Howkay. This fanfic will be a little disturbing for ColoLal fans (which is why I only wrote Lal Mirch as the main character), so I'm warning you well in advance. This is really a ColoLal fic in a way, although . . . GAH. Just read on. And, if along the way, you found a few words, phrases, sentences, or paragraphs that are a bit offensive, please do tell me. I'll try my best to fix it, or, if I can't, erase this fic completely.
BTW, the title is in Tagalog (my national language), and it means, "Why Did You Come Only Now?"
Okay, now that these have been settled, please enjoy my latest fanfic!
Bakit ngayon ka lang dumating sa buhay ko?
[Why did you come into my life just now?]
. . .
I don't understand love at all. Why must it always be that the good things that fate delivered late? Or rather, why is it that when you're in love, the grass on the other side of the fence looks much greener? Always.
I love him. No one can deny that. I love him more than anything in the world, more than life itself, if I were to be honest, and more than this cold cauldron of indifference that has always acted as my morphine ever since thought has dawned on me.
Yet . . .
I drawled my second cup of coffee as I stared outside the window.
What's taking them so long?
I began playing with my Styrofoam cup—swaying it to and fro, listening to the silent "swish-swash-swish" its contents made. How peculiar. I've been drinking coffee for a long time, and yet, the sound of it crashing into the walls of its container seemed foreign to my ears. Like I've never heard it before.
Oh yeah.
Because it's been a long time since I last played with anything out of boredom. Usually, instead of shaking it, I just swallow the infernal yet addicting substance, cup-after-cup, not minding the taste, but rather indulging into its effects.
I placed the empty cup on the table.
My expected guest has finally arrived.
Fifteen minutes late.
"Are you Miss Lal Mirch?" a voice asked from behind me. I took a deep breath, repressing the urge to shout and reprimand whoever it was. It is, after all, my client.
With an almost welcoming façade—to me, at least—I turned around and found a well-built blonde—a little younger than I was—face glowing in that sheepish grin he was giving me and eyes glimmering, catching the light, making it dance.
"Indeed," I answered, offering my hand, but immediately pulled it back before he could notice it.
"Nice to meet you, kora," he greeted, gesturing me back into my seat, and then took his own in front of me. "I'm Colonello."
I raised my eyebrow in confusion. What the?
"Colonello . . .?" I repeated, flipping through my small notebook. The name clearly does not, by any means, sound like "Clemente".
"You're . . . Mr. Borgia?"
"Uh, no, no," he answered, waving his hand as if to dismiss my confusion together with a smile. "Clemente's my soon to be brother-in-law—at least that's what Erza insists that I call him, kora."
"You're . . . Miss Salvador's brother . . ." I mouthed the words as if they were new to me. What in the name of the freaking Gods of Rome is going on here?
"Yeah," he replied, smile beginning to vanquish. "Is something wrong, kora?"
"Somehow," I answered, closing my organizer, staring him straight in the eyes. "When I spoke with Mr. Borgia the night before, he told me I was going to meet him to talk about his and Ms. Salvador's wedding event."
"Yeah, I know," he grinned. "But something came up, and Clemente was forced to go to work with Erza, and they sent me instead." A bored expression dazzled his face as he rested it onto his cheek. "Talk about unfortunate, kora . . ."
"Well, this is just well," I murmured, spinning the pen on my fingers as I rested my face into my free one.
What kind of engaged couple would have someone else help plan their wedding for them?
"Hey," he called, reviving that innocent smile into his face as he stared into my rather troubled face. "Don't worry about it, kora. I may not look like it, but I'm good at planning, and Erza swears by it, otherwise, she'd send someone else."
"Even so," I argued, trying to catch his gaze; to let him see that unsatisfied scowl on my face. "This event is too important to be left into the hands of . . ." My voice trailed off, not sure of how to describe him without obviously offending him.
Then again, he doesn't look like he would care.
"Just anyone."
He just smiled it off, as if that smile can tame me. I had no choice. My real clients are in goodness-know-where, and I'm left with this guy.
But, I realized it was too early to judge.
It turns out, he was fairly sensible when it come to choices. Judging by the way he chooses and plans, it's like he knew his sister and her boyfriend well, and knew even more what was best for them.
A caring man, I see. Seems like a rare find for anyone.
Hmph.
"By the way, Clemente asked me to tell you that he and Erza will visit the preparations one of these days, kora."
My face turned pale.
Does that mean more modifications? I mentally groaned.
