Anguish engulfs Deidara, the dissonance in his heavy heart is nearly palpable in the deadly silent, sterile room. Sasori's auburn hair stands out in the white room, resting on the pillow like a strawberry in the snow. He looks peaceful, with that almost permanent smirk upon his face, even now. Deidara can't stand it.
"C'mon Sasori," he whispers. He would give anything to look into those hazel eyes again. It's already been a week, and the doctors don't know how much longer it will be until he wakes. It could be hours, days, weeks, years…a coma is unpredictable.
Images of that night swim back to Deidara, tormenting him in this waking nightmare.
He recalls every detail perfectly, which seems miraculous considering how drunk he was that night. Two became one – the cacophony of a car crash – his steering wheel had slipped from his control, and he was too far gone to fix the situation.
He was spinning off in to space alone – at least, that's what it seemed – the blue car hazy in front of him as he spun through the night, until finally – the two cars smashed together, a cacophony of tumultuous sound echoed through the dark night.
Steel and blood – the bourbon was on the pavement, the shattered bottle in the front seat. It took a second for him to recall that Sasori was there too, in the passenger seat. Adrenaline coursed instantly through Deidara's being at that point – he rushed to see if Sasori was okay.
He was laying on the pavement like a porcelain doll out of a horror film – delicate and beautiful despite all the blood. Deidara ran to him and held his head firmly in his hands. "Your eyes! Keep on looking into mine!" Deidara called. His voice was raspy and his throat was dry, but it didn't matter. He could live through the pain. He kept ordering Sasori to stay connected – he told him, "Don't move, don't speak. Everything's gonna be fine!" It was his mantra, that he repeated over and over again, until he almost started to believe it himself.
But deep down, he knew the truth. Sasori was slipping away. His eyes were glazy and unfocused, he couldn't keep them connected with Deidara's for more than a few fleeting seconds.
And yet, all Deidara could say was, "everything's gonna be fine."
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that there were people in the blue car too, surely, who would also be hurt. Maybe they were dead. At the time, he had no idea. The only thing that mattered was Sasori.
Steel and blood.
It was everywhere.
"Come on baby, don't slip away!" Deidara had yelled, gasping for air himself. Sasori was immobile in his arms, his eyes were slowly closing, and Deidara could do nothing but watch in horror.
At that moment, he remembered hearing another voice, an unfamiliar, distant one, "he's bleeding out call an ambulance!"
Deidara's shaking hands were soaked in red.
And then, it was over with the silence.
Deidara's memory faded after that point – according to a nurse, he had passed out from shock. The worst part, was that Deidara only suffered a few broken ribs and a minor concussion. The lone driver of the blue car was mostly alright, Deidara had slammed into the passenger side of her car, so she was nearly unscathed.
But Sasori – he endured most of the damage. Several broken bones, fractures, bruises, and stitches in several locations on his head – and the coma. Sasori has been in a coma now for a week since the accident.
And it's all Deidara's fault.
Hot, angry tears drip forth and soak the blankets of Sasori's bed. Deidara hates himself. How could he let this happen? He and Sasori went out that night for a few drinks, and the two of them went a little overboard with the liquor. Sasori had suggested calling someone to pick them up, but Deidara insisted on driving. He said it would be fine. It was only a 10 minute drive home.
Who knew so much wrong could happen in that short amount of time?
Deidara's hands are shaking, they never ceased shaking from that horrible event. He looks at them, seeing flashes of red from the haunting illusions of that night. He blinks and tries to look again, but his vision is blurry from the tears. He wipes the tears away, and grabs Sasori's hand, trying to calm his shaking.
The nurse told him that sometimes, a loved one can reach a person under a coma by talking to them. Since Deidara was released from his hospital bed four days ago, he's been by Sasori's side. He keeps telling him the same thing, over and over.
"I'll be by your bedside, when you come to. Please come back to me. I'm so sorry un. Please come back to me," Deidara chokes the words out.
He wishes he was the one in the coma, not Sasori. How is this fair?
This is the worst form of punishment imaginable. He would give his life for Sasori if he could.
But it doesn't work that way. In life, you get one chance, one small window, to live a happy life with the person you love. Deidara and Sasori have been together for 5 years now, and in that time, Deidara experienced the happiest years and fondest memories of his life. He made one mistake – a mistake the size of a bottle of bourbon. And it has cost him dearly – all those years of happy, fulfilling love, ended at the drop of a hat.
There's a faint glimmer of hope, one that Deidara holds onto with all his heart. When, or rather, if Sasori wakes up, Deidara understands what will happen next. Their relationship will surely end, for who could ever forgive him for such an act? Deidara will never forgive himself. But he can still have hope.
Hope for a brighter, better future for Sasori.
If only he wakes.
"I'll be by your bedside," Deidara says, squeezing Sasori's hand, "come to me."