A/N: Hello!
This fic is set between 6x01 and 6x03 and is my version of Killian finding out about Emma's visions - I didn't like how Killian reacted in the episode; it wasn't like Killian at all in my opinion. I think that he would have been a bit more supportive considering he has just found out that his true love is seeing her death. He would not have just stood there and practically shunned her and be off with her. So, this is my version of it all without the Evil Queen getting in the way and a certain pirate acting in the way I would have thought he would!
Please enjoy and review!
Emma wakes with a sharp gasp, the vision tormenting her; even in sleep. She can still feel the cold, foreign and debilitating agony that the stab of the sword inflicts at the end of each vision - and has done for the past few hours, days... She isn't really sure. Her eyes squeeze shut as she focuses on something, anything, compared to the pain that is there; but isn't.
The pain partially fades now so it no longer feels as if it is burning like she is on fire but Emma panics when flashes of the vision surface and her body, especially her right hand, instinctively begins to strongly tremble as if she can fight it off. As the flashes become clearer and the trembling increases, Emma is unaware of the pirate stirring beside her.
"Emma?" Killian mumbles, opening his eyes. They blow wide and he quickly sits up when he realises that Emma's eyes are screwed shut, her body still shaking and her hand uncontrollably trembling on her stomach. He places his hand over hers to hold it but her eyes suddenly open and she clambers out of the bed, legs catching on the covers as she does so meaning that she almost trips over.
Killian begins to move towards her but Emma raises her hand to stop him. This hand, however, continues to shake so she drops it; her other hand gripping her wrist tightly in the hopes that it will assist in controlling it.
"Please, don't." she whispers, stepping backwards until her back hits the wall.
"Emma, what is it?" Killian asks, kneeling on Emma's side of the bed, wanting to reach out to her. Emma just shakes her head, her eyes fixed on her still trembling hand. "Emma?"
The moment her name tumbles from his lips, Emma slides down the wall, knees coming up to her chest. Killian quickly gets off of the bed and kneels a few paces from her, giving her some of the space she is asking for but ensuring he is close to her.
"Something is going on, Emma." he starts, his voice soft to attempt to draw her out and talk to him. "You know that you can tell me absolutely anything; you don't have to withhold it."
Emma does not acknowledge Killian, her vision taking over again. He notices the faraway look in Emma's eyes, her breathing increasing speed and the tremors in her hand growing worse. He moves closer and places his hand on her knee, his thumb running over the fabric of her cotton pyjama bottoms. A few seconds later, she jolts, returning to the room. Her left hand goes across her stomach until her arm is wrapped around her; the pain once again full force.
"You can tell me what is bothering you. You have obviously told the cricket - what is the harm in telling me?" Killian asks, squeezing Emma's knee.
"I... I..." Emma stammers before shaking her head, retreating back.
Killian drops his head, sighing heavily and looking back up at Emma, a determined glint in his eyes. She meekly meets his gaze upon hearing his sigh.
"You asked me to move in here with you, Emma. That proves to me that you trust me, that you are strong; that you love me." A small smiles appears on Emma's lips and Killian grabs her still trembling hand. "Let me in now, love. Let me help you."
Emma averts her eyes from his, instead focusing on their entwined hands.
"It's nothing." Emma says after a few moments.
Killian does not require Emma's super power to know that she is lying.
"Emma... please." Killian begs, squeezing Emma's hand. "It is killing me to know that you are suffering, sweetheart. You are not alone any longer, you don't have to bottle it away anymore; you have me here now."
Emma bows her head, bringing their joined hands up and resting her forehead against them.
"I want to tell you." Emma mumbles, hiding her face. Killian leans forward.
"Then tell me," he says, keeping his voice soft since he knows he is so close to Emma telling him. "you do not have to be scared. I love you, no matter what is going on; I have said that many times and it remains true."
Emma tentatively raises her head. "Do you mean that?"
Killian raises her hand to his lips and presses a kiss on her knuckles.
"Aye, love." he replies with a small smile.
Emma is quiet for a moment before taking in a deep breath and looking Killian in the eye. "I'll tell you but please don't be angry at me for not saying anything."
Killian remains silent, urging her to continue. Emma avoids his gaze, glancing around the room before looking down at his necklace which rests against his bare chest.
