I am sitting on the plane, a book in my hands as the setting sun shines through the windows. Hotch and I are alone, flying back from a consult in New Orleans and I am tired after three nights of forceful wakeness, and yet, I am unable to sleep. I cannot read since my thoughts swim constantly between me and the page, making it impossible to concentrate.
And what is it that robs me of my powers of concentration?
It is a certain dark-haired man with piercing brown eyes that has the power to ultimately disarm me. He is now lying a short distance away, sleeping on the couch like I should be doing. He is looking more relaxed then I have ever seen him before. His jacket is thrown over a chair along with his tie and he has loosened the buttons on his shirt so that it now hangs open. Beneath the shirt now can be seen a white undershirt and peeking out in places are dark chesthairs.
After a few moments of ensuring he is perfectly asleep, I rise from my seat and move to stand over him. Hotch looks so peaceful when he is sleeping. He does now frown and his pink lips are slightly open. He is free from the worries that come with the job, lost in another world of his own making. That is how I feel all the time.
Before I realize what I am doing, I reach out and allow my fingers to run through his dark locks, something I have wanted to do for a very long time. He does not stir. It is only now that I have come to realize how deeply my feelings for him run. I read somewhere in a book that still waters run deep. Perhaps I drowned in the water a long time ago, before I even cared to admit it.
It is only recently that I have come to understand I began crushing on Hotch the moment I met my future boss. Tough and hard–as-nails Aaron Hotchner, couldn´t be more different from my own insecure persona, and yet I am drawn to him by a force I do not even care to try and understand. For a long time, I thought it was just a crush and decided to treat it as such, after all he was married and Hotch is not the type to be unfaitful. It was only after Hankel, that desperate hug where we melted into one another, that something changed. My crush turned into love.
I look around to make sure the pilots have not emerged from the cockpit, and then lean down, gently joining the lips of Hotch with my own. He, like me, has not had a shower for about four days due to us working the case, and he is not wearing cologne. I draw in the masculine scent of sweat, soap and something uniquely Hotch. It feels like I am drowning and I have no wish for the moment to end.
In the end, however, I pull away so I do not awaken my boss. I am startled when I meet the dark eyes of Hotch.
"I am a light sleeper at the best of times, Reid."