The Anger of Master Samwise
Added part for 'The Lost Forest' chapter in "The Fellowship of the Ring"
The Hobbits continued through the woods in silence. They were in single file. Merry was leading the way, but Frodo was getting farther behind. He was trying to convince himself that he could accomplish the task he had been given, but he was getting worried. He tried to remember any famous Hobbits in history, but not being too bright when it comes to history, he couldn't think of any.
After a long while Frodo spoke up, "Was Yoda a Hobbit?"
"Yoda?" asked Sam.
"Yeah, Yoda. What the heck is he?!"
"Well, I'm pretty sure he wasn't a Hobbit. I always thought he was just some old, wrinkled guy that lived in a swamp."
"I thought he was a rat," said Merry.
This comment enraged Sam, and faster than you can say Gandalf, Sam had pulled a frying pan from his bag and hit Merry in the back of the head. Merry silently fell to the ground.
"You killed him!" screamed Pippin as he examined Merry.
"I did not! He's just resting!" Sam replied.
"You did to kill him! Look at the blood on the back of your pan!"
"That's not blood…it's…marinara sauce!"
"No it's…"
SMACK! Sam smacked Pippin upside the head with the pan. Pippin also fell to the ground lifeless.
Frodo, not wanting to become the next victim of Sam's uncontrollable anger, just stood there. After a few minutes he asked, "What should we do now?"
"Let's have lunch."
"There you go again! Always thinking about your stomach! You just killed two Hobbits! How can you even think about lunch?!
"Sorry."
"SORRY! That's all you have to say?!"
"Well…uh…let's look at it this way…um…"
"Well…"
"They were expendable."
"Expendable! What do you mean expendable!? They were just as important as you are, maybe even more! All you do is follow me around and complain about …"
SMACK! That's right folks, Sam had hit the only creature who could save Middle Earth right in the face with the deadly pan. Frodo, just like the other two, fell to the earth dead.
Sam awoke abruptly from the horrible dream. He was sweating and shaking, but he couldn't remember any of the nightmare he just had. For the rest of his life he never used a frying pan within ten feet of anyone ever again.
And the moral of this story is: Cooking appliances don't kill Hobbits, Hobbits kill Hobbits.
THE END
Added part for 'The Lost Forest' chapter in "The Fellowship of the Ring"
The Hobbits continued through the woods in silence. They were in single file. Merry was leading the way, but Frodo was getting farther behind. He was trying to convince himself that he could accomplish the task he had been given, but he was getting worried. He tried to remember any famous Hobbits in history, but not being too bright when it comes to history, he couldn't think of any.
After a long while Frodo spoke up, "Was Yoda a Hobbit?"
"Yoda?" asked Sam.
"Yeah, Yoda. What the heck is he?!"
"Well, I'm pretty sure he wasn't a Hobbit. I always thought he was just some old, wrinkled guy that lived in a swamp."
"I thought he was a rat," said Merry.
This comment enraged Sam, and faster than you can say Gandalf, Sam had pulled a frying pan from his bag and hit Merry in the back of the head. Merry silently fell to the ground.
"You killed him!" screamed Pippin as he examined Merry.
"I did not! He's just resting!" Sam replied.
"You did to kill him! Look at the blood on the back of your pan!"
"That's not blood…it's…marinara sauce!"
"No it's…"
SMACK! Sam smacked Pippin upside the head with the pan. Pippin also fell to the ground lifeless.
Frodo, not wanting to become the next victim of Sam's uncontrollable anger, just stood there. After a few minutes he asked, "What should we do now?"
"Let's have lunch."
"There you go again! Always thinking about your stomach! You just killed two Hobbits! How can you even think about lunch?!
"Sorry."
"SORRY! That's all you have to say?!"
"Well…uh…let's look at it this way…um…"
"Well…"
"They were expendable."
"Expendable! What do you mean expendable!? They were just as important as you are, maybe even more! All you do is follow me around and complain about …"
SMACK! That's right folks, Sam had hit the only creature who could save Middle Earth right in the face with the deadly pan. Frodo, just like the other two, fell to the earth dead.
Sam awoke abruptly from the horrible dream. He was sweating and shaking, but he couldn't remember any of the nightmare he just had. For the rest of his life he never used a frying pan within ten feet of anyone ever again.
And the moral of this story is: Cooking appliances don't kill Hobbits, Hobbits kill Hobbits.
THE END