"Don't worry, kora," he reassured me, as if he heard what I had thought. "They promised they won't make any modifications. They just want to see themselves the process, kora."
"Oh."
As soon as he was done wrapping his scarf around his neck, he stood up, walked towards my seat, and held out his hand to me.
"It was nice meeting you, Lal Mirch," he smiled. I couldn't help but think that there was something about his eyes when he smiled. They were so blue—far bluer than any sky I have ever stared up to. It was like staring into an ethereal oblivion of serenity.
I like his eyes.
"Likewise to you, too, Sir," I answered, gathering my stuff. I stood up, ignoring his hand. His left brow arched for a second as he pulled down his hand. I cleared my throat before speaking again.
"If that is all, then I must be on my way," I claimed.
"Of course, kora," he said a little softly. "Can I walk you to the exit?"
"That won't be necessary," I answered quickly, but he grabbed my hand before I could finish that sentence. He smiled apologetically, and when he opened his eyes, I found myself frozen.
It was then that it got me.
The force that will soon wreck me and push me into my own knees, body wrenching in despair, mind readying itself to detonate as it grew more insane every day.
I could still remember the chuckle; the lighthearted chuckle that, up until now, reverberates within my soul, hitting the walls of my heart, making everything inside me ache so greatly.
The only thing I could sense now was gut-wrenching guilt.
Indeed, our meeting was but of coincidence, yet, why did it feel like it was fate? Fate has delivered me this man, as if to taunt me. To beleaguer me relentlessly with false hopes and empty promises.
As if to tell me that my life was not enough.
Not unless I could have him into my life.
I turned the knob as silently as I could. It was already late before I could reach my home.
My home.
My safe haven.
At least, before it was.
Now, I almost didn't want to open this door, enter the living room, and lie down in my bed . . .
. . . and dream about him.
I know it will only leave me breaking down. Crying. Regretting. Wishing that our meeting was but a dream. That I didn't have to endure it when I open my eyes the next morning.
Alas, everything was reality.
The soft thud from the door as I closed it behind me, the supple "thump" my feet made as they land the ground, one after the other, and the smile that greeted me as I entered my bedroom. Every little thing I hear, see, and feel were all but real.
"Welcome home, my dear," his gentle voice greeted as he put down whatever book he was reading, and slid himself to the edge of the bed. "You're home quite late."
"I know," I replied blankly, looking down, refusing to meet his tender face. "I lost track of the time."
"Dear me, Lal," he whispered in a worried tone. "You look forlorn. Is something the matter?"
I forced a smile as I walked towards him.
"It's nothing. I'm just tired."
He took a deep breath before looking at me again.
"You shouldn't push yourself too hard. It's unhealthy for you." He enclosed me in his affectionate arms, and let one hand land on my belly. "And for our child as well."
I leaned, almost childishly, to his touch as I nodded.
"I'm sorry, Fon," I murmured, before closing my eyes, and collapsing into his gentle arms.
"I love you," I heard him call out softly before I reach my dreamland, but, although I've heard quite well; I chose to pretend I didn't.
Pilit binubuksan ang sarado ko nang puso
[Forcing open my sealed heart]
"Well, if it isn't Ms. Mirch, kora?"
I turned around from reading my portfolio and found myself facing someone's chest. I looked up, and saw him.
Colonello.
I mentally thrashed in frustration.
Why now?
Why now, when I was this close to forgetting my recent experience with him. And, if fate permits to, forget him as well.
"Knew I'd met you here again, kora," he smiled at me. I didn't say anything, but just looked up deeply into his light-blue eyes, feeling rather lost.
Curse those eyes.
I hate them.
Or rather, hate that I love them.
"What's wrong, kora?" he inquired, blinking those heavily distracting orbs, providing me but snippets of that abnormal feeling he gives me, heightening my desire for more. I flinched as I lower my gaze to avoid such devilish feelings.
"N-Nothing . . ." I mumbled, focusing my gaze to his lips. Unfortunately, to my own agonizing defeat, he smiled, making that irresolute feeling of bittersweet temptation writhe and pester inside me.
Mentally did I reprimand myself.
"Sorry," I mumbled, looking back into his eyes, this time doubling my barrier. "I'm just . . . not feeling well, that's all. Indeed, nice to see you again, Colonello."
"Are you alright, kora?"
"O-of course . . ."
He patted my head in a tender manner.
"You shouldn't push yourself too hard, kora. It's very unhealthy."
"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks for your concern."
"Say," he whispered, eyes growing softer. "I know you're busy with my sister's wedding event and all, but . . . Can you spare a few minutes for me, kora?"
