance that he was barely tolerating than a lover; and even in some instances checked out other people right in front of him. But somehow he never left, he had loved him with his whole being and the more he thought about it, the more he remembered that in the beginning it wasn't bad; maybe he stayed as long as he did because secretly he was hoping that things would go back to how they used to be.

He closed his eyes hoping to calm his thoughts and fall asleep; then in the morning he'd bury himself in whatever case there was. He huffed slightly after a few minutes and no calm mind, his traitorous thoughts making a circle and centering around Steve once more.

Steve could have anyone he wanted, probably only had to point to someone and they'd come to him running. His eyebrows furrowed as another thought passed through his mind, what if he was already taken? Everyone knew of Catherine, but they also knew that it was nothing serious, and in fact while they were still friends, that seemed to be all to it now; but Danny…there was something there, there had to be looking at the way they interacted. So here he was torturing himself over a man that was probably taken.

Well then, it really didn't matter then did it? He shifted slightly and pulled the covers closer to him readying himself, once more, to sleep. And if a tear slipped out, well no one was there to see.