Growing Up
A/N: Written for a First Person, Present Tense challenge from 80X18.
I hope I lived up to the challenge and you enjoy it!
Beta'd by NittyGritty, who really put up with my incessant doubts and was always there for me. Love you girl! You're the best!
Disclaimer: Naruto and all its characters are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. Also, since I am getting this a lot, this story bears somewhat of a resemblance to Junjou Terrorist. So I own nothing.
He texts. That damned idiot sends me text messages all the time professing his love.
Is this guy for real? Where did he get my number? Why is he so obsessed with me, anyway? Is it because I saved his life that one instant by lending him some cash? Or because of the age difference? Let's face it; there are a few sick people in the world who get turned on by things like these. After all, he is only 19 and I am 36!
Kids these days…
What is he to me?
A troublesome kid who keeps harping on about how much he loves me?
No, that is not right. But, it doesn't matter because I clearly do not have the time and the patience to care about such things.
What am I to him?
A man he assumes he is in love with…that juvenile kid.
Does he not think before speaking?
Love with me...a man...a straight man!
Che, I can't believe the notion!
Kids these days...and the worst part of it is that he is the Dean's son, so he will have to stay under MY roof till Fugaku returns.
What have I gotten myself into?
"You are mine." Sasuke declares, once again as we are seated at the dining table as I was reaching for a piece of takoyaki with my chopsticks.
Immediately, I feel the anger resurfacing
Is this guy dense or something?
"You came back all the way from England to tell me that?" I do not want to sound condescending but the words just come out that way.
"Wrong. I came back home permanently because I cannot live without you." He folds his arms against his chest ignoring the food in front of him.
"Well kid, you chose the wrong man."
"No." he shakes his head violently in the negative.
There is just no point arguing with him anymore.
"Whatever. I'm going to bed. Please use the room to the right. Goodnight." I dismiss him. It is the only way I might be able to get the message across that thick skull of this airhead kid.
Apparently not.
A second later the hothead has me backed into a wall and his arms on both sides of my face …trapping me. I can't help but be surprised at the strength he possesses and his guts.
"Naruto," he speaks through gritted teeth as if on edge of his patience, "I love you. Why can't you understand that?"
It does not even take me a second to reverse our positions.
Scare him, now that's what I am going to do. Once he sees how crazy and stupid this is, he will back off.
"What do you want?" I sound downright mad now and irrationally a part of my brain is mad at me for that. I should be patient and build up communication rather than getting all hotheaded and reacting this way.
"You." he does not even sound a tad scared but with my elbow jammed against his Adam's apple, I can feel him slightly trembling and the blush staining his cheeks is rather prominent too.
I bend down and despite every inch of my brain short circuiting and screaming about how wrong this is I kiss him.
The kiss is brutal, dominative and a form of punishment. It gives me immense satisfaction when he begins to squirm against my chest and tries to close his mouth against the onslaught.
I let him go and he falls to the floor. "Now run away." I say as coldly as I can before banging my bedroom door shut. Ensuring to lock it for good measure.
Once inside, immediately I yank off my necktie and flop on the bed. I pull out a cigarette and light it hastily.
I turn to search for my workbag relieved to find it lying on the table, but the relief slowly gives way to dismay when I realize that the reference material I need for tomorrow's lectures is outside in the living room where I know Sasuke is probably present and trust me, facing Sasuke is the last thing on my mind.
I sigh and decide to do them early tomorrow.
Going to work and meeting my assistant literature professor, Sabaku Gaara, who is adorable in his own right, is something I always look forward to.
Despite the fact that he looks homicidal, he is the only one who understands me through and through.
"Good morning Gaara," I greet enthusiastically clinging to his neck like a leech, which is what I always do. He quickly pushes me off, as usual, before snorting in reply.
I head back to my desk and wonder if I should tell Gaara about Sasuke. After about five minutes of mental discussion, I sigh. "Gaara," I begin, "what would you do if a boy was in love with you?" I make an effort and turn to look at him only to see him glaring at me with narrowed eyes.