He gestured beyond my direction and I glanced behind me, where my crew was working peacefully on decorating the wedding event. They could work without me, anyway, but . . .
I permitted myself a peek of his face, and found that peculiar way of his to persuade others. He uses his eyes; his strange yet magnificent eyes.
"Well?" he prodded.
"I guess . . ." My voice trailed off, looking down, and then back at him again. "Only a few minutes."
His smile widened as he grabbed my hand and led me beyond the greenery, into a deeper part of the venue. Before I knew it, I was already standing next to him on a ledge, taking over the wide scenery of the whole place.
I could see the whole town of Namimori from up there.
I held onto the railings, journeying my eyes to take in of all its beauty. I've been working on this venue for almost a week since I first met Colonello, and this was the first time I've seen this spot.
From the corner of my eyes, I saw him climb up the railing, and jumped to other side, now standing on the edge of the lower shelf in front of the ground I was standing on, wrapping his arms onto the metal fence behind him for support.
"Like it, kora?" he asked, looking up to me, since his head ended up on level only with my chest. I nodded—and no, I wasn't lying. It really was beautiful.
"Glad you do, kora," he cheered, playing on the small protuberance, spinning here and there, shifting his hold on the railings to the left, and then to the right, and then to left again.
"Careful," I warned, reaching down to hold him, but he gave a reassuring smile.
"No worries, kora!" he claimed, holding my outreached my hand with his free one. "I've been playing here ever since I was a child, kora! I can balance myself easily!" He rubbed his thumb on top of my hand, sending chills throughout my body. I immediately pulled it away in shock, but, to my horror, he began to throw backward.
"Watch out!" I cried, leaning forward, holding his shoulders. Swiftly, as if it wasn't an accident, he grabbed the holds, pulled himself upward, and neared his face into mine, grinning in all ears.
"Gotcha, kora!" he teased, and then chuckled as I unwrapped my arms away from him, blushing furiously.
"Goddamit', you scared me!" I scolded him, but he just kept on laughing as he adjusted himself back to his original position.
Somehow, it made me smile too.
He stopped laughing as he saw my face.
"You should smile more," he commented a bit solemnly. My smile faded as I gave him a questioning look.
What was that about?
He shrugged as his stare turned inward, his smile shrinking in a way, but it was still in tact.
"You know, you're the second girl I've ever brought here, kora."
"Second . . .?"
He returned his gaze at me with a teasing smile.
"The first one was my sister, kora!"
"Oh."
Again, his eyes travelled towards the scenery.
"We used to play here a lot when we were young, kora. When we became older, we still continued visiting this place, and spent time together, kora. Well, we used to . . . until Clemente came into her life."
The smile on his face faded as he seemed to go deeper into his life.
"Are you jealous somehow?" I inquired as I leant forward again.
"Maybe," he casually responded.
"You shouldn't be," I smiled. "You're sister is getting married. She's stepping into a new phase of her life. Surely, you didn't think she'd be with you forever, right?"
"I know," he replied in an irritated matter. He must've thought I was treating him like a child.
"Then what are you so sad about?"
"I don't know," he answered. "It's just that . . . ever since I saw Clemente drop down on one knee and presented a ring to my older sister, it got me thinking: Why was it so easy for her to say yes, kora? It was as if they know already what might happen when they get married . . ."
"They don't," I told him.
"See?" he pointed out. "So why was it so easy for them to agree into this, kora?"
That made me smile in a way.
How naïve.
How immature.
How . . . cute.
"'Cause they love each other," I answered, covering a small chuckle. "That's what reassures their futures."
He hummed in response, obviously not moved by what I've said.
"You know what, Colonello?" I asked, resting my chin to my folded arms, leveling my face to his head. "Love is a strange thing. You never know what it will make you do, but regardless of how ridiculous it may seem to you or to anyone else, it won't matter. By virtue of its power, you'll do it anyway."
He looked back at me and tilted his head in a questioning demeanor, narrowing his eyes as if trying to see through me.
"Really, kora? 'Cause I've been in love for far too many times, and never did I ever feel that way about any one of them, kora."
"That's because the 'love' I'm referring to is much, much deeper than how you perceive it. To be honest, that's not love at all. That's just infatuation; a feeling of admiration or affinity towards something else. Love is . . ."
My voice trailed of, suddenly alarmed by my own words.
What the heck am I saying?
I looked away, but he caught my gaze, and urged me to continue.
So I did.
I guess he had to know, and so should I.