"I've been having visions of... what I think is my future." she starts. Killian remains calm, his thumb running soothing circles on the back of her hand. "I've been shaking..."
"So, the shaking hasn't just been stress?" Killian asks, wanting to confirm that lie.
Emma shakes her head. "No."
"It's alright, Emma." he assures, moving slightly closer. "What about the visions?"
Emma takes in another deep breath. "In the vision," she says, her voice dropping to just above a whisper. Her eyes raise then to make contact with his and he is shocked to see such pain and torment in her eyes. "I die."
Tears fill her eyes as Killian's grip goes slack. He shifts away slightly, dread gripping his head before it plummets down to his feet.
"According to Hyde," Emma continues, her voice trembling. "all Saviours die. I didn't want to say anything because now that I have, everything will change."
Killian remains silent, battling his raging emotions. He is hurt that Emma didn't trust him enough to tell him about these visions of her death before now - and only because he somehow managed to convince her to do so. The hurt then turns into anger; anger that they don't get a moment to live, to just love each other like a normal couple; curses, different realms - heck even the bloody Underworld - separating them constantly. But that anger then dissolves as panic and deep worry for Emma sets in - how soon will this vision come to pass? He has now seen how it has been affecting her; what exactly has she been seeing?
"Killian?"
He retreats from his head to see his love, tears streaming down her cheeks and her hand squeezing his impossibly tight.
"You are not going to die any time soon, Emma." Killian says, his voice firm. "I will do whatever I can to save you. We have lost each other too many times for me to accept that I will lose you again."
Tears fall faster and a sob escapes Emma's mouth. Killian quickly changes their positions, his back now against the wall with Emma curled up in his lap. He holds her tight in his arms as she sobs into his shoulder.
"Whilst it hurts that you didn't tell me, it hurts more to know that you have been dealing with this alone." he says, his voice a low mumble.
Emma sniffs before raising her head. Killian wipes away her tears.
"I thought you would be angry with me and that everything would change."
"Why would I be angry? What would change?" Killian asks, surprised by her words.
"I should have trusted you and told you, but I didn't. I didn't want to because, for once, we could focus on just being together and loving each other without something hanging over our heads. But, that has changed now."
"I still love you with everything I am, Emma. We are true love; that can beat anything."
Emma shakes her head, standing from Killian's lap and standing beside the bed. Killian remains still for a moment.
"True love cannot overcome my fate!" Emma says, her right hand beginning to shake uncontrollably once more.
Killian swiftly jumps up and holds Emma from behind, gripping her shaking hand in his. However, it doesn't stop the vision so Killian makes sure to keep embracing her, offering comfort.
She fights against the hooded figure, her limbs burning with exhaustion as they overpower her.
She is kicked to the ground, but she powers back; rolling over her shoulder before standing once again. But, then she is disarmed.
"I won't let you hurt them." she finds herself saying, raising her hand to use her magic but that tremble is there, preventing her.
Then, the sword is thrust into her stomach; the pain - no, the agony - tearing through her as she grips the figure's wrist and drops down to her knees.
Emma hunches forwards, the breath in her lungs depleted. Killian pulls her back and moves around her before lifting her and placing her down on the bed. He sees her wince strongly when he pulls back and places his hand on hers as it crosses her stomach.
"Emma? What is it?" he asks, panic clear in his voice.
Emma winces again before responding, her voice strained. "The vision, how I die, feels so real. I can still feel it."
Killian's jaw twitches. "How do you die, Emma?"
"I'm fighting this hooded figure," Emma says, Killian now sitting on the edge of the bed. "and I fight as long as I can but they disarm me and the sword disappears. My magic fails and the next thing I know..."
"What, love?"
"A sword is buried in my stomach." Emma says, her voice quiet.
"You still feel the sword in you?" Killian asks and Emma nods, fresh tears appearing.
"It hasn't happened yet but the pain lingers after the vision."
Killian quickly stands and moves to his side of the bed, climbing on before gathering Emma in to him.
"I completely understand that sort of pain." Killian mumbles after a few moments of silence. Emma raises her head, his words distracting her from the vision's effects.
"You have told me that your arm hasn't hurt for centuries, Killian."