Oh god! Did I say something wrong?
"What are you trying to imply?" Gaara bites out after a moment.
I swallow my saliva and lick my lips nervously. "I am talking hypothetically. Say there was someone...some boy in love with you...someone younger…you get the picture right?"
He nods and folds his arms across his chest his eyes still narrowed.
"So what would you do? Would you go out with him?" I whisper the last part.
It wasn't like I was interested in Sasuke but I was just curious.
Gaara's expression does not change but his skin seems to have acquired an unhealthy green pallor.
"Are you alright?" I shoot out of my chair immediately when Gaara looks like he might swoon.
He glares at me and in his most lethal voice says, "Why the hell are you asking me this question Naruto?"
Ten minutes later I am convinced that fleeing the staff room that moment was indeed one of my wisest decisions.
Three nights later, Sasuke tries a different method. "May I cook tonight?" his voice is the same like that of a boy trying to appease someone, namely myself; not that I mean to toot my own horn.
"Sure," I say. Cooking was never my forte anyway.
He opens the vegetable compartment of the refrigerator and pulls out a cabbage. Cabbage? From where the hell did it get to my refrigerator anyway?
Ah, never mind.
Behind me, Sasuke chops up the cabbage at a maddening speed. "Vegetable stir-fry will do, right?" he asks once he is done flaunting his prowess with the knife with the horrendous green vegetable.
I make a vague hand gesture and nod as a reply.
He quickly gets to work muttering something that sounds quite like a chant. Unfortunately, a moment later, the acrid smell of burnt vegetable fills the air and I turn back from my notes for the lecture tomorrow to inquire about the smell.
The blush on his face should have been answer enough. However, there is nothing like pouring some salt on a nice, juicy wound. "What happened?" I ask with that smug smirk that I just can't bring myself to lose. It's so amusing to watch Sasuke look mad.
If anything, the blush on the pale face deepens and dark eyes which just couldn't get anymore infuriated suddenly spark electricity.
Hilarious.
I fight the urge to laugh outright and instead turn my head back to my notes when Sasuke merely huffs and dumps the burnt food into the trash.
From the corner of my eye, I watch him yank out another cabbage from the fridge and chop it methodically again. Mentally I prayed that he spare his fingers in the process of cutting vegetables at that speed.
Fifteen minutes later, he lays the food down on the table and much to my chagrin there are three dishes on the table and three of them made of cabbage or have cabbage in some form or the other. At least there is beef in one of them. I sigh in relief.
He sits down opposite me after setting the table. I wanted to help, but he insisted on doing it alone, so I let him.
The food is edible to say in the least. Though it lacks a severe sense of salt and maybe a bit of pepper, but then after adding the said ingredients, I am finally able to choke it down. The vegetable stir-fry is slightly burnt but hey, I am no chef either. So I quietly chow down my meal.
He is on my mind throughout the meal. I won't lie and say that there are only infuriating thoughts about his idiotic declaration of love swirling in my brain. I am more pressed about this guy's future because I know the idiot just came home all of a sudden in the middle of his semester to profess his love for me. And I am sure he has no plans made for the future in regards to his education. "So," I say wiping my mouth with a napkin, "what are your plans for the future?"
He puts down his chopsticks and takes a drink of his juice as if stalling. "I intend to get into Konoha University," he finally answers.
Obviously I should have expected it. Not for the reason that I'm there but for the reason that his father is the Dean.
"Really?" As much as I try, I cannot keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
"Yes I do. And I want to take up literature so that I can be close to you." He sounds like a stubborn child.
"And how do you intend to do that?" I ask politely ignoring the latter part of Sasuke's speech.
"My dad is the Dean of the university," he says coolly.
Fucking asshole.
"Listen dipshit," really I am at the end of the straw here. "Whatever crazy schemes you have about getting in Konoha University for whatever twisted reasons you might possess, get one thing very straight. I am not going to let you attend my lectures if you don't give a damn about literature." I stand up to move towards my room now wishing more than anything to get away from such a fickle person.