Know that love is something sacred and strong; something that cannot be broken by any powerful force in nature, and can withstand all . . .
. . . Or maybe not so.
Right now, I'm not even sure myself if I really am in love. Ever since I met him, and looked into those serene, gentle, blue eyes, I started doubting my own heart.
Am I willing to disregard this resurging sensation of inducement for the sake of the man I swore my compassion to? If I am, could I do it?
Do I have what it takes to stop my heart from beating at least just this once?
Many more questions loomed within me as I spoke. I wanted to cry; to give in, and not believe my own words.
But, I couldn't.
I gave my vow. And together with that was my life, my loyalty; my whole being.
It would've been so enticing to give no heed to my own words if it weren't so sad to betray my own self.
"Hey Lal?" he called to me again, vanishing my current thoughts.
"Hmm?"
"How would you know if you're really in love, kora?"
"What kind of question is that?"
He shrugged, as if he didn't know the answer himself. I caught a glimpse of his eyes. They were wary, as if confused.
"It's hard to explain . . ." I mumbled, following his almost empty stare. "But, maybe, to make it simple, take it this way . . ."
I put my two thumbs together and showed it to him.
"Look at my thumbs. Do you think they were that long even back when I was young?"
He shook his head in response.
"Right. They're not connected in any way, and yet, they grew simultaneously, as if there was something that was linking them even from the beginning."
He blinked.
"When you meet the one who holds the other half of your heart, you feel this strange mutuality or link happening between you two. The feeling that no matter what you or where you are, there'll always be someone out there whom you feel that could understand you."
"The feeling that you can't seem to live without that person, kora?"
I shook my head.
"Of course you can still live," I smiled, focusing my stare into my closed fists with both thumbs beside each other. They remind me of how someone used to teach me about love. "But, without your beloved, life would seem to be pointless. Might as well not live at all."
Colonello's eyes moved from me towards his hands, as both formed into the same position mine did. Then, a sweet smile formed across his face as he raised his eyes to me again.
My heart skipped another beat.
What . . . What is this? Why do I feel so close and patient with him? Nervous even? It's not like me at all. Usually, I'm evasive and cold, but . . . why is it that when he—this stranger—came, I'm somehow a different person?
It was like when I first met Fon.
Am I . . . going through that cycle of falling in love again? But, this time, with a different person?
Unacceptable, Lal Mirch.
You can't do that.
You swore.
You vowed.
You can't leave Fon just because this guy tries to pry open your sealed heart. It's preposterous.
He won't succeed.
"Thanks," he whispered. "Now, I finally understand, kora." He looked up to me. "Thanks for coming with me, kora. I'm trying to make as much as memories as I could here and I'm glad you'll be part of it."
"What?" I asked.
"After my sister's wedding, I'm coming back to Italy, kora. Possibly, until forever."
"I see."
He grinned as he reached for my face, landing his hand on my cheek.
"Would you like to come with me, kora?"
My eyes bulged at that. Immediately, I shook it away as he started chuckling.
"I was only kidding, kora!"
"O-of course, you were . . ."
To my surprise, he moved his hand and rested it on top of mine. He lifted his eyes to catch my gaze, and when we were already eye-to-eye, he quickly wrapped his strong arm around my shoulders, pulled me forward to him, and pressed his lips against mine.
Ikaw ba ay nararapat sa akin?
[Are you the one that is truly for me?]
It was horrible.
That feeling of someone pushing you to betray your own heart, and the feeling that you're letting him.
The worse part? I can't seem to pull back.
Colonello succeeded.
He has somehow thrived in prying open my heart, and, has now found a place for him inside it.
With a stroke passing through my red cheek, he let me go, and stared into my eyes, as if he couldn't believe what he had done. I just stared back with wide and astonished eyes as I stepped back. He didn't say anything, but it was evident in his face that he could feel my sudden shakiness.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. I took back my own gaze, not wanting to stare into his eyes anymore, afraid he might have me indulged more into his bittersweet temptation.
"L-look," he stammered, as if trying to find a way to explain himself—and failing in the process. "I don't know why I did that—I-I mean—I was thinking about it, but—no, that's not it, kora."
I started shaking my head in fear. He stopped stuttering, and clambered up the railings to come near me. I took a step back, and he stopped, only to look me into the eyes. For a few moments, we were just mentally communicating, but when he tried to step closer, I spun on my heels and ran away.
I passed through the greenery without thinking; just followed where my horrified legs may take me. Everything was a blur. I didn't know what I should be feeling. Various images ran through my mind; some from my memories, while some from my fears. They all happened inside my head, making me wince, loosing control of my own body.