"Aye, love. It hasn't hurt in the literal and physical sense but when the wind is laced with the beginnings of cold or I do something in a specific way, the pain of losing my hand returns."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Emma asks, running her fingertips over his stump as it rests on her hip.
Killian shrugs. "For the same reason you kept the visions to yourself, I didn't want people treating or looking at me differently."
Emma's features soften. "Have you had these pains recently?"
"Aye." Killian admits, knowing that they are opening up to each other and he won't stop that. "Just a few days ago when I was tending to the old girl; I had to stop because of the pain."
Emma presses a kiss to Killian's jaw. "Thank you, for telling me."
"No, thank you for telling me." Killian says, turning to face Emma better. "What you are experiencing is far worse than I."
Emma places her hand on his cheek, her thumb scraping across his scruff. They are silent for a few moments, Emma's hand staying on his cheek as his runs up her side.
"I have a session with Archie again tomorrow." Emma says and Killian notes the hesitation in her voice. "Will you come with me?"
"I-"
"Forget I asked." Emma suddenly interrupts, turning on her back. "It's stupid."
"Emma-"
"No, I shouldn't have said anything. It was-"
"Emma!" Killian exclaims, leaning over her and kissing her to cease her rambling. "I would love to accompany you if you wish me to. Even if I am just sitting and listening to you talking to the cricket, I will be there to support you."
Emma smiles and kisses Killian sweetly.
"Thank you, Killian." she whispers.
"My pleasure, love." he replies before wrapping his arms around her and rolling so they are in their previous positions. "Now, how about we get some sleep; we both know how much you like it and how much you need it."
Emma nods against his chest, her hand resting beneath her head - over his heart. She falls asleep then, a weight lifted from her shoulders.
...
"Hook! Can I help you?" Archie asks after opening the door, answering the knock against the wood, and seeing Killian there. He notices Emma standing slightly behind him and gestures for her to come in; she does, dragging Killian in behind her.
"I wanted Killian to come along, Archie." Emma says, sitting in the middle of the sofa. Killian sits on her right and places his hook on her leg, where she grips it tightly. "I told him everything last night."
Archie's eyebrows raises as he sits down in his chair. "What changed your mind? You were going to keep this a secret from your family until you could work something out."
Emma looks at Killian and sees his encouraging smile. She turns her gaze back to Archie.
"I woke up because of a vision and..." Emma trails off, looking down to her feet.
"And what, Emma?" Archie questions. "Has something changed?"
Emma remains silent and Killian shifts his hook slightly to gain her attention.
"You can tell him, love. You have told me and if you tell him, he can help you." Killian says softly. After a few moments of contemplation, Emma nods.
"Once the vision ends and I have been... stabbed, I can still feel the pain that the sword inflicts."
Archie nods, leaning forwards slightly. "Sometimes the mind clings to traumatic experiences - seeing the visions about your future can have an impact."
"An impact?!" Emma exclaims in disbelief, startling both men slightly. "That's what you're going with?! I am seeing my death and feeling pain that I will experience when I am killed by a mysterious hooded figure - who could be anyone in this bloody town - and I am shaking constantly! That is more than just an impact!" Emma stands suddenly, brushing Killian's hand off of her arm, and leans over Archie. "Now, you either be useful and tell me how you will help me or I will walk out and not come back."
Killian stands up, placing his hand on Emma's shoulder and drawing her back into him. She shrugs him off of her and walk to the window, looking at the street below; the street she is destined to die on.
"I cannot say that I know what you are going through, Emma." Archie says, glancing up at Killian before turning to look at Emma. "But you know that I want to help you - that is why you are still coming and having sessions."
Emma doesn't say anything, or even move an inch; apart from her shoulders moving more as her breathing increases slightly. Killian moves over to Emma, running his hand down her arm. He can feel the tension in her and presses a kiss to the back of her head in the hope of receiving a response from her.
"I know that this is hard for you, sweetheart." he mumbles into her ear, his hooked arm going around her. "However, the cricket is only trying to help you. If I could help as he will, I would do it in a heartbeat."
Killian shifts so he can see Emma's face. He immediately sees the pain there and when he looks down, her hand is consumed by the tremors. He quickly wraps his hand around hers, an attempt to draw her back and further away from the vision and the pain that accompanies it. He hears her breath hitch before her eyes focus as she comes back to reality.