Behind me I hear his footsteps. Finally when I am at my door, his hand at my elbow makes me halt to regard him in disgust and anger which are boiling to the brim. Right now if he says one more selfish thing I think I might just-
"I'll work my way into your department Naruto-sensei." For a moment everything freezes. My brain just kind of goes into lockdown in the midst of the heated tirade and all I can do is stare blankly at him. But then I have years on this guy and it is only the experience accumulated from all those years that actually prevents me from gaping in shock.
Did he just say that he was willing to make the effort to study and get accepted into Konoha University and not just take the back door entrance through his father's name?
Well whatever.
"We'll see." I turn around and twist the knob of my bedroom door.
"We're not done yet." Sasuke says halting my movements yet again.
"Now what?" It is hard to stay in your wits around a boy as retarded as this one.
"Good night sensei." He lets go of my sleeve, turns around and rudely, I repeat, rudely dismisses me.
Bastard.
"What? Just like that? No lengthy proclamations of love? No harping on about how this is destiny and being together?" I can't help it. I want to know the workings of that retarded mind.
"Do you want some?" he raises a perfect dark eyebrow.
Damn it! I should have known the little fucker would try to pull a cheap one like that!
"Actually no. I was wondering which angel descended from the heavens to feed some sense into the empty space you have for a brain." Ah! The facade of sarcasm!
Judging from the change of a completely composed expression to a stormy one in the matter of milliseconds, I seem to have hit my mark.
"Shut up." His voice is low with a dangerous edge to it. Like I'm scared.
I turn around to walk into my bedroom. Once again he catches hold of my elbow and twirls me around. He practically yanks me in his direction. Naturally, taken by surprise I lose my footing and off we go toppling with me on him.
Oh, the irony of the situation! It was just the kind of scene I was hoping to avoid.
Once we regain our breathing which had left us that air-borne moment in a whoosh, I begin to untangle my hands from his only to have his grip tighten on my arm. He has a strong grip for a boy his age and he is not even finely built! Not that I was ogling or anything.
"Naruto," he whispers my name in a low husky tone. Fuck! Why the hell has my heart started to beat so loud and why the fuck is my mouth dry?
I try to push him away to clear the sudden haze in my head. I'm a 36-year old man for crying out loud! There is no way a hormonal teenager's voice can do that to me! His grip only tightens till he's drawing his face closer to mine.
This time as much as I try, I can't be brutal. . The kiss is a gentle affair. Despite his age, he is good at kissing. It's not long before I find my control slipping and my resolve dwindling.
He appears to have guessed it too for he chooses that moment to wiggle his hips. "Sleep with me," he says in a throaty whisper.
At once sanity returns. I lean back and grant him my most condescending look. "Do you know how that happens kid?" I know he knows what I'm talking about. Now I just want to know how he'll play it.
He has the audacity to not even pretend to be dumb. "I've done it before. I know how it's done."
What? It's difficult to keep my irrational anger in check as I practically haul him up by his arm and drag him to my room. A part of my brain is arguing and demanding an explanation for the anger and this behavior but the other part, the angry part wants to show this guy his limits.
I know what I'm about to is wrong in many ways but I'm past caring. I push him to the bed where he practically falls and before he can set himself right I'm upon him. It takes a tiny amount of energy to rip that shirt to shreds with the buttons flying everywhere and just as I pause a second to regain some of my breathing I see it.
There's a tiny shred of panic racing in those dark eyes. Sasuke looks scared or unsure. Just as I thought. Done it before, my ass!
I grab the remnants of his collar and push him up against the headboard. And then I turn around and walk out fishing in my pockets for my cigarettes. Lord knows how bad I need them this moment.
Once outside the room, I quickly grab my office bag and dump in all my books inside. Sleeping somewhere else tonight will be the best option. I nod to myself and walk out of the apartment partially to cool my head and also to organize my thoughts.
Somehow by some mysterious powers of the universe, my feet drag me to the University and I decide the staff room of the Literature Department which has housed me for many late working nights might just be the perfect place than disturbing my friends.