As I fall down into my face, one last image appeared inside my head, and stayed there.
His smile.
His conjuring, poisonous smile.
"Lal, are you alright, kora?" Two hands held my shoulders, and helped me up, but I shook them away. I wobbly stood on my legs as I ran even more.
Everything felt like they were being hurled at me; beating me senseless with emotions I have no idea if I should acknowledge.
Should I be happy?
Am I mad?
What are the possibilities that I may be miserable?
At last, I reached the clearing where we came from, and found that my crew has not yet left their posts, but they gained a new member: my husband.
"Fon!" I cried at the top of my lungs. His head jerked into my direction as I threw myself at him, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Lal, what's wrong?" he inquired, wrapping his arms around my trembling figure. "Did something bad happen? Why are you crying?"
"Take me home," I replied hoarsely, burying my face into his chest. "Just take me home."
"Of course. I came here to pick you up, but . . ."
My sobs started to calm down, but I clutched onto his shirt. From the corner of my eyes, I saw my crew shrugging at one another, and then stared back into what seemed like my husband's eyes.
"I see," I heard him whisper, before he addressed his voice back to me. "You must be working too hard, my dear. Come, I'll take you home now."
I raised my lifeless eyes to him, and nodded. He smiled tenderly—a smile I once loved as much as how Colonello's smile destroys me now—and then wrapped his arms around my waist, leading me out of that wretched place.
From my peripheral vision, I saw a glimpse of Colonello looking at us with the most heartbroken expression I could ever think possible.
At siya ba'y dapat ko nang limutin?
[And him shall I forget?]
Cold.
Everything felt freaking damn cold.
I felt like I was trapped in a dark realm where I was destined for nothing but bitterness.
Lal . . .
Who was that?
Lal . . . Don't leave me . . .
Who's there?
Lal . . .
Who are you?
It's me, dear.
Fon.
He was smiling at me, yet his eyes were mourning. Looking at them made me want to recoil, or cry even more.
I love this man, else, why would I agree in marrying him?
Seriously, though, what's not to love?
He was caring, sweet, tender, loving, and most of all, understanding.
He understands me and accepts my whole being, even if I myself do not. I've always hated myself, but, he felt otherwise, as if I was the most perfect woman in his eyes.
To be honest, I never really cared about him back then. He was, as what I call other boys, just another bother in my life. But, soon, I realized what kind of man he really was.
And, I fell in love with him.
Lal, is this the love you were referring to, kora?
I turned around, and found Colonello staring at me pleadingly. His eyes were close to breaking, and so was his stature. I refused to stare into his eyes even longer, but no matter how I close my sense, I could still hear him.
His eagerness.
His despair.
Is he what causes you confusion, Lal, my dear?
Fon's voice was calm, but I know for a fact that there was a hint of melancholy within that statement.
Does he know of my sprouting feelings for Colonello?
If he doesn't, should I tell him?
Tell him that I am beginning to feel the same kind of affection I gave him to someone else? How would he react? Would he still understand me? Would he still accept me?
Or better, should I just forget him, and be with Colonello instead?
I love the both of them, and I don't want to hurt either one.
But, even I know that I should choose only one of them.
Lal . . . Fon's dark eyes began to soften as he tried his best to smile. He reached out his hand to me, as if trying to call me to go back to him. I gave consent. My feet began to move towards him, reaching out my hand into his.
But, I was stopped when another hand grabbed my free arm.
Lal . . . Colonello's light eyes were filled with tears as he looked at me. His hand trembled as it rested into my skin, as if trying to plead for me to come to him. I felt as if my hurt was being pinched as I look into those two beautiful eyes.
Lal . . .
The coldness began to consume me even more as I shifted my eyes from Fon to Colonello and from Colonello to Fon.
Who of them must I choose?
Lal . . .
Lal . . .
Lal . . .
Who?
"Lal! Lal, wake up!"
My eyes immediately opened as I felt a hand shaking me violently. I wearily sat up, and found that I was still in the car. In the driver's seat was Fon, looking at me with worry, and . . .
Wait, looking at me?
I instantly looked at the front window, and realized that we were not moving, much to my own relief. My eyes travelled around, before looking back at Fon.
"Where are we?" I asked. He didn't answer, but rather bit his lip as he stared at me with worry.
"What's wrong?" I asked again.
"You were sleep-talking," he murmured, drifting his eyes back to the driveway.
"I-I was?" I blinked, a bit trembling upon hearing that.
