NEED
"Get the fuck out of this room.
She doesn't need any of you here, watching her like that"
they won't listen, they just don't see what there doing to her, condemning her to death like that with just that look, that look that she won't make it, that they've done all they can.
"Either do some thing to help or get the fuck out of here" I'm screaming now and now there looking at me .
I don't need there pity I need Allison to wake up and to prove to them all of them that she is fine she will make it, if there is anything that will happen it is that she will make it.
I hear the stupid doctor tell the nurse stop, I shout "NO" they don't listen,
I grab the panels from the doctor I'll just have to do this my self.
CHARGE nothing they all clear CHARGE still nothing you throw the panels and begin pounding on her chest, harder then I thought possible. Still nothing.
I don't know how or when but I have a scalpel and her chest is now open, I begin massaging her heart in my hands. I have her heart in my hands, this can't be it, it can't be over is all that's going through my head.
Security is behind me trying to pull you away they can't they won't. I continue to massage her heart. Then I here it. Then I know.
Beep…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP… she's back.
She's back. Suddenly the whole room filled with idiot doctors come to life as well, they take over they take her heart they make sure it keeps beating the ensure that those bloody machines don't flat line, don't stop beeping. I take a step back and then another. I almost lost everything, the one and only person I gave every thing to, my whole self and nothing less.
I lose my balance I fall the last thing I remember was black, black and the pain surging through my body as I hit the ground.
H/C
I wake up in bed, I'm at the hospital still, only a hospital bed can be this uncomfortable and has that sterile smell. Pain. It's all over, I must of fell hard. I open my eyes.
"You okay?" I hear from the corner. It's foreman.
"how's Allison?" I turn my head and look him directly in his eyes to see if he'll lie to me.
"She's stable" he doesn't. I close my eyes again but don't relax.
"The baby is in the nursery, do you want me to bring her in?" my eyes snap open my head turns severely to look at him directly.
"NO" I say firmly, he doesn't ask again.
I begin repositioning my self to get out of the bed.
"Don't" he says "it'll hurt" I don't listen, I stand up the pain escalates to more than I can handle. My head kills I sit back down immediately cradling my head in my hands.
"I told you. I'll get a chair" he says walking towards the doors.
I go in search for my pills on the near by table, nothing. I check my jacket pocket on the chair next to the bed, bingo.
"I wouldn't if I were you. The morphine will kick in soon enough" foreman re-enters the room wheeling the chair before him.
"Well you obviously didn't give me enough" I snap back. He ignores me and help's me into the chair and wheels me out of the room.
"how long was I out?"
"close to four hours" he replies
"how's the baby?" I say quietly almost too quietly. I can hear the smirk on his voice as he answered.
"she's perfect" that's all I need to know.
H/C
Allison eyes are beginning to open, I lean in closer to her making sure she can see me. She sees me and smiles I lean even closer and kiss her forehead she reaches out and holds onto my hand making sure that I'm really here making sure that I am not a figment of her slumber. I hold on to her I'm crying and she crying this is all I've been waiting for the past five days and now it's happened she's awake. She moves her mouth she trying to say something which I can't make out at first.
"How's the baby" of course I should have known that that would be the first question she would have ask, that baby nearly killed her during child birth. But then again this was Allison Cameron.
"She perfect" was all you said. It was all you were told, you didn't ask they didn't offer. She looks at you uncertain.
"have you seen her?" you don't answer, she'll hate you for it if you do. Jesus this women has just come out of a coma and already she reading your expression reading through your words, blatantly exposing you.
She closes her eyes "can I see her?" she asks you "I want to see her"
I kiss her again and leave the room to ask one of the nurse's to bring our daughter to my wife's room.
I come back to the room feeling ashamed, feeling like the worst person, the worst parent and I had only been one for less then a week. What was the next 18 years going to be like.
I sit back besides her barely able to look at her..
"I'm sorry" you say "I couldn't… I almost lost you… I didn't think you would…" she puts her fingers up to my mouth to silence me.
"it's okay" she offers. I take her hand and brush my lips lightly over her finger tips.
"I love you" I whisper, barely. It's the first time you have ever said it without being prompt with an I love you being made from Allison first. She whispers it right back. Your happy.
The nurse wheels my baby in she is silent she leaves the bassinet by Allison's bed and Allison is straining her neck to look at her daughter for the first time. I walk around and look into the bassinet and see her, she really is perfect and fast asleep. I gently lift her out and cradle her. I had been so afraid of seeing her , loving her, of believing that she was indeed perfect. In case she was all I had left. I don't know why you had been so scared now, all of those fears have disappeared and had been replaced with love, with the need to protect her, I hold her closer, lifting her up a little so I can smell her. I almost forget Allison is waiting to see her too, but when I look at her and gently lay the baby down by her head so Allison can see her I yearn for my daughter to be back in my arms almost immediately. But seeing the look on Allison face when she sees her, the tears start streaming out. This was how it should have been all along.
It's been three months now Katie Louise House was taken home a while ago. I had to cope with her by my self as Allison was still recovering in the hospital. I bring Katie in with me every day to see her mother, even spending some nights there. But now I can have my wife back at home with me for the first time since our daughter was born.
Allison in her own bed Katie is with her, she's so beautiful I say to myself she got my blue eyes and nose her mothers dark brown hair and every thing else from Allison right down to her facial arrangements, the smile, she really is perfect, I am really lucky.
If only
I wake up in the hospital bed pain surging through my body, I open my eyes I see Foreman standing in the corner, I see Wilson in the chair, I see Cuddy by the door, I see Chase by the window. I say nothing, instead I try a get out of bed, before I'm being pushed back down by Wilson and Chase.
"I wouldn't do that if I where you" I hear Cuddy say.
"Well it's a good job you not me" I say still trying to get up. They stay silent they say nothing I don't ask anything I don't want to hear any thing they want to tell me. It seems like for ever before…
"Greg. We need to tel…."
"DON'T SAY ANYTHING" I shout, I already know. But they tell me any way.
"she didn't come through. She died an hour ago" I can't handle this. My hands on my face and I'm crying.
"she had a blood clot and was bleeding internally, we did every thing we could "
"GET OUT, GET OUT NOW" they leave all of them except Wilson, he stay's.
What am I going to do now. I've lost her, she's gone, my Allison.
I cry
Wilson stays he says nothing he is just there. He's been crying I know but now it's my turn.
I'm like that for hours before I ask him.
"how is the baby"
"She's perfect" he says, his voice is slightly croaky
"can I see her" he nods his head and leaves the room.
Allison was a better person than me.
She wouldn't have waited so long to ask.
H/C
I put Katie to bed she's three now and just a beautiful as she was when she was born, as I predicted she is just like Allison.
"I'm not tired daddy" she whines
"I don't remember asking if your tired"
"I want milk"
"no you don't. you just want me to get up go to the kitchen make it for you, then ask me to heat it up. And then fall asleep without drinking a drop." she smiling at me, she know me to well "Good night sweetie" I kiss her temple and tuck her in.
"Could you read me a story, daddy " she asks, then her eyes beam like she got a better idea "or could you tell me a story about mommy" I smile. She knew I wouldn't refuse, she knew it was a done deal. She's got me exactly where she wants me. And she knows it.
Finish