Sighing to myself at the mess I've gotten myself into. I walk towards the staff room and sit down on the couch. Using my bag as a makeshift pillow and my coat as a blanket isn't all that bad and after a moment I realize I could get used to it. Lying there on a couch that's too small for me, I do not know how long I invest in thinking about this situation but it's not long before I find myself losing consciousness...
It's a low noise, sort of like someone is humming something that wakes me up. Waking up and gazing deeply into Sabaku's aquamarine eyes isn't exactly one of my favorite moments and for the fraction of a second (the extremely disoriented second where I was still sleeping) I jump back and yelp in shock.
The blandness of those eyes is frightening.
"What...what the hell?" Sometimes the worst that can happen to you is your voice deserting you or worse coming out as a shaky squeak. In my case, I still stay firm on the opinion that that pitiful excuse for a voice that emerged from my throat was because of my sleep filled brain and not because I was frightened.
"Classes are about to start...sensei." Gaara trails off uncertainly and a moment later he smirks.
What the...?
In all my three years of knowing and working with Gaara, not once have I seen him associate himself with display of emotions that are positive in nature. I mean he's either sulking or frowning or glaring at his hapless students, but smiling, no! The shock comes naturally.
"You just smirked!" I yelp because really, it is frightening.
"So?" a non-existent eyebrow goes up. How he does that without eyebrows is completely beyond me.
"It's scary you creep, get away!" Unconsciously I slide back and ultimately fall off the sofa.
He smirks again and finally leaves me alone.
Rummaging in my bag for a spare toothbrush proves more valuable when my hands end up finding the lighter and the search turns into a hasty one for cigarettes. At least they will help me clear my head a little! I light one and immediately my mind begins to refresh itself.
A minute and a couple of cigarettes later, I'm looking for my cell phone and cursing my memory for having forgotten where I'd put it in the first place. Quite honestly, age is getting to me…
There is a moment of relief when I finally locate the orange device in my jacket pocket and at once hope begins blooming in my chest like a pathetically stubborn flower. The worst part is I don't even know what I'm hoping for!
I open the flap and a sudden chill of disappointment dances through my body. Sometimes you mindlessly think of something only to realize after sometime that you're thinking of someone you'd hoped you wouldn't think of…ever. With me it is a natural occurrence. Often I find my thoughts wandering into directions I usually do not like. It's like my heart will have formed the words even before my mind can process them, and so thinking about the train of thought is quite amusing.
However, when the string of words namely, "Sasuke hasn't even sent me a text message" gets processed by my brain, it can be easily said that I took myself my surprise.
Maybe I'm not prepared…
I'm not prepared for what? Is it the variety of emotions blooming in my chest that scare me? Is it the fact that I'm thinking about last night more than I should? What is it?
Whatever this is, it's ridiculous! I shake my head to clear it off the confusing cobwebs, the absurd notions and the boy who is the root cause of this entire mind fuck. I must get a grip on my emotions before they have me thinking pink.
Thinking pink? Now where the hell did that come from?
He hasn't called. He hasn't even sent me a single text message! That pretty boy hasn't even dropped a note on my doorstep or the coffee table! So much for being hospitable! I come home that evening to discover that Sasuke had left. I mean literally left, as in packed his bags and went home.
The pang of loss lasts only the fraction of a second before I file it away as a reason for having no one in the house to do the cooking. Despite all the cabbage in the food at least it was edible. Eating ramen at this age can even clog my arteries and it does tend to cause indigestion from time-to-time.
Sighing, I put down my bag and get to work.
There is a certain attraction in silence. When you work in the kitchen or complete your chores with no other voice save for that in your head, you really can organize and polish your thoughts.
So sitting in my living room with a reference book on the Edo period opened and my hand poised over my notebook where I was taking notes not a moment ago, I've come to realize a few things, mainly about Sasuke.