Does he now know?
"What was I saying?" I inquired. Again, he didn't answer, but rather unclasped his seatbelt, opened the door, and went out. I followed him with my stare as he passed by the front, and ended up outside my side window. He opened the door next to me, unclasped my seatbelt and pulled me out.
Straight away, I felt the cold wind brush by me as he led me towards the hood of the car. I tried demanding for an explanation, but he just pulled me without a word.
"Fon!" I called out to him again. It was then that he stopped. He turned around, and pulled me towards him for an embrace.
For the next few minutes, we both just stood there, bodies close, arms around each other.
"Fon . . ."
His hold loosened as he let me go, but his hands remained on my waist as mine stayed on his shoulders. I met his eyes—his dark, gentle eyes who seemed to be searching my entire being for an answer. Slowly, his mouth crooked, and turned into a smile.
"Did I scare you?" he asked softly, wiping away a tear from my face with the back of his hand. I didn't answer him. Instead, I just stared at him with wide eyes.
"Oh dear, I sure hope not that much," he continued with a voice so melodic; so mellifluous. "I only intend to bring back a little memory for the both of us."
"What . . .?"
As if on cue, the cars headlights shone towards us, revealing our location.
We were on the edge of a cliff, looking at the view of the whole of Namimori. It was almost the same as what Colonello had showed me a while ago, but, it was different in a way.
"Do you remember this place, Lal?" he asked, gesturing to the view behind us.
Of course I did.
It was the place where we first met, and where he proposed to me.
How could I forget this place?
"Yeah," I breathed. "Of course, I do."
"Then, surely, you remember what it means to both of us, right?"
I nodded.
"Good," he muttered, as he slowly lowered himself down on one knee.
"H-hey, w-what're you doing?" I cried. He gave a reassuring smile as he took my hand, gave a light kiss, and then rested his cheek to it.
"Let me like this for a while, Lal," he mumbled. He looked up at me again, and everything came back to me, cutting me like a sword. "I want to convince myself that nothing's wrong; that everything shall be fine if I remind you of our memories."
"You don't have to do this," I whispered, lowering myself so that my face was in level of his. I looked him straight in the eyes as I caressed his face with my other hand. "Everything's fine now, is it not?"
"Now," he repeated, almost bitterly. "We're fine. But, what about tomorrow? Or, the day after that? Or . . ."
"Fon," I stopped him. "What are you trying to say to me?"
To my surprise, his eyes produced tears as he wrapped his arms around me, burrowing his face into my neck.
"Forgive me for my sudden change of actions, Lal," he choked. "I just don't ever want you to leave my side . . ."
My eyes widened.
"Do you think I'll leave you?" I asked.
"That's not what I meant," he answered quickly. "All I'm saying is that I'm afraid that I'll loose you; that I'll wake up one morning without you next to me."
"Don't think that way, Fon. You know I'll . . ." My voice trailed off. I can't promise him something even I am not sure I could do.
Instead, I just wrapped my arms around him comfortingly, giving a silent promise I am not sure I could keep.
Fon must now know.
If not, maybe he could feel something was wrong and is just trying to deny it. Maybe, that's why he's being extra nice to me.
Then again, he was always nice to me.
But, what if I do leave him? Would he still be nice to me?
Nais kong malaman
[I want to know]
My eyes fluttered open at the sound of the reverberating ringing. I didn't answer it yet, though. I just stayed still, my head resting on his chest, and his arm lying across my back.
I didn't want to leave that place.
I wanted to stay in it forever.
Still, the ringing was obstructing our silence.
"Aren't you going to get that?" he mumbled, eyes still closed. I smiled, cuddling myself even more to him, filling my sense with the smell and feeling of his skin.
"No," I whispered. "If the call is ever important, whoever it is will probably call again."
"Fine, then."
The ringing stopped.
And then, restarted.
I gave out an exasperated groan, as I raised my head. His arm easily slid down back to his side, meaning he was asleep.
"This won't take long," I softly promised to his sleeping figure. Then, I slid toward the edge of the bed, and reached for my vibrating phone. I checked the caller ID, and saw that it was Miss Salvador.
"Hello?" I greeted, pushing the bundles of blanket to my bare chest.
"Miss Mirch?" came the disembodied female voice.
"How can I help you, Miss Salvador?"
"Oh, this is not that serious. I just called to thank you for a job well-done. I saw the venue. It was gorgeous."
"I'm glad it is to your liking, Miss. Though, you shouldn't thank me. I merely went with the plan your brother gave me . . ."