"It's alright, Emma." Killian says tenderly. She turns around and buries her face in his neck, arms tight around his torso. "It's okay."
Killian holds her for a few moments until she is ready and pulls away, wiping her hand over her eyes as the other arm wraps around her stomach. Emma looks over at Archie who is studying Emma.
"Sorry." she says sheepishly, before moving back to the couch and resuming her place.
Killian sits back down, wrapping his hooked arm around her waist so his hook rests on her left hip. Emma places her right hand on his knee, her thumb occasionally moving over the fabric of his jeans - a gesture to help keep her calm and distract from the tremors, Killian realises.
"You don't have to apologise, Emma. This is a safe space after all." Archie says. "You have told me about the vision and what happens in it but you haven't ever mentioned how they affect you afterwards. How long have you been experiencing the pain once the vision has finished?"
Emma takes a deep breath, her grip tightening on Killian's knee for a moment, and shrugs.
"I have been so focused on what Hyde and the Evil Queen have been up to that I am actually not sure." Emma says.
"Do you think that the pain could be because you kept the visions a secret perhaps?" Archie suggests. "You said yourself that it was hard to keep it a secret."
Emma swallows thickly. "What if it means that the vision is close to being real? What if I die sooner than I thought - that I have less time?"
Killian moves even closer to Emma, putting his hand on hers that remains on his knee.
"I think that the cricket's thoughts are more likely, Swan." he says, giving Emma a slight smile.
"So, what, it could be caused by guilt of not saying anything?" Emma asks.
"I don't have much experience in dealing with visions as I have no magic myself." Archie says, shifting in his seat. "However, I don't think it is caused by underlying guilt but perhaps heightened by it instead."
Emma's hand begins to shake against Killian's knee and he quickly picks it up and presses a kiss to her skin.
"The tremor in your hand," Archie says, pointing to the limb in question. "I think that could be linked to the anxiety and fear that you are holding in."
Emma looks at Killian and he places a kiss against her cheek.
Emma turns back to Archie, leaning into Killian a bit more. "Can you blame me for feeling like that?"
"Not at all." Archie says. "It is normal for anyone to experience anxiety when facing something monumental; the vision becoming a reality, in your case."
"What can I do then?" Emma asks, hoping that she doesn't sound desperate.
"Well, you have opened up to Hook about what is going on now so you can talk to him more."
"You know that I am here for you, Emma." Killian says. "I always will be."
Emma smiles at him and chastely kisses him. "Thank you."
"Something that may help is talking to your family - even if you're hesitant. Their help could reduce the anxiety which, in turn, could potentially reduce the frequency of the vision; and the pains that come with it."
Emma nods and stand up, pulling Killian up too.
"Thank you, Archie." she says. "And I am sorry for my outburst on you."
"You needed it, Emma. Better to do it in a safe environment." Archie says and then stands himself. "Talk to your family and we can discuss it in a few days when I next see you."
Emma smiles and thanks Archie again. She begins to walk to the door when Killian stops her for a second.
"I'll see you downstairs, love. I just need to ask the cricket something." Killian says and Emma studies him; her worry ceasing when she cannot see anything wrong.
"Okay." she says and kisses his cheek.
"I shan't be too long." Killian promises and watches Emma leave.
"Is there something I can help you with, Hook?" Archie asks.
"You mentioned that Emma's pain could be linked to guilt." Killian says.
"I did, yes."
"Could it be the same for me?" the pirate asks, shuffling his feet slightly. "I get pains," he raises his hook. "like my hand being cut off all over again."
"It could be linked to that." Archie says and open a small diary. "I have twenty minutes at ten o'clock tomorrow morning, if you would like to start talking about it."
Killian thinks it over for a moment before nodding. "Aye, if you wouldn't mind."
Archie smiles. "I'll see you tomorrow then."
Killian leaves the room and walks out of the building. Emma is leaning against her Bug when he arrives.
"Is everything alright?" she asks and Killian kisses her sweetly.
"Aye, love, it is. Your session inspired me to have one of my own to discuss a few things."
"I'll come with you, if you wish." Emma offers.
"I would like that very much." Killian says then gestures down the road. "How about a grilled cheese before we head home?"