I've come to realize that no matter how naïve, the boy was serious about me (which really is a tragic thing in itself) but he was serious. Maybe it was the fright I saw in his eyes that compels me to form this opinion, or the constant nagging and the text messages, or the fact that I might have hit my head somewhere, but the truth of the matter is, Sasuke was (maybe still is) in love with me.
And this sucks. This sucks so bad that the guilt I feel over the way I treated him is overwhelming.
I put down my pen sighing and light up a fresh cigarette. What the hell! Hadn't I told him that I was not into men? That I had absolutely no interest in him? Hadn't I ridiculed him enough to make him want to run to his mother with his tail between his legs? It doesn't take me too long to start pacing across the apartment like a caged bear.
Why me you idiot? Why me?
He really has a bad taste for having selected me. And now because he is stupid enough to do the idiotic thing that he did makes sense to forget about him and get on with the way things were.
Even if my means were immoral, at least he learnt his lesson and now he won't pester me again. I nod to myself approvingly when this makes sense. At least now I can sleep in peace after having cleared my mind of these thoughts.
Stupid kids and their stupid declarations of love! Honestly they have no clue as to what they're saying! Against my better judgment, I huff in annoyance and head towards the shower.
Distractingly, I stare at the tiny clock on my desk and take another drag of my cigarette. Three o' clock in the morning, it reads. Oh god! What have I come to?
It's been three weeks since Sasuke moved out. Three of the most tiring and distracting weeks of my life! And here I was thinking he was gone for good!
Truth be told, he hasn't left my mind even once these past twenty-one days! I wake up and think about him, go to the university wondering about how he is doing, teach my students while making a mental list of the pros and cons of my actions towards Sasuke, eat my meals worrying about him and every time my phone rings, I open it quickly hoping it's him.
What kind of an emotional sappy goop have I been reduced to?
"Don't smoke so much." Behind me Gaara is working on a paper for his class. Honestly, the damned man is pulling an all-nighter for preparing exam-papers. Tyrant I tell you. This man is a tyrant in the disguise of a man!
"Huh?" I look up from the newspaper and glance at Gaara.
"You're smoking a lot these days," he points at the cigarette in my hand and turns back to his laptop, those green eyes dull as ever.
"Ah," I say when I have finally pulled my wits about me and registered what he's saying. I push my chair back and put out the cigarette in the ashtray. Quietly I come and stand behind Gaara and watch for a few seconds as he types his paper maniacally. A quick study of the questions he's setting makes me smile almost involuntarily. Gaara's prowess with difficult exam papers is legendary.
Suddenly on impulse I bend down and embrace Gaara from behind. Don't get me wrong. This isn't a lover's embrace or anything. It's just to check whether it is really Sasuke or just human contact that I've been missing on.
Instantly Gaara freezes and I sigh. Ah! I should have remembered Gaara and his inability to adapt to human emotions and gestures. "What exactly are you doing, Professor?"
"What do you think I'm doing?" my voice comes all muffled since my face is practically plastered to his shoulder as I wait for his heat to envelope me.
Gaara shrugs me off before the heat can come near me. "Quit it professor Uzumaki." He stands up to move towards the door. "Get some sleep; you have your first class in less than five hours." With that he's gone.
Tomorrow…I promise myself; tomorrow I will call Fugaku-san and ask him about Sasuke.
"You have a class in less than ten seconds professor." Gaara's voice breaks through the hazy sphere of dreams and I wake up in panic.
Oh shit! I frown to myself as I race towards my desk and hastily pile up papers and my notes for this lecture.
As a general rule, I like to consider myself as a man of punctuality and hence not being ready for a class comes new to me.
Just as I'm about to leave, I glance at Gaara from the corner of my eye and I could swear I saw him laughing.
Throughout the lecture my thoughts keep dancing in circles as I try to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. What is it that Sasuke has done which causes me so much of distress? And most importantly, why am I thinking about him so much?
This sucks so badly. Just as I sit down to light a cigarette in the staff room after my lecture, my desk phone rings. Hope flairs up again like an inexhaustible forest fire and I pick up the phone.
"He-hello?" Why the hell is my voice shaking?