My chest tightened as I uttered the last three words. Again, I was reminded of Colonello, and what he had done to me yesterday.
"Actually, I'm glad you've mentioned him." Her voice grew more solemn. "He wanted me to ask you how you were doing."
A noise of protest came from the background, and I could hear her reprimanding someone.
"I-I'm fine," I answered.
"She said she was fine," she announced, and surely, that message was not for me. Then, her voice once again became clear. "Um, Lal? I was hoping maybe you could talk to my brother . . ."
"Um . . ."
"Please do, Lal Mirch," she pleaded. "He needs to talk to you."
"But, Miss, I . . ." Before I could say anything else, another noise of protest came from the other line, and I could hear some faint profanities from two voices, all before I heard heavy breathing from the other line.
"Hello?" I whispered. "Miss Salvador, are you there?"
"It's me, kora," came a husky voice. "Sorry for the disturbance. My sister can be a bit stubborn at times. Don't worry. You can hang up now, kora."
More noise and a loud "don't hang up" were very much evident from those noises.
"I won't hang up," I told him.
"You won't, kora?"
"If you want to tell me something, might as well say it now, while I still have the patience to listen."
"I see, kora," he sighed. "Maybe, all I need to say is 'sorry'. Sorry if I . . . did what I did to you yesterday, kora. I didn't know why I did it, if truth be told, kora. I was thinking of kissing you, but . . ."
". . . You weren't able to control your physical self, is that it?" I asked a bit bitterly. I heard him plead to his sister in a distant voice, but his sister kept on insisting.
"I'm sorry, kora," he said again before I heard him sniffle.
I wanted to cry, too.
Cry for the despair both of us were feeling. Cry for his broken way of thinking. Cry for my confused heart. Cry for those we were both hurting because of this foolishness.
"I'm sorry, too," I finally answered. "For not telling you in advance about . . . my real situation. Maybe if I did, it could've stopped you."
"Maybe it did, or maybe it could've heightened my desire even more, kora."
"Can you hear yourself right now?" I cried in high voice. "You're saying that to someone who's married, for Goddamn's sake! Haven't you had enough of getting hurt, Colonello? 'Cause I have . . . I don't want to get hurt as much as I don't want to hurt you, so please . . . Please stop."
"I can't, kora," he mumbled. "If I could, I would've hung up a few minutes ago."
"You have to," I told him resentfully. "If you want the both of us to continue living in peace, do it."
He didn't answer anymore. All I could hear was his breathing. No moans, no sobbing, not even a sniffle, but I know that he was still there.
"Don't make this harder than it needs to be," I told him.
Still, no answer.
I hung my head low, letting the tears flow from my exhausted eyes.
"Keep on speaking, kora," he suddenly muttered. "I want to hear your voice even more."
"I'm sorry," I whispered as coldly as I could, hand trembling.
"Are you going to hang up, kora?"
I didn't bother answering anymore. Let him think what he wants to think, and I won't care.
I've had enough.
"I guess you are then, kora." He gave out a cold chuckle as he wearily sighed. "Okay. I understand if you don't want to hear more of me, kora. All I'm saying is that . . ."
Please, don't say it, I inwardly begged.
"I love you, kora."
"Don't, Colonello. Please don't."
"I can't help it if that's what I feel, kora. You're the one who told me that love is something that cannot be broken by any powerful force in nature, and can withstand all . . . Lal, even if now I know that you already have someone else, and even if it's shattering me to pieces until I can feel nothing of me anymore, my feelings haven't wavered for you, kora."
Again, all I answered was a heavy breath.
"Please say something, kora."
"I don't think there's anymore to say," I answered. "There's nothing more I could do if you want to swim in troubled waters for no apparent reason. I have no control over your life. My side is that all the things you're telling me now—every word that comes out of your devilish lips—hurts me to the bone. Not only me, but the people around me. I don't want that. Hurt me all you want, but never ever hurt those whom I love . . ."
"Lal . . ."
"You're one of them, Colonello. And because I love you, I don't want you to get hurt. So, please, stop this incoherent nonsense."
"You love me, kora?" he asked, almost hopefully.
"I do. But, do keep in mind that love doesn't always mean commitment. It could also mean 'friendship', and I'm sorry, but that's all I could be to you . . ."
"I get it, kora." From my peripheral vision, I thought I saw him smile joyously. "It means a lot for me to know that. Thank you, kora."
Silence.
"Goodbye, Colonello," I choked, not wanting to let this go on any longer. "It meant a lot that you came to my life. I mean that."