"My thoughts exactly."
...
"How was your session?" Emma asks when Killian walks into their kitchen a week later. Killian kisses her cheek before leaning against the counter, allowing her to continue making her afternoon cup of tea.
"It was alright; frustrating at times. How was your day?" Killian asks, changing the subject as quick as he can; which Emma notices.
"Still trying to deal with Hyde and the Evil Queen - same as every day at the moment." Emma says, leaving her mug with her now-made tea in it and turning to face Killian. "When you say frustrating, what do you mean?"
Killian sighs, using his hook to push stray hairs from his face. "Sometimes it seems like I will not move forward and just remain stuck where I am right now."
Emma places her left hand on Killian's cheek and her right over his heart, burrowing the appendage under his shirt to rest against his skin.
"I understand that, Killian. What did Archie say to you today - anything different to yesterday?"
Killian drops his head slightly. "He says that by trying to assuage my guilt of my previous grievances, of all of my wrong doings, the pains should disappear considering there is no known medical reason for me to have them centuries later."
Emma's thumb moves in soothing strokes against his jaw. "You can do it, Killian. I know that you can."
"How do you know that, Swan? The pains I get are because something is wrong with my bloody mind, and I do not know how to begin fixing it!" Killian exclaims.
Emma draws him in, pushing his head on to her left shoulder; her hand threading into the hair on the back of his head and the one that was over his heart, going around his shoulders. His arms go around her waist as she sways them ever so slightly; a movement she knows that calms him.
"There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, Killian." Emma says, closing her eyes to prevent the tears forming further. "You know that telling my family everything a few days ago was very hard for me. Since then, we both know that the pain for me hasn't been as bad."
She draws back, both hands going to cradle his cheeks in her palms and wiping away the few tears that have fallen.
"I am not even sure where to start." Killian says, his voice slightly strained.
Emma offers him a soft smile. "Perhaps you could begin with forgiveness and acceptance." Killian looks at her slightly confused. "You should forgive yourself for what you have done in your past but more importantly, you should accept that you are not that man anymore. I know that I see not Killian Jones or Captain Hook before me."
"Who do you see?"
"I see a very hard worker; a father-figure to Henry; a piercing-eyed, smouldering, sexy pirate; a once lost boy who has found his home." Emma says, separating each of her observation's with a kiss. "But, most importantly, I see the man that I love with all my heart."
Killian's face crumples, overwhelmed by Emma's words. He pulls her in and holds her tightly as he begins to cry.
"I love you so much." he says into her ear, shuddering breaths surrounding his words.
Emma pulls back and places another kiss to his lips, wiping away his tears and smiling at him. "I love you too, Killian, which is why I know that you can do this. Believe you are the man everyone sees - a hero who is loved and loves back."
Killian leans his forehead against Emma's before kissing her until their starving lungs protest strongly.
"I'll try, love." Killian mumbles.
"That is all anyone can ask of you, Killian." Emma says and draws back, picking up her tea and grabbing Killian's hand. "Now, how about we just stay on the couch and find something on Netflix? Henry is back at Regina's and I think we deserve a quiet evening together, don't you think?"
Killian smiles, squeezing Emma's hand. "Aye, love. Lead the way."
...
As time progresses, Killian and Emma support each other; being honest and patient.
Killian has learnt the signs that Emma is about to deal with a vision; particularly through seeing the tremors in her hand when she is thinking about it too much, or worrying. He, occasionally, manages to distract her and the vision does not appear, he tremors fading away. However, when he cannot stop them, he makes sure to keep some form of contact; whether it is holding her tight to him - particularly when they are out in public so no one realises what is going on, holding her trembling hand within his own, or leaning against her and allowing her to cling to his hook in a vice-like grip.
The visions begin to plague Emma less and less, much to her utter delight. The pain that the blade inflicts also begins to fade until Emma only experiences it once or twice. Killian's pains disappear almost completely, Emma's support and love helping him to forgive himself for his actions and, slowly, accept that he has truly become a better man.
Their pains become mere ghosts; haunting them but easily deterred with the comfort and strong love that they share for each other and the family who are more than willing to help them. And whilst they know that the pain shall not disappear completely, Emma and Killian know that they can face it in the same way they now do everything; together.
End note: Please review! :)