There's a moment's pause, it is this pause that makes my chest tighten with nervous anticipation. Speak Sasuke speak…
"Ah, Naruto-kun?" It is Uchiha Fugaku. Damn.
"Yes sensei," trying to keep my voice light is kind of difficult. But more difficult than that is the attempt to fathom the reason for the heaviness in my heart over the fact that it is not Sasuke who called.
Fugaku begins to talk about the upcoming entrance university exams and how to go about the examination procedure. Sometime later I recall that I'd promised myself to call Fugaku-san. Good thing he called. The talk about the entrance examination procedure lasted for exactly seventeen minutes and twenty-six seconds. When Fugaku is finally done explaining all the legalities and additions to the courses, I'm holding onto the last shreds of my patience, but I try to push it on longer so I can prolong the time when I'd have to ask him about Sasuke.
Finally, he says, "Anything else Naruto-kun?" and I know it is time.
Taking a deep breath I begin, "Sensei, how is Sasuke doing?" It seems like the safest opening lest he doubt my intentions.
"Sasuke? What about him?" Fugaku sounds confused and that makes me frown.
"No-nothing. I was just worried if he was settling in nicely in Japan or not. The English climate is a little different than Japan, right? So I was a little apprehensive." I am babbling and I'm sure Fugaku will find out.
Fugaku stays quiet for the longest moment in my life and then he sighs. Sighs? What the hell? After another moment's pause he says, "I do not know what's with him."
Huh?
"He stays cooped up in his room doing God-knows-what and he refuses to come out." Fugaku sounds tired which is a little out of character for him from the ten years that I've known him; he has always been a man in control of his emotions. I'm so shocked that I literally have to clear my throat to find my voice again.
"I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to intrude or anything." I quickly back peddle.
"Did something happen between you two?" Fugaku asks in what I can only assume to be a worried voice since it sounds like the man is choking.
"Er, no sir, nothing." My answer is too quick but I think Fugaku's distress over Sasuke makes him overlook it.
"I'm glad." Fugaku takes a deep breath, which creates static along the line. "Fine then, I have to go now."
"Thank you, Uchiha-san." I hang up with my mind filled with confusion.
Should I call Sasuke and find out what is wrong?
I've tried calling him like a million times. I press the numbers on my keypad which I have learnt by heart by now, hit the green button but just before the first ring I end up pressing the red button because I have no clue about what to say to him.
Words fail me. It's tragic for someone who plays with words all the time, who manipulates them and marvels at them. These past three weeks have been nothing but a series of endless distractions. All I can think of is how much I want to talk to him…just once…just so I can figure out what's wrong with the perfect equation of my life…why I can't just can't get him out of my mind.
Sighing I pick up my keys and my cigarettes thinking a drive might do me some good. Besides, this was my last pack of cigarettes…
I see him. I see him as I stop at a red light. He's seated in a fancy red car parked right next to my aged silver car. He has sunglasses on and the music up. Rap music, something I hate. I turn to him and wave but apparently he doesn't notice me. Either that or he's ignoring me.
Why this sudden urge to talk to him?
Last time I saw him I detested him. He is exactly the type of person I was at one point of time, using people for his selfish reasons and discarding them once that reason was fulfilled. He's pushy, naïve and bossy. He doesn't think before speaking and can be completely boisterous. All in all, he's a kid and I hate kids.
Yet today when I see him I want to honk the horn so badly just so that he hears it and turn to look at me.
Forcefully I steer my thoughts away. Weaving spirals off one person is never going to get me anywhere, besides there are more pressing matters. Like the upcoming entrance exams. I wonder if Sasuke is enrolling…
Ugh, get a hold of yourself, will you? I slap my cheek and hit acceleration as the lights turn green. But once I've overtaken Sasuke, my eyes follow him in the rear-view mirror thinking…praying…that he sees my car and recognizes it and just for a moment thinks of me.
Sometimes no matter how hard you grit your teeth, the frustration just won't go away. I need to get out of here before my thoughts become the death of me.