"Goodbye, too, Lal," he replied in a cracked tone. "Maybe, forever, but even if I only met you once or twice in this lifetime, you'll forever be in my heart, kora."
With a broken smile, I listened to the click as he ended the call from the other line. It marked the ending of this foolishness I had engulfed myself to; the temptation that I had never thought I would ever fall to.
Colonello has spun me in his fingers like a thread without him knowing it. I was in his control, and I knew that I was but an inch away from falling for his luscious trap.
It was a shame.
"You're crying again," a voice from behind me called.
I turned around and saw Fon staring at me with concern.
"Did I wake you up?" I asked tenderly with a smile. He looked down and shrugged, and then looked up to me again.
"I'm not going to ask you why you're crying anymore, for I know that you won't answer me clearly." He slowly sat up. "Although, it doesn't mean I won't do anything about it."
I didn't listen to what he had to say. I was too busy letting the tears fall out. This time, no holding back.
I don't understand love at all. Why must it always be that the good things that fate delivered late? Or rather, why is it that when you're in love, the grass on the other side of the fence looks much greener? Always.
I love him. No one can deny that. I love him more than anything in the world, more than life itself, if I were to be honest, and more than this cold cauldron of indifference that has always acted as my morphine ever since thought has dawned on me.
Yet . . .
Colonello . . .
It could've been you here in embrace, I thought bitterly as he caressed my face, and rested his hand onto my cheek.
Your hand will be the hand I'll always be holding to, I silently cried, as I lifted my free hand to touch his. He smiled . . . so very tenderly, it could've convinced me the same way it did last night. However, now, it only made me feel worse.
And not his . . . He neared his face slowly towards mine, and I had no choice but to give in. As his lips touched trembling ones, I felt sickeningly-bitter.
I'll say it again and again until the feeling fades.
I have fallen for Colonello. His cheerful smiles, his innocent words, and his beautiful eyes. Everything. I feel in love with every little thing about him.
Yet, I can't do anything about it anymore.
It was too late for us.
Nothing can be done.
Bakit ngayon ka lang dumating?
[Why did you come only now?]
-END-
"He's beautiful, isn't he?" he muttered softly, running his finger tenderly upon the small figure's soft head. I smiled.
"You're right," I answered, leaning more to him. He ran his other hand through my hair, and gave me a light kiss on the forehead, and he did the same with the baby cradled in my arms. When he raised his head, I found the child had opened his eyes, and what beauty those eyes were.
"They're blue," he observed. "Like your father's."
I nodded.
"So, what should we name him?" he asked.
I thought for a moment.
What would be a suitable name for him? Eyes as blue as the spring morning sky, smooth white skin, and hands that grip upon his surroundings so protectively and possessively . . .
"Colonello," I whispered.
"Colonello?" he repeated, giving me a questioning look.
I inclined my head to him.
"It suits him . . ."
"Where did you get that name from?"
I shrugged as I looked back at the small angel staring innocently at us.
"Is that okay with you?" I asked.
Slowly, a smile formed on his face.
"Of course," he answered. "He'll be named Colonello."
I cuddled the baby gently closer to me.
"Welcome to the world, Colonello."
-FIN-
I TOLD you guys it's not that much of a ColoLal fic. To be honest, I have no idea why I did this fanfic, since, if truth be told, I'm not yet MARRIED (or been in a relationship, for that matter), so I guess I couldn't convey the whole feeling properly. Still, I found it a bit of a shame to not finish this since I already started it.
Oh, and a little explanation on the FonxLal thing . . . uhm . . . I FELL IN LOVE WITH FON, OKAY? Besides, he's the only guy I could think of that's perfect for the role (my first shot was Reborn, and then . . . I thought of the last part . . . and, let's just say, I'm an avid RebornxLuce fan, period.
So yeah.
Please don't flame me, or curse me, or pray against me, or hate me because of this. The best course of action is the press that button WAAAY DOWN THEERE that says "Review this Story/Chapter", and tell me personally why you want to tear up my personality, matter by matter.
Thanks for reading!
LoveLots~
P.S. : If you have an FB account and is a fan of KHR (which I'm guessing you are), please join the Katekyo Hitman Reborn Committee where you can find a bunch of wacky people (to which I am included *ehem*) roleplaying KHR characters, and where you get to interact with fellow fans who just love to bring this fandomness to a whole new level. Just search "Katekyo Hitman Reborn Committee"! You'll even find me there! I'll be the Lal Mirch roleplayer!