"I made it!" Sasuke's ever confident voice spiked with just an infinitesimal amount of happiness and pride catches me so off-guard that I think my heart might just explode with the plethora of emotions.
How long has it been? How long has it been since I heard that voice? How much have I yearned to hear it again and again?
I want him to speak my name…just say it…hurry up…say it like he always does…when it sounds so nice just because he's said it…so likeable…so perfect! Say it…just say it.
He doesn't say it but he comes close enough to it. So close that I know it's sitting there on the tip of his tongue just waiting to be voiced and he even blows wind on the first syllable.
"Na-sensei?" he pauses to correct himself making the yearning to hear it almost insane. My heart feels like someone wound it up with a key and it is now unwinding itself to the tune of my nervous anticipation.
My palms are sweaty, my throat is itchy. The urge to clear it is almost inhumane. "Sa-Sasuke," my voice comes out like a croak and unsure, much to my chagrin and I pray that Sasuke does not notice it. This time I clear my throat and try again wishing that my voice comes out nonchalant. "That's wonderful news Sasuke! I hope you will do well in my classes because you know if you slack off I'll fail you." I laugh at my own joke and then wince at how hollow it sounds.
What am I doing? What the hell am I doing? Why am I chattering like a love struck teenager? Why can't I shut up? I cover my mouth to prevent it from spewing out any more gibberish and making a bigger fool out of myself.
"Thank you, sensei. That is very kind of you." His voice sounds clipped and collected now. It gets harder and harder to fight down the pounding of my chest wherein panic now begins to blossom.
We're running out of things to say to each other and that is extremely bad. I do not want Sasuke to hang up on me. I want him to talk to me.
"I have to go now." Sasuke sounds nonchalant.
"Wait!" I say before I can stop myself.
What should I say to prolong the conversation? Should I ask him where he has been all this time? Should I ask him if he's adjusting well in Japan? Will that make me sound too desperate to talk to him? Will it make him think that I missed him? I don't know what to do. The tandem in my head is killing me.
"Yes?" Sasuke sounds a little annoyed for some reason, which makes me feel all the more pathetic.
"You see...I…uh…" I fumble for words not even sure what I was about to say. This is bad. What am I getting myself into?
"Yes…?" Is that …Does Sasuke's voice sound hopeful? I run a distracted hand through my hair. This is great! Just great! Now I'm hearing things!
"Nothing." I'm so proud of my voice that I could cry!
"Later sensei." Sasuke hangs up and the weight on my chest grows just a little more. There was so much
I wanted to hear, those words which hung in the air dying to be spoken between us…I wanted him to tell me he still felt the same…so that I could tell him that I…that I…
That I what?
Love…the word flits innocently into my brain.
Is this love? Am I in love?
Revelations are difficult to deal with. Sometimes they just bang you on the head and leave you heaving. No! That's not right. I can't possibly in love with such a snob now, can I? Of course I can't! The absurdity of the notion! I'm a thirty-six-year-old man for crying out loud!
I just…miss him...miss his presence. Yes. That's right. I miss his presence. Nothing more, nothing less!
With that I am able to satisfy the air-brained notion in my head. But how long I was going to be able to live behind the flimsy lie of "missing his presence" I wasn't really sure.
The new students are surprisingly a serious lot. There are a few from the noble clans like Hyuuga Neji and his cousin Hinata who although seemed timid and shy is surprisingly smart. Then there is Kiba from the Inuzuka clan who looks like he hadn't bathed in ages but knows a lot about history and literature. A few from the rich families like that blond haired girl Ino and that spiky haired boy Shikamaru who albeit is lazy, is a genius in his own right. And of course, there is Sasuke.
Sasuke who sits right in front of my desk in class and stares at me like there is not going to be a tomorrow. He always sits with his elbows on the desk and his face cradled in between his palms. Sasuke who spends all his free time seated under the window of my staff room, gazing stubbornly upwards at the window because he's sure I will be watching him from the inside. Sasuke, who does his damndest to stay on top of the class, just so that I have no reason to throw him out.
Oh, how wonderful it feels to see him here all to my heart's desire!
We spoke on the first day of class and I can still recall every moment of it like it happened just yesterday…
We bumped into each other. Okay, it was my fault that we did, but really, couldn't he see me and get out of my way? I mean I was busy searching for my notebook in my bag so he couldn't he step out of the way?
No, scratch that! It was a good thing he did.
Why? Why did I just think that? Is it because I've worried myself sick thinking of him for so long?
No, that's not right. The reason if I'm being honest to myself is that I've longed to hear those declarations of love. I've longed to see those little efforts Sasuke made in his cooking just so that I could love him. See him because I know it's the only way my heart will be satisfied.
My heart…my stupid silly heart which has pined for him from the moment he left…my heart which literally stops every time I see him…my heart which knows it now belongs to Sasuke…which loves Sasuke…
Wait…what? Could this be…is this…am I…in love?
Good Lord no! But it's too late to go back into safer waters now! I am in love! And that too, "in love" with a stubborn and bossy nineteen-year-old brat called Uchiha Sasuke!
This has to be the most difficult truth of my life!
Instantly my heart took on this new tempo and I could feel my palms getting sweaty. Stop beating so hard dammit! What if Sasuke hears you?
As for Sasuke, he was doing his best to avoid my eyes by looking at the floor with so much of concentration and fascination that it was almost unnerving. Almost.
The moment we look at each other the awkwardness grows and he turns his face the other side. "Good morning," I say for want of something better to say and I think I hear the mumbled greeting from his end too.
"Can we talk somewhere private?" Sasuke asks me a moment later making me forget my notes instantly and instead focus on the young man in front of me.
"Sure." I take the lead and lead him to the bench under the literature staff room, the very same bench where he now spends all his free time either staring stupidly up or immersed in his course books.
We sit down and as risky as that may be with Sasuke's irrational and risqué tendencies, we talk. Of course, like stupid love-struck birds it begins with small talk because my pea-sized brain just cannot come up with the appropriate words to express my happiness over seeing him in the flesh.
He however, gets down to business. "Now I can officially see you."
"Huh?" I swear it slipped out before I could stop myself.
"I proved my worth and got in. Isn't that what you wanted of me?" Sasuke asks staring at the floor with a slight blush coloring his cheeks.
"Oh you did, yes. Congratulations for that." It is the only thing my stupid brain can come up with.
"So now you can fall in love with me, right?" Sasuke asks looking at me with that worshipping look he gets in his eyes every time he sees me.
What?
"You kept your distance and stayed locked up in your room just so that you could prepare for the entrance examination?" Really, this boy has a way of shocking me every time we meet!
Sasuke looks like he's fighting the urge to roll his eyes. "What else?" He says after a moment like it's the most obvious thing in the world and he can't believe I'm thick or something.
"So you still haven't given up your absurd notion of wooing me?" That shriveled up flower of hope blossoms with profound happiness in my chest as if meeting sunlight after an eternity.
"Of course not!" Sasuke scoffs at me and continues, "I love you Naruto, and there is no way in hell I'm going to give you up!"
Is this happening for real? Somebody pinch me please!
"Why the hell were you talking to me so formally when you called to tell me you got in?" I ask because that in my opinion is a more pressing matter.
"Oh that!" Sasuke looks away a little hesitantly. "That was because I was a little nervous as to how you'd react to my call." He stands up and puts his hands in his pockets. "Anyway, Naruto will you fall in love with me now?" he asks.
Naïve…too naïve…
"Idiot," I say standing up as well. Mindlessly I pat him on the head. Can't he see already? "Can't you see that I am crazy about you?"
I smile at him and wish he could smile back.
His mouth opens in shock and he stares at me with the most beautiful expression I could have ever witnessed on a person's face. And then he does something so out of character that I think I might never live it down. He begins crying in the most childish manner I have ever seen an adult cry.
He really is…a kid.
But then, he is a kid I'm madly in love with…aren't I